Lying, in even it's most harmless forms is one of the greatest, most self-inflicted causes of human suffering. If you commit to being an honest person, you can drastically simplify your life, deepen your relationships, and foster absolute trust in others.

Defining a Lie

A lie is intentionally misleading others when they expect honest communication. Lying is not social deception, like wearing makeup or giving someone a polite greeting, as those things don't deliberately manufacture falsehoods.

White Lies

Many people use white lies to spare others feelings, like when you say a bad dress looks good on someone, or offering false encouragement to someone that can't sing very well. These things are incredibly damaging, as it denies people's access to reality and prevents them from making informed decisions to improve their lives. It is an arrogant infringement on another persons autonomy.

The Erosion of Trust

Trust is very fragile. If you come across a friend that tells a casual lie to someone else, it subtly fragments your trust in them, as you realize they are willing to lie when it suits them. On the other end of the spectrum, if you are radically honest, it makes you a refuge to others, as they know your praise is genuine and your word is reliable.

The Toll of Mental Accounting

Each lie requires an immense amount of psychological energy. A liar must constantly keep track of what they said, and who they said it to, in order to maintain their facade. Telling the truth requires no mental accounting because the actual world serves as your memory.

Secrets and Medical Deception

While keeping a secret isn't lying, it often forces people into situations where they must lie. If a family hides a terminal diagnoses from another out of "protection", this deception robs the families of the opportunity to provide genuine support, say their goodbyes, and share deep connections.

Lies in Extreme Situations

The late philosopher, Immanuel Kant once said that lying is always wrong, no matter the circumstances, even to a murderer but in situations where where physical violence is justified, like war or self-defense, lying is also justified. These extreme life-or-death situations are rare, and should not be used as an excuse to lie in everyday life.

Big Lies and Public Harm

When people in power - like governments, corporations, and public figures lie, it destroys institutional trust. This societal cynicism leads to the rise of conspiracy theories and real-world harm, such as the dangerous decline in vaccination rates because of fraudulent medical studies.

Lying is a refusal to cooperate with others, and it is a recoil from genuine relationship. Committing to telling the truth acts as a mirror for personal growth and it forces you to face your own flaws, end toxic relationships, and live with absolute integrity.

Source: Lying by Sam Harris