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me ⠀⠀⠀&⠀⠀⠀list
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list is the pierrot to my harlequin
or better said, the pierrot admirer to my harlequin admirer
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per's an angel who remains sweet and apologizes for the smallest things
as freaked out as someone may be, they are free to be themselves around me and i, too, can match such energy without being judged
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they are background noise that fills the awkward silence i always worried about
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they're the reason i haven't attempted suicide or cut more than i already have these last few days
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seeing the online status below their name made me mindlessly smile
talking to them was easy, i didn't need to pretend to be happy even if i was still hurting and knew it in the back of my mind
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and that one day we spent laughing our asses off playing games? it remains an indescribable, special memory
they were there to distract me from everything negative i couldve been thinking about that very day, sitting with me on call even when i got quiet, taking care of issues
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the reason i came back and still continued to laugh without forcing myself to do so
was really only list's doing
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funnily enough, they were my anchor of happiness for a row of days without trying or knowing i wasn't okay
and they continue to act upon that role even now, as if it comes naturally to be so sweet
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18/05/2026, 16:10
im so very grateful for everything, ive been lost trying to hang onto every kind of thing that gave me comfort and calmed me down as ive reached another low in my life
list didnt even know and yet they were and are still here, even if our conversations arent usually long, just the company is really enough for me
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appreciate your friends
always