number 1 dilfWHAT IF BUDEN SEES THIS? WHAT IF BIDEN SEES THIS AND GETS INTO MILRAGRAM
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Knock knock. what
Shidou’s head lifts up. He’d been sitting in his stiflingly hot cell for who knows how long now, trying to mentally catalogue everything he’d need to ask Es for so he could treat everyone’s injuries properly. hey why is there fanfiction in my rentry
The man at the door grins slightly. “You weren’t in the kitchen for lunch, so I brought you some, if that’s alright?”
Shidou hesitates, then nods. “I, uh.. I was preoccupied. Sorry. I hadn’t realised how much time had passed.”
“I get it, it’s weird here. I hardly know when day and night come anymore.”
Shidou nods again. “Yeah. Would you, uh..” he says, gesturing towards his bed, so Kazui can sit instead of just.. standing awkwardly at the entrance. The other man lumbers in, holding a plastic container of pasta and bread. Shidou wasn’t actually.. aware they had containers.
“Yuno and, uh, Mahiru were talking about “romantic places to take a partner”, or something”, Kazui began, making air quotes with one hand as he sat. “They ended up talking about romance languages, and then Italy, and then Lady and the Tramp and then.. they wanted to try and make pasta! So..” he waved his hand at the container he held.
Shidou wasn’t sure what to do, not really at least. “I.. see. Thank you for, uh, bringing this to me.”
“I need to make sure our resident doctor eats. I’m sure that brain’s gotta be working constantly. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that you always function better on a full stomach. Trust me.”
It ended up happening more than once. Shidou would let time slip away from him, and Kazui would come to his cell to make sure he ate. He never intended to skip meals, he of all people knew you had to eat well to live well but, also.. he didn’t care anymore. What did it matter if his body rotted away?
Kazui seemed to care however, and he always made sure Shidou knew it. While the other prisoners would be off chatting, or playing board games, Shidou would stay behind, taking notes on certain things to keep track of the state of the other prisoner’s health.
And Kazui, from the other side of the room, would always mime eating to Shidou, cocking his head as he waited for an apprehensive nod or shake of the head. And if Shidou happened to shake his head, he’d pat Haruka or Fuuta or whoever he was with on the shoulder and come to make sure he’d consumed something that day.
Shidou wasn’t sure how he felt about this routine. Obviously, he appreciated it, but.. it was so unorthodox to him. He certainly didn’t care about eating enough, what did it matter? He deserved the death anyways, and it was going to happen, one way or another! Kazui didn’t try to stop him when he smoked, so why..
So he asked Kazui about it.
“Love, there’s a lot of things you just learn throughout your life. You might be smoking for whatever reason, and yeah, it ain’t really good for ya, but it’s not the same as not eating. Starving yourself.. it’s not worth it, not in the end. I want to make sure you get to eat and enjoy food because you deserve it just like every other person in this prison. At the very least, I want you to know that I care.”
And Shidou thought about that conversation, every time he sat down in the prison kitchen to eat. Every time he almost forgot to, but remembered because of the older man, every time he caught a glimpse of the other’s figure coming through the halls.
He felt warm inside. Cared about.
Hell, even loved.
And he began to notice all the little things that Kazui would do.
Every time the man would strike up a casual conversation if Shidou stared too wistfully into the distance, how he’d comfort Fuuta when he got into one of his moods, how he’d chat to Mahiru and Yuno and Muu like he was just ‘one of the girls’. He even let them paint his nails!
He noticed how much love Kazui poured into his environment, even if he didn’t notice it. Because sure, maybe the older man was using the others to help himself cope, or maybe he just wanted to make them trust him more.. whatever the reason, he helped lift people’s spirits.
Honestly? It worked. Shidou felt his heart skip a beat every time the older man gave him a little grin while he was with the younger prisoners, or when he’d exhale a little too heavily after taking a drag from his cigarette. God, not to mention how he nearly had a heart attack when Kazui used Shidou’s cig to light his own.
He swore he blushed.
So now anytime he saw Kazui sitting alone, he’d walk over and sit by him.
If the man was frowning, he’d try do his best to cheer him up.
It might not have been a big gesture, in such a little place, but it was the most he could give to a man who deserved the world.