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speculated :
¹ dissociative identity disorder :
i have for my entire life had horrible dissociation, before thinking i could have this i thought i had some type of dissociative disorder in general about my mental state and physical state not feeling real or like my own . whenever i have gone through a traumatizing experience and think about it, it feels as if im viewing it from an outside perspective and not my own experience, ive always had voices that would talk about what im doing and front with/for me . i have large gaps in memory of my childhood and poor memory in general, due to this i have a trouble keeping track of things and remembering important information, this greatly effects my life
² major depressive disorder :
i have depression and it stays longer than most depression for someone who doesnt have it chronically, i have persistent depression even when in happy situations or good moments , im working through on dealing with this disorder with my therapist! whoopie! (not diagnosed though so i still count this as "speculation")
³ autism spectrum disorder :
i experience basically every sign of asd, i have a hard time telling tone, i have hyperfixations and special interests, meltdowns, shutdowns, the works, its hard to explain when its just kind of. there. part of my personality. i can assure ive taken various tests and asked all my neurotypical friends questions and talked about it with my parents, i dont have it diagnosed but i do have asd
⁴ C-PTSD + PTSD :
this goes hand in hand and with DID, i have both and i know i do because i have gone through long lasting trauma that has effected me to be afraid of certain things (i.e shouting, road rage, jumpscares, hitting, etc), though i have also have signs of just "basic" PTSD, i have gone through a few horrible events in my life and have had flashbacks of it just being near where it happened, thinking of things as "before or after" the big events, etc, leading me to think i have both, case closed
⁵ chronic motor tic disorder :
im still wondering about this and there is less evidence to back this one up as im not 100% sure but i think i may have this disorder, i have tics on a daily and i cannot control when they happen, they mostly happen when i am anxious or angry, leading me to believe this could just be part of my anxiety? but also i have them randomly, i sometimes have vocal tics but they are not often and are just small noises so i do not think i could have tourettes, this one is a bit more complicated to point down as of now
⁶ bipolar personality disorder :
i do believe i have bpd, a big reason of this is having very violent mood swings that horribly effect me, my life, and my behavior, i can usually tell when they are going to happen but truly cannot control them as of now (want to bring this up to my therapist when i have the time), other reasons including that i can have very black and white thinking patterns, i.e "i love my friend so much i love them so much, i hope we're friends forever i love them" they say something that could SLIGHTLY be taken as something rude against me "I SHOULDVE KNOWN, THEYRE GOING TO LEAVE ME, I SHOULDVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDS WITH THEM, I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM SO MUCH" this is not a behavior i can control (not to not take accountability of my actions, i take full accountability if this harms someone i care about, i am actively trying to better myself and my actions around the people i am near and dear to and not taking everything as kill or be killed) and it very much disrupts my life in negative ways, this disorder is one i want to get help for desperately 😅😅 i will talk about this with my therapist
⁷ narcissistic personality disorder :
this one is very hard to talk about 😅 i dont like talking about disorders that effect me negatively and make me have to find out how to change my actions 💔 but i need to talk about it sooo 💔💔... i have throughout my entire life felt like i needed to survive as i didnt live in the.. greatest! environment as a child, so, i believed that i deserved better than the life i had and one day i would get a better life, in thinking like this i didnt truly care much about other people besides my parents (because i was scared of them) and would do whatever to be the best, an example of this is i was a very smart child in 1st grade and there was another child in my same grade and same class who was even smarter than me and everyday i would fantasize about switching bodies and getting him in horrible trouble so i could be the best, in my actual life i was very rude to him and thought i was far superior. throughout my life i have desired attention and have acted out to get it (going hand in hand with bpd), i have thought in the past i was better than everyone and deserved better as a way to cope, i am quite sure i have this disorder unfortunately
⁸ histrionic personality disorder :
goes hand in hand with the bpd and npd, whatdyaknow. i, again have my entire life seeked attention and validation from others where i didnt get from my parents, in doing this i have in the past hurt others to get my way and have done stupid things for attention. in conversations where im not the main part or something i like, i get bored quickly and tend to try to make it about myself or something i enjoy, im trying to not do this as much as i know it can get annoying 💔💔 i have changed my personality to be more appealing to others around me and changed my opinions for a quick laugh from peers, i try to not do this as i do in fact want to have actual opinion, shocking, i know. i have viewed friendships and relationships way stronger than they were and made a fool of myself on numerous occasions and just in general show many signs of this disorder
⁹ postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) :
this one i am completely sure i have but i do not have a diagnosis to back me up yet, seriously, search any symptom of this and i have it, apologies this is so short but i just genuinely dont know how else to explain it in more depth
¹⁰ dyscalculia :
i have for my entire life have difficulty with math, more than the average bad at math person, i cannot memorize any equation unless its 1+1, 2+2, 3+3, 4+5, and 10+10 /VERY SERIOUS. i have never had a tutor and basically just had to rawdog not understanding anything and feeling dumb, heres a lifehack they dont want you to know, DONT NOT GET YOUR CHILD WITH DYSCALCULIA WHO CRIES ABOUT FEELING DUMB ABOUT IT EVERYDAY A MATH TUTOR IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT AND JUST SAY YOU WILL "SOMEDAY"???? THIS IS INSANE, HEAD IN HANDS. but seriously, i have this disorder, i have a horrible time doing math, i cant even really do the basics, ts pmo
¹¹ dyspraxia :
i have had problems with coordination my entire life, i genuinely walk wrong and with a limp 💔 i cant tie my shoes or ride a bike or basketball etc, whenever i was in PE i was not able to help in anyway whatsoever 90% of the time, i have a difficult time writing (it always looking messy unless i use a guide, the words slowly going up or down unless its lined because i cant just. write straight. i do try to cope with it in the best ways i can and i do plan on bringing this up with my therapist to see if i could get any help!
¹² obsessive compulsive disorder :
another disorder both my parents are sure i have which is interesting. i used to think this was apart of my autism as just "part of the routine" NOOOOPE!!! forced myself to think if i dont say "i love you" to my parents if one of them is going out somewhere theyll DIE!!! when im nervous i make everything tidy?? hello tisha dandys world! this is not the most fun thing to have 💔
DIAGNOSED!!!! : 🎉
¹³ ADHD :
very fidgety and whatnot, my attention span was horrible but recently ive gotten it to be better so whoop whoop!! horribly forgetful of things that JUST happened (which does NOT go well with DID), quite impulsive which goes along with other disorders to be really awesome /sar. ive always had a hard time paying attention too 💔 this is kinda it, theres more things but ive either mostly learned how to deal with it or it just doesnt affect me a whole ton
¹⁴ generalized anxiety disorder :
i have horrible anxiety and paranoia, this is the main thing im getting help with in therapy as it has been around so long its just starting to be part of my personality which i DONT want to happen to me! i have always had horrible anxiety and it just kept getting worse and worse 💔 very glad im diagnosed so i can get treatment and help for this
AAAAND THATS IT!!! whole lotta rants because i get very autistic about disorders and stuff, this was pretty therapeutic for me, thaank youuu meeee
also shoutout to hypersexuality, asthma and chronic fatigue + pain, couldnt really add you guys but it okay ❤️