The idea of spending the next hour with Bane is so gross to me. I think I’d spoil how good this day was… considering what happened… and how real that moment felt compared to whatever this…
He never gets tired, but that’s because he doesn’t really do anything throughout the day, except hop between Discord servers and chats. He does the routine of making me think I’m special, that I’m the only person he’s sexting, and it’s fake, yet, it makes me feel something of a tinge all over my body… which usually wears off fifteen minutes later… On Cocoland, whenever a girl’s on chat, he immediately latches on to her.
“What sorta fun???” I write to him. I know what’s coming, and I know that if I go along with it, I’ll experience that bout of shame that follows me for at least three days, but the shame comes down, inevitably, and I debauch myself again, rinse and repeat.
Bane: This sorta fun.. ;)
Attached is this video of a woman with eyeliner that sort of reminds of Cleopatra, against a cool, blurry, blue background.
I click on the video, taking in a deep breath, knowing what’s going to come next. She’s kneeling, and she, like, takes it in, and giving it a swirl with her tongue… along the frenulum, coating the tip… the whole thing, really, with saliva, giving it a sheen that makes it so… mouthwatering. The camera zooms in more and more, and the sounds get louder and louder, and my body gets warmer and warmer. The video, just thirty seconds, but I start it, again, and I focus intensely this time, and I can feel my body, and Bane knows, because he sends me the following.
Bane: Where u go, dirrtty boy??
Gummy: urgh, baneee!! Stop!!@!~
Bane: u make it so difficult to stop with the way u talkk
Gummy: its not my fault ur so hornyy
He stops replying for a second, and I run my arm across my forehead, and I’m noticing the heat of the kitchen this time. I get out of the kitchen, but not before looking left and right, making sure that I am alone. I climb the stairs, and enter my room. I lock the door. I get a notification.
Bane: speak for ur selff
Attached to his message is a video of him clutching himself, waving it around. He does not speak in the video, because words would be redundant. It speaks for itself.
His penis is withered, chaffed, slightly bruised around the glans. I don’t like how it looks, despite it being uncircumcised. The tip is, like, it’s bigger than the shaft, than his length, making it look like some sort of unappealing, mutated mushroom… especially with those little bruises along the glans, the little dots, a result of excessive and furious self-pleasure.
I turn on Snapchat, switching to my alternative account with no friends added. I get this filter with warm, almost pinkish lighting that I have favorite-ed. It makes me look smoother and the filter has these little white dots that look aesthetic. I take off my pants, and try to pose.
I take a POV picture of my knees rocked up, showing my thighs pressed against each other, I make an OK with my left, and I click. It looks good, the orange digital-clock time stamp, the white dots, the line running in between my legs and upper thighs. I take another picture, but it’s zoomed out, a wide-view, and my legs are straightened, and he could see my feet, and I pose them, one looking at the other, slightly bent, and I think it’s hot and shy. I send it to him.
Gummy: omggg bane, im trying to just chill-uhh~
Bane: I want to run my tongue all over ur thighs and legss, u’d like that wouldn’t u??
Gummy: bane, I dont want to say something mean, but ur making it really hard for my tongue not to slip
Bane: I know where I can make it slip
That message catches me offguard, and I find it really funny. An awareness comes over me, like, acutely, and I regret sending him the picture, and I’d delete it, except that he already probably saved it, so it’s no use.
I switch to the selfie camera, holding my phone upside down, taking a picture of my rear, not taking off my boxers. I rock my ass to make it look fatter, more plump.
The picture is nice. The little dots form a sort of constellation all over my dark red boxers, and the smoothness of my skin, my thighs… coupled with the lighting makes for a soothing image. It almost looks like those pictures that some boys sell on the internet… among other things.
Bane: :water_droplets:
Bane: fucck¬ thats hot¬
Gummy: ur making it hard for me to chill
Bane: I want to rim ur boybutt
I get up to make sure that I had locked the door. I put my phone down, and look at myself in the mirror.
I can see the outline of it poking through my underwear, which gives me an idea….
I get my phone, and try to take a picture of myself standing up, slightly angled as to showcase my butt, but also my bulge and legs, and I’m doing this meek pose, slightly bending my knees. My hands are shaking, making it hard to take a precise picture, and the pose I’m doing is uncomfortable, but in the end, I get the picture, and it’s hot, and I decide to save that one in my album, so I don’t have to retake another for the inevitable next guy that’s going to come along… I make sure to put it in this, like, private album I have got, and it has pics of me, some of me naked which I usually keep to myself, and some of me not naked which are the ones I send. They are all faceless images.
Bane hasn’t seen any of my more notable parts… which means I’m still of some mystique to him… I’m not sure how long that’s going to last… with all these clips he’s sending… and how forward he is… and how much I want him to respond to my normal messages…
I send him the picture, and he’s typing something, but I’m scrolling up the chat, above his vids, above his photos, above his clips, and I see my messages, which are usually followed with some clip of what he wants to do with me, some of them featuring girls with men, and some of them featuring men with boys. A heavy feeling runs down my body, which subdues me. To numb it, I get back to his chat.
Gummy: banee-uh,,, r u close???
Bane: Not yet…
I’m lounging around on Cocoland, whilst drinking this hot chocolate I just made. I’m in this VC, and Coco is talking with this Turkish guy, JAIRO, who’s, like, 15. JAIRO is complaining to her about his dad, about Discord being banned in Turkey, and he’s speaking with this gay ass voice, walking around the house in this tiger robe, right? His hair is dyed orange, and he’s a walking stereotype of the modern Gay Gen-Z boy.
“Uh, Jairo, what’s this robe you are wearing?” I ask him.
“It’s not a robe, you poor, it’s a cardigan! Get your facts checked, you Calvin-Klein wearing poor.” Car-dee-jannn-uh, he says.
“A Car-dee-jannn-uh?”
“Hey, don’t you dare make fun of me, you Egyptian faggot. You are so gay, like, yuckkk.”
“Hey, I’m not gay! You are the who’s gay! You are the one walking around in freaking tiger robes, flaunting your belly button, and complaining about your dad.”
“You are still poor, and I just purchased this 600 dollar GUCCI bag. Get fucked, faggot. You are poor-uh.”
“Jairo, you are, like, the moodiest moody ever, dude. Just chiil! GUMMY IS CUTE! What did he ever do to you?” coco interjects, and she’s wearing this wired earphones, and she’s cute, like, actually, except when she’s in chat. There’s, like, this pinned video of her that you first see when you join the server, and she has her fingers in her pants, right? It’s nothing explicit, it’s just her sticking her fingers outside of the pants’ fly, making it look like she has a dong, and everyone keeps posting it that video whenever a new member joins, asking if coco is a real girl. She has this whole channel dedicated to her, to things she’s said, to videos, pictures. Nothing explicit though, which is what everyone is lusting after…
“COCO, pookie… You are, like, my bestie, but come on, he’s just so annoying, you just want to abuse him. He’d like it, he’s, like, a gayyyy. EWWWW.” He says, jumping around in a comfortable looking wide pair of gray pants, which look feminine.
“Weren’t you talking the other day about this ancient dude you sent pity nudes to?” I said.
“THAT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED-UH. STOP-UH. YOU ARE MAKING BULLSHIT UP!!! I’LL GET YOU BANNED.”
“Okay, man. Fine, I lied! SORRY. Let’s just chill.” I didn’t lie, it actually happened. He was telling us about this ancient dude that he was messaging a few months back, and he felt really sorry for him, he wasn’t really attracted to him, but at the same time, he just, like, sent him nudes and stuff, and egged him on for some reason. He felt pity for him, that was his excuse and that he “didn’t want to make him sad-uh.” He got a 50 dollar Amazon gift card out of it, though.
“I’m not even gonna waste any more of my sparkly breath on your stinky fag ass. I want to eat some yogurt.”
He gets out of the room, still wearing his cardigan, and he’s living with his father and stepmother, and his birth mother is this Russian that he gets to see, like, never, and he hates his stepmother, but he never seems to say why, he just hates her.
“He’s so MEAN to me…”
“Lmao, he’s not being serious!! He’s just having a bad day, he got into another argument with his dad, and he’s upset about Discord getting banned or something.”
“He’s, like, BIPOLAR. He’s INSANE! I can’t believe he doesn’t do self-harm, that’s, like, the only thing he’s missing. AND HE DARES CALL ME A FAG, WHEN HE SOUNDS LIKE THAT AND LOOKS LIKE THAT.”
“It’s not like you are innocent either, lmao. Bane?”
“Me and Bane are just bros chilling no HOMO” I say, feigning innocence.
“Right. Right.”
“AND BESIDES, Jairo, has, like, the tiniest waist ever, it’s, like, so narrow. He has a better waist than 99 percent of the girls in my class. It’s, like, he was made to be this way.” I say.
“For real, for real,” she says.
“Why do you talk with Bane, anyways? He’s gross,” She asks, perplexed.
“He’s funny, I guess,” I say, not really believing what I’m saying.
“You could have e-sex with, like, much better people.”
I like coco. She’s a nice person. I find it hard to believe that she’s Lebanese, but I don’t have an idea of what a Lebanese is person is like. Someone once told me that they are, like, the French of the Arabs. Coco speaks perfect English, like, really, and she has this American accent, and she attributes those features to her being chronically online… Same with me, really…
“WHERE’S THE FUCKING YOGURT?” A voice screams out. It’s Jairo. He enters the room, all pissy, and the lighting of it makes him look more orange than he already is, and I consider calling him orange man, like they call Trump, that would get him really pissed.
“What’s wrong, orange man?”
“What the FUCK did you just call me?”
“Nothing, lmao. What’s wrong?” I ask him.
“My step-BITCH took the yogurt, and I told her NOT TO, but she still TOOK IT. Why can’t dad divorce her already?”
He’s, like, angry as hell, and coco is quiet and so am I. Jairo turns off his cam, but is still in the VC.
“Why did, like, Discord get banned in Turkey?” I ask him.
“It got banned, because some guy met two girls off of Discord, and he, like, killed them, and had it posted on servers and stuff.”
“What? Are you for real?”
“Yeah, man. Some incel guy just, like, killed two girls, and then killed himself. They were all, like, less than 20 in age or something. Dude was insane, he had all of these mental issues, and he was working in a butchery.”
“But how is this, like, related to Discord, though?”
“Some incel dudes in some incel fag server egged him on. It’s not just him, either. The government looked into it, and shit. They discovered a bunch more shit about groups getting minors to be naked and livestream themselves, some even livestreamed murderst. I have to use a fucking VPN now because of these fags,” He pauses for a moment, takes a sip of water from this Hello Kitty mug… and then says “CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT, LIKE, SOME PEOPLE GOT THESE KIDS TO COMMIT THESE ACTS, BECAUSE THE KIDS DIDN’T WANT TO GET EXPOSED AS THESE MASSIVE SLUTS TO THEIR PARENTS?” He takes another breath, then says “Like these fucking edgelords doxxed these kids and threatened to come and kill them in their house, if they didn’t obey? Imagine for falling for that. Imagine being so low-IQ that some 30 year old lard ass no-lifer who doesn’t see his dick when he pisses tricks your ass like that. You deserve it, THEN.”
“Very enlightening takes, Jairo, very enlightening,” coco says.