Adding more as i go along sry for lack of smoothness - upd 11/4 (new text is peru)

acknowledgement / apology :bone:

:scroll: This covers... (tdlr) if you've suddenly been removed from my spaces/circles/follow...! You didn't interact with me wrong β€” I have (unaddressed & unrealized) issuesβ€” Im working on it <:]

If you've circled around my sphere for awhile, some may know some may not know that this has actually been a pretty persistent issue; not without a reason/cause, but an issue gone long unaddressed & even personally diagnosed for a long time- spanning years. This is rather generalized but still discussing my point
To clarify though, this's not some kind of drama-specific apology but one meant for some kind of growth in mind- and cus i plan on messaging those who I may've effected personally! Some people will see it, some people will read it, some people will not care but in the end its not for the uncaring people. Its for the people that will allow me to try again, even if i make a mistake or relapse, the folk that'll understand & be there for my growth

As much as I would've wanted to hear it personally, it took me having to hear something from someone close why another chose to rather, suddenly distance from me- We don't always get what we want. Regardless, after the question, I came to a handful of friends, and asked them a question; "i haves a question please answer honestly do u think i care too much about engagement. and if i do do u have advice or ideas on how i can curb it". something quick, something i can send out to multiple people.

unsurprisingly, most of the answers were yes, usually with a reason, but at the end of the day the answer is, yes. Alot of the reasoning I do things, why I seem strict/mean, impulsive stem directly from mental illness, and indeed, a want for attention/care. I'm not here to overshare about my inner personal/IRL qualms but it, and the symptoms often leave me off better for wear. Its something that's taken me a long time to notice, something that's a reason, not an excuse. I very very, wrongly tie my value directly to my engagements despite having quality work. *My art is great but people don'y wanna engage because of all I've outlined here and i get it.

I often act before I think, Bite before I bark and its not efficient in trying to navigate everyday, casual relationships. I was primed, as characterized by the illness i have [cptsd] to have to always be ready to fight & defend myself. So, sadly I'm always ready to attack and not think about the consequences after- This isn't to say im doomed to repeat some things, most things Ive done that harmed other people I have reflected on, formed opinions on & just challenge myself (and keep personal note) not to do it again. Most of the harm i happen to enact, is on myself
Change is a slow daunting process, and while im healing its not linear but i also don't help myself by frequently failing to realize whats setting me back in the first place. I lack Alot of emotional separation? and discerning

but, with the feedback from others im hoping ill notice more of my triggers & more of when i do these kinds of things. I've started making stricter rules for myself, some have decided to become mutual accountability buddies to help and aid me learn, and I'm going about trying to implement different systems for myself to go about interacting w/others or even how i use social media as a whole. I have power to deny what disinterests me, and harmful acts of others but i need to learn, both thru therapy and welcoming positive interaction to curb and learn that not everyone is out to get me LOL


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β†Ί GO BACK ⋆


alt tag:evergreen_tree: PRICKLEDPRINCE

【:flag_gy::flag_in: β€’ :rainbow_flag: β€’ CPTSD β€’ β™‚ β€’ 20s】 ✦ Meowdy! I am but a mere 20Y | multi race/species .. entity trying to navigate the world, riddled with CPTSD along wit trying to have my art be more of an outlet, I'm trying my hardest to be easier on myself & in turn, others. Im an artist based in NYC... :round_pushpin: I'm passionate about my characters, stories, & trauma healing β€” I'm currently working on my comic CPTSD All of my life has been shrouded in negativity, so, slowly but surely I want to create meaninful works & supportive messages for others like me, a survivor of abuse β€” learn more
β˜… β€” :blue_heart: :bear: β€” β˜…


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Pub: 01 Dec 2023 08:06 UTC

Edit: 08 Nov 2025 23:46 UTC