So I'm a Pokemon: More One-Shots
A place for the stories too short to need their own paste AND that were too spicy for pastebin:
Falinksanon's Sextuple Life:
woke up today
six separate times
one time on the floor
mfw
trying to reach for phone
noarms.jpg
on the floor twice over now
staring at the ceiling, while also seeing underneath my desk, while also looking out my window, while also face-first in my pillow
simultaneously smaller and larger than usualstill have legs
can't move though
wherearemyknees.gif
flailing like a retard in full view of my neighbors, who are looking at me like they've seen a ghost
simultaneously not flailing
can't help it, start laughing like a psychopathfail
can't call for help
can't talk to myselves
I have no mouth
Quaquaval's Rhythmic Dream:
I’ve gotta tell you, sleep deprivation gives you banger vivid dreams. Thanks for the idea I “lived” last night.
Dreamt that I woke up as a Quaquaval in “first person POV”
Wander over to a mirror to examine myself
Start tracing my body, feeling the sensation of both touching the strange new body and being touched
It feels like half my brain is disconnected from the other half and is going through every rhythm pattern I can think of, causing the body to instinctively move along to it
Start by staring at my hands and flexing the three “fingers” as if pinkey and ring are stuck together, and middle and index are stuck together
1+2_3+4_/1+2_3+4_
Trace up the arms feeling soft plumage and the arm frills sticking out along the outside of the forearm
1__a3__a/1__a3__a/
Feel up my thin narrow chest and the bumps from the ribs all the way to the very broad shoulders and the flexible guards sticking out
Involuntarily shake all over as if I’m trying to sling off any excess water
1_2_3+4_/1_2_3+4_/
Follow the shapes of the hard beak curves in every direction
Examine it closer by opening and closing it while moving my head around to see it from all angles
1__+4/__2_3/
Move from the red eyebrows to the main head of dark blue hair, to the thin tall teal pompadour, all covered in a cool, slick gel that doesn’t stick
1_a2_a3_a4_a/1_a2_a3_a4_a
Feel down and backwards trying to understand the duck-like behind
Structurally, it’s like I’m trying to stick my butt out and curving my spine, but it feels like I’m standing straight like normal
The tail feathers are like sheets of water magically holding their place and shape
1_2_3_/1_2_3_
Trace up and down each leg like I’m putting on socks as they step in time
LRLL/RLRR
Give a suave confident grand sweeping gesture as I look up and make eye contact with myself in the mirror, locking onto the piercing blue eyes as he/I gives me a smile that somehow surprises me
Lycanrocanon Hates Being His Own K9 Unit:
You know that story about how in K9 squads, the dog is always one rank higher than the handler so it’s instructions are “direct orders from a superior” or so that abusing them is “assaulting a superior officer”?
Yeah that’s a crock of shit
Sometimes it might be done ceremonially, but it really doesn’t make sense when you think about it
At your department, they’re logged as equipment and must be handled with the same care as anything else
Working as a K9 handler is a pretty sweet gig, even more so as the captain overseeing the department
You’ve got everything from trackers to cadavers to bomb and drug to pursuit to even emotional therapy
The city must have gotten a grant from some animal lover donor or something to have a program this big
Suck it drone squad
It was a long week like any other and you had thoroughly enjoyed your weekend off
Monday morning came like a ton of bricks on your head
Maybe went a bit too hard on Sunday Night Football after day drinking too?
You weren’t usually this much of a lightweight
Maybe you needed the hair of the dog that bit you
Ha! That one never gets old!
But seriously, what was with this headache?
You actually felt yourself hunched over from the pressure.
Shuffling over to the sliding door mirror of your apartment closet made everything clear
You really wish it hadn’t
No. NO. NO! NOT ME TOO. NOT MORE OF THIS SHIT.
And yet it was
Red and white fur with bloodshot red eyes, a canine large muzzle, and cartoonishly large claws on your hands, feet, around your waist, and above your head somehow
The department had been putting out warnings from the CDC
Some kids video game was leaking into the real world like a goddamn portal from hell and turning real living people into animals designed to sell plush toys
There were a couple cases around the city but you hadn’t even come into contact with anyone
You of all people, not only had to get caught by this thing, but end up as a werewolf looking beast?
You had lost some height too
FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK this was going to suck
You had been in situations where things went sideways before
Hostage situations, organized robbery, standoffs
The fear wasn’t what got to you, it was always how mundane the surroundings were when it went bad
Here you are in your bedroom, but that familiarity means nothing and gives you no protection from how irrevocably everything had now changed and you had no control of it
With nothing left to do, in a fit of frustration, you slam your head against the wall
The hole in the drywall didn’t make you feel any better
Hotline Hakamo-o:
The last man’s body slides down the metallic paneling with a wet, heavy friction, joining the heap already clogging the doorway
The elevator chimes a polite sound that feels like a mockery in the dead silence of the hallway
Long, curved claws rhythmically strike the slick scarlet tiles as it steps into the lift with an echoing tick, tick, tack
Behind, the heavy end of a dented aluminum bat furrows a line through the blood, screeching against the floor
The dragon reaches out with a steady, clawed finger and punches the button for the penthouse, the button glowing a soft blue as the doors slowly shut against the mess outside
The mirrored interior offers a glimpse of a monster. A bipedal, grey-scaled dragon draped in a filth-stained varsity jacket, the yellow "B" on the chest almost obscured by arterial spray
Its large gold scales clatter together with every shudder of the rising car, sounding like colliding pots and pans
The dragon reaches into its jacket pocket, claws fumbling slightly before cranking the volume on its phone to the max
The earbuds rattle against its skull, a relentless, thumping bassline loud enough to drown out the world, but still not enough to silence the voice echoing in the back of its mind since the day it turned
“DO YOU LIKE HURTING OTHER PEOPLE?”
A thick, scaly leg begins to bounce, the rhythm matching that of the track
The elevator slows. The dragon shifts its grip on the bat, the metal groaning in its powerful fist
Ding
The doors slide open. Across the plush carpet of the foyer, half a dozen men in tailored suits freeze, all clutching their weapons in white-knuckled grips, their faces pale masks of terror
Stupid bastards knew they were just meat shields
The Hakamo-o peels back its lips to reveal bloody serrated teeth in a vicious grin, its golden head-crest shimmering under the flickering overhead lights
“DO YOU LIKE HURTING OTHER PEOPLE?”
The music drops, it steps out of the elevator, scales rattling a war cry
Exeggutoranon Loves Company:
You are dreaming, or what feels like it, anyway. Your mind claws at you, screaming with countless voices. Then, all of a sudden, there is silence. Something happened, but you are not sure what.
You awake to soft noises. Some kind of birds are chirping, you think to yourself. You hear someone whispering in your left ear before someone else shouts.
"YO, WAKE UP!"
"AHHAHHH! HUH? WHAT?!" you exclaim, confused.
"Why did you go and wake him up that way?" you hear a voice on your left say.
"It was quicker, wasn't it? Plus, I figured he should see this," you hear a voice on your right say.
"What's going on? Who are you people?" you ask, confused and scared.
"Why not look at the pool in front of you? It might help you get a clue," the voice on your left suggests.
You try to bend down, realizing you can barely do so. Your vision is foggy. You get a good look and realize... you're a damn Pokémon. An Alolan Exeggutor, to be accurate...
So many questions rang in your head; "how" and "why" were pretty reasonable ones. So what did this mean for you?
"Hey, I know you're having an existential situation, but you've gotta catch your breath," the right head said.
Taking a moment to calm yourself, you simply asked, "I guess I want to know, I know who I am, but what do I call you guys?"
"Well, we're just the same as you, but also different," the leftmost head claimed.
"Yeah, we're the other parts of you, but if you want names, uhhh, just call me Bubba," the right head chuckled.
"If we must have a name, call me Luna," the left head said calmly.
Then suddenly, from behind, your tail spoke. "Call me Bob. Don't worry, I ain't much for talking, but I'll give advice every now and again if y'all don't mind."
Names. Something to at least go by here, something to use.
"Alright then. You know, I'm Mitchell. Well, I guess what we should do is figure out where we are, huh?" you said. The voices now had a face to put to them, even if it was something similar to yours.
Now the plan was: how do we even move? What controls what?
"Just relax, think of it like stepping through the snow, just one step at a time," Luna spoke softly.
So that's what you did. Standing up, you felt the weight of your whole body, you felt like a titan. With one step, you felt the earth shake under you. One nice thing about being so tall, you were imposing, and you felt it too. One step after another became a walk. You were getting into it, then it became a run. You could feel your goofy neck fly back. You felt alive in a strange way.
You felt lighter, as if you truly weren't alone. You felt like you could fall back on someone for the harder stuff – one body, four minds to work from. And you were truly the center that grounded it all. It was magical, a feeling you could never put into words.
"Hey!" you hear Bubba shout, telling you to stop. You halt before a cliff that offers a view of the entire island. Your mind races: Where were you? Were you in the Pokémon world, like Kanto, or somewhere like Alola? Surely Alola, right?
You simply stare up at the moon. Not too far away, you can see other Pokémon. It feels surreal. You've seen the moon before; it's not entirely new, but it feels different somehow, magical even. You gaze longingly into the night sky. It feels intense, and you start to get choked up. You're not sure why, but you want to cry. But why? Thoughts swirl around in your head. Emotions make you feel like you're getting swallowed in it all.
Then, a soft chirp comes from your side, and a slight rub against your head. "Shh, it's alright... You're not alone anymore," Luna says as Bubba rubs against your head.
The swirling stops, and you are grounded again. The insanity of this... You wonder if there are others like you facing what you're facing. Other people turned into Pokémon—what a thought. But maybe it's not as far-fetched as it seems. Perhaps you could find a home here. You would try, as this was your life for now. And if things truly don't work out, maybe there's a way home.
You would find your way; you always picked yourself up. Your will has seen you through the worst in life. Why lie down and die now, when there's so much to experience? You sit down, basking in the moonlight. The soft chirping of bug Pokémon surrounds you; some use you as shade to sleep under. You don't mind. Maybe you could help others here and truly learn what it means to be alive. One way or another, you would know.
"We'll figure it out together; that's what I truly know," you say softly.
You seemingly fell asleep again. You were still fairly tired, and apparently, everyone else, a part of you, did as well, waking up to the sunrise.
"Oahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" you yawned loudly. You were the one who was the first awake this time. You did a little shake and woke up the others.
"Ughhh," groaned Bubba. "Did you have to wake me up so early? I was having a nice dream; I was eating a bunch of berries."
"Well, I suppose it's only proper..." yawned Luna. "We did wake him up similarly."
You feel your collective stomach groan. "Well, I figure we should go and eat. I wonder if they have bananas... Hmm, do you guys think it's cannibalism for us to eat other fruits?"
"I mean, maybe...? Technically, coconuts are a fruit, but we're not technically a tree; we're a sentient, magical creature," Bubba expounded.
"Perhaps we should worry about the moral aspect later and worry about filling our stomachs," Luna corrected.
Luna had a point. Let's go get some food. Walking out, stomping around, the ground shaking with each step, you then see a massive pile of berries next to a tree.
"Oh, hell yeah! We're dining today!"
Picking up pace after Bubba shared his excitement, you lean down and start chowing down. Suddenly, a Crabrawler pops out, shouting angrily at you.
"Oi, ya fawking cunt, deez r my berrys, ya hear?! Go get ya own, ya overgrown fern!"
"Well, that's rather rude," Luna said, feeling insulted.
"YA WANNA GO, YA DAMN SHRIMP!?" Bubba rashly said. "LETS KICK THIS GUY'S ASS, MITCH!" Bubba followed up, saying.
Thinking on it for a bit, you figure you would have to fight to survive, right? This was the wild, and you were hungry. Plus, you had height and size on your side. Your face turns serious, your posture changes, and it turns into a scowl, making the small Crabrawler's posture change to a nervous one, but akin to a cornered animal.
"You wanna fight? Let's go, buddy."