can contain a bit of honesty and triggering media, so if that isn't your cup of tea I would carry on.


‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Angel's public diary : started on 4/5/2025

mern Saturday 5th of April : We are down to have many progressing stages after we broke up, do I miss him? Yes, of course I do but, the best thing I can do is let go of him. I am proud of myself that I am 3 months free of self infliction! Am I proud of myself? Yes of course I am, I am more than happier than I could be, even though I have been going through rough patches of my life. Anyways It's like... 2 am I need to sleep.. Goodnight former reader.

‎ ‎ smoking Sunday 6th of April : There is not really much to put in here as I sit in this car, and feel like I'm going to sin. I may be high out my mind right now but honestly it all feels like rainbows I wanted to be treated like a pet honest to god at this point that's how my self worth is going down the drain right now as I continue to go on. But, will anyone ever actually read this and feel the need to treat me the way I need to be? . . . Now that it's later in the day and I am a bit still under the influence I think about my life and It always keeps repeating over and over again till I feel like I'm completely nothing. It feels like if I am not put through this it will happen to someone else and I rather have the bad stuff happen to me. I rather have myself hurt that seeing another person ever so damaged the way I have been. Even though I feel like my body is always infested by bugs or just despair but that's what happens when I open my heart out. It's what happens when I keep being ever so stupid. Sorry for such the saddening topic former reader, I just want to get this out of my system. I will sleep soon, let the stars give you a well rest.

ohgod Monday 7th of April : I couldn't face him. I left and immediately started pouring tears out of my eyes as i hit the cafe to type this.. it shouldn't be that hard to face him but it is for me. Who can just sit there and say they want to move out of your home with you and then pretend like your nothing the next day? I don't understand human complexities.. though that could be because of how unemotionally available I am sometimes. I do ever apologize if I acted like that towards you dear reader. I struggle a lot with my disorders and the stress I go through every single day. It's very hard to connect with people the same way that isn't attachment or isolation. It's always a gamble for me, since the smallest shit sets me off. I think I might end this here dear reader, good day reader.

‎ ‎ Tuesday 8th of April : I keep on listening to Oingo Boingo, such a nice artist. I can't decide which song is my favorite! I believe it'd be Elevator Man. Especially that one part that got famous on tiktok, "Please pretty baby! Won't you come to me, won't you let me be your daddy? Come sit here on my knee!" Such a fun lyric it is. But I can see how weird people can distort such media.. anyway that's all I have for todays writing!

Wednesday 9th of April : forgive me as there isn't much for me to put other than there's an Acid bath show soon... I might go, I still don't know if I should but, it'd be fun!

‎ ‎ Random text : HOLD ON THIS SONG GOES SO HARD I HAVE A THING! YOU LOVE BUT THE NEED IN ME IS WAY TOO MUCH IF I OPEN WIDE ONE OF US MIGHT GET LOST INSIDE.. ME OR YOU ONE OF US IS GOING TO..NEED TO DIE.. Me and Mr Wolf by The Real Tuesday Weld

me because its getting so hot

‎ ‎ Thursday 10th of April : I am starting to feel like such a computer program as I feel like that's what I am, I code upon myself against a personality and learn from it and once they finally hate me I go insane! It would make me probably get very overwhelmed.. I'm so sorry that I probably sound ever so delusional. But, I am indeed starting to not feel exactly real. I don't feel like I was worth a dime. I just feel I exist to help the hearts of others even if it quite makes me insane for not having the same support system. But, things just really aren't that bad, I mean I got nice cats and I got nice people in my life. But, maybe if I talk more about the things I don't really wanna talk about maybe then I'll be enjoyable to be around. I am so confused on life right now, I don't know what I want to have or not what I want to have. I just want to be loved, is that really hard to ask for? Sorry dear former reader you must be worried sick, I assure you this is just the daily questions I ask to myself.

Friday 11th of April : I just want to be a kid again, I want to explore the vast mindful days of being an ignorant 4 year old before all the bad stuff happened to me, I don't deserve any of things foolishness I believe. Do I really help people be better? Or am I just like them? Am I a terrible person to be around? I don't want to be. I want to be good. I want to be appreciated instead of criticized for every action I've done. What do I have to do to gain such a desperate luck? Do I need to bend backwards for the faith of others.. I might drink to keep this off my mind. Maybe I'll come back.. to this notepad onto my phone dear reader. . . " fujjck maybe I am nwot a good personm at all.. I couldnh even save hime im such a pathethicgod damn bunny. I hate this ihate this i hate thsisj i hate this i thate this imsoo sorry i am preobably not making any senseof reality.. i justchase otehrs away and gueeess WAHT! i found EVERYTHHIJNG aboutyiou you goddamnn personm.. ohh aisethe deuu konojj wan ada mmuuu " (The rest was all gibberish I would not add that for your eye sight dear reader.)

‎ ‎ Saturday 12th of April : Today I am a bit more sober than yesterday... I drank a bit too much and got crossfaded in order to not ruin the clean streak I have for the first writing mentioned. I wanted to actually try not to do that. So I ruined my sober streak of not heavily drinking. But I am very hyper due to the music I am listening to and I wanted to open up a new server! But I wanted to decorate my website and finally copy and paste the public diary entries..! I always will try to update them daily but if I don't please remind me in my strawpage. .. thank you daily reader!

Sunday 13th of April : Sometimes I really feel like Rebzyyx emotions only because of attachment issues that I have, I feel bad for people around me. Because I consume any attention I can receive. I love just being loved to a point I cover the reality and gravitation sense that I really am in. Things I should do today, clean my room. Eat, and try drinking water. I only have to attend one class tomorrow for the rest of the week. I should be fine. Thank you dear reader for being here. Update, I hate when people force themselves to make me happy it just makes me really agitated, like why are you faking your emotions just to please some person like me? I don't get it. Like if you want me to fucking stop talking then say so, don't make me feel like I'm a chore because honestly it just upsets me more. It's starting to feel like I can only be around certain people at certain times before I physically crash the fuck out. Sorry reader.

‎ ‎ Monday 14th of April : I have to say today was rather one of my days where i started to be a bit more restless and tired, a bit sad though because I can't interact much with one of the closer people I am with tomorrow. I also went through quite a sturr way with one of the dislikers of him. But, otherwise i survised and carried on because honestly I'm a lot stronger than that. All i have to say dear reader is that never act against your obsessional behaviors towards a person that finds it very uncomforting after trying to de-kindle your relationship status. This goes for friendships or romantic aspects. Anyways, Sorry for not putting a pixel like I usually do, as im about to clean a bit and head to sleep. Love you always my silly rabbit readers, and sweet dreams.

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Pub: 12 Apr 2025 19:28 UTC

Edit: 15 Apr 2025 06:59 UTC

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