meta noir - a /kdg/ semi shitposty noir story.
for the best reading experience, listen to some smooth noir jazz.
Today's episode of detective Metaknight is brought to you by: Whispy's cigarettes: it tastes good like a cigarette should!
Tonight's episode: "sunny side down."
[meta knights office - interior]
The grizzled, yet tired detective enters his detective agency, late at night once again, he set's his stylish fedora on his desk and pours himself a drink into a glass he had inside the drawer.
Another night in this broken city.
But to me, it was just another Tuesday.
sigh
The detective peers outside his window at the city below illuminated by street lights and the occasional car, seemingly lost in thought.
This town was more crooked then a back alley game of tilt and roll run by Marx.
And I'm the guy who has to get the ball out of the pit...
He then sits down in his chair looking at some old news paper clippings hung onto the wall.
My only solace in this late hour is a stiff drink and memories turned bitter like a coffee with all the sugar replaced with salt.
Suddenly, a knock at the door.
"we're closed."
The detective shouts, rather annoyed at being disturbed at such a late hour.
...
But the door opens anyway, as he forgot to lock it before settling into his office, a mysterious women enters.
"Is that any way to talk to a lady in need?"
The women questioned, the detective gazed up and down at her.
I had recognized her from the news, the daughter of that corporate magnate, Haltmann the CEO of the HWC who was recently found dead.
I knew all too well a pretty girl like that is nothing but trouble...in this line of work you learn the hard way that a pair of legs (or lack there of) leads down a path of misery and a shattered heart.
"...What is it you want?"
The detective questioned in a tired stupor.
"Well, I believe my father's been murdered."
The women explains in a somewhat deadpan matter of fact way.
"then why don't you go to the cops instead of bothering me?"
He takes a swig of his drink.
I knew all too well how cut throat the world of business and money was, that man could buy out the entire rainbow islands with his pocket change without so much as flinching, you don't get that rich without making enemies, I imagine his daughter, Susie is cut from the same stuff as he was, the gem apple doesn't fall far from the tree or so the saying goes.
"Those idiots couldn't catch a cold in winter, besides they wouldn't listen to me and I was always told if I was EVER in need I could come to you."
Susie sat on the desk and batted her eyelids.
She spoke in a sultry tone that'd make any lesser man act like an awoofy on adoption day, but years of seeing the worst steels you for that kind of allure.
"...and you couldn't wait until morning?"
The detective groaned, looking rather annoyed not that you could tell due to his mask.
"I...I was in a panic and I knew you'd be here to hear me out and here we are."
Susie sputtered looking slightly flustered at the detectives apathetic response.
"Right, do you have any proof of that or are you just here to flirt to waste my time?"
Susie chuckles.
"Why not both?"
Susie produces a folder of photo's and letters, the detective flips through the pages looking through the contents.
Figured I might as well give it a glace over, Susie was right about one thing, it was more fishy then a blipper sushi bar.
"Hmm, fine I'll look into it, but I make no promises anything will come of this."
The detective closes the folder and puts it inside his desk.
"Glad I could pique your interest, detective I knew you'd come through for little ol' me"
Susie teases putting on a southern belle impression.
"Yeah, yeah, alright just stay out of trouble in the meantime, my job is hard enough as it is."
The detective finishes his drink, Susie stands and walks to the door frame of the detective agency.
"Oh don't worry, I wouldn't cause trouble...well not for you anyway, you are my knight in shining armor after all."
I had a feeling she was going to be NOTHING BUT trouble...
The detective ushers Susie out of his office.
"good night, miss Haltmann."
Susie leaves without protest, with a simple bow to the detective, he closes and locks the door, he goes back to his desk and grabs his fedora.
Sigh
Why do I always get myself roped into cases? my sense of duty from those old days just can't leave well enough alone I suppose...
The detective stares at the old news paper clippings adorned on the wall, noting his past successes and failures.
memories like that are just like my coffee, bittersweet though each day there seems to be less sugar cubes as the days go by, nothing but a faded dream turned into a waking nightmare.
The detective switches off the light and heads out of his office, fading the scene to black...
[commercial break]
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And now, back to your regularly scheduled program...
[metaknights car - interior]