explaining myself & my identities ;;; rentry by Callisto. i am bigender + aroacespec + biromantic. this is my experience of my identity. different people may feel differently, etc cw: anti-xenogenders/neopronouns , lesbiphobia , biphobia aroacephobia, lgbtphobia + internalised lgbtphobia, dysphoria btw the making of this rentry was when i previously identified as lesbian, so there's quite a lot of stuff on that here. if you're a lesbian and are uncomfy with a bi person speaking on it, please lmk & i'll take it down! also if u need help w questioning stuff hmu I AM SO GOOD FR TRUST)
what is this rentry about?
this rentry explains my connection to my identites (biromantic, bigender, asexual, akoi/lithflux, ambiamorous + neopronouns and xenogenders. + other)
i am biromantic
first! what is biromanticism? it is someone who is attracted to multiple genders / expressions and is part of the multisexual spectrum alongside panromantics, omniromantics etc . . .
biromantic is a less commonly seen label compared to its sexual counterpart bisexual. biromantic means that i am only romantically attracted to different genders (i'm not sexually attracted to anyone, im asexual).
although, biromantic can be often interexchangable with the term bisexual. that's fine! :)
i am bigender
what is bigender? in my experience, i feel masculine and feminine contiously together. sometimes it fluctuates. basicallty it means someone experiences 2 genders, male + female (in my case), male + nonbinary, etc etc.
"if it fluctuates, would it not be genderfluid?" you're right. maybe i am genderfluid. in the past, i did identify as genderfuid & genderflux (for the longest time!) however i feel bigender fits me better. i almost never feel non-binary, but only male and female. idk!
i am aceflux
a term under the umbrella term of the asexuality umbrella. :)
it means my sexual attraction fluctuates depending on factors i cannot change.
i am lithflux/akoiflux
i'm lithflux/akoiflux. these words have the same meaning, and you may've heard of lithromantic (used to be akoiromantic). similarly, akoiflux may've been replaced with lithflux (although i like the sound of akoiflux better), but as this identity is not as common, i don't know. this is an aromantic identity and may have multiple definitions, but the two i've heard are:
- describes a person who experiences romantic attraction and only sometimes desires for it to be reciprocated
- describes a person who experiences romantic attraction and has that attraction fade once in a relationship, but may come and go again throughout
source
i identify with both definitions and Yeah its tough :')
i use neopronouns
neopronouns are an exclusive category of pronouns that are not she/he or they. (there is debate on whether it/its is a neopronoun). neo in neopronoun stands for new, which is rather contradictory - as people have used neopronouns such as thon/thons in the 14th century and later.
xenopronouns are under the neopronoun umbrella (for example, neopronouns could be more commonly known as xe/xem and ze/zem). xenopronouns are a category of neopronouns which involves noun/nounself pronouns such as cat/catself and mew/mewself. i use many xenopronouns (ask!!). there is nothing wrong with xenopronouns / neopronouns unless they are a mockery.
neopronouns are also mainly used by neurodivergent people (especially autistic people who feel disconnected from their gender). anybody can use neopronouns! except some are only created for some people (eg: shi/hir are for intersex people)
- a lot of people are more understanding. think of that trend where u refer to someone as bro (eg: bro's so stupid). THAT is literally how you use neopronouns LOL
- ppl hate neopronouns but they're often used by autistic people (for example me) to express gender often + ppl complain that they're transphobic but have u ever considered to js let kids have fun? (adults use em too) + have u ever considered that transpobes r the actual problem
i use xenogenders
xenogenders or less commonly known as neogenders are an exclusive category of genders that aren't binary or nonbinary etc. the most commonly known xenogender is probably catgender. xenogenders can be mostly noungenders, or genders after characters, games, subjects, nouns, interests, even pokemon! there is nothing wrong with xenogenders because they don't cause harm to the LGBTQ+ community and they are just for fun!
xenogenders are also mainly used by neurodivergent people (especially autistic people who feel disconnected from their gender). anyone can use xenogenders, although some are exclusive to some people. (for example, there are autigenders for autistic people only!)
other labels
i am transmascneu, tme, transgender, ambiamorous and gnc !
other lgbtq terms (ask for stuff to be here)
TMA / TME - tme stands for trans-misogyny exempt. tma stands for trans-misogyny affected. in the simplest way - people who were assigned female at birth and are transgender are TME. people who are assigned male at birth and transgender are TMA. trans-misogyny means misogyny against trans-fem people, (people who are transfeminine, so anyone who is assigned male at birth and girlflux, demigirl, transgender girl etc. I am new to these terms so please PLEASE inform me if i've got them wrong!
AFAB / AGAB / AMAB - afab stands for assigned female at birth. agab stands for assigned gender at birth. amab stands for assigned male at birth.
INTERSEX / PERISEX - intersex people are people who are born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn't fit the binary idea of 'female' or 'male' genitalia. perisex people are people who are born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that fit the binary idea of 'female' or 'male genitalia. intersex people can be any gender due to sex and chromosomes (biological) not being equal to gender (social construct).
MSPEC- mspec stands for the multisexual spectrum, basically people who like multiple genders - example: bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual people
TRANSGENDER - an umbrella term for anyone who doesn't identify as their birth gender (AGAB). people can choose whether to identify as this label. a lot of misconceptions about transgender is that only people who are binary transgender (mtf, ftm) can be trans. however, as long as you don't identify as your birth gender you can identify as trans!
MTF / FTM - mtf stands for male to female. ftm stands for female to male. this shows the process of transitioning. mtf means someone was AMAB and transitioned into a female. ftm means someone was AFAB and transitioned into a male.
DYSPHORIA - dysphoria is a term that usually means 'a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life.' according to the oxford dictionary. however, in this case, dysphoria means a 'sense of unease that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity. this sense of unease or dissatisfaction may be so intense it can lead to depression and anxiety and have a harmful impact on daily life.' you don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender!
TRANSMASCULINE / TRANSFEMININE / TRANSNEUTRAL - transmasculine is often shortened to transmasc. it is an umbrella term that anybody who isn't AMAB can identify with - as long as they identify with a masculine identity or have a connection to masculinity (non-binary genders included). transmascs do not have to be a trans man.
transfeminine is often shortened to transfem or transfemme. it is an umbrella term that anybody who isn't AFAB can identify with - as long as they identify with a feminine identity or have a connection to femininity (non-binary genders included). transfems do not have to be a trans woman.
transneutral is often shorted to transneu. it is an umbrella term that anybody can identify with - as long as they identify with a gender identity that is referrred to as neutral. transneus do not have to be non-binary.
these terms can be combined to form 'transmascneu' or 'transfemneu' etc. this means your gender or vast identity is in between these two things. its a common phrase and still valid !
T4T / TRANS LOVING TRANS - transgender for transgender - commonly referred to as t4t or T4T in short, means a person under the transgender umbrella that prefers to date another person under the transgender umbrella. they either adamantly date other transgender people or prefer to, whether for safety reasons or personal preference. i've seen a lot of people complain that this is 'anti-cisgender', but being transgender is a unique experience and sometimes cisgender people may not share those experiences compared to other trans people.
LES4LES / LESBIANS LOVING LESBIANS lesbians for lesbians - commonly referred to as les4les in short, means a person who identifies as lesbian who prefers to date another lesbian. they either adamantly date other lesbians or prefer to, whether for safety reasons or personal preference. i've seen a lot of people complain that this is 'anti-mpsec', but being lesbian is a unique experience and sometimes mspec people may not share those experiences compared to other lesbian people.
BI4BI bisexuals for bisexuals or biromantics for biromantics - commonly referred to as bi4bi in short, means a person who identifies as bisexual/biromantic who prefers to date another bisexual/biromantic. they either adamantly date other bisexuals or prefer to, whether for safety reasons or personal preference. i've seen a lot of people complain this is 'anti-gay, anti-omni, anti-lesbian,' but being bi is a unique experience and sometimes other people may not share those experiences compared to other biromantic/bisexual people.
- disclaimer: there are many other terms that are similar to bi4bi, les4les and t4t, but those are the ones i am most familiar with!
GNC / GENDER NON COMFORMING - gnc, or gender non comforming is a term that many people can identify as. you don't necessarily have to be transgender to identify as gnc. gnc people is behaviour / gender expression by someone who does not identify with or match masculine / feminine gender norms.
faq (no one asked but its useful to know)
but don't xenogenders / neopronouns harm the LGBTQ+ community?
actually, most don't! xenogenders / neopronouns are used for someone to connect to their identity. gender and pronouns are a social construct that can be broken. xenogenders and neopronouns don't harm you at all, so you should just let people be. homophobes / transphobes harm the community, not terms created for people to feel comfortable with themselves.
what are some harmful lesbian stereotypes?
- the scissoring joke. many people view lesbians as a p0rn category or something sexual - which they aren't. many lesbians are asexual!
- that all lesbians are all predatory. they don't attack straight girls and force them to date them. that's untrue and disgusting.
- "do you listen to girl in red?" not all of them listen to girl in red, a popular queer artist. however, she has said that lesbian is a disgusting word .. not very lesbian icon of her
- "you're just confused." they can call men handsome without being attracted to them. it is a compliment!
what are some harmful mspec (bi, omni, pan) stereotypes?
- that it doesn't exist. to 'pick a side'.
- that you're so desperate for attention you'll 'swing both ways'.
aromantic and asexual aren't real and aren't part of the LGBTQ community. you won't get kicked out for being aroace.
actually! they are. comparing oppression is bullshit and frankly does not help. aromantic and asexual people are comfortable with their identities and are very very much real.
you're being gay / trans for attention.
grow up! we aren't getting attention for this. many people struggle with internalised homophobia / transphobia due to toxic environments and society's need for you to be allocishet (not LGBTQ). what attention are we getting apart from harm?
what are some terms / things not to say?
- the d slur! (rhymes with bike) this is a lesbiphobic slur that has discourse surrounding it on who can say it. by my understanding, only black lesbians can say it. it is best to steer clear of this slur if you aren't a black lesbian, or a lesbian for that matter.
- "im lesbian too!" - a straight person, a man, anyone who isn't lesbian
- general lgbtq slurs. and while you're at it! don't say slurs!!! they're there for a reason!!!!! unless theyre reclaimed i guess, but yeah