꒰৯ rui's diary


sunday hai! my name is rui and this is my diary. trigger warning ill be talking about any and everything. somethings might be vulgar & explicit, proceed with caution.


1/25/2025
12:48 am
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ uhhhmm idk hey this is my first log since the revamp, also this probably won't be updated a lot cuz i didn't update it constantly before the revamp so..

12:56 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i keep a lot of my thoughts to myself im not used to sharing what i think to people its kinda scary what if i say something too bad personish of me and they hate me byt yhm anyway idk OH!! the head ela teacher gave me my mock exam scores and she said i got nine multiple choice wrong out of forty and she didn't grade the short responses yet, i tried to tell this one friend bht she didn't care. i love boasting about my grades it's what makes me superior to those around me. ALSO this stupid ugly helling sub put on jeopardy for us in class then i said pleads put my name as the team name and he put my friends and said it was to be petty then we restarted the jeopardy and he put my name and said "it's only another time you'll be second to friend name" idk who he thought he was i know my worth and his words are empty, he's the fifty something year old, he's old in an unhappy marriage with two dead parents anyway~

1:04 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ sometimes i genuinely hate everyone especially my friends i don't even know i just have minor episodes sometimes

1:10 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ MY BEAUTIFUL 3.8
ok i just had to show my gpa sorry

1:14 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ im gonna put my poems here cuz im too scated to show them to my friends :<

8:33 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i woke up at 8:01

8:36 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ it's sad
i don't have your fingers on me
the blood pooling from my throat
will give me warmth tonight

11:22 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i have intrusive thoughts about cutting around my stomach and thighs, i was originally gonna say 'an urge' but like ive never picked up a knife and tried to do it i just have constant thoughts about doing it

11:27 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i remember being severely obsessed and in love with this one guy and i asked my friend if we would be good tigether and she said no becayse it's hard to understand me?? i dint get that. i say what i mean and i mean what i say nothing is difficult to understand

5:56 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i took two consecutive naps and i woke uo at 4:47pm , anyway i wanted to start talking about my new imaginary character, idk his name but he uses guns to shoot himself in the chest, the bullet flies through his back and the blood splattering forms an angel wing. he's an unascended angel so all his angelic powers are in the limitation of human form, meaning his wings must be blood, and what he creates has to be made from his blood, flesh, or bone marrow. any bodily fluid or solid. i want to ask my friends to give me a mythical creature or power so i can make a character for them and we can all beat villans up in my head when im bored during ela but none if them like being creative and will say "idk" and ignore me.

7:55 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i shouldn't have to miss my bestfriend unless they're dead

11:17 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ my favorite food is apple turnovers

11:18 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ WHY is the sunday image gone.

11:20 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ ok i fixed it

11:38 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ bye i was looking at when i was making a madkka magica au for me & my friends and my wish was for time to stay the same and my power was reanimating my corpse and my new oc harms himself to activate his power what's my obsession with self harm

1/26/2025
12:01 am
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ goodmorning

2:25 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ im gonna put teeth inside of the sex robots scientists are making so when men put their genitals in half of it doesn't come back out

3:07 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i dont wanna go to school tomorrow :/

12:37 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i found my friends powers from the madoka au so i just need to find a creature that fits their power aince im an unascended angel

1:37 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i want my friends to see thi page coz i showed it to them but im pretty sure none of them check it and they all been forgot about it. i want the attention but i don't wanna ask for it so it's just gonna be me and you strangers yea

2:32 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ yay i got my friends to pikc a symbol to represent each other, im gonna use those symbols in place of thejr names, so anyway i used 𐙚's wish and found a creature for it, "hesperides" im gonna do the others lateeeerr

2:44 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ in fifth grade i convinced this kid the bones on his back were his wings getting ready to sprout

7:23 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ oh my god people are so tiring im gonna isolate myself LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE

7:31 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ ok i finished /boybastard ugh i want to vent ok i don't want to go to school tommoriw ill just kill myself and i don't wanna go and talk to people tommorow either LEAVE ME ALONNEENENNENENN it's gonna he so annoying the ONLY good thing happening tommorow is mafuyu's birthday. funfact one time i was seriously very close to taking a bath and trying to drown myself (i probably wouldn't have gone through with it but it would've been an attempt) but i got a mafuyu card in pjsk and i was so happy i put that plan on hold, i heart mafuyu <3 the quarter ends tommorow so i just hope nothing happens to ruin my 3.8 if it does DEATH WILL BE BROUGHT TO ALL. man i daydream of me crying in the bathroom and a boy in my grade comes up and comofrts me but that's gonna stay a dream cuz i first off would not let myself cry in front of people and none of them would comfort me maybe ask if im ok and leave idk.. one time i did cry in math class but like it was a silent cry i just let the tears come out but i wasn't sniffling loud or anything i was sniffling just not loud, and literally no one noticed. no one even looked. that was rhe first and last time i ever let myself cry in front of people, i only let mysekf cry that time because i was so desperate to hear "are you okay" a sound of genuine care

7:58 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ at first i liked giving my attention to others it was ok but like now jts just. i still enjoy spending time with ♡ and other friends but in the back of my head all i just want is to go home to my bed and lay there.. i just want a boyfriend. i want someone who'll mainly be the talker but i also want to be able to talk too. i just want the attention. are there any dl's in the area pls come to me OHHB MY GOD IM JUST GONNA DIE

8:02 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i know ❀ is my friend but she makes me so mad. like the thought of her just makes me mad and spending time with her is usually as annoying as the thought of her. but she hasn't been annoyingme that much but i just hope she doesn't talk to me if im in this mood yommorow iwiukd probably get angry man i just don't know this is probably one of my episodes

8:13 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ if i dont get /####### & /############ & /######### im gonna KILL MYSELF

8:24 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ death is salvation
the hands that grant that death are god
be your own savior

1/27/2025
12:03 am
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ I would like to start off by saying, Happy Birthday and Thank You. You provided me with genuine joy for months, and you continue to everytime i look at you. The existence of your character brought warmth and comfort to me, and I love how much I can relate to you. You bring me a sense of closure. You were constantly on my mind for months, and even know a day doesn't go by without me thinking of you. I was seriously debating killing Myself, granted, I probably wouldn't have gone through with it but i would've tried. But when I saw you on my screen after doing the pull, especially since it was one of my favorite cards of you, I didn't even try. I was happy for days when You came home. Everything about you is brilliant to me, Your purple, Your emptiness, even Your newfound happiness. We are both intelligent and praised by our peers, and I can even relate to the tragedy in Your character. Seeing You as a reflection of me brings me ecstasy, and seeing you as Mafuyu Asahina is even jubilation. You are You and I couldn't be more thankful. Happy Birthday Mafuyu Asahina!

2:09 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ got out the tub at 2:08 been in there since eleven something

2:10 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ theres glitter on my face, i think its from those dissovable bath pearls i took i aint complaining though i love glitter

2:17 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i lovetouching myself after getting out the bath, like not sexually just feeling my skin

7:16 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ about to go to school.. tomatoes tomatoes

9:05 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ in history kms

11:43 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i wish death to all

6:29 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ happy birthday mafuyu

1/28/2025
7:08 am
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i fell asleep at seven yesterday and now we have a test

7:16 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ woop sorry guys for no updates uhhhm today was good im ms a's bestfriend now

7:20 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i always considered myself an open book but seeing all the stuff i write in here maybe not.. i think i maybe was an open book but i never liked begging for someone to hear it. also i was only an open book to CLOSE friends so only really four people so i guess im not really an open book

7:35 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ hi guys yhm

1/29/2025
6:29 am
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ hai guys im gonna try to chat in here more often i just don't like doing it during school cuz... it's school and plus ill get in trouble fir being off task on my chromebook & i don't want people to see this page BUT i will try

7:29 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i had a dream that my old discord account was typing stuff i had typed on it previously and i asked the disord devs about it and it was because my account was going yo be deleted in amonth i think then ♡ pulled up a screenshot of me texting gil on discord and said "os this gonna be retyped too" and i started panicking because then he would think im a crazy psycho maniac 😆😆😆😆 but it qas just a dream.
gil = guy i liked

7:36 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ ✎ is gonna say hi
✎ . . . ꒰ hi
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ omg 𐙚 just walked in im gonna make her say hi to when i catch up to her

7:41 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ nvm i never caught up to her FUCK 𐙚

12:25 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ ok we´re in advisory so here´s a quick overview of notible things that happened today, ❀ got on my fucking nerves cuz I was taking up two seats, one was for me to sit in before the test starts and the second was for when the test starts, because I wanted to stay in the closet row but if I stayed in the first seat I wouldve gotten moved because its too close to my friend. then she snaps at me talm about pick a seat???? like ok fuck you go somewhere and my friend doesnt even like her like leave me and ✎ alone fatass. speaking of, today I was whispering to ✎ and then ❀ walks by us slowly.. ¨silly old rui, it could just be a coincidence.¨ IT ISNT she does this EVERYTIME. i start whispering to ✎ and then ❀´s fatass looks at us, then walks by slowly.. LEAVE!!!! ME!!!!! ALONE!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! omg i played basketball today it was funny because the boys werent so aggresive but i still sucked anyway. oh shit ❀ IS COMING nevermind she left..

12:46 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ Spoiler SHES NExT TO ME

12:51 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ kamishirokun - neospring if i had to name ivan anything other than ivan i would name him kamishiro he is so cute,, im kamishiro-kun btw Spoiler shes gone momentarily

1:05 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ its a half day every wednesday so we´re leaving in ten minutes ill update when i have my phone, ive been typing on chromebook since 12:25´s log

1:24 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ ♡ is here gonna make her say hi
♡ . . . ꒰ DC you bitc FUK YOU Bic Ji j. at type on his spide stood phk UK I CANT RYPE ON I PHOE
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ whatecer that was

4:15 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i had something to say but i forgot, also my pot just broke but beside that I JUST REMEBERED WHAT I WAS GONna say ok, you guys remember gil? well he might not be Guy I Liked anymore he might be Guy I Like idk if i like him i just get really nervous when he looks at me IDK IDK IDK!!! and he's been staring at me so much more lately like right after i THOUGHT i came to terms with not liking him anymore. its not like it means anything he's not gay anyway 🤧

6:49 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i looked at ths tiktkk video that described what "splittinf" was and i think it's pretty accurate to what i go through sometimes

7:38 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i decided— ok wait my mom's friend is being annoying wait

7:43 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ ok interaction ended at 7:41 i was just telling my friends about it too, but anyway i decided that ♡ will be flower oriented since her power is time control, so based off whether she wants to go forward or back in the time the flower will bloom or unbloom idk the word for 'unbloom' but you know what i mean

7:46 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ my relationship with gil is. really complicated. im gonna explain it right here LOOOOOOOLLL ok so our first eve interaction was at basketball practice during summer (no im not a basketball boy im a little sissywho was forced into it) we were doing some weird sideways jog and he caught up to me and said "are you really doing this?" and i said "only when he (the coach) is looking" and he agreed i forgot his exact words. at this time i didn't like him as a crush my feelings on him were neutral. shit i just forgot everything else illcontinue this later

7:52 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ me and ✎ barely hung out today cuz we had another mock exam and after it finished her stomach was gurting so she didn't come down to the gym with me

7:57 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ ok read 7:46's log if you havent ok anywat our next interaction was also during the summer at a block party. my block party. he was talking to farris wheel and i walked over to farris wheel and was like "why are you here?" then gil asked it back to me and farris wheel said "he lives here" (farris wheel is my neighbor btw)

8:23 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ uhh continuation of 7:57's log,, then we got in aixth grade and actually gkt into school and idk if i started liking him before or after thjs evrnt i think it was before..like me and ✎ were playing and i fell actually let me tell it from the beginning ok it was dismissal for bus kids and i walked out the classroom and gil was running in the halls and stepped on my shoe and said "my bad!" and then kept chasing whoeve then while bus kids were waiting in line to be dismissed me and ✎ were playing and i gell right next to him and i didn't want to accidentally brush against him so i asked ✎ to pick me up and she did so now uhhm idk if he started staring at me before or after the event im about to tell took place but im PRETTTTTYY sure it was before no actually im rethinking jt now and it was definitely before, so im gonna tell the staring stories first! ok so i walked into his advisory once to get paper towel (these staring stories aren't in chronological order btw) and like i could see him staring at me from the corner of my eye. and it wasn't like. idk. but like he was hardcore staring he wasn't taking his eyes off me. and like he looked ANGRY so i thought he wanted to kill me and i was scared because. like. i didn't even know what i ever did to him. and then this other time i walked into his class cuz i forgot my jacket and he stared at me as i came in and even stared as i left and stared at me WHEN I WAS IN LINE OUTAJDE THE CLASS. like my sixth grade class was horrid so we had to wait outside of history in line cuz we were bad. and my spot in line was right outside the classroom door and he was staring at me through the glass window in the door and. i wasntlookingbacm. but i could see it from the corner of my eyes and i was sneaking glances im gonna take a break from storytelling but i really wish gil would just find this rentry somehow & realize it's me and say something. anything. i don't care what it is i just need to know what he thinks about me

8:44 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ my phones alarm noise keeps playing in my head

11:21 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ goodnight

1/30/2025
4:38 pm
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ 1. i no longsr think of going home when hanging out with friends 2. ♡ HATES ME SHI EMDED OUR HANGOHT TIME EARLY :<

6:56 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i just zignsd up to be a peer mediatior

1/31/2025
6:05 pm
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ Dear Diary, wow this chat box has existed for 9,677 minutes and i haven't said "Dear Diary" until now.. but anyway ive been writing the dates on the bathroom walls and yesterday somebody put the date there :○ they probably don't know it was me but they're now my bestest friend yup

11:29 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ is it appropriate to say i developed a choking kink from imagining suguru choking me

2/1/2025
11:15 am
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ 2 days until the birthday of my god

11:45 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ thinking about sukuna feels wrong since jts so close to geto's birthday it feels like im cheating... yhmm..

2:39 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ this is the first weekend day since this chat's been revamped omg

2:41 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ wow tommorow will be the official week anniversary of this chatbox Wow but while we're here.. ryomen sukuna is so boyfriend he is my boyfriend I LOVE HIMM i smile every time i see him except when he's drawn really ugly sometimes i fucking hate gege bht whateve. me and geto's date is tommorow but im thinking of moving our date back a day so it's a birthday date, i will be doing that actually! omgg speaking of birthdays it's gil's birthday.. i think im over him now.. "rui uou were just telling us about all your interactions" ok well things changed nayhe im bipolar. if he asked to date me i would say yes but i don't think i like hiimmm

2/2/2025
9:13 am
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ one more day until sugurus birthday 😆😆

9:22 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i want to vent.. but theres nkt exactly anything tk vent about.. even though Guy I like is nowbecming Guy I Liked i guess i can keep telling you guys about our interactions and stuff like that, but that'll happen later

10:01 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ 59 minutes..

10:04 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ bye im so excited for his birthday i ddnt realize i said "59 minutes" when it was actually 119. but anyways 116 minutes :D

2/3/2025
12:02 am
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ happy birthday geto

12:07 am ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ Happy Birthday Suguru Geto! I Love You. I absolutely adore you. Everything about you is attractive, your monolids, your purple eye, Your gouges. Your jealousy, Your depression, Your selfishness, Your selflessness. You were jealous of Your friend for officially becoming the 'strongest.' Yet You still wanted a world where he didn't have to have the burden of being the 'strongest.' You hated how underappreciated You were, and everyone who did the same job as You. You are a beautiful complex thing. You had to swallow the negativity of humanity while watching Your bestfriend, not be affected by it. Everything about you is breathtaking. You are a Tragedy. A beautiful beautiful Tragedy. Happy Birthday.

6:15 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰ omg i vaped for the fjrst time ever.. i choked so bad omg.. ♡ and ❀ did it with me that as so crazt.. i can't believe i actually vaped. me vaping was me and suguru's date for today <3

2/4/2025
5:55 pm
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ events from monday to tuesday

event 1:

(monday)
skull threw a pencil at me in the stairwell and i threw jt back but i missed then he said something so i threw my chocolate milk at him but it missed and exploded.. then he tried to tell ms rivera but she dgaf and then he tried to tell mr bryant idk if he did or not.. but then he punched me in the stomach which only hurt for two seconds then after science he asked if my stomach felt better and i said yes then he said if i throw something else at him he'll punch my chin then he started tapping under my chin (example will be given below)

event 2:

(tuesday)
i was walking to achool and gil randomly popped up beside me on a bike and sped off that scared me a lot..

event 3:

(tuesday)
i went to the bathroom during science and FAGGOT was behind the divider in the bathroom just. standingthere. and i walked into the bathroom and looked beside me and slightly jumped coz i didn't know he was there and then i walked toward the window and he started laughing

event 4:

(tuesday)
tom was hiding in the closet and i opened the closet without looking then looked in and saw him just. standing there. and i felk back on the table

event 5:

(monday)
TUTORING WAS CRAZZZZZYYYY. red got called to go to the main office and she didn't go (this is important for later on) and then her and kam started verbally arguing and kam started chasing her to hit her and OMGGH me red teacher g and ms ayoub all called him a good boy it was so funny. anyway teacher g asked the class why red didn't go to the main office then i said "cuz she didn't give a fu—" (i didn't finish the curse) and then teacher g talm bout sum 'he said the f-bomb" BITCH FUCK YOU now j said jt.
ALSOO no school wednesday Yay
white man
(example for event 1,, note: he only used one finger not all of them)

2/5/2025
11:59 pm
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ sorry for no logs today guys idk <3

2/6/2025
6:55 pm
꒰৯ . . . ꒰ i miss my vape 💔 im not gonna smoke it everyday i only used it monday & tuesday trust and bekeive i wont be getting addicted but God today felt so long. ela was ok today i hate doing bibliograohys and my ugly stupid math teacher gave me a c+ so my 3.8 in q2 went to a 3.6 fuck everyone.

8:27 pm ꒰৯ . . . ꒰

im gonna kill myself

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Pub: 02 Oct 2021 17:59 UTC
Edit: 07 Feb 2025 01:29 UTC
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