"The Worst Product Ever Foisted Upon the Consumer"
"You maniacs! You blew it up! Oh wait, that was me."
Released in 1997
Voiced by - Rick Hunter
"Take control of The POSTAL Dude in his infamous first outing as he battles
to survive in a world gone mad! POSTAL is a classic isometric shooter filled to
the brim with fast-paced explosive action."
My thoughts:
“The first Postal game! It’s insane for a game that was released in 1997.
It holds up extremely well and all around it's an AMAZING first introduction
to Postal Dude. We’re given this character with presumably bloodlust and
we’re simply told that “It’s time to go POSTAL”. I really do need to get into
this game more. Through and through it's a wonderful playthrough. Also
the art in this game is so amazing, from the loading screens to the level
design, visually this game is wonderful. I do also think the jokes in this
game are great, and that our first look at Postal Dude will make anyone
want to learn more about him.”
Overall Rating:
Blinkies + Graphics + Aesthetic Stuff:
Download
Postal
"I suppose it would've been more politically correct to kill the women and the minorities first."
Released in 2003
Voiced by - Rick Hunter
"Live a week in the life of "The POSTAL Dude";
a hapless everyman just trying to check off some chores.
Buying milk, returning an overdue library book, getting
Gary Coleman's autograph, what could possibly go wrong?"
My thoughts:
“I am not a special man. Postal 2, the fan favorite,
is also my favorite game in the series. Meeting Postal Dude
again, but this time, going through his day to day life in his POV? It’s a hilarious
and an extremely entertaining game. As shown by my 69 hours and 86 achievements.
Postal Dude 2 is SUCH a wild character that you love to hate. He
will drive you INSANE. This game is just so amazing and really worth the money.
And getting to walk through Paradise, AND getting to control the chaos that you
commit is wonderful.
Overall Rating:
Blinkies + Graphics + Aesthetic Stuff:
Buy
Postal 2
"Say, looks like it's open mic night. Why not take the stage and enthrall the crowd with your golden voice?"
"It's getting radioactive in here so put on your hazmat suit""
Released in 2015
Voiced by - Rick Hunter And Corey Cruise
"Join the Dude as he ventures back into his former hometown embarking on a quest to find his lost dog.
Not all is at it seems, as the once tranquil (relatively speaking) town
and its citizens have been transformed in the wake of the nuclear destruction."
My thoughts:
“What many claim is the TRUE Postal 3, Paradise Lost
is a DLC released in 2015, and it's a FULL game, and an amazing one at that.
Following Postal Dude after a full 11 years after the events of
Postal 2 as he journeys through the post-apocalyptic wasteland
that is the town of Paradise to find his faithful dog Champ. Along with an appearance
of a certain “Worst Postal Dude ever, to give Postal Dude
a bit of grief. I LOVE this DLC and I think it’s generally underrated and under loved by the fandom,
but then again, I might also not be seeing a lot of the fandom's thoughts on it.”
Overall Rating:
Blinkies + Graphics + Aesthetic:
Buy
Postal 2 - Paradise Lost {Requires Postal 2}
"That's definitely going on my permanent record"
Released in 2011
Voiced by - Corey Cruise with unused voice lines provided by Rick Hunter
"Good or Insane? The choice is yours.
Following the Apocalyptic end to the Postal Dude’s
week in Paradise, we follow him and his insane pitbull
Champ as they emigrate to its appropriately named sister city, Catharsis."
My Thoughts:
Dubbed as “the worst Postal game” it, unfortunately, IS the worst Postal game
in the franchise. Postal Dude is made SO stupid. SO yassified. I HATE this man…
why did it get three stars? …Okay FINE! Corey Cruise is an AMAZING voice actor
for Postal Dude 3 and he genuinely makes the voice lines SO funny. And as much
as I WANT to hate on PD3…he becomes loveable in an abandoned puppy kinda way.
Although I hated playing through a very short 20 minutes, Cruise makes it SO much
more tolerable and amazing. But the game itself is broken, glitchy, and HORRENDOUS
because you play in 3rd person. I REALLY wish we could get a GOOD remake.
Overall Rating:
Blinkies + Graphics + Aesthetic Stuff:
Buy
Postal 3
"Excuse me, do you happen to need any dirty services performed?"
Released in 2022
Voiced by - Jon St. John, Rick Hunter, Corey Cruise, and Zack Ward
"POSTAL 4: No Regerts is a satirical and outrageous comedic open
world first person shooter and the long-awaited true sequel to what’s
been fondly dubbed as "The Worst Game Ever™", POSTAL 2!"
My thoughts:
Postal 4 is labeled by Running with Scissors themselves
as the “true” Postal 2 sequel. Out of all the games, I can’t
say this one is a FAVORITE, but it’s also not as bad as Postal 3.
I do appreciate being able to choose between your favorite Postal Dude voice,
from Jon St. John, Rick Hunter, Corey Cruise, and Zack Ward. It definitely provides
some interesting choices. To be completely honest I haven’t completed Postal 4
in its entirety, although I still plan to. So, this might be why I don’t have more love
for the game. Taking place in the city of Edensin instead of Paradise,
(similar to how Postal 3 takes place in Paradise’s “sister city” of Catharsis) provides
us with a new and interesting city to explore. All in all, though, Postal 4 is a
Postal game, and a pretty decent one at that. And Postal Dude 4, is also,
unsurprisingly, an amazing addition to the Postal Dude lineup."
Overall Rating:
Blinkies + Graphics + Aesthetic Stuff:
"I just came, you too?"
"Mmm, I like scissoring."
Released in 2022
Voiced by - Corey Cruise and Rick Hunter
"POSTAL: Brain Damaged is a new, action-oriented take on the Running With Scissors’
cult game series with throwback graphics, and fast-paced, modern gameplay. Take a wild
roller coaster ride through the twisted wonderland encased in the POSTAL DUDE’S messed-up mind."
My thoughts:
Honestly tied for my favorite Postal game with Postal 2.
It’s an insanely funny, entertaining, and overall amazing game. Corey Cruise
comes back to voice Postal Dude, and Rick Hunter joins him
as well and it is SO fun. It IS different from the other Postal games
we’re used to but it’s still amazing. Cutscenes in the game are fully animated and
hilarious. Brain Damaged Postal Dude is SO underrated as a Dude,
he’s REALLY silly and really fun to talk about. Even the demo for this game is amazing,
and I absolutely love to rewatch the opener for it. GOD I just love this game SO much
and it’s so worth the buy. I’m already planning to buy it on my switch also.
Overall Rating:
Blinkies + Graphics + Aesthetic Stuff:
"I need it badly! So I could at least pee like a man!"
Released in 2005
Voiced by - Peter Ivaschenko
"The game stars a man known as Shtopor
(more commonly known as "Corkscrew", who looks very
much like the Postal Dude) who wakes up in a hospital
to find that someone has stolen his penis. Journey through
Muhosransk City on a journey to find your stolen sex organ
and kill the bastard responsible."
My thoughts:
Postal 2: Corkscrew RuLes is “an officially licensed expansion for Postal 2,
that was made by Russians for Russians, set in Russia and voiced exclusively in Russian.”
And it’s AMAZING. Don’t let ANYONE tell you otherwise! Not even RWS themselves,
“If you’re a Russian-speaker who is familiar with Russian-centric jokes and references from
the early 2000’s, then you might get a chuckle out of it. Otherwise, you’re probably not missing much.”
Let me tell you, as someone who doesn’t understand ANY of that, I LOVE this game. I LOVE
Shtopor, (Corkscrew) and I LOVE the wacky adventures he gets up to in the game.
The game itself is no longer available for purchase however, and you can’t actually play it unless you
go through downgrading Postal 2 and installing the mod. So, I can’t attest to the ACTUAL playability
of the game, although I’ve seen clips, and uh, its rough. But story, lore, and fanart wise, brother let me
tell you, we need MORE. I want nothing more than more Shtopor content!!!!
Overall Rating:
Blinkies + Graphics + Aesthetic Stuff:
Learn more about
Postal 2: Corkscrew Rules
May 25th 1999 - May 23rd 2011
"Eh, fuck 'em. C'mon Champ, we got adventures waiting elsewhere"
Born in 1999
Voiced by - Himself!
My Thoughts:
What a lovely boy, and what a loyal pooch.
Even when he turns into a demonic hell beast.
Forever our favorite part of the Postal series.
Overall Rating:
Special thanks to my best friend.
Thank you for helping me, and putting up with me running everything by you.
Check out my bestfriends Rentry!!
Neptr Joestar