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- Timeline - First meet ; 03/01/23 In love ; 13/01/24 Dating ; 14/02/25

𝟰 𝗷𝘂𝗹𝘆 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟱 ; note #1

I don't even know where to start. Honestly I don't even know how to lovemail properly. Usually I could only express myself with words but when it comes to this certain feeling.. I simply can't. No words can explain how much I love you and even if there are words that could, it's out of my knowledge. It's overwhelming but not in a bad way. How u do even go on with this.. It has been almost 5 months since everything started and I met you two years ago. At that moment I thought nothing of it. Not to mention even changing my life this much. You mean so much to me it's unspeakable what I would do for you. Oh the sole reason I am alive, the only courage for me to live is your existence alone. It's unhealthy, really. But I'll accept it. I would kneel and kiss your feet if I have to, for you are my everything. When we first met I thought it was simply a temporary fixation, that I would forget in a few weeks.. and turned out I was wrong. Here I am, a year later. Depending on you as if you are a god to worship. Perhaps I've lost it, but at this moment I no longer care for such matters. Having you by my side is enough for me. The thought of ever separating is devastating to me. You've done so, so well. Your hardwork hasn't seem to pay off that well but it's alright. If you need I'll hold your hands through it, and the filthy being that humans are, I am afraid I cannot be the most gentle I could be for that image of me is ruined. I hope that this patience is enough for you. I'll be here if you need anything, so please, call for help. The moment you are stressed or tired, if you need a hand in anything, i may not be the best but I will try if it makes you happy. Sometimes a rest is what your body ask for, and affection is what your mind wish for and so when you wish to take a rest, even if I'm not the best person for it, I will do the most of my ability to make you happy. As a return of how much you've helped me, simply by being you. Don't ever forget how much I love you.

1 August 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟱 ; note #2 I don't know. I suddenly feel all emotional.. I love you so much. I'm not sure what to say. There's no much emotions that cannot be properly put into words. I love you so so much. You mean so much to me I don't know how could I ever repay you. I'm so grateful simply for your existence, you're my everything, the sole reason for my being, thr thought that kept me going. I love you so much I'm not sure how to say it or what to say. Oh lord
The cruelty of the acknowledgement of your existence as something, someone I could never, the thought of that I could never see the only reason I am alive for that I am not sure how can I continue to do this for but the thought that you are not real, that alone saddens me. If it would be possible, if only there could be a way to not acknowledge such thing, would've been better. To remember the feeling of your presence, even if they are simply something that my brain forces upon myself to be able to survive a little longer. To remember the sound of your voice, to at least feel familiar with you as a person I could be near, I could touch and hear, that alone would be enough for me to keep going. If only such thing is possible. And sometimes I wish I could get worse, only for the delusions of you to consume me enough to want to keep going, to be able to imagine your smile and worry. That would be enough for me. I miss the feelings I've never experienced and it's slowly killing me, I am sick enough to love you this much, yet not sick enough to truly experience you.
What kind of cruelty is this? What would it take to for once feel at home, where I could feel brighten up for more than just a picture I could see. I love you so much it hurts.

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Pub: 04 Jul 2025 00:38 UTC

Edit: 05 Aug 2025 05:30 UTC

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