i get uncomfortable around people who're very social or close with others, i dont really understand having overly positive emotions that come from socializing, i have social anhedonia. im always looking for friends, but im very neutral towards people and dont tend to be very interested in others. i get uncomfortable around overly expressive or easily angered people, and people who are overly opinionated and politically inclined, such as frequently engaging in political discourse. i dont mind it as a minor trait, but if its something that takes up a large part of your identity or speech mannerisms i might distance myself a bit. i dont really dislike anyone and i actually find it hard to be mad at people, due to AVPD all i really feel is shame most of the time. i like most people generally but that doesnt stop me from being extremely scared of chatting.
i also dont really enjoy being around people who are super into fandom discourse or sexuality/label discourse, i just dont find it productive to talk about - having opinions is fine, but i just dont want to be forced to engage with it. i like having discussions but i dont like emotionally charged statements (which i find is common in political discussions, lol)
these are all just personal preferences and i dont really mind being around any of these sorts of people, i dont see you as annoying as a person for any of this, just know that i get avoidant easily. i dont like making myself seem important or opening up to others, i trust people easily but just know that if im telling you something it's probably because im comfortable talking about it, (unless i mention otherwise.) im fine with brainrot stuff and slang, just try not to use it during serious conversations because it gets very difficult and scary to read the intended tone and meaning. i like people who word things carefully and have detailed understandings of their thoughts and feelings. i find things that i cant understand, or find unpredictable, very scary.
i relate very heavily to shinji ikari, satou tatsuhiro, lain iwakura, araragi koyomi, arale nakamachi, oguri cap, and air shakur
i enjoy bishojo and bishonen media a lot
im not very big on shonen, but i like seinen, mystery, supernatural, psychological, horror, and sometimes fantasy or sci-fi
im interested in true crime content but i dont like learning about serial killers, or anything to do with the tcc community. i am also very interested in internet mysteries and general online research (i love reading medical websites, forums, reddit and wikipedia or other online encyclopedias...)
i love reading about lives of artists and writers. im interested in writing but am not very good at it. i also like learning about art theory and study (though, again, my execution is kind of shitty lmao)
i really like media analysis, so i have criticisms about almost everything i engage in, but that doesnt mean that i dont see the good in it. i like seeing the value in things, ill be more open to something if i see that it has emotional importance to it's audience. i really like reading and writing reviews. i like writing discourse but im really passionate about it so i have to distance myself so that i dont get overly worked up over it. (myanimelist, letterboxd and goodreads reviewers are so stingy sometimes lmao... but i love video essays!!)
even though i get scared easily, i wouldnt say im weak socially, i do distance myself from others and set boundaries. just know that im internally emotionally unstable, but i dont like making it public. im okay with talking about this info because im confident in my understanding of it, and i spend a lot of time reflecting on it. i enjoy journaling a lot.
most of my mannerisms come from needing to use the DBT skill "wise mind" very often, so that's where my aversion to overly emotional communication comes from - it just throws my internal reasoning off course
i tend to be told that im pretty logical, but also unserious when needed. i might be unserious or too serious accidentally in some situations, please be extremely clear if you think that's the case. i dont like being spoken to passive aggressively, or with info only being implied, please do be direct.
for more general byi/dni info please read both of my carrds. some of the info on there is a bit outdated, so just refer back to this rentry for the updated info
ive been diagnosed with the label of being twice exceptional, which is a less severe form of savant syndrome. i have a "spikey cognitive profile", so im extremely advanced in certain areas, but very below average in other areas. im below average at language processing and conversational skills in real life, my speech is disorganized and i speak like im much younger than i really am. there are certain times where i verbally speak in a more "advanced" way, but it takes a lot of mental energy.
im in the top 2% of gifted IQ's - i dont think IQ is very important on its own, but the label is important to me because it just makes clear that you should expect me to be slow in basic areas like sensory processing, but may be very advanced or difficult to understand when it comes to things im interested in.
i think that before interacting with me its important to take a look at traits identified as being associated with twice exceptional people.
(air shakur is js like me fr fr)
im in special education so i dont attend school in real life, and have to attend home-hospital schooling. ive had an inverted sleep pattern since childhood, so it makes going outside at all really hard.
as its probably obvious from everything ive written here, i have a very hard time with expressing myself to others. i think i understand myself pretty well, but my internal experience tends to be different from most other peoples', so its just hard to explain my emotions and internal reasoning.
i once was referred to a neurological assessment by a psychologist because my affect is extremely flat, (or i seem like im "not there", as my psychologist said.)
i find being close to people who i understand easiest, i have a hard time finding people who i understand, though.
in general im just a very withdrawn person