Noelle doesn’t know why the sudden urge to kill and mutilate Kris appeared in her head. Why it sat there, festering, constantly speaking to her, worming its way into her thoughts and never letting her rest. The worst part was how something about it was appealing to her.

It was less of an urge or a desire or want. It was something she had to do. She didn’t even feel much thinking about it, except this growing obsession over it. She built a plan for it in her head, tucked somewhere in the back of her mind, thinking about it occasionally.

She thought about it the most when she was alone or at school. She’d zone out and think of every little detail: what she might need, how she’d do each step, where she’d do it, the excuses she could use to get Kris to come over…

The only issue was that she never really thought about what happened AFTER she killed Kris. There was the morbid desire to cut into their body, examine their insides, see how it all fit together and worked, but after that? Nothing. She didn’t care what happened after that.

It felt like the longer she dwelled on this, the more numb she became. The less that everything else mattered, this one thing being her only goal. Why? Why was she thinking like this? Why was this now her sudden sole desire?

Maybe something finally broke inside her. It’d been so long since Kris and her had actually talked or done something together. The distance between them kept increasing. This might just have been some sick desire manifesting from wanting to connect again.

That’s probably why her main plan of action for getting Kris to come over again was to simply invite them over. It’d be under the pretense of wanting to hang out again, to connect again. The thing she wanted for most of her life: she wanted her friend Kris back, the only person who truly understood her.

Figuring out when to do it was the one roadblock now. She forgot when the idea appeared in her head originally, but it had been maybe two or three weeks now. It felt like the entire plan had been finalized and the only thing stopping it was herself.

It didn’t need to be a perfect moment. It just needed to be a moment at all. It could be as simple as passing Kris a note or leaving one on their desk. No, it had to be direct. She’d simply ask them if they wanted to hang out again, direct and simple.

Staring at the ceiling of her room while lying in bed, she turned over and shuffled over to the edge. Reaching underneath the bed, she felt around for the knife’s handle, grabbed it, and pulled it out to look at.

Her face reflected in it when the blade was held flat. Putting it under her bed like that, without something covering the blade at all, was probably really stupid. But she didn’t care, it wouldn’t be there for much longer.

Why did she pick a kitchen knife for it? Maybe because it’d be weird to go out and buy a knife just for this, even if it was for a special moment. Her Mom hadn’t even noticed the missing knife yet, or if she did she didn’t care.

She wondered if it’d be enough to do the job. Studying human anatomy had almost become a hobby for her at this point and she was sure the knife could reach deep enough to hit something vital in one quick stab, but this was all theory. In actual practice, it could go wrong in a lot of ways.

She could make it quick. Grab Kris’ hair, pull their head back, put the knife to their throat, and cut their carotid artery. It’d be one quick, smooth motion and Kris would barely suffer after. Relatively barely suffer.

They’d writhe in agony, absolutely confused, but it’d be over in seconds. They’d barely be able to understand they had died, that Noelle had slit their throat. She didn’t like that. It had to be something they knew was happening.

Maybe she could make something for it. A tool specialized just for delivering a quick mortal blow to Kris, enough to disable or immobilize them, but not kill them. She wanted them alive for at least two, three minutes. Enough time for them to understand she had killed them and for her to comfort them as they moved on.

She’d have enough time to make it. The plan had split up a bit further in her mind, the start being multiple parts now. She couldn’t do this after inviting them the first time, Kris would have their guard up. No, this had to be done when Kris had finally relaxed again. Any earlier would be a disaster.

She looked at her reflection in the blade one more time and put it back under the bed.


Honestly, Noelle was surprised Kris had actually accepted her invitation to hang out at her house again. It felt too simple and direct. Maybe that’s why it worked?

Mentally she scratched out the plan for a specialized tool. Complicating things was bad. That might mean her plan to keep Kris alive for a few minutes had to go as well, slitting their throat would be far faster, easier, and simpler.

They sort of just played old games in her room again. She wasn’t sure if Kris was having an actual fun or enjoying this at all, but she kept up her cheery attitude.

Her cheery facade. It was a facade now, like a mask she wore over her face. Sometimes she looked in the mirror and remembered she existed. She felt kind of numb all over, inside and out, but she could suddenly slip on the mask of her old self like nothing had changed at all.

It’s like she was in someone else’s body. They did everything physical, but she did all the thinking. She was there mentally but not physically, like she had simply shut down all outside sensory. It felt like watching through someone else’s eyes, sitting in their head, there but distant.

If she cared about it, she might’ve been worried that no one seemed to notice a difference. They didn’t know what she was planning at all. Sometimes she would get the sudden urge to tell them that she was going to kill and mutilate Kris, to see if they even reacted to it. Maybe if anyone in this town actually cared, they’d realize she was disturbed.

The first hangout flew by. Then the second. The third. Fourth. She wondered when she’d strike, like she hadn’t planned this all out. The moment would come and she’d know it when she saw it. She felt a small twinge of surprise whenever Kris came back. Maybe they knew what she was doing and wanted it to happen.

They seemed happier. More like their old self. They even played piano a few times. It almost made her sad that Kris had to die. But wouldn’t it be better this way? They wouldn’t have to suffer anymore, they’d finally be free. No more fear of friendships falling apart, family and friends dying or disappearing, about the future. They’d simply be free.

She finally knew when the moment was on the seventh hangout. They were in their room, actually studying together. Everything was splayed out on the floor, both of them sitting there, joking and laughing and actually enjoying their time together.

She knew it was the moment because Kris was sitting with their back to her bedroom door. She only had to grab the knife from under her bed, make up some excuse to leave the room to get behind Kris, and then it’d be one quick motion.

Casually, as if she had practiced it, she ‘dropped’ her pencil, it rolling behind her and underneath her bed. She had to make sure it happened when they wouldn’t watch her get it, so she tried in the middle of both of them laughing at something stupid.

She had to peek back before grabbing it, just to make sure Kris wasn’t watching. Luckily for her, they were rolling around laughing, for some reason. The joke wasn’t even funny. She didn’t even really get it but still laughed.

Shoving it under her shirt like that was dangerous. One wrong movement and she’d stab herself, easily. She decided not to leave it up to chance and quickly said she had to use the bathroom, before she ‘peed herself laughing’. She didn’t really know if her old self would say that. Maybe the mask was breaking.

She actually did use the bathroom, washing the knife in the sink. She wanted it to be clean for Kris, it was the least she could do. The cut to do she actually juggled in her mind a little. The carotid? Right in their back? But at what angle, what organ to aim for? Maybe they’d instantly go into paralytic shock from it, unable to fight back.

She splashed her face with water and turned the faucet off. She thought about not doing it. Not going through with it at all. It was the first time that had entered her mind since this had started.

She looked at her reflection in the knife blade again.


Kris had their back to her when she entered. They didn’t even glance at her as the door opened and closed. At that moment she decided on the cut she wanted and her grip tightened around the handle.

It felt like time slowed a bit as she walked up behind Kris. It was just them, nothing else. She reached out with her right hand and grabbed their hair, watching as Kris’ body reacted with a sudden small jump.

She pulled their head back as fast as she could, put the knife up to their throat with the tip of it pressing into the right side, and plunged it in as deep and hard as possible, carving the knife across to the left.

She didn’t know if the carotid had been properly cut. Blood did splatter over their homework, her hand, Kris’ shirt, everything nearby really, however.

Kris instinctively gripped their throat, letting out a bloody gurgle, cuing her in that something had been separated. Quickly, she almost fell to ‘catch’ Kris in her arms as they fell forwards.

“I’m so, so sorry, Kris.” Her body was crying but she didn’t feel anything. Only numbness. She turned Kris to face her, to cradle them in her arms as they grasped at their throat trying to stop the blood flowing out.

“It’s okay. It had to happen.” She brushed aside a few strands of hair that had gotten in the way of their eyes. They were staring at her, full of fear. Her body smiled. “You can relax now. I’m right here. I’ll be with you until the end.”

They tried to say something, but they were spasming too much and blood pooled in their mouth, resulting in another gurgle. “Sh-sh-sh-sh, it’s okay, it’s okay… it’ll be over soon.” Kris was fading fast, eyes already half lidded and distant. Something about the blood smear her hand left on their face as she held their head was beautiful to her.

She had managed to get the best of both worlds, the slow and aware death mixed with the quick throat cut. She hadn’t realized just how bloody everything would get, however. It had quickly soaked into everything around them.

She checked on Kris whose hands were slowly releasing the grasp on their throat. She wished it could have lasted a little longer, just like this. Maybe Kris was still aware just enough for a few parting words.

“Everything is going to be okay, Kris. You’re going somewhere better.” She hoped Kris heard that. It seems they were fully gone now. Now it was just a body. A bloody corpse with nothing in it, even if it was Kris’.

She held it for a few more seconds, just to be sure. Then, she slowly put it down, stood up, and stared at it.

Some blood was still leaking out. She wasn’t sure, but they seemed paler than before. Was there really this much blood in people?

Her hands were practically soaked in it. Her shirt, skirt, arms, almost every bit of her it felt like had a spot of Kris’ blood somewhere. A dull thing to note.

Now, for the next part.

The kitchen knife might not be enough for this. Human bone, muscle, flesh, and ligature is a lot to cut through for a knife. Still, if it did break, she could just get another one. Maybe Mom’s katana?

It felt a little bad to take Kris’ shirt off. Funny, she was about to perform a dissection on them, but that’s what made her feel bad. Something about it felt wrong.

The cut was easy enough. It didn’t feel like it should have sliced through so easily. She wondered what she was even looking for inside of Kris, what she even did all of this for.

Cut, pull, tear, examine, repeat. Those horror movies had it all wrong. She felt stupid for being scared of them now, all the extreme gore in them was entirely wrong. None of them were nearly as close to this.

She was curious about the ribs, however. More cutting, more pulling, more tearing. Finally she found part of it and rubbed her finger against it. It was slick almost. She had to feel more.

Multiple innards of Kris were laying all around her. She still wondered why she was doing this, what she was looking for. It felt like after this, life would simply go back to normal. She’d go to sleep and then wake up and Kris would be perfectly fine.

The right side of the rib cage was practically exposed now. She was surprised at how smooth it was, even if that horrible slick feeling was all over it, mostly from the cut away muscle and leftover blood.

Then, she realized what she wanted. But how to get through the rib cage?

No, no she didn’t need to get through it. She could just tunnel from underneath.

Somehow the knife still hadn’t chipped or dulled. She tore out chunks, casually dropping them onto the floor around her, not caring where they landed. Blood had soaked into everything and was practically leaking out of the carpet, her fur, and her clothes. It was surprisingly warm.

She knew where it was, which made getting closer to it all the more terrifying. The rib cage was making it harder to get to it, making her wonder if she could even cut enough away to get it out. She might have to tear it out.

Every cut had to be accurate now, any slight twitch could damage it. How long had she been at this? It felt like hours, trimming away muscle and arteries to clean it up as much as possible. It felt like carving a statue.

Certain cuts were too hard. Anything that required specific angling along the ‘top’ of the chest was a no go. But it might have been enough that she could simply pull it out.

Tossing the knife to the side, she leaned down and pushed her hand in, grabbing onto Kris’ heart as best as possible. Gently, she pulled to test how strong the connected arteries were. There was a nice and firm resistance.

Sighing, she wondered if she might need to use both hands. No, she could do this with one.

The only way she could describe the sounds it made as she pulled was ‘meaty tearing’. Her hand was slick with blood which didn’t help, accidentally losing her grip multiple times. Eventually, something did make a snap sound, then something else.

She almost fell over backwards when it finally came out. This was Kris’ heart. The thing her mother and sister had obsessed over for most of their lives.

It didn’t look anything like the hearts they loved. That much was obvious from any anatomical diagram, but actually seeing it up close didn’t feel real. Maybe if you looked at it a certain way and squinted, it could look like one of them.

There were a few memories of her listening to this as it beat. Now it was completely still. She squeezed it just to see what would happen, surprised when some blood came out.

Now that she had it, she felt a bit complete, but didn’t need it any longer. Slowly, she put it down into the open chest cavity she had carved out, letting it rest there.

She looked at the knife; still sharp, still unchipped. She looked back at Kris’ body. They seemed almost peaceful, despite the mutilation she had committed. Their eyes were closed, lower jaw relaxed but not open. The gutted torso almost didn’t seem to matter, like they would wake up any second now.

Another idea appeared in her head and she quickly grabbed the knife. This one might have been a bit too far, but she had to know.

She started to cut along their right shoulder, slowly circling the knife around and removing all the muscle and ligaments. It couldn’t be this simple, right?

About eighty, ninety percent of the way through she felt like that was enough. Again she tossed the knife, then grabbed Kris’ arm with both hands. She pulled as hard as she could.

The sound might’ve made her vomit if she didn’t feel so completely numb. It was this sickening ripping noise, like if you had ripped a piece of meat in half with your bare hands. She almost giggled when she saw the round ball of the arm socket, it was nearly comical.

But now what?

She looked at the arm she held, noting the weight of it. She looked at Kris’ body and what she had done to it, comparing it to how they looked before this. Slowly, she rested the arm down next to where it had been torn out.

Blood everywhere. She was soaked, small spots of it had dried by now and caused this horrible crackling noise when she turned a certain way. There were chunks of Kris’ insides everywhere. She decided she didn’t want to be in here anymore and walked out of the room.

There was blood wherever she went as well. Bloody footprints, bloody hand prints, bloody trails and smears. She was downstairs now. Now she was sitting on the couch. It was the perfect white color to soak in this red.

She stared forwards at the wall blankly for a while. It was all blending together. She kept asking herself why she had done this, what started this, what she even got out of this, but she couldn’t answer any of it. She didn’t really care to answer any of it. It all felt dull and pointless. She didn’t really care what might happen now.

Eventually, the door opened and closed. She heard her mother’s hooves click across the floor, then suddenly stop.

“Hi Mom.” The entire couch was a mess. She was a mess. She didn’t even want to look at her Mother.

Her Mother eventually asked her what she had done, a voice mixed with motherly authoritarianism and extreme caution. Opening her mouth to start explaining, she instead sighed and got up, trudging her way upstairs. She heard her mother cautiously follow.

She sat on her bed and watched her Mother slowly take in everything. The blood, the body, the knife, the pieces of the body lying around, the arm, the heart where it shouldn’t be, Noelle, everything. Mom was taking it surprisingly well, considering what was on the floor in front of her.

Her Mother simply asked why. “I don’t know.” She really didn’t, but something inside of her felt complete. Mom barely reacted to it, but the small facial twitches and the way her eyes slightly shifted told her everything.

She didn’t bother to move when her Mother left the room, saying she ‘had to make a few calls’. Noelle knew her Mother couldn’t cover this up. Wouldn’t might be the better word, actually. This was too much.

It was peaceful sitting there. She could only wonder at how everyone else would react to the news. Maybe she could sleep before they took her away.


They did a lot of tests on her. Mom wasn’t at any of them. She hadn’t heard anything about Dad.

She still didn’t really feel much of anything. That desire was still a bit there despite all she had done to Kris. One night, she wondered what Susie’s insides would look like, specifically her brain.

Maybe she was simply broken. Something snapped, making her go crazy. Maybe she was always like this and it only revealed itself now, this disturbed part of herself.

She had her own special doctor, who she talked to through a plastic screen. The look on his face when they first talked made it seem like he thought this was some kind of joke. It stopped seeming like a joke after around ten minutes of talking, then he seemed a bit unnerved.

They had cut her antlers off. It wasn’t painful, but having nubs instead felt strange. The medication was strange as well, constantly changing. It never felt like it did anything.

This place wasn’t like the movies at all either. She had her own room, with a normal bed, a chair, cabinets, a closet, there was even a window. They didn’t allow her near other patients however, and it felt like this one rule applied specifically to her. She was also alone whenever it was time to go outside for a little.

More visits from the doctor. More questions. More notes written down she couldn’t read. More new medicines.

The special doctor was really nice at first, and as time went on he became kinder, thinking she could be ‘saved’.

Eventually one day, or maybe after a couple of days of disturbing answers or stories or dream retellings to him, he seemed to flip completely. He became cold, distant, and refused to be alone with her.

One time she heard him telling someone else about how she was the devil. That she had the face, eyes, and voice of an angel but was pure and utter evil, how you could see it in her eyes if you stared long enough. Maybe he was right.

Two months. That was how long it took to get her first visitor. She wondered if her Mom was pulling some strings to get her special privileges, but why would she?

Susie looked like she hadn’t slept for those two months. Noelle couldn’t believe they were talking face to face, anything involving a visitor was always done behind a screen before.

They sat there staring at each other for a while, after their first hellos. Susie kept fidgeting, glancing at spots on the ceiling. Maybe she was trying to figure out where the cameras were.

“You could probably crush my skull faster than they could catch you.” Noelle had thought it before, but only said it now. It was half true; there were a few orderlies nearby and watching everything, ready to pounce if anything went even slightly wrong.

Susie stared at her wide eyed. Her jaw was tight, slowly moving back and forth. Maybe she was considering it?

Finally, she spoke, “Why? Why did you… do that to Kris?” She glanced at one of the orderlies.

Noelle shrugged and said, “I don’t know.” Susie stared at her with that wide eyed look again, then made a motion like she was about to lunge at Noelle, but quickly caught herself and sat back down.

Susie’s hands hadn’t left her jacket pockets the whole time. Her right hand seemed to be playing with something. She was staring at Noelle, trying to understand the whole situation and you could see the gears turning in her head.

She let out a scoff, “You know what? Forget it. You’re not worth it.” She finally stopped playing with whatever was in her right jacket pocket. “I hope you rot, or that one of these other sickos kills you.”

Noelle watched her get up and start walking away, but remembered what she wanted to do to Susie. Maybe now would be the only time she could ever tell her, “I thought about killing you and looking at your brain.”

Susie stopped. Her right hand immediately started fidgeting again, gripping onto something. She was still, her whole body stiff and ready to jump into action, but then it relaxed and her hand let go of whatever it was holding on to.

She didn’t look at or say anything to Noelle as she left.

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Pub: 15 Aug 2025 06:33 UTC

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