log of every kazui related thought i have since nobody really needs to hear allat
21/03/26, 9:28pm - 9:32pm:
does anyone else ever think about how camouflage is "hiding in plain sight" and despite kazui's constant claims of "lying" to us he actually just hid the truth in plain sight... his whole story was there the whole time but it took the reinterpretation of all his words to finally make complete sense of it. the most heartbreaking part, i think, is that the dialogue in cat was actually him talking to his best friend, not hinako. speaking of the best friend, i'm proud of myself for flagging that even in 2023! he mentions his best friend once in his trial 1 questioning and i think it flew over a lot of people's heads but chekhov's gun came for them
21/03/26, 9:50pm - 9:54pm
someone mentioned something on tumblr which made me think! my reply is linked there but also, i find it interesting that you really could not subvert kazui's thinking without heavy effort lest it be ooc. he's so ingrained in his ways that a simple "fix-it" wouldn't really do anything, i mean we saw es's damn dialogue with him! it's one of the reasons i have to rack my brain so much when writing anything involving him (in comparison to like, genshin, where the presumed norm is queerness in most of the settings the characters are in and even if it isn't they're typically able to normalise it relatively quickly as a result of the fact that they don't usually have a pre-disposed bias or their pre-disposed bias is easily overwritten)--he's not the kind of person to just drag someone aside out of lust, he's well-aware by now that what he wants is supposedly wrong, so he has to be put in a situation that forcibly normalises it or gives him no other choice.. aha and even then it's not 100% guaranteed he'd be comfortable within his own psyche to do it.......
22/03/26, 12:14am - 12:19am
thinking about the idea of "camouflage" in relation to kazui once again. within nature camouflage is both a self defence technique and a hunting technique and i find it interesting to think about especially since kazui does (at the very least in cat) portray himself as a predator (cat) who destroys "innocence/love/freedom" (dove) however within context to his story it is also his self defence—he blends in with normal society so he can survive.. unrelated kazui thought but i'm kind of sick of people saying "oh kazui's impotent" because he couldn't get it up for hinako like No he is Gay as funny as it was the first time i'm genuinely going to start beating the next person who says it cuz it's juuuust annoying my goat can get boners #butit'sonlywhenyou're #homophobic. also shower thought but i know we established he's a bottom What do we think he's like.. personally i'm thinking something along the lines of olivine nu: carnival (in the sense that he doesn't necessarily want to ask for anything but he finds escapism from his abusive reality within sex) However i am also incredibly aware that he's very very very very very very very How many more verys should i add. one more? very repressed
22/03/26, 12:34am - 12:52am
i said something about this already on tumblr but i wanna talk about it again because kazui is such an important character to me! whenever i try to get my words out about him i feel increasingly less eloquent. coughs.
- yamanaka's portrayal of kazui creates an empathetic experience. his story isn't about "identity politics" (i hate this phrasing too), it's not a "gotcha", it's a pure expression of the queer experience, one that is more common than it should be and through this portrayal he is able to showcase the deep-set negativity that is rooted within living knowing that you can't be yourself within a society and the constant looming question of "if they knew, would they love me the same?" because it isn't to say kazui isn't loved, it's just that the love he gets is not love for all of him, it's love for the idea they have of him, the idea that they created
- kazui's story is important for queer people. i know that sounds like i'm repeating the same point, but the above is relevant to onlookers, and this is relevant to those whose lives are similar to his reality. he exists to show that you're not isolated, nor alone. he is there to be the character you cry over. there was a post i saw the other day about how there are so few stories about queer joy but so many about queer sadness because queer sadness is universal to the queer experience and not everybody has felt queer joy and that is what kazui is to me--he is another representation of the struggles of the queer experience but it is so drastically important that we have characters like him. not only for the reasons above, but also because he lets queer people feel seen
- his story highlights the experience specifically of the older queer generation, one that doesn't get so much representation these days. similar to point no. 1 and also something i discussed off-handedly in the tags of my tumblr post, but it is so important that nobody within this community is left behind, especially not the forerunners of our rights. despite the fact that kazui isn't reaallllyyy that old, he didn't even get to see gay marriage legalised in any of the major western countries, let alone the fact that his hasn't even legalised it yet. he represents the struggles of the older generation, and his story is an important one because everybody deserves representation
- yamanaka doesn't portray him as evil for his sexuality.
(i know some people want to punish him for leading on hinako but that's neither here nor there and not even really relevant to any discussion regarding him since holding that belief is just proof you didn't read any of his.. anything)he portrays the struggles kazui goes through, he portrays the experience he has, he shows how kazui sees himself but he does not paint kazui as a villain, he does not make kazui evil for his sexuality, he shows the damage that homophobia (this does not feel like a weighty enough word, actually!) has on both gay people and the people that love them/that they love :-( that is so important to me - and finally, to be selfish and make it about myself i want to say how validating it is for me to hear that he actually is queer. as a proud supporter of the "kazui is gay" idea ever since it was a crack theory in 2021, i'm genuinely so overwhelmed with joy at the fact that it's true. he means so, so, so, so, so, sooooo much to me as a character it's impossible to put into words. his masking, his weakness, his struggles, his capacity for love, his self-hatred, eeeeverything. i love kazui so much
22/03/26, 1:13am - 1:15am
sorta can't be fucked to repeat everything i just said, but i reaaaally like the constrast in musical styles between songs. it's a great way to portray change in ideals/characterisation and rockwell + deco utilise it really well throughout milgram (especially MeMe!)
22/03/26, 10:53am - 10:53am
if kazui was real, i'd show him maybe happy ending.
22/03/26, 11:27pm - 12:29am
kazui's story is my favourite (obviously) but it's also felt like the only one worth rewatching. i love half so much. the lyrics make me so sad
30/03/26, 8:56am - 8:56am
i'm grinding out my music work and i have english and i am getting sick. but camouflage will get me through this. hopefully. i hope i can perform on wednesday (afraid)
31/03/26, 2:08pm - 2:08pm
i want kazui to teach me javascript