Mwa mwa mwa! kisses on his skull YEY
HELLO!!!! not sure wot 2 put here!!!!!
30 seconds of effort? YOU BETCHA!!!!!
people say that it's just dumb to talk about the fact you used to be a bully. why "brag" about that part of your life? why admit such a horrible thing? while it in a way does shock, hurt, or disappoint the audience you confess it to, i think it's also a good thing to come clean. and definitely, in a way, rather heartwarming to see how people have changed and grown from their wrongs.
i used to be a bully
maybe not a bully. on paper, i was not a bully. on paper i was also 10 years old. so what? i was smart for my age (boy has that declined now!) i partially was well aware of what i was doing.
i wasn't the worst. i'm me!!! you know me! you know me, don't you?! of course i did favours for strangers and friends, generosity is in my nature and i don't think it can be removed!!!!! one of my many trademarks! i sure do hope. but my arrogance, my rage without reason, criticism to fill the void i didn't know i had -- a reflection of what happened at home, inside -- that was removed! thank the freaking lords!!!!
but yeah, that was me.
how did i struggle to think hyper positively of others the way i do now? it's all i can do!!!! how did i not.. unlock that way of looking at the world???
i think i was just upside down on my head as a child. even my voice was deep!!!! see, see! everything flipped around as soon as i hit puberty! crazy weird, right!?!!
i was jealous. of everything and nothing!!!!!!!! i would pick fights with the people i LOVED most of all. my best friend, who i shared my world with, i'd tear her apart for the sake of "she can't do anything about it". i was so bossy! so entitled!!!! i had the sharpest tongue.
i would just pick at anything she did. she was the sweetest soul, but i found ways to complain for hours and hours. i was so cruel, and i was good at it. i could make valid points, turn it all around, undeservedly win the fights i started. i'm ashamed of how far my anger got me.
when i found myself a few years later, i was bullied and judged unbelievably hard. i'm hecka glad. i can't stress enough how much i deserved it. karma has their bright moments!
why'd it feel more rewarding than lamenting to push people to tears in that idiot rock hard mind of mine?
i know i had a big heart then, but like always i guess i just felt too much of in a rush to read the instructions of how to use it
i still feel like i'm in a rush all the time but i've memorised the instructions. could even improve them now!!!!
do i really want to blame this on "my dad was verbally abusive to my mother and i" "he has anger issues and he's rude, i guess i take after him" "he's a scorpio!!!"
maybe
i only realised it late last year anywayz. the fights, the vocabulary i was exposed to that tore through my skin, .. was i immitating it?
no!!!!!!!!!!
i was an asshole. sorry for swearing. but thats just it! i was a fat asshole. ungrateful and always tearing down people who were dearest to me. what an unwise way to show love!!!
i have SO changed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am so full of love now! i can't stop saying kind things to my friends! i can't stop thinking of them! my whole soul tingles at the thought of them being happy! people are incredibe! i look at them so endearingly that it hurts!!!! in the best way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love you all so much. thank you for watching me change for the best. for making me realise i was born to appreciate.