if you want the url back contact me somewhere
sorry
it was fun talking to you but im glad i wont be able to hurt you anymore
i never really wanted to say those things and agree with her, i could give reasons but i know you dont want them
just know i really did mean everything i did for our friendship (incase thatd make you feel better) and id willingly sacrifice my comfort for yours if thats what i needed to do. it was my fault i was so overwhelmed because i was the one that didnt have enough self respect to be 100% honest with you. i did really mean everything i said while comforting you, i meant every word written on this page, i meant everytime we played and went on docs and usually i didnt like getting up and having to use a different app on a different device but at least i spent time with you, i meant it when i cared about uts because youre creative, i just dont know why i cant keep friendships
at the end of the day were both struggling and you were very unique and gave me another experience and im grateful. its easy to get things out of me and everything was going horribly already and i needed to get some things out but i didnt want any of these to get leaked for the public and i was meaning to talk it out with you (which i fell asleep before everything happened)
the screenshots of us talking were not meant to get out or be shared either but what do i know i cant trust everyone and that was my fault, i didn't know how they could be used against you and including them was not necessary
i push everyone i have away, i complain a shit ton and even then it doesnt mean i have a huge problem with you, but i know that everyone else sees it differently and as shit talking and i think i just have shitty morals. it doesnt seem like im extremely unwell but thats because i just dont talk about it and sometimes not sharing it can lead to this. i never think my actions have consequences and i see things (like apparently shit talking) way differently than others, as in it's not that bad and not enough to ruin friendships. Even then i said I didn't fully mean the things i said and that was true, my harsh words were because i was overwhelmed, a bit pissed and also a bit impulsive. I'll work on it. you didn't deserve me and that is why I didn't originally want you to get close to me, I didn't want to be responsible for such intense feelings because I don't know how to always be there and it wasn't your fault either
hopefully we'll be on better terms and I don't expect forgiveness but I don't want to hate you and vice versa
stay safe
Daan here again looking over this im glad everything is over with us; don't get me wrong but you were really extremely unhealthy towards me. you can't help being dependent but for my own sake from this day on I won't sacrifice my own well being for your's. Or anyone else's for that matter. No, i didn't copy you. The thing going on with my brain is.. ding ding ding I DO need everybody to like me. I wanted to get into what you like so you know how much i appreciate you, because if im correct, usually people show it back. And you did! Thanks! I am also extremely VERY prone to being jealous and hyperfixating on other's interests so it's not my fault i like old tech. Heck, I don't even like it that much I just wanted to give it a go because i was once a collector but due to money issues I hadn't been able to continue that interest. It was nice to go back to it. The way i type is influenced by whoever im around. I don't intentionally choose to do it, it is what it is because im neurodivergent. Wow!
For the more important matters however, It's not my responsibility to look after you. It never was and I don't know why I thought so. I would've hurt you way more if you stayed any longer. I didn't mean anything I've said to Krystal frankly and I am a honest person. You'd know if i was lying im horribly autistic and a victim of being manipulated many times as well, it's not just you. I still don't recognize those traits and picking up on them myself to do the same to others would be even harder. By the way, don't throw the word emotionally grooming around. I thought that even with your experience you'd know not to but let's be clear: I didn't do jack shit to you. I never intended to ruin our friendship, I didn't look for vulnerable traits in you, I didn't manipulate you or isolate you, you did everything to yourself because you liked me. I didn't like you romantically or obsessively. I saw you as my best friend. Even then i knew that something would go wrong and i infact was fucking stupid to not go to you sooner about this. Some things were wrong on my end, i WAS a little fucking idiot before. But, I can't go to people when i have problems. I am still scared of judgement and confrontation. I break under pressure. It was both of our faults, some of these were just mine and some of these were just your's. It was my bad saying that you dragged me into drama. I did agree. It's more so that you'd complain about people doing exactly what you're doing. That's okay, everyone can be like that. It's not your fault. But some of the things I said were because of paranoia. I trust people easily, however i have doubts in everyone. I think everyone is a liar. When i am pissed and stressed I am even more prone to those delusions. I was fully convinced you were lying about everything we've done in the lengths of our friendship. I thought you hated me and you'd lie about little, unnecessary pieces of information for no reason. And it made me really hesitant to trust you for a bit. Krystal made me feel pressured to shit talk you and even if that doesn't really matter because its not a fucking excuse, it is a reason. I hope you know I never wanted to be like this but I'm writing this because I cannot and will refuse to reach out to you again. I hope you now realize your wrongdoings even further and will be able to improve.
Ps i tried my best to be good for you but I am not fully stable either. My delusions made it harder to believe in you. It wasn't you and you didn't deserve me
I wont call you out either and I am trying to respect your privacy, getting rid of everything shown to the public that wasn't intended to be. I still care about you
i wish you the best