edisonm's Cotton Candy Grapes™
Another favourite, and another anon after my own heart with near-future dystopia. Echoes of Black Mirror, PKD, Idiocracy, other cheery corporate antique-futurism. Captures very well how disturbing it is that modern products, technologies, etc. seem to base themselves with no sense of irony on Verhoeven satires, complete with calm soothing voiceovers and mellow chimes designed to opiate, everything is fine in our Utopia, no need for that kind of language, sir. Anarchic energy in the mc's voice, notably in free associating at length mid-confrontation with the moderator woman, and great stream of consciousness throughout. Great ear for social media catchphrases and the homogenous replies everyone parrots which underlines the deep isolation and facelessness of mc's predicament. Beautiful closing images of lost community and connection in a (presumed) lost photo now slipping even from memory, the past replaced by an eternal and yet deletable Now. Comical, scary, personal, universal, a paradoxical explosion. Great stuff man, thanks for letting me read, please keep on writing.
Meadowlisp's Chicago
One of the strongest writers in show. Seamless transitions from the clunk of everyday speech to high-register descriptions, vivid imagery and wordplay. Deep dreamlike quality wandering from scene to memory to scene. Shifts from sombre to self-loathing, visceral fantasy to prosaic indifference, and quietly disturbing every step of the way. The rape attempt particularly well rendered, a dark little addiction indulged then aborted, and John Grady takes shape as a true living breathing character. As others have noted, parallels with Stephen King at his best and most realistic/domestic, but there's something more here. Pieces of A Million Little Pieces but less didactic and postured, no, that's not quite it, maybe Burroughs at his saddest, nah that ain't it either. So must be original, or close enough to qualify, and pretty fucking masterful too. So well done my man, a joy to read. Keep on writing the good write.
WORK's Little Sister
And finally my self-assigned crit partner. Let's actually point out some of the shortcomings as well as the positives in this one. Yes, let's. Expert evocation of smutty manga, can practically see the inky panels, Navy's ears burning cartoonishly red. "Navy" as just the right stroke of genius, a great ventriloquism of a Japanese name poorly translated into our barbaric English. Plain, affectless language which stays out of the way of the voyeurism, a restrained tease (for now, at least, gulp) tantalisingly exploring several taboos, taking its sweet time like a whore's hand on your thigh. An interesting choice to describe the narrator in the mirror, but never the object of his lust in full: Navy stays ephemeral, only a ghostly braid, a tongue, a few singsong complaints and a pair of frilly knickers still musky with her sap. Vulgar werewolf that I am, I'd've'st liked to see a glimpse of her itty bitty titties, her hairless smooth-as-porpoise cunt, her tongue taking a trip to tap on her teeth, all that juicy shit; but in closing I must defer to WORK's discerning self-control, bowing gracefully to your more practiced expertise. Keep on writing, my guy, you're the heart and soul of our humble 4chan.
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