Musings

It was not the first time Xiu Yi wandered under the weather, as it is not the first time did so alone, desolate on this earth once again, fated to roam it…

Even with the best of bravados, inside of her heart, she knows this isolation won’t ever end, as no one will ever believe in her. People’s mind-bending and willingly changing their perspectives to ignore reality before their eyes.

It is her own heart claiming against injustice and spilling wails and cries over terrifying loneliness, but Xiu Yi cannot deny some of its statements to be true. People won’t ever accept her and this is a fact.

A kinslayer and a roaming monster who has a specific set of ideals that collide against what the immortals hold dear and true. A woman who judges reality based on experience and not as an absolute of good and evil.

There is hope for change in almost everyone, evil or good, as absolute evil is rare and true good is nowhere to be found. This leaves a bad taste in her mouth. The so-called heroes of justice and enforcers of the Will of Heaven roam the lands like her, yet they do nothing.

To end the strong’s injustice against the weak or do what she did, swift judgment towards the wicked so at least the innocent can live a few decades at peace without a clan loaming over their head and treating them as resources.

She would do it more… she did it more, helping on what she could, but what can a single clanless woman do alone? To change this world? Xiu Yi did her best, but once again it wasn’t enough.

The thought of murderous who can only see black and white running, grinning, and speaking about justice they know nothing about and being regarded with better care and reception than she ever will is… infuriating.

Xiu Yi takes a deep breath, a small sadness in it. She lived long enough to know about how life thrashes and turns around against her control or understanding, and to rely on those emotions of unfairness about how the world treats her is futile.

She knows this, ever since Xiu’s death. There is no rhyme or flow to those who want to live in peace and outside of war’s scope, meanwhile, wicked killers, worse than her, get to be adored by the Heavens and protect at every twist and turn, judgment to never befall on them.

Heavenly Pact sleeping soundly on her back, like a child. Its soft breath snaps her out of this mood, the saddest of smiles crossing her face. Although a sword, it is no different from a newborn incapable of growth.

Forever stuck as a weapon and without anyone but her in this life, a slight under the sights of Heaven because of what it is.

The biggest proof is that heaven’s will is wrong, or the entire thing is corrupt in the first place. Who would consider it as evil, when all it can do is exist? ‘This world is unfair. Deal with it. If I wanted fairness, I would’ve killed myself and hope that Fox achieves her dream by the time I reincarnate.’

It is no use to dwell on these things while the world is spinning, carrying her transient live and the weight of eternity. Xiu Yi continues to walk, the melancholy in herself strong and persistent like a child who refuses to drop her dress.

A melancholy that will always be there, a proof of her failings and powerlessness. A proof that the Heavens, are wrong.

(...)

She doesn’t know how much time she walked, just that the rain at one time stopped, and after long the sun started to shine over the land again. The warm sun caresses the blades of grass as the land starts to dry and solidify after a flooding rain.

Xiu Yi closes her umbrella, her pace halted for several minutes to stare at the gentle sun up in the skies, she silently basks in its heat. The heat she shared with it all of her life, this heat that is both a curse and her biggest strength.

A sun for desolate earth that cannot show love, shining and basking others in warmth, but solitary in the skies, away from everyone. A sun that will come up and down no matter what happens, like her life.

Dragged across the mud but will always came up out on top no matter how much she wished for otherwise. ‘We can always count that the sun will come up in the morning. I can always trust myself to survive.’

But there will never be someone for her. She closes her eyes and returns to walk. A silent melody of melancholy and sorrow humming from her mouth. Eyes not in the now but in a distant mountain, one amongst thousands that may not exist anymore.

One that she wished to be on, live away from this life, life away from this world with Xiu.

“As the wind flows down the mountain
I can’t hope but realize, after all this time
I have been blind, I couldn’t keep you close
By my hands, I chose this fate
This burden of mine will never light
This I’m sure

I swore to abdicate my old life’s way
but my promise to you
turned out as lies
I won’t ever be
Able to forget myself.

These memories I swore to hold on tight
Yet those hands cannot seize
The regret and guilt
The agony swelling within me
Our little life built with love
Wasn’t meant to be, those pathways forgotten

I sure hate myself for being this way
I hope within your pure soul, may you one day forgive
And forget, this failure of a mother…”

Xiu Yiu moves forward, humming and singing, alternating it based on her heart’s tune. The sadness within swelled as at the farthest edge of her vision lies a village, one amongst many forgotten by this land.

A small hope for better tidings, a small hope to be able to be there for a little time, and interact with someone easily and without worrying about dozens of cultivators dropping on her head or fighting.

Maybe this village can be proven peaceful enough to hide her for a few weeks or years until she has to go away…

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Pub: 05 Nov 2023 22:39 UTC
Views: 200