A Private Dinner, and then a Game Proposal


Candles flickered gently, their warm light flowing over a flowered table. Snow was freshly wiped from a balcony that hung below the shimmering full moon.

At one end of the table, Heinrich Gotthelf Humboldt surveyed the dinner. A small assortment of quality dumplings, pastries, fried dòufu, and other assorted foods laid in tantalizing wait.

"Ah. I appear to have forgotten the tea. Would you like a cup, my dear?"

At the other end of the table, expression blank, Lady Xun Wen was eyeing something else. Her gaze met Heinrich's.

"...Yes. A cup would be nice."

Heinrich smiled as gently as the candles waved. He enjoyed such alone time with his wife. Truly, the only two people in that room were Heinrich and Wen.

"Very well."

Heinrich then acknowledged the third party- one that was certainly putting a downer on things.

"Hans, if you would?"

Standing almost motionlessly, there was a monkey, about three feet tall; next to a cart with a teapot and plates, it breathed shakily, posture upright. Some strange fixture jutted out of its skull. With unnatural affinity, it almost perfectly performed the following; setting a cup, grabbing a teapot, pouring, and setting the teapot back into place. Besides a few spilt drops at the end, it did wonderfully.

Wen gave a glance at the stain on the cloth of the table, and then gave another glance on Heinrich.
Then, to the monkey in the room.

"...Heinrich."
"Yes?"
"What is 'Hans' doing here?"

The presence of the monkey alone was vaguely unnerving, but the garrish contraption sticking out of it's forehead left much to be aesthetically desired.

"Ah, ja. Well, beyond serving, he has another function:"

Heinrich took a single crumb of foodstuff, and lightly tossed it in the general direction of the monkey, high in the air.

Its eye locked onto the projectile immediately, and the rod sticking through its skull sparked.

A small flash of lightning danced through the air, frying the crumb in an instant. Not turned to ash, but at least smoldered.

The monkey never moved an inch, and its eye returned to fixate on its master, then looking between him and his wife.

"As you can see, he is also adequately prepared for dealing with small pests."

Wen sighed.

"Heinrich, what is he doing here?"
"Well, he's a failure in his intended purpose. I couldn't make a pylon strong enough that could also be used by an ape without being too damaging to the ape, and, well, you understand that there was no point in wasting him, ja? He is clean, if you were worried about sanitation."

Heinrich turned to the monkey, and offered it a small fruit from the table.

It stuck out a hand in polite declination, before returning to form.

"I suppose an actual spirit beast, and not something that merely approaches being one, would be better for Hans' intended purpose in warfare. But, you can't deny he makes a great waiter!"

A silent pause. Wen agreed with and denied nothing.

"I am unsure where your priorities lie regarding his use..."

Heinrich put down a pair of chopsticks to scratch his chin.

"Well, I was thinking on the nature of a monkey's deft climbing, and remembered the tall ruins we saw in the Ghost Domain. And then, since the tail was not thick enough to adequately support a grafted weapon, and obviously all four limbs were needed for climbing, why not make use of the head? It required a slight lobotomy, ja, but I'd say Hans turned out fine."

Heinrich turned to the butler and added a "Right?", recieving a nod of acknowledgement.
He then turned to his wife, and got nothing.

Blisteringly cold silence followed. Both partook in their meals, and for a time, there was nothing further.

Then, clearing his voice, Heinrich remembered something else.

"...Actually, Wen, I do have something I need to ask you."
"Yes?"
"I'd like for you to give me your thoughts on this..."

Heinrich reached into a pocket sewn onto his black coat, and took out a small scroll.

Wen set her chopsticks to the side and wiped her mouth with a cloth before taking it, and unfurled it.

...And unfurled it some more.

...Some more continued furling...

...And done!

The scroll, at full length, was absurdly long.

It was full with... rules and stipulations. Game rules? But surely not, right?

"You know xiangqi, ja? You introduced me, after all.I know you prefer weiqi, but for the purposes I have in mind, I believe a variation of xiangqi would prove best."

Wen scanned every line of the scroll, quiet eyes actually filling with a hint of interest. She seemed more engrossed in reading it the further along she read.

"...100 unique pieces on each side? And the board is, I'm inferring, 300 by 300? I have to say... it seems, difficult."

Heinirch actually lit up in a grin.

"Ja! Yes! That is the intent!"

Wen let out an audible acknowledgement, seemingly understanding the intentions behind the game. She seemed to hold the scroll a bit closer to herself.

"Ah... the positioning, the strategy required... that wouldn't be easy for anyone to understand, let alone master..."

A knowing smirk played on her face.

"You have this intended for someone, do you not?"

Her husband seemed to squirm under pressure as the question was pressed, as if slightly embarassed.

"W-Well, I have decided to name it Cultivator's Xiangqi! As such, it's a game designed for training the mind of any Cultivator willing to play."

Wen, not looking up from the scroll, acknowledged the lie immediately. Her smirk grew slightly larger.

"That's not true, is it? You have someone in mind. Go on, tell me..."

Heinirch let out a sigh, smile unbreaking.

"You know that I am greatly invested in the future of the Xun... and the futures of a few of our Young Masters in particular..."
"For you to go out of your way to make such a competitive game gives one an idea of whom you speak of..."

Heinrich playfully scoffed.

"It's not just one of them! Competition is just one of the healthiest environments to foster talent!"

Wen held out a hand.

"May I see one of the pieces, existence promised by these rules?"

Heinrich reached into his pocket, and produced a small wooden figure; the guise of a dragon, painted black. A small, blue painted pebble rested in the center of its chest. Wen took it, and actually admired its detail.

"Fine handicraft. You must have taken a lot of time on this."
"Yes, that would be the Water Dragon; one of the General pieces. The game should also be appealing in some way, aesthetically... if everyone grew bored of it so quickly, I would have wasted a good deal of time for nothing."
"And you're sure that no one in particular is meant to appreciate this handicraft the most...? I wonder if they'd also enjoy a game as a nice change of pace from the usual monotony...?"
"Perish the thought."

Wen actually let out the slightest, smallest laugh.

And Heinrich caught it, almost desperately.

"...Your laugh is quite beautiful, you know."
"You've gotten me into a good mood. While this game of yours is intriguing, it makes me long for a game of weiqi. I believe I'm free of duties for the night- do you fancy a match?"

There was something warm in Heinrich's eyes, and for once, there was even something warmer than usual in Wen's.
Heinrich nodded, containing glee well.

"Of course, my lady."

Then, Heinrich turned to that damn ape.

"Hans, could you fetch us the weiqi board and pieces? And stand by for further instructions, ja?"

Just as the beast nodded and turned, that warmth in Wen's eyes seemed to chill.

"Oh. I just realized. I'm sorry, Heinrich, but there actually is a matter I must attend to. Post-haste. Perhaps our game can wait for another time?"
"...Ah. I understand. Did you at least enjoy our dinner?"
"Indeed. I look forward to our next private affair. Good night, Heinrich."
"Goodnight, dear."

Wen sat the figure and scroll onto the table, before gracefully but purposefully removing herself from the scene.

The wife's husband watched as she moved past the candles like a ghost, and almost him, before placing a hand on his shoulder, just for a moment. Heinrich reached to hold her hand in turn, and after the momentary display of affection, Wen resigned herself back to her path.

She disappeared past a door of the dining chamber, and Heinrich turned his gaze to his dutiful creation. A gear turned in his head for just a split second, and he let out a breath of annoyance.

"Tch. Well... Hans, I believe we should find you a better position. Waiting doesn't seem to be your forte, ja?"

The beast, posture unwieldy, breath still shaky, bent down into a far more natural position for its kind, arching its back.

"Do you think you could take care of the table for me?"

Next, the ape cracked its neck.

And talked, croaking out words in a coarse voice.

"Yeah, consider it done. Can't believe you fumbled your date so badly, old boy."

"...Thank you, Hans. And for the insight as well."

"Told you having me serve was a bad idea. I can see that, and I got a pylon sticking out my head."

"I SAID THANK YOU, HANS."

Heinrich started for a door on the opposite side of the dining chamber.
He made a mental note regarding Wen's preferrence of actually private affairs.

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Pub: 18 Dec 2025 01:04 UTC

Edit: 18 Dec 2025 03:05 UTC

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