I had no idea how much time passed. I was trapped in pitch-black darkness, completely numb to everything around me. I couldn’t move a muscle, nor did I have any sense of the passage of time. I didn't know if I still had a body wherever I was, but a sense of doom still ran down my spine, like it's trying to crawl its way inside me. The darkness pressed heavily on me, suffocating, like it was squeezing all the organs (assuming they still existed) out of my body.
I drifted alone in that darkness for a long, long time. I hated this. I wanted it to end. I wanted to die.
Somehow, I could still think. All I could do was stew in my thoughts, and all my thoughts were about myself. I was stuck in my room again, never talking to anyone, constantly dwelling on my own worthless existence. I was so sick of myself. If only it had been one of those kids crushed by the truck instead, then... No, that was wrong. Thinking like that was wrong. I shouldn't be blaming others for my problems.
This was worse than being a shut-in. Nobody forced me to stay holed up up in my room. This was all my own choice. Nobody was responsible for my miserable life besides me.
But then, what was I supposed to do now? I thought and thought, and the conclusion I reached was that I was trash. Trash didn’t belong in the world. It had no place among humanity. And so, I was probably in Hell. Yeah, that made perfect sense. Of course I was in Hell.
Was there anything else for trash like me to do except rot? I couldn’t take this. Please, someone, anyone, just let me out of here! I just wanted out.
Don't just leave me behind!
Don't leave me all alone!
Don't abandon me!
Save me!
I was shouting, or so I thought, but no sound reached my ears. I panicked and flailed about wildly, desperately reaching for a handhold in the vast expanse of nothing. I wanted somebody to reach back. I wanted someone, anyone, even a complete stranger, to grab my hand.
My fingertips brushed something, and I immediately latched onto it. It was human. Someone was here. I clung to whoever it was, like a child clutching their mother. Get me out of here. Take me somewhere, anywhere, as long as it wasn’t here. Take me with you.
I hoped it was my parents, come to scold me and drag me outside. Or my brothers, ready to forgive me and let me live with them again. Or my classmates, inviting me back to school. Anyone was fine. Just, please, get me out of here. Save me.
The numbness that enveloped me receded and my senses slowly came back to the rest of my body. I realized that whoever it was I clung to was a lot smaller and thinner than I was.
The person grabbed my hands and pulled. Pain shot through every inch of my body. It felt like all of the cells making up my existence were being torn apart and rearranged. This hurt a lot, but even so, I begged for them to pull harder. Hurry and get me out of here!
Gradually, light filtered into the darkness. It seared my eyes, unused to illumination of any kind. But even so, I urged this person to yank me the rest of the way. Then, the last bits of me were ripped free from that place. Gravity exerted its hold on me and I plummeted.
I fell and fell, and then slammed hard onto the ground. My entire body throbbed and every single bone in my body creaked ominously, but I didn't care. Compared to where I’d been, this was a blessing. I relished this pain, which proved that I still existed in some form. I was alive. I was really, truly alive.
I laid splayed wherever I was. I didn’t have the strength to do anything else. My vision was still bleary, and my hearing hadn’t returned entirely, so all I could do was grope blindly around me. Grass tickled my palm and the smell of flowers filled my nose. Was I in a garden, maybe?
Someone called out to me.
"Are you awake now, fatass?"
Their voice was muffled and warped, as if underwater. I squinted, and the hazy silhouette hovering above me resolved itself into a person. My mysterious savior kicked me in the head lightly. Ow.
"You should answer when someone's talking to you."
Their voice sounded feminine. Their tone was blunt and harsh, lacking any warmth, but distinctly feminine. Still, it was music to my ears. What a relief it was to hear another human speaking to me.
"Yes, ma'am," I replied in a weak voice. My voice sounded awful, as if I hadn’t spoken in a long time. Which was true.
"Sit up. You look pathetic lying down like that."
Her tone was brusque, and I seemed to have irritated her already, even though we’d only just met. But even so, her presence was a huge comfort. I didn’t mind if she beat me up or insulted me, as long as it meant she'd keep interacting with me. It was better than being alone again. I gingerly lifted myself off the grass, careful not to aggravate the dull, pervading ache permeating my body.
"Thank you for saving—"
"Whatever. You were taking forever, so I dragged you the rest of the way. Don’t thank me."
Even her cutting interruptions were a boon. I was so happy. Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my sight further.
"Stop crying. Heroes shouldn’t cry."
"Sorry."
I wiped the tears from my eyes, finally clearing my vision to see my savior clearly. Her white hair was long and fluffy, framing an adorable, round face. She had sharp yellow eyes and was wearing a simple black dress with gold trims at the hem and collar.
I was captivated. Girls had never paid attention to me even once, not since elementary school. But now, a beautiful girl was right in front of me.
"Get up already."
"Sorry."
I struggled to rise to my feet, only then realizing how tiny she was. Standing, her head didn't even reach my waist. I was standing before a real loli. A cute, petite loli.
"Stop ogling me."
"Sorry."
I looked away awkwardly and took in the heavenly scenery around us. We were indeed surrounded by flowers. Rows and rows of flowers I couldn't name bloomed in vibrant colors, filling the area with their scent. Beyond the flowerbeds, large verdant hills stretched far into the distance while a clear blue sky spread overhead. It was like one of those pretty postcard photos people sent each other.
I noticed a structure near the horizon: a grandiose palace in gold and white colors. Its architecture was ornate, reminiscent of European-style buildings.
"If you're done gawking, follow me."
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize when you haven't done anything wrong."
"Sorry." I apologized reflexively and then hurried to amend myself. "Okay."
The loli sighed and stomped off without checking if I was following, as if the mere act of having to talk to me was exhausting. I trailed after her, eager not to be left alone.
We walked a winding path paved with stone tiles through the flower fields in the direction of the white-gold palace. Flowers swayed gently in the breeze, but their gentle fragrance did little to calm my nerves.
I followed diligently behind the loli. The walk was quiet. Not because the she wasn’t saying anything—she wasn't, and wouldn't look at or speak a word to me—but because my vocal cords were still rusty from disuse. Even breathing was difficult. My ribs ached dully, as if they'd broken again.
We approached the white-gold palace through a garden larger than the one we'd left. It seemed to surround the palace, and though I couldn't get a look around due to following behind the loli, it appeared circular. Sculptures of imposing men and women, fountains, and flowerbeds were all geometrically placed throughout the grounds, lending the space an orderly feel. Servants in white uniforms tended the plants and statues, keeping everything spotless.
The palace building itself had an extensive use of gold and a symmetrical design that reminded me of photos of Versailles minus the surrounding moat. Intricate carvings and arced windows lined the facade, from which I could make out red curtains trimmed with gold.
A wide staircase led up to the entrance, where the front doors had ornaments of dragons with crowns. Two knights clad in pale gold armor stood on either of these doors. They eyed us upon our approach, and respectfully knelt in silence when they recognized the loli.
"Open up."
"As you command."
One knight rose and pulled open the left dragon-crown door. The loli breezed inside, not sparing a second glance at the kneeling knight or even waiting for me.
I hesitated at the threshold. Those knights intimidated me, and the palace was way too fancy. Was a shut-in like myself allowed inside a place like this?
"Hurry up. Stop wasting time."
Her harsh words urged me forward. The knights glared daggers at me as soon as I passed, and goosebumps prickled across the back of my neck.
Inside was a vast entryway with a high ceiling and archways supported by sculptures of dragons. Checker-patterned marble covered the floor, and a crimson carpet with a golden floral pattern ran down the center. More knights lined the walls, and they, too, glowered at me as I scurried after the loli.
The loli led me down the entryway, paying no heed to the lavish surroundings. The arrays of displayed weapons and miscellaneous treasures were the only things to differentiate the halls. The loli clearly knew the layout, however, and was unerring in her route. When the corridor split in two, she always chose the correct path without hesitation. Right, left, straight, right again, another left, and so on.
I was hopelessly lost after the first few turns. There was no way I'd be able to get back the way we came. Even if I retraced our steps, the knights lining the hall would probably skewer me.
Finally, the loli barged through a set of double doors leading out to what appeared to be another garden. This one was much smaller, enclosed by the palace, and centered around a pond. I was surprised by the cherry blossom tree sitting by the water's edge. I really hadn't expected to find Japanese flora here.
I saw a blonde man lounged underneath the cherry blossoms. He was reclining leisurely against the trunk with a book propped up in his lap. If this was the king, I wouldn't have known it based on his casual appearance. A black coat draped over his shoulders, covering a white shirt and black pants combo. His rolled up sleeves contributed to his relaxed aesthetic.
The man lazily put a mark in his book and set it aside upon noticing our arrival.
"Come on over."
His voice was deep and resonant. Despite his lazy posture, his commanding aura was overwhelming. He was the Sun, and the rest of the world revolved around him.
The loli hadn't moved, so I guess that invitation hadn't been for her. Instead, the man beckoned me closer. Unsure, and not wanting to refuse, I timidly stepped toward him.
"You too."
He directed the loli with a jerk of his chin, who clicked her tongue irritably. Even so, she joined me.
"Have a seat."
He gestured before him. There was no furniture nearby. Did he want us to sit on the grass? That was embarrassing, but this guy was obviously royalty and I didn’t want to offend him. So, I lowered myself clumsily, doing my best not to embarrass myself.
The loli, however, sat gracefully, kneeling and placing her hands neatly in her lap. How refined.
"First things first. My name is Lord Arthur. Nice to meet you."
Lord Arthur flashed a refreshing smile at me. Now that I was closer, I studied him more carefully. He had a handsome, chiseled face. His messy blonde hair and stubble lent him a roguish air, but his bright blue eyes were kind.
"And yours?"
Lord Arthur prompted when I failed to introduce myself. This was bad. I hadn’t talked to anyone for years, so what was proper etiquette for conversing with a king, anyway? Should I call him Your Majesty? Or was Your Highness more appropriate?
"My name is David, sir Arthur, uh, Your Highness. It is an honor to make your acquaintance, sir."
Sir Arthur. Yeah, that sounded natural.
"David, huh? Relax. Loosen up. I'm not a king anymore. Just Arthur is fine."
Lord Arthur waved my nervous introduction off casually and gave me a thumbs-up. That was a relief. I hadn't pissed him off. Yet. The loli clicked her tongue audibly beside me.
"Just hurry and tell him why you summoned him here already," she snapped.
"Ex has no chill, does she?" Lord Arthur scratched his head sheepishly. "So, David. Do you know why you're here?"
Why was I here? Well, the loli had pulled me out of that dark place, and then brought me here. That was about the extent of my understanding. Lord Arthur had probably asked her to fetch me, and so she'd dragged me along.
"No. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. It's not your fault. Ex pulled you pretty forcefully, didn’t she?"
Lord Arthur leaned back against the cherry blossom tree with a wry grin. Beside me, the loli—Ex, apparently her name was—huffed and averted her gaze haughtily.
"Let me be more specific. What's the last thing you remember?"
What was the last thing I remembered? Probably being crushed against a concrete wall by a speeding truck. But mentioning being splattered all over the pavement probably wasn't polite conversation.
"Being hit by a truck."
"Congrats on dying. So, why'd that happen?"
Congrats on dying? Was that the proper phrasing here? Maybe Lord Arthur was just joking.
"Because I was stupid."
I'd been careless. If only I'd run a bit faster, or pushed that boy a little harder, or maybe had avoided the truck entirely.
"Nope. Wrong answer."
Lord Arthur rejected my self-deprecation instantly.
"Because the truck ran a red light."
"Wrong. Try again."
Lord Arthur stared pointedly. What was he getting at? I wracked my brain, trying to recall the accident more accurately.
"Uh, because the truck driver fell asleep."
"Still wrong. Think harder. Why'd you die?"
Lord Arthur wasn't giving an inch. His piercing gaze bore holes in me. I looked over at Ex for help, but her yellow eyes scrutinized me just as critically. Was there some deeper meaning or symbolism to my death that I was missing here? Lord Arthur didn’t seem satisfied by my answers.
Why had I died again? Because the truck driver fell asleep, right? No, Lord Arthur wanted a deeper answer than that. Okay, so, the truck driver fell asleep. Therefore, the truck ran a red light. And then—
Wait.
"Because I saved those kids."
"Bingo. Good job. Gold star."
Lord Arthur grinned approvingly. Beside me, Ex scoffed and muttered under her breath.
"Took him long enough."
I wasn't feeling the same sense of pride that Arthur expressed. In fact, my stomach churned anxiously. Had saving those kids really been the right choice? My heroic act had been pointless. If only I'd minded my own business and ignored them, or pulled the boy a bit further, then...
"But that truck killed me."
"Sure did. You died a good, heroic death. You saved three people, and that's a huge achievement. Well done."
Arthur praised me again, but my unease wasn’t alleviated. Sure, I'd saved those kids, but in the end, it'd cost me my life. I'd made the wrong choice.
"Was that really impressive? It felt more like a fluke."
Anyone could've helped them. Anybody besides trash like me. But Lord Arthur didn't seem pleased with my response. He frowned and sighed deeply. Ex, too, clicked her tongue again.
"Heroism doesn’t require planning. You saw someone in trouble, and you leapt into action. That's all there is to it."
"But I died. Is it really such a big deal? Anyone would have done the same."
"Saving people is always a big deal. Of course, saving more is better, but three is a pretty decent number."
Lord Arthur shifted his position, crossing his legs and leaning his chin against his hand.
"And sure, anyone could've saved them, but nobody did. Those kids would have all died had it not been for you."
Lord Arthur spoke matter-of-factly.
"Those kids would've...?"
I hadn’t considered the consequences of not helping. It'd never occurred to me that had I not intervened, those three students would have died. I was a garbage excuse for a human being who’d wasted my life, but Lord Arthur praised me as if I'd accomplished some amazing feat. It didn't feel real. Did saving three lives offset my nonexistence until now? Was sacrificing myself enough to negate how much of my life I wasted away?
Lord Arthur smoothly transitioned the topic. "Anyway, David, ready to move on?"
"He's hardly qualified," Ex interjected sharply. "Pick someone else, and let David reincarnate."
Lord Arthur and Ex exchanged glances with complicated expressions on their faces, communicating something silently. Meanwhile, I puzzled over Ex's words. Just what am I unqualified for? Reincarnating?
"David." Lord Arthur broke eye contact with Ex and fixed his penetrating blue stare back on me. "Do you regret saving those kids?"
Regret it? Regret saving them?
"Well, yeah. I died."
I mean, anybody would regret dying, right?
"Then would you rather not have saved them?"
"If I hadn't, then—"
"Forget the truck. Would you have still saved them had the circumstances not forced you?"
Lord Arthur cut me off and posed the question. Would I have saved them even without the threat of the speeding vehicle bearing down on us? Without the imminent danger forcing my hand? Without the truck, however, the situation wouldn’t have called for me saving those students. Nobody would have needed saving.
Would I have still jumped in to save them without the truck threatening their lives? Would I have still sacrificed my worthless, meaningless life, which had achieved nothing up to this point, to save complete strangers whose names I didn’t even know?
I looked at Ex again. She regarded me icily, as if saying, "Of course, not."
Lord Arthur likewise patiently awaited my response, his brows furrowed and his lips pursed. But even so, his blue eyes were earnest.
I felt that, regardless of my answer, that Lord Arthur would judge me, and Ex would disapprove. They were judging me. Right now, as we spoke, Lord Arthur was evaluating me, gauging the caliber of a Hero.
Even though I was garbage. Even though I was useless.
"No."
Lord Arthur and Ex appraised me wordlessly. Their silent, discerning stares weighed heavily, as if peeling apart the layers of filth coating my existence and probing the core of my soul.
"Figured. Most wouldn’t." Lord Arthur nodded, seemingly satisfied.
"Liar. Heroes shouldn't lie." Ex merely scowled at me, however.
They both had conflicting opinions on my answer. Lord Arthur approved of me while Ex outright denounced me. Whose opinion mattered more here? I was confused.
"Back to the topic at hand. David, are you ready to move on?" Lord Arthur repeated his earlier query.
"Move on to where? Am I going to Heaven or Hell?" I asked hesitantly.
I had sinned plenty during my shut-in days, so Hell seemed likely. Plus, Ex treated me coldly, indicating she clearly disliked me.
Lord Arthur, meanwhile, chuckled and wagged his finger reproachfully.
"Neither. Those exist, but you're not going there, not today."
Really? Then, was I just stuck here in limbo forever or something?
"Why not? Send him back already. He's not ready." Ex crossed her arms and huffed petulantly.
Lord Arthur held up his palm to forestall her protests.
"Why not?" I echoed.
"Because I stepped in. I want to make you my Hero."
Lord Arthur announced it nonchalantly. Make me his Hero? What did that mean? I couldn't be a hero. I was a shut-in piece of human garbage.
"A Hero? Like a superhero?"
Superheroes were cool. I'd loved reading manga and watching anime featuring those sorts of characters. But becoming one myself was impossible.
"Exactly. You'd be my representative, my champion, my apostle. Basically, you'd work for me."
Work for Lord Arthur? That didn’t sound too bad. As long as I could avoid going back to that void, I didn’t mind working. But, strangely, something churned in my stomach. Something that gnawed persistently at my gut, warning me.
"Working sounds nice—"
"Not happening. David isn't Hero material. Let him reincarnate already." Ex interrupted my acceptance without hesitation. Her rejection was immediate and decisive.
"David's not Hero material. Yet." Lord Arthur cocked his head, scratching his stubble thoughtfully. "But Ex, you pulled him, didn’t you?"
"Because you messed up the summoning." Ex glared accusingly.
"True. Sorry 'bout that." Lord Arthur scratched his head sheepishly. "But she's got a point, David. You should hear me out, first."
Fair. Working sounded nice, but agreeing sight unseen was irresponsible.
"Sorry."
Lord Arthur waved off my apology jovially. "Don't apologize when you haven't done anything wrong."
Ah, Ex had scolded me the exact same way. Did she get that phrase from him?
Lord Arthur adjusted how he was sitting, adopting a cross-legged position.
"David, you died a heroic death, right? Saved three people. Impressive stuff. Thanks to your heroic sacrifice, you qualify to become a Hero. As you can imagine, being my Hero comes with stipulations."
Lord Arthur cracked his neck, as if gearing up for a lecture.
"Number one, Heroes represent me. They act in my stead and perform my will. They're my hands and feet. That means they have responsibilities. Heroes are obligated to save people. Save everyone. That's priority number one."
Lord Arthur ticked off his first requirement on his index finger. Ex hummed affirmatively beside me.
"Number two, Heroes don't ever kill. Murder is forbidden, period. Heroes are saviors, and saviors don't murder. Got that?"
Lord Arthur ticked another requirement onto his middle finger. Ex chimed in agreement once more.
"Number three, Heroes never betray their comrades. To save is to never betray. Betrayal is unforgivable. Heroes always stick by their comrades."
Lord Arthur ticked onto his ring finger. Ex concurred a third time.
"And finally, number four," Lord Arthur ticked onto his pinky, a wide grin spreading across his face, "be a gentleman. Always treat ladies with respect and protect their smiles."
Ex groaned audibly and buried her face in her hands.
"That's it. Four basic rules that my Heroes have to follow. Simple, right?" Lord Arthur wiggled all four of raised fingers.
Simple, indeed. Save people, don’t murder, be loyal, and treat girls nicely. It was basic chivalry, really. Heroic values anybody should abide by. Lord Arthur's requirements weren’t unreasonable, so I couldn't understand Ex wanting me to reincarnate instead. She'd rejected the idea outright.
"So, David, think you can stick to those?" Lord Arthur folded down his fingers, leaving his thumb extended.
"Sounds easy." I said confidently. But again, that gnawing feeling squirmed in my stomach. What was it?
Ex lifted her head from her hands and glowered. "Easy? Hardly. Heroes bear the weight of the entire world, David. It isn’t simple."
Lord Arthur's requirements hadn't struck me that way. I only hoped she was exaggerating.
Lord Arthur cleared his throat loudly, drawing Ex's attention away. "Ex is right. Heroes shoulder a heavy burden. But stick to them perfectly, and you'll make her happy."
"Don't decide things based on whether I approve or not!" Ex said. Lord Arthur guffawed and ruffled her white hair affectionately, and she swatted his hand away indignantly.
Lord Arthur's requirements weren’t flawed. No reasonable person would object. They were ideals anybody should strive toward. Lord Arthur was a king, and kings were righteous, so his rules were obviously fair and impartial.
"David." Ex drew my attention. Her yellow eyes scrutinized me critically once again. "Don’t agree thoughtlessly."
Ex turned away and faced Lord Arthur, ignoring my confusion. Lord Arthur, meanwhile, reclined leisurely against the cherry blossom tree and scratched his stubble pensively.
"Huh?" Was there something wrong with Lord Arthur's conditions that I was missing?
Silence fell in the garden. The wind gently rustled the cherry blossoms, scattering their pink petals. The pond rippled softly. Ex remained stubbornly quiet, her yellow eyes boring holes through the grass. Lord Arthur likewise was lost in his thoughts.
And yet my intuition still writhed and twisted in knots. What was it telling me? Why was Ex rejecting Lord Arthur's proposal so vehemently, and Lord Arthur endorsing her objections despite his laidback attitude? Was there an ulterior motive behind Lord Arthur's recruitment that they weren't telling me?
If they wanted to hide it from me, knowing I'd refuse if I knew, then that meant whatever Lord Arthur was asking me was bad, right? That gnawing sensation probably indicated my subconscious catching onto their hidden secrets. Maybe his requirements were superficial lip service, and there were hidden downsides Ex wanted me to avoid. Ex might've been trying to protect me by urging reincarnation instead.
"Lord Arthur."
"Just Arthur's fine."
Lord Arthur lazily uncrossed his legs and stretched his arms above his head.
"Arthur."
"What's up?"
Perhaps Lord Arthur's benevolent appearance was a facade, and his recruitment actually came with some nasty strings attached. Regardless, reincarnating was a definite no-go, and accepting Arthur's offer was my only option.
"I'll do it."
A wicked grin spread across Lord Arthur's face upon my consent, revealing pearly-white teeth. His eyes gleamed like a wolf cornering its prey.
"Good choice."
Beside me, Ex was notably sullen, refusing meet either my gaze or Lord Arthur's. She hugged her knees close and sulked. I couldn't tell why she was displeased. I felt I had made the wrong choice after all, but backing out wasn’t an option.
Lord Arthur clapped his hands together and hopped to his feet nimbly.
"All right. Let's get started, David." Lord Arthur rubbed his palms eagerly.
"Get started with what?"
"My favorite part! Training."
"Can we not...?" Ex muttered under her breath despondently.