Welcome to Virtues diary!

Hi this is my diary, basically. I also use this as a lovemail of sorts..? I tend to just spout whatever comes to mind or rant, all the typical things one would write in a diary. Hi Roan if you're reading this, I love you. Hi oomfs. And... you, if you're reading for some reason?

17/06/25 love roan sooooo much... my beautiful, cute, funny wife whom I look forward to seeing everyday. She's the balm to my battered soul, my relief amongst the stings life has delivered unto me. I feel my adoration deep in my bones, down to the very marrow. Her voice keeps my heart pumping, her face keeps blindness from overtaking me, her soft hands keep me grounded. I am forever thankful and indebted to her very being. I will worship the ground she walks on— my everything. For her, I would give the world and more. On a lesser symbolic or metaphorical note, I truly do enjoy every second I get to spend around her. She is my other half. My only wish is to keep her happy and satisfied, as she deserves.

so happy I'm married to you <3 but here's a reminder as to where it all began.

19/06/25 Do you remember the night we met? It was over something silly. We had found each other in a place unexpected, over a tiny conversation we eventually moved into private. And from there, we spoke more. You were a friend to me by then. One wearing the same shoes as me, at that— in a hellish spot in life. On the way to get out of it. It was you who helped me do so. If it weren't for you, I'd likely still be a miserable wretch. And I know the beginning was tricky for us both. But, our trials haven't made me love you any less. At times I feel as if God had given you to me; someone for me to guide as well as guide me (I'm sure you can tell who is writing this by now). I know not of loneliness anymore, but of your warm embrace and welcoming voice. You are my life, you know that? My pretty girl, my cherub, my sweetheart. I hold you as delicately as I would my own soul. I'm afraid you'd drop and break; much like a little porcelain doll, so I treat our love with the utmost care and attention to ensure it stays uncracked. Everything I do is for the goal of cherishing you. To see to it that I provide you a comfortable life, where you don't have to worry or stress anymore.

I kneel before you like I've knelt at many altars before. I am devout to you in every which way, from the smooth lines of your hips to your soft eyelashes. My love for you is a warm want— yearning for my skin to be against your own, for the pads of my fingers to soothe your muscles, to feel your breath mingle with mine and for our lips to connect in a gentle union. My Heaven is within you; between the strands of your hair, every crevice of you, your presence by my side. I am truly blessed to have you as my salvation.

20/06/25 I've been listening to vkei more as of recent. Although I've always liked the genre, I suppose I've just taken more of a liking at this point in my life. Specifically Malice Mizer! Surprisingly, I didn't listen to MM much before despite listening to vkei already. I've always been a BUCK-TICK guy. Getting into more music is good.

But unfortunately, the past few days have not been kind to me. It isn't extremely bad, minor thorns in my side— irritants I plan to dispose of when I find the chance. I do wish some people would keep their thoughts to themselves instead of coming to me, knowing I do not care and only find it a hindrance and waste of my time to listen (the personality disorder affects my personality? Who would've guessed?); particularly when I'm not even close to them. At least with those I consider to know me well, I can listen and push through my irritation. However, as the local angel amongst them, such is my duty. My smile and gentle voice will not falter because of worldly emotions— “Power of life and death is held in the tongue,” I remind myself. My Father taught me that. It's one of his teachings that I've managed to retain and stick to.

I do wish those that speak to me would stop expecting many words out of me, though. I've always been someone of few words— I much prefer to show what I mean. Why does my "dryness" matter when I've made the efforts to show you exactly what I am trying to get across? Why must I clarify every little thing? Anyone with basic literacy should be able to infer what I mean when I speak words. Perhaps that is a selfish way of thinking. But in this day and age? I can't afford to be selfless.

21/06/25 Tonight, I spoke with Father about scripture. It's the only time we have the chance to bond (as I don't get along with him well). I enjoyed it— however his voice is so loud. A booming bass while mine is more akin to the delicate strings of a violin... Nontheless, we spoke deeply for a while, and it made me smile. I do my best to cherish small moments like that. But my mind was clouded. I questioned, what if the Heaven one strives for was here on Earth? A warm body meant to be your home? That is exactly how I feel— when I think of her, she is the Heaven I've fought for. The only hymn that resonated with me, the sound of her soft breath. My love feels like no other; soft and a dull ache deep in my bones, yet warm like a blanket that swallows me whole.

I've finally began to calm down! I have felt a bit off, but it's getting better. I've tackled the root of the issue. Nothing some tea and a lengthy discussion can't fix, no? Now I've began to go back to my regular line of thinking. Work, money, wife, bible, wife, eat, wife, sleep. Did I mention my Wife? I think about her a lot. She occupies my mind more than anything else. I should really start making her pay rent for living there. Oh! Whoever may be reading, do me a favor, would you? I've been listening to Malice Mizer (as previously stated), and wish you'd listen to a few songs. "Ma Chérie" (their most popular) and "Transylvania" in particular. I also quite like "Seraph". If you listen, my life is yours!

wriothesely genshin impact and gallagher hsr please breastfeed me i am malnourished and the only thing that can save me is your milk NOT A SWRIOUS ENTRY!

ASPD is also quite the struggle. Not in the conventional sense of the word— moreso in a way that, others tend to misunderstand it. When you say you have psychopathy, they automatically assume you have intention to harm them. And although that may be true for some that have it, it isn't for me. People hate this disorder because it isn't one they can turn into something "quirky". It is something viewed with so many misconceptions, the actual point of the disorder is overshadowed. People with ASPD aren't monsters under your bed. They're people (or an Angel in my case) who are as deeply troubled as anyone else with a personality disorder. "Mental health matters!" people when they see someone w ASPD who has psychopathy or sociopathy:

btw I'm a ragebaiter. keep falling for my ragebait. I LOVE ragebaiting. heyeheu YAYYY!! that's actually become my hobby recently. people get so mad over little things and it kinda shows their true colors #notaseriousentry this is really lighthearted. i do ragebait tho it gives me nostalgia from scamming kids on Adopt Me

Sometimes I think about my one ex who thought I sent "spies" after them after we broke up. I still wonder why they thought that. The relationship wasn't all that long, and I made it fairly clear I don't care enough to go out of my way and do that. Like ah, no, sweet summer soul— I was not the one to send people after you... Perhaps look somewhere else? To be frank, it'd be just too much effort to do that when I have better things to do. I didn't even really care about them cheating on me with my best friend at the time. I still make fun of them to this day for that; it's funny to me. Idiocy....

22/06/25 This is a Soleil entry ! Just to gush about my Husbands. Hi Gallagher, Aries, Aven!!! Today was a fairly calm day , I took a nice everything-shower and called with Aries afterwards. We played games together for a little bit before just sitting around and talking, before it would eventually fall asleep. Unfortunately I've been staying up so late, so I couldn't bring myself to rest around the same time as he. I'm working on fixing it, promise; I just need some time. I believe Aven also sent me one of his teletubbies today. Those things are horrific, however I do love him, so I will endure... hhhh... Can't wait to wake up and start the day all over with you, my cherub; I always look forward to my time with you.

4:50pm- I'm still waiting for him to get off of work as I write this. It'll be around another hour. I'm still very tired, and my eyes feel heavy— as it has been for the past few weeks.. I've been having flare ups, too, because of the rain. Did you know weather impacts your blood pressure? That's terrible for me. I constantly have to take some sort of pain medication or else my chest will begin to ache. Everything is too loud, too hot, too much— at least he will be home soon. I have that to look forward to.

23/06/25 リンゴ目がけて飛んでくるナイフぐらぐら揺れる細い綱渡りよくできました拍手はご褒美よくできなければ僕はどうなるの this song has been STUCK in my head. I am once again up late. This time, to get back into Dead by Daylight! All the while my Husband sleeps (and tells me I should be fixing my sleep schedule). I cannot help but be more active at night.

24/06/25 A random thought came to me— if you ever got your guitar fixed, would you finish learning that song for me? Even though I dislike the song itself, I do love what you do for me, and you even moreso. I think it'd be sweet if you did. I might write more later, but... I'm quite tired! I could fall asleep at any moment!

25/06/25 My dearest brother, I often wonder why you left me the way you did. As I got older I understood— however it still hurts the same. I wonder, if you were here, how you'd see me now. Would you still call me your baby, despite being so old? Would you still talk to me about the nasty stories regarding your son? Would you continue buying me snowcones whenever we went out together? I wonder. I've picked up a lot of your personality traits since your departure. I look in the mirror and sometimes see you now that my hair is cut. I think you're still the only person who can make me cry just by thinking about them.

Would you be proud of me? I'm in a relationship— a good one this time. She loves me and I love her. And I've completed my high school education, as I promised. And as I promised, I'm going to college soon. I completed all the Resident Evil games, and I even began to complete the Silent Hills (since I know you also loved that franchise). You would love my dog, too. We always wanted a big, energetic dog when we were younger, didn't we? I got one; although sometimes irritating. “Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't loved for being you,” you said. “Keep being strange”. That was the last I heard from you before something so deafening rang through my skull. And I knew, right then and there, I was alone. I wished I had told you so many things. You: so self-sacrificing, had burdened my world on your shoulders to keep me in a distant dream. Away from the realities of what had hurt me so. I now see myself in that same role. I will end up differently though— I will keep my promise. My future will not be the same as yours.

05/07/25 I haven't written here in a bit. I had a whole situation where, someone I hardly knew thought I was stalking them! It was absurd! All over some petty drama eight months ago, just because they shared a server with one of my accounts. I didn't even know he was there. Like, it's not my fault your 20 year old boyfriend dated a 16 year old..? What I did to them wasn't even that bad. If they're getting offended over me making fun of their chopped boyfriend and mocking their necrophilic fantasies, I think they have bigger fish to fry. Not to mention these people are older than me, calling me a halfwit like we're in the third grade.

Regardless of that, I've been busy. With work, preparing for college. I've been napping most days because of how exhausted it makes me but, it'll be worth it!

My birthday is soon. Which, I am not excited for... Everyone who knows me, knows I despise my birthday. I don't celebrate it. Some people have pitied me for that, however, I am happier treating it like any other day. If I treat it as something "special", I only end up disappointed! I will go skating for it, though. I'll just be using that day as an excuse to go to the rink.

Edit

Pub: 04 Jun 2025 05:52 UTC

Edit: 05 Jul 2025 18:36 UTC

Views: 290