“We’re going to have SO. MUCH. FUN.”
That’s what the fucking little psychopath said right before she wrapped me up in-what? Tentacles of hair? Tendrils? Honestly right now I don’t give a rats ass about terminology. One minute I’m making my way through some janky pretend town in an ice cream van on a rail, next thing I know there’s a god-damn doll girl behind me talking to severed head. With just how awful this entire factory was, I really wasn’t all that faced. I figured I could just like...plap her in the face a few times with the Grabpack and book it. But the weirdo unfurled her hair and wrapped me up before I could do anything. Next thing I know I’m in this doll mansion.
Great.
Nothing can ever be straight forward can it?
On the bright side she didn’t try to eat, disembowel or turn on me in a real forced manner, so this Lilly is doing better than every other jackass I’ve met down here. Still, the comment saying I stink of gore was unnecessary. I really don’t need a reminder of that. The offer of a bubble bath from the uh, severed head of some poor schmuck was tempting, I almost spoke up and asked if it were possible, but of course she just stomped along and raved on about a party that was in the works. I really can’t catch a break.
She beams at me with that near vacant expression, head tilted to the side slightly as her hair tendrils (yeah let’s go with that word) lazily list around her. “Could you be a good toy and get me the crumpets from the oven in the basement?” She asks.
“Crumpets?” I ask.
She nods, still smiling, still seemingly a little neurotic little bundle of joy. “Yeah.”
“In the basement…”
“Yeah.” She says, nodding again, expression unchanging.
“Do I have a choice?”
“No.” Still beaming, only this time she shook her head.
I let out a sigh. Well fuck it, better get this little autistic side quest over and done with. “Alright, crumpets in the basement whatever. S’probably just gonna be like a plate of rotted doll kid meat or something.” I mutter as I head through the now open door. For her party, Lily headed off into a different part of the mansion. I was not included to follow her. I carry on and find myself in what looks to be a kitchen. All plastic and purples and pinks. Definitely not a basement.
Only then do I realize I passed a door on the way here and double back.
When I open the door I’m surprised to see cold bare concrete walls and steps descending downwards. It’s such a jarring contrast compared to the garish plastic everything else here is made of, I actually stop for a moment just to stare. Welp, there’s ‘crumpets’ down there, so against my better judgment, I head into the basement. I go down quite fair in a twisting set of stairs, further and further below the mansion and enter into a room with what looks like a row of power banks.
“Huh, maybe this is some sort of maintenance area where the Playtime Co put-wait I don’t give a fuck about that.” I shake my head and carry on. I don’t have time or patience to think about any of that crap. As I go further into the room, something pink comes into view through the bars of a door (why does a maintenance basement have a door with bars on it-no wait don’t ask.) that has like, some sort of weird hair rapped lock. Hang on, is that Kissy? I think it is!
I approach the door when suddenly her hand shoots out, grabbing me, spinning me away(?) from the door and dragging me close. “AHWHATTHEFUCKYOUPINKFNAFKNOCKOFFCUNTLEMMEGORAPERAPEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” The felt abomination then turns me to face her as I get yanked close to the bars and she relents when she recognises me. Thanks dickhead-oh that little fucker is in there too!
“It’s you...You’re...Alive” Says Poppy when she notices me.
“Yeah, it’s not been easy though. No thanks to you!” I snap back at her. I’m so pissed seeing her again. I genuinely wanted to open the door just to punt her, but I bet Kissy woulda threw a bitchfit. Even though I am more than justified at this point
“I...I know saying I’m sorry won’t mean much to you at this point, but…” The living doll both looks and sounds genuinely distraught. But it isn’t enough to stem my boiling anger. I’ve been through hell because of this porcelain midget and it’s going to take a lot more than a ‘I’m sorry’ for me to forgive her. When-IF we make it out of here, I’m hosing this bitch down for at least $50.
“I am, sorry…” She continues.
“I don’t think-”
“For running away. For not letting you leave at the Game Station. For...everything.” Rude cutting me off but if she feels the need to get it off her chest, eh, I won’t hold it too much against her. God knows she’s done worse.
“You might be sorry, but that doesn’t-”
“I thought if we could just get the orphans out…” AGAIN RUDE.
“Can I speak plea-”
“We tried to cross Sweet Street. I didn’t know she was still here after all this time.”
“Are you even listening to me?” I ask her.
“If you can help us get out. Maybe find a lever or a key. Anything.”
“I’ll take that as a no. Wonderful.” I throw my hands up before shooting Kissy a glance. She’s just looking at me with that blank vacant expression a chimp behind the glass at a zoo does. No actual cognition behind the eyes. I almost wish Poppy did just 9/11 the factory and kill everyone in it. It would have been a kindness. “Well you two chucklefucks enjoy living in the cage, I’m gonna go get these….eugh ’crumpets.’”
I turn giving them the old one finger salute and leave them to their fate. Before me know is a half open red door. I guess little miss BPD’s food is in there, let’s see-aaand it’s a cremation room. Of course it is. Complete with piles and ash and bone lining the floor. I this point I fully expect to just wander across an orphan blender or puppy gas chamber this place is so comically evil. Well better see what pile of meat she wants exactly.
“What’s behind door number 1?” I yank it open with the Grabpack. “Oh shocker, a dead Smiling Critter and more bones and ash. Gee whizz, didn’t expect that. Wonder what lies behind door number 2?” I then open the next door. Another dead smiling critter falls out. “Uh-huh. Spooky. Guess that just leaves door number 3. I swear to god if there’s a living one in there that jumps out at me, I WILL just smash you against the wall until you stop moving.” I say loudly and clearly right outside the third door. I give the metal surface a resounding thump just for good measure. I’ll fucking kill whatever critter, smiling or nightmare or outside outwhateverthefuck, I don’t care. (Unless it’s a Craftycorn. They get a free pass)
The door creaks open with a metallic...creak. “What horror could surely be-oh my god are those crumpets?” Holy fuck they are. Actual real crumpets on a plate. With butter on top. Where-how-real food?! This bitch has real proper people food in her mansion! Oh I could just-ah no. She’d only get pissy and like, chase me through a maze of corridors or something retarded like that. Better hold onto these and play along with her autism game.
I exit the crematorium, go straight pass the two wonder-twats without a word and head back upstairs. Lily of course was waiting for me up there. “You weren’t talking to anyone were you?” I roll my eyes.
“What you mean the two people we both know I know are down there, literally next to the death room where you put your crumpets? The fuck do you think?” She opens her mouth to speak but I just ram the plat of crumpets against her until she’s forced to awkwardly pick it up with her hair. “It doesn’t matter, c’mon what gay little fetch quest do you have next for me?” I ask as I just barge past her into the mansion proper. But her eyes do seem to genuinly light up at the sight of the crumpets
“Oh that’s amazing!”
“No it wasn’t”
“Next, we’ll have to find the friends.”
“Do you think I could use the Grabpack cord to hang myself?”
She goes quiet for a few seconds before continuing on, albeit with a more shaky unsure voice. “They should be around here somewhere, and I know they’d hate to miss this.” Followed by an awkward laugh.