Introduction :

ing my book

Ahem, I shall introduce myself. (I sound like a victorian.) Yes, I go by Yaya OR Yayu, I prefer just... Yayuan, actually, my full name. Please do not pronounce it in front of me, you'll 99.9%ly get it wrong and I am deeply pissed at hearing it over and over again, I was once called William by my substitute. (im not even joking...) Please just call me Yaya on the internet. Anyway, 'cause you're not my friend yet, uagh, no nicknames yet. No. IT ISNT "YA-JUAN" OH MY FUCKING GOD KILL YOURSELFS WHO THE HELL SAYS MY NAME LIKE THAT.

You may know me as that girl who vents to herself in the online diary she has, but if you only know me from here, then get to know me. I'm all bite and bark btw.

I am a minor so no flirts or dick pics.

I'm hmong american.

I can be quite edgy, but I'm such a banger to be with, but I may be uncontrollable with my emotions, like I'm happy then the next I will be barking.

I am just a passing student at school, nothing special.

I can be quite unsympathetic, lack remorse and feel no guilt for people until a while later, where I blame myself. I most of the time do not apologise in serious times. I might come off as mean, annoying, weird, and stupid, but I mostly am understanding and kind. I have mood swings and I LOVE to spam, but I rarely do it because I've always been told to "SHUT THE FUCK UP." I find life rainbows and sunshine, I don't feel sadness towards anyone, which is why I am quite problematic. Someone says, "What if you're dad dies in front of you but he flops around like a fish?" I would just reply with, "AHAAHAHAH WHAT!???" and that's the end of the conversation. Yes, that actually happened, someone asking me if my dad died in front of me flopping like a fish. I actually hate how messed up I am and how I would just laugh at anything just to keep my cheerful persona up while i am tired and drained.

my likes :
🢒 orcas : i don't know, they just look cool and pretty
🢒 black cats : black cats are so mysterious and cute
🢒 navy blue : the color reminds me of the night sky, i love everything about the night i guess
🢒 the night : i like the cool-ish air
🢒 YAOI : yaoi makes me feel jolly and kick my legs
🢒 spicy foods : even though the burn is outrageous, i still love spicy food
🢒 drawing, digitally and tradionally : art has always been a thing for me, it makes me express myself
🢒 music : music calms me down and i really like to listen to music
🢒 warm temperature : the temperature that doesn't make me sweat or shiver, i like those temperatures
🢒 reading, depends on the book, heh : the book could either be about something i relate to or its just 'straight' up yaoi
🢒 the bright stars : they remind me of a black canvas splattered with white speckles (nut)
🢒 light rain, or decent rain : if i saw this, i would run in the rain. i do NOT care if my makeup is ruined, it feels so nice
🢒 the moon : its like changing themselves
ㅤI also like the sunset, warm and comforting, but the night gives me a thrill of danger and peace. I always wanted to go out at night, but I'm scared of being kidnapped.

my dislikes :
🢒 hot weather especially : it makes a sweaty wet spot into my armpits even though i wear deodorant, it makes me embarrassed
🢒 people who want to start arguments with me on purpose : i haven't done anything to you, I don't have time for your rambling.
🢒 mold : ew.
🢒 stank people : Idk, it smells so bad.
🢒 disrespectful people : if ur disrespectful to me, I'll be mean to you, just be polite.
🢒 when SOMEONE put ice in my back : okay if the person reading this put that ice in my back that made my back ARCH off the chair and put their HAND in my SHIRT from BEHIND, making me scream, I swear I am going to throw ice cold water over you, you hear me boy? YOU HEAR ME? and i did NOT appreciate how you just put your hand IN MY SHIRT FROM BEHIND AND I WILL MAKE SURE I WILL GET REVENGE. (it was a guy who did it)

fandom
TSHD (the summer hikaru died), alnst (alien stage) TKATB (the kid at the back), 14DWY (14 days with you)

languages
I am currently learning japanese and spanish, I also know a LITTLE bit of russian, english, and I can read hmong. Whoa!! 5 languages!!

clothing style
Anyway... what you need to know about my clothing style is quite alternative and shit, im still thrifting... but i do have good stuff!!

sexuality
I am an asexual, demisexual, and a bisexual. But... the thing is, I have hypersexuality even though I'M AN ASEXUAL. #asexualityandhypersexualfighting.

• I am bisexual because I find women and men attractive. i would rather date a guy so I won't be considered weird.
• I am a demisexual because I found out that demi (people) exist and just meeting a boy/girl for the first time or a few times does not get me anywhere. I do not form crushes easily.
• I am an ace (ASEXUAL) because... I don't think anyone wants to love me, Im too ugly for lovey dovey shit

birthday!
I was born on june 23rd, yay.
Zodiac: Cancer

sports
I do not do any sports, I used to do soccer in 5th grade but i quit. I don't find myself athletic, but I always get 4's in gym class. (1-4 is my school's grading system, 1 being the lowest and 4 being the highest.) I am SO good at badminton, and if you ask me for a 1v1? GAME ON BRO.

when I'm in love
towards my love interest, I can get really possessive and protective, overthinking about everything and making sure they aren't cheating, since I yearn to feel loved. I tend to get very shy but will eventually open up, acting very weird, touchy, and clingy towards my lover. I love to baby my lover and show as much love as possible to them, I am very affectionate. my depression will immediately stop functioning since I know I am loved, I will become extremely happy and healed to the point where I get love sick. but... i will get reckless and do things that aren't very safe. i would love my lover so much, i would let them do anything to me. i wouldn't want them to leave me if they treat me good. i would not care if they hit me, degraded me, made me feel horrible, i would still love them. with the reckless stuff, i usually beg to have sex... that comes from my hypersexuality, that's where it comes from. but this won't happen because i am an asexual!! (um... i think that wont happen)

mental and personality disorders (or wvtr)

I have a ton... but... here u guys go:
pd = personailty disorder

hypersexuality
borderline (pd)
histrionic (pd)
PTSD (C-PTSD? idk im not counting C-PTSD)
depression
schizophrenia
bipolar
dependent (pd)
avoidant (pd)
social anxiety

Phobias:

Internalized homophobia

EXTRA:
intense fear of abandonment : (