hi hello:heart: my name is cristiano and this is where i'll be talking about why i sdx and how to know if you should consider doing more research!

BEWARE that i have been doing research for over 2 years on all of these disorders. i do NOT promote openly saying you have a disorder if you ARE NOT MEDICALLY RECOGNIZED or DIAGNOSED. i openly say i selfdiagnose because lots of people have stopped interacting with me because i didn't tell them that i wasn't neurotypical and they weren't aware of my behavior around my favorite people.

medically diagnosed people have told me that my suspicions are valid and that they do see themselves in me—that doesn't mean i have that specific disorder. all i know is that i am definitely not neurotypical.


why do you selfdiagnose?

well, friend, i have a lack of resources. not only is therapy and psychological help extremely expensive in my country, my parents are extreme conservatives that believe in MAGA and that donald trump is america's saviour despite us not even being american. my little and older brother are diagnosed with many things and yet my parents don't really take it seriously. they think i'm the normal one; but it's only because i mask around them. at school i'm a completely different person because i'm surrounded by other neurodivergent people. i stim lots at school and i let myself be free, because i know that if i do that with my parents, they'll shun me.


BPD

what is borderline personality disorder? based on my research; it is a mental health condition that affects how you percieve and feel about other people and yourself. it is a pattern of unstable emotional patterns that can develop into self-destructive behavior. this pattern can include but is not exclusive to impulsiveness, emotional instability, bad self-esteem, glorification of other people, etc.

people with BPD tend to have a fear of rejection or abandonment. even when someone with BPD desires a relationship that lasts long, these fears lead to instability and extreme mood swings. it also leads to things like self-harm and thoughts of suicide when upset or in a depressive state.

the main issues with BPD are self-image and relationship or trust issues.

i see myself in most, if not all of these. i've had self esteem issues my whole life. i only recently had my first relationship a year ago and i was extremely unstable; i began getting nausea which led to my eating disorder, i was harming myself, i cried almost daily and my emotional state was a mess. i was drawing things like a schizophrenic and i would tremble just thinking of my boyfriend with someone else... all of this at age 12.

it started before that, though. ever since 5th grade i've had extremely violent outbursts which usually lead to me harming myself or other people, either emotionally or physically. i've had thoughts of actual murder, not just in the "edgy way". actual murder. i've almost brought a knife to school, and i've actually plotted to kill people i hold deep hatred for.

whenever i have a crush, i get either really manic around them and as soon as they speak to someone else i get jealous. i get terrible emotionally, i bedrot and just sob all day. from TALKING. i'm not very stable and i really do wish i could get help for this. i wouldn't wish this shit on anyone and i have no reason to fake this if it's done so much harm to my mental state. this crush is the same person i wanted to kill with the knife i had been planning to bring for MONTHS. i would go out early in the morning (think 2-4 AM) and just stare. stare at the knives. it was horrible

i always get like that when it comes to love or even close friends. i do not think i have direct BPD as that's impossible for my age, rather EBPD, or emerging borderline personality disorder. i haven't opened up to my parents about any of this.


Autism

what is the autism spectrum?
from the cleveland clinic; Autism is a difference in how your child’s brain works that shapes how they interact with the world around them. We don’t know exactly why some people are autistic and others aren’t. Autistic people are neurodivergent. This word describes people whose brains are different from what’s expected. If your child is neurodivergent, they may excel more in certain areas and need more support in others compared to their neurotypical peers. Autism is a spectrum. Autistic kids and adults have a wide range of personality traits, strengths and challenges. This means there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to support. Providers tailor support to your child’s unique needs and preferences.

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is the full medical name for autism. The DSM-5-TR defines ASD as a difference in brain functioning that affects how you communicate and interact with others. For example, you may use eye contact or body language differently than someone who’s neurotypical.

This brain difference also affects various aspects of your behavior, interests or activities. For example, you may repeat movements or sounds (a behavior known as “stimming”) to regulate your emotions. You may prefer a fixed routine over change.

didn't feel like typing all of it out because my fingers hurt already, but you get the gist! lots of people that have met me and gotten close have asked me... "are you autistic?"

i'm very open about loving my interests and i get really fixated on them. my spinterest, special interest, the one thing i really love, is football. the sport is so beautiful to me. obviously i have players i like more than most; ie cristiano ronaldo and luis suarez. i have been extremely hyperfixated on football since mid 2021. ronaldo's 2nd spell at manchester united ignited SOMETHING in my brain. i'd never had an interest like this before, they never lasted this long, so this is truly special to me. i spend day and night looking at pictures, reading articles, writing stories... i just hold a lot of love for the sport!

these are the patterns of an autistic person. not to mentioned that i have my own stims (ie, repeating things that cristiano or luis have said, or i jump around when i like the way how a song sounds, i throw myself against walls when overwhelmed with excitement or frustration, i shake my hands when disgusted, many more).

autism is a spectrum, so you can think that i'm "not autistic enough". that's fine, i don't give a fuck what some rando on the internet thinks of my way of coping. i am a high functioning neurodivergent person with the stereotype of getting good grades always. call me privileged all you want

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Pub: 18 Oct 2025 15:09 UTC

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