hi so idk how i got my hands on this url, but im so happy i have somewhere i can write down my appreciations, i probably wont update this as much as you update mine because i frequently lose motivation towards things, but i want you to always know im grateful to have u by my side!!! isk how to decorate so ill focus on that later ok.. im sure you understand... anyway i found a really fun game for you, me, and atlus to play!! its called animal hospital, i played it with my sister and i accidentally tased a patient and she scolded me for it, then she tased me in the comfort of the reception desk :( its super fun so all 3 of us can play!!!! (ps. atlus is NOT cool.)

heya, im sorry about getting snappy at you earlier, though i just dont like atlas that much, i dont want you two to stop being friends because it seems cruel to me. hes just too much of a pain, constantly pressuring me, and not understanding boundaries. i think hes a better friend for you because im much too sensitive and closed off than he is. thanks for playing animal hospital even though i was kind of being a bitch towards gia + helia, not excusable so just accountibility.

July 1st - I want you to know i dont care too much about others, therefore ill explain to you how my brain works

I dont have real reactions, sometimes i utterly couldnt care and i cant base opinions unless its just so obvious. some reactions you see are picked or chosen by me based on how i believe interaction goes, unless its genuine like how some will send me inappropriate content which i DONT LIKE and cant find anything interesting about it. When i say "brain dead" it means my brain has regressed in skill and i cant form too many thoughts or opinions, and less likely to react to things because i forget it during that time.
Some people i genuinely cannot connect with or even care about, almost everyone i have little to no care about because im insensitive, thats why im so 'relaxed and non judgemental around you'. But me liking someone and me hating someone is hard to manage (i experience jealousy more than hatred, which is usually what i feel), since i lack these emotions in general and cant figure out if i like someone as a friend or if i dont like them and hate them, it takes me months if not years. When i was with mako, i wasnt stupid, i was at the moment where i was "braindead" and couldnt form my own thoughts and opinions so i had to go with something logical, or what would satisfy me in the end the most and NOT come back to bite me in the ass.

i hope this is understandable

july 5th - i want you to understand me so badly but i know theres so many layers to it that some things im brutally honest about could potentially hurt someone, and thats the most of my worries right now.

youre a really good friend to me and i kno
w im bad at expression and being inable to show gratitude when i really want you to know i appreciate you so dearly, you just always outdo me in gifts, one day ill definitely get better.. for sure..

being so good at deathnote isnt always good, the difference between you and me is im good at deathnote, but i lack a lot of things, you arent the best but you're more likeable than i am.

june 6 - before i met you i was miserable, angry all the time and didnt care, you saw how i treated kai which ngl i was not the best and i can admit that. but meeting you gave my life light, when i say we are reo and nagi without the angst, i mean it. youre the treasure of my life and i wouldnt want to give you up for anything, talking to you makes my day even if i sound so dead and bored all the time, it will never be boring with you.

july sumthin... - I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, i never got better and i dont have plans for the future because i assume ill die by 17. i dont want to keep lying to you saying "oh our friendship will be infinity and beyond!" if i do get better, i know our friendship will last but its been years, i probably will never get better and im not trying to get your hopes up. anyway i dont really want a response to this entry hence why i waited so long to type it. don't reply, just acknowledge this entry and move on.