I hear Amanda and Spencer coming back. It's so quiet now we can hear the truck when they're still fairly far away.
"I should go help them unload everything," I tell Eddie.
He sighs. "Yeah...I should too."
"Do you feel okay now? If you still feel dizzy or anything, just stay in here. We can handle it."
I get up so I can go help out...he grabs my hand. I turn to look at him. He kisses the back of my hand.
"I'll be there in a few minutes."
Amanda is carrying in a box when I get in the kitchen.
"I think we wiped them out of anything useful this time. But maybe tomorrow you guys should go back...see if there's anything else we might need," she says.
I nod my head.
"Are you okay? You're quiet...or something," she says.
"Yeah...things are just weird."
She sets the box on the table...walks over to me. She pushes my hair back. "What happened? Your neck is red," she says touching it.
It has to be from Eddie when he was nuzzling my neck. He hasn't shaved and he has stubble right now.
"And now you're blushing...did something happen?" she asks.
Spencer comes into the kitchen carrying a couple boxes. "Is anyone going to help me unload this stuff?"
"We're coming." I hear Eddie say.
Spencer sets the box down on the table, then he and Eddie go outside.
"So...what happened?" Amanda asks me.
I shrug my shoulders. "Eddie said he likes me. Like he likes me. I don't know what to say or do...or anything. I feel really weird about it for some reason."
"Why? Do you like him? He's fucking hot, and really nice...for the most part," she says.
I nod my head. "Yeah...he's nice. I like him."
"But do you like him? You know, like more than just a friend."
"I don't know...maybe. I haven't known him that long...you know?"
"Do you think I'm a slut for sleeping with Spencer?" she asks.
I shake my head.
"I really do like him. I can see me being with him for a long time," she says.
We go outside to help them. They're carrying stuff into the barn.
"You have to admit we really lucked out. I mean if anyone was going to come across your house and stay with us...we got fucking lucky it was them," Amanda says to me.
We stand there and watch them until they come back to the truck.
"Are you guys going to help? Or..." Spencer says.
"We're helping," Amanda tells him.
She walks down off the porch to him. Hugs him...kisses his cheek. He smiles...then kisses her.
Eddie watches. Then he looks at me. He holds a hand out to me. I walk down the porch steps, take his hand. We walk over to the truck...holding hands.
Maybe this could work.
I'm secretly pleased that Amanda and Spencer decided to move to another bedroom. I like being alone with Eddie at night. It was never awkward. He's so sweet at night...well he's sweet during the day too...but at night it's just us...and we talk...a lot. And I cry sometimes for everything that is gone...and everything that may never be again.
It gets easy to get into a routine and stay that way. Eddie and I usually wake up when the rooster crows in the morning so we still get up and take care of the animals, start breakfast. Then a bit later Amanda and Spencer wake up and take care of the water. Well, most of the water. Usually, Eddie will bring at least a bucket in for me so I can make coffee for him. He's going to be so sad when the coffee runs out.
I try to figure out what to make for breakfast. I'm so tired of eggs, and we only got five this morning. Five eggs won't go far for four people.
I could make pancakes. We have syrup, but no butter. I wonder if they would be mad with no butter?
I don't really have much choice. I make pancake batter. If anyone wants to be upset with me...they can go find butter, or figure out how to make it with the goat's milk.
Eddie brings me water so I start boiling some for coffee while I wait for the griddle to be hot enough to cook pancakes.
He sits in the kitchen and plays songs on his guitar for me.
He found the guitar in the storeroom of the store once when he and Spencer went. They weren't gone but for maybe forty five minutes...if that. He said they were worried about us being here alone.
But while they were there digging through stuff in the storeroom, he found a guitar. I didn't even know he could play, he never mentioned it. But he plays very well. Spencer says Eddie can sing, but he won't. He gets upset if I ask him about it, so I have left him alone. I figure one day maybe he'll open up about it, maybe sing for us, or at least for me.
I try to figure out what we can have with pancakes, we need something else or everyone is going to be hungry in like an hour.
Apples! We have so many. I can try to fry them in some cinnamon and brown sugar. Really need some butter, but this will have to do.
"Do you need me to do anything?" Eddie asks.
"Will you go downstairs and get like six apples?"
"Apples? Sure. Anything else?" he asks.
"Yeah find me some butter."
"Didn't you say something about making butter?" he asks.
I nod my head. "Yeah, we can make butter from the goat's milk. It's kind of a lot of work, but would be worth it in the end I think."
"How often do you milk the goats?"
I sigh. "Not as much as I could...or should. We should start doing it more. Every morning I guess. I just don't do it much because we still have babies that nurse and well it's not like the milk will keep. Maybe now that it's getting cold we can set up some sort of refrigeration outside, or in the barn."
"If you show me how to do it I'll start doing it while you make breakfast. And we should figure out some sort of refrigerator. I knew that first day that you were smart...I'm glad you let us stay here," he says.
He comes over to where I am. He stands behind me at the stove. He puts his arms around me...kisses the back of my neck. "And not just because it's a safe place, and you have so much supplies. It's because of you. I'm glad you let us stay so I could get to know you...because I really like you."
I turn around so I can see him. I kiss him. "I'm glad you guys showed up. At first, when we were hiding under my bed from you, I hated you. And then you were talking about eating something and I was thinking, they won't be gone until after dark, and I was so scared at that moment. Then you asked us to get out from under my bed and at first I was scared to death of what you would do to us...especially after you were looking at my pictures, and that comment Spencer made."
"I don't remember exactly what he said, but I bet it was pretty nasty. We're guys...we can be nasty," he says laughing.
"I don't remember exactly either...but he told you to take some pictures of me with you...if you wanted."
"I'm glad I didn't have to. I have the real you," he says and kisses me.
"I guess this means you plan on staying longer than for the winter?"
He smiles at me. "I don't know...do you still want me to leave?"
I look at him...look into his stupid blue eyes...look at those beautiful perfectly shaped red lips...and I kiss them. "Don't you dare leave me. Except right now...you need to go downstairs and get me some apples."
He kisses me, then gets a flashlight off the counter and goes downstairs.
The fried apples don't taste too bad. They're actually really good with the pancakes. It's been a while since we had anything sweet.
Eddie and Spencer work on clearing off the table, collecting the scraps for the animals, while Amanda helps me wash the dishes.
All of the animals will be excited to have some sweet treats today.
"We need to plan a day to take you girls out shooting," Eddie says during dinner.
"Girls...are we like twelve now?" I ask him.
"God I hope not," Spencer says.
"Ladies...sorry...I didn't mean anything bad. Not trying to be disrespectful or anything...and calling you guys seems really wrong," Eddie says.
I look at him trying to save face. He's so beautiful. I mean even though it's not very bright in here now, even though I can't really see him very well, I already know his expressions so I know exactly what his face looks like right now even if I can't fully see it.
I reach over with one of my feet and touch his legs. He slightly jumps a first, but then sees me looking at him so he knows it's me.
I slowly slide my foot up his leg, then back down again.
He keeps looking at me at first, but then he seems slightly uncomfortable.
"So...anyway...we need to go shooting one day. I could use some practice anyway," he says as he looks away from my gaze.
He seems so distracted, I wonder why?
"Sounds perfect..." I say staring at him, still running my foot up and down his leg.
I'm glad he sits across from me, although right now if he was sitting next to me I think my hand would be moving up and down his thigh.
He shifts in his seat, moving around quite a bit. Then he reaches a hand down, seems like he's adjusting something.
I rest my foot on his chair, right between his legs.
"Tomorrow...maybe?" he asks.
I smile and nod my head. "Yeah...maybe."
"I think I want to sleep in my room tonight," I tell Eddie after Spencer and Amanda have already gone upstairs.
It's late and I was about to go up and get in bed...wait for Eddie to come up.
He likes to walk around the house, look around for people I guess. He says for anything out of place, anything that doesn't seem right. I also know he still likes to pee outside. I don't know why he does, but he does.
"Yeah? And do you want to sleep alone?" he asks.
I shake my head. He smiles his half-assed smile at me. "I'll be up in like ten minutes."
He kisses me softly on the lips. He looks at me before he turns and leaves.
I go up to my bedroom. Earlier I moved our pillows into here and put them on my bed. I pull back the blankets and look at the sheets to make sure there's nothing creepy crawly there, then I start getting undressed. I pick up the nightie off my pillow. I put it there after I moved our pillows. I planned on wearing it, but now I don't know if I am brave enough to. I walk over to my dresser where the lantern is. I stand in front of my mirror and hold the nightie up in front of me. I still think it's ridiculous...but Eddie seemed to like it...a lot.
I take my tee shirt off and toss it over by my door where I used to throw my dirty clothes...like before everything happened.
I take my jeans off and leave them on the floor by my bed. I slip the nightie over my head and look at myself in the mirror. I really don't recognize myself. I look so different than I did during the summer...so different than I looked when Eddie and Spencer came here. I wonder if my parents would even recognize me now.
I turn the lantern off and get in my bed. It will be weird to sleep in my bed with Eddie. I'm not really sure what our relationship is. If we have any sort of relationship, or if we together because we have no one else. I don't want that kind of relationship...I want him to be with me because he loves me.
Anyway, it will be weird to sleep in my bed with him since my bed is smaller than my parent's is...but I love sleeping close to him. Love snuggling against his body...his arms around me...my head on his chest so I can hear his heartbeat.
I'm falling asleep when I hear him coming up the stairs. He turns his flashlight off and sets it down on my nightstand. He strips to his boxers and gets in bed with me. He's so cold and shivering.
"It's getting so cold. We need to find more hay for the winter or the animals will freeze," he says.
"Yeah. Maybe there's still some at the feed store...and we can check other houses too. But come here and let me warm you up," I tell him pulling him to me.
He wraps me in his arms. Snuggles his head into my shoulder.
"Ewwww your nose is running," I say laughing.
"It's fucking cold out there."
"Are you getting warmer being here in my bed?" I ask him.
"You feel wonderful...and warm...and I wish I could see you right now because I know what you have on. Did you wear it just for me?"
I nod my head. "Yeah," I breathe in his ear.
I feel him nuzzle my neck. His lips barely touching it, his warm breath on me. "Thanks," I hear very quietly in my ear.
He kisses my neck...sucks on it. I've never had a hickey...I'm not sure how I'll feel about it if he gives me one. Amanda and Spencer will know who gave it to me. I kiss his neck...suck on it...but I feel weird since I've never done anything like this before.
He has his hands on me...touching me. It feels so strange to have someone touching me like this...touching me in places no one ever has.
He moves back a little...he looks at me and smiles. He has the most beautiful smile...always makes me smile.
There's just enough moonlight coming in my bedroom window so I can see him. See how beautiful he is.
He pulls me back to him. Kisses me. "We should sleep, it's been a busy day."
"Yeah, but we got a lot done. And we have so much food, and now the seeds. We'll have an amazing garden next year."
He's smiling at me.
"What?" I ask him.
"It makes me happy that you're planning for next summer. I get worried sometimes," he says.
"Worried? What about? Me?"
He nods his head. "Yeah...you. I'm afraid you'll give up. And now...if you give up...I probably will too."
I kiss him. Snuggle into him so we can sleep. It has been a long day, and tomorrow and every day will probably be long, and hard, but I think I can do it now that I have him in my life.
I lay there thinking. I actually feel spoiled by life.
We have access to fresh clean water. We have fresh eggs for now. We have a lot of food...more than most people I bet. We have the animals.
Ok yeah, both my parents died and I was left alone or would have been if Amanda hadn't moved in...and then later Eddie and Spencer. I wonder if they are still planning on leaving in the spring? I wonder if they ever planned that? I don't want Eddie to ever leave...I'm falling in love with him.
I wake up alone though. I lay there and wonder if maybe everything wasn't just a dream. I smile and then I'm not sure why exactly I'm smiling.
I roll over and look towards my dresser. All the pictures of me and Amanda stuck to the mirror. My stack of school books are sitting there, and I wonder if I finished my homework. I smell breakfast. Bacon, eggs, toast. I wish my mom didn't make me eat so much...I'm going to get fat. I hope I have time for a shower this morning. I have that new shirt...I want to look cute for Mike.
I know I should get up and get in the shower, but my bed is so comfy and I just want to stay in it. I'll stay just until my mom yells up to me.
I close my eyes. Just five more minutes I think. Then I hear someone calling my name.
"Mara...are you getting up? There's stuff to do."
It's not my mom though. I open my eyes again. My dresser is a mess. Clothes tossed up there to be put away. Pictures that were stuck to the mirror are hanging off, some have fallen onto the clothes.
School books on the floor now. Right next to them my Dr Martens boots, and then another identical pair next to them. Eddie's boots. Eddie's voice waking me up.
This is my reality.
Eddie lays next to me. "The sun is up, but it's going to be chilly today. The first real day of winter I think."
I lay there just looking at him.
He moves a little closer to me...pushes my hair back.
"We should probably go pick the rest of the apples today, if we get frost tonight they'll be ruined if we leave them on the trees, but they should be okay in the basement," he says.
I nod my head. I close my eyes and try to smell breakfast cooking again. Bacon...it's been so long since I've had bacon.
I hate that it gets dark so early. It's like we eat dinner and then it's dark out. Too dark to do anything outside. And it's getting too damn cold anyway.
It's boring though. I sit in the living room and read for a bit, but I feel like I'm wasting kerosene if I use a lantern or wasting the batteries if I use a flashlight.
Amanda and Spencer went outside for a walk before they went up to bed. It is bright outside tonight, a full moon, but I don't want to deal with the cold so I stay in.
Eddie sits with me. He messes around with his guitar. He really plays beautifully. I want to tell him so, but afraid he'll think I'm just saying that to be nice. Sometimes he doesn't take compliments very well.
"Do you need the light?" I ask him.
"I feel bad wasting the kerosene, or the batteries," I explain.
"Yeah. I guess turn the lantern off. We can sit here in the dark," he says.
I laugh and turn it off. "And do what?"
"I have a couple ideas..." he says.
I smile at him. He leans over and kisses me. We kiss.
I stop kissing him. I look at him. This beautiful man. Would I be doing this if he wasn't the only guy left that seems to be available? Yeah, I think I would. I think I would still want him.
I kiss him. I lay back on the sofa and pull him down with me...on top of me.
We kiss. Hard and fast. I've never kissed like this before. I can't get enough of him fast enough.
He moves over a little so he's next to me, laying halfway on me. He pushes my shirt up and kisses between my boobs. Then my nipples. I feel a little uncomfortable. I've never done anything like this before.
His hair falling across my chest tickles. I reach up and push it back behind his ear, but it falls right back down.
He moves up a bit. He's nuzzling my ear, my neck. Soft sweet kisses.
I feel one of his hands between my legs. The other hand trying to unfasten my jeans. I can feel his hard cock against my side. I start to get scared. I can't do this. It's too much...too soon. I'm not ready for sex. And we have no kind of protection. Do I want to risk getting pregnant? Especially now that there are no more hospitals...no doctors. What would I do if I got pregnant?
I push him back. "Eddie...no. I can't."
He looks at me confused. "Can't? Can't what?"
"I'm not ready. There are so many things we need to think about," I say trying to explain.
He sits up. He looks over at me...well as much as he can since it's dark in here now.
I reach a hand out to him. "Eddie..."
"I'm going to go take a walk. Make sure everything is quiet. I'll be up in a bit," he says and gets up.
"Eddie...I..." I start to say.
He shakes his head. "Don't worry about it."
I hear him go out the back door.
I feel bad, just a little bad. I do like him. But love? I'm not sure yet. Maybe. I have to love him though to have sex with him. And I do want to have sex with him. One day...I just don't know when. It could be tomorrow...it could be a year from now.
I go into the kitchen. I look out the window over the sink and watch him. He's so beautiful. It's dark out but the moon is huge and bright tonight so I can see him fairly well.
He walks over towards where the garden is but stops a bit away from it. I watch him hesitate for a few seconds, then I see him unfasten his pants. I turn away embarrassed when he starts peeing.
I look back after about thirty seconds and see him walking towards the barn. He opens the door, shines the flashlight inside and looks around for a minute, then shuts the door.
He starts walking to the front of the house. I get myself a glass of water, then look back out the window. A couple minutes later I see him walking back. He sits on the back porch. He just sits for a minute, then he unzips his pants. I can't figure out what he's doing at first, then I see him take his cock out.
I've never seen a guy naked. Never had a boyfriend. I know I shouldn't be watching, I should go upstairs right now, get in bed.
But I can't. I watch him. Watch him stroke himself until he's aroused and hard. I can't look away while he pleasures himself.
The way he touches himself seems so rough, I would be afraid to touch him like that. He seems almost angry.