the story of my life ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ in the beginning

born: 24/4/2010 ||| sex: female


1 my old mom was a really good mom
she took care of me well
held me until her arms gave out
she was a good woman
she had perinatal depression (or whatever it's called)
i don't know what she did to me (i don't remember)
but my aunt told me this:

i came over and when i looked you in the eyes you began to cry

as if you were scared of me


2 she was a good woman i know, but i wonder what happened and how it changed me
would i feel better if i remembered?
my dad didn't understand what was wrong with my old mom, (they would fight about it)
and then my sister came out


3 & 4 my dad regrets fighting. he says they should have tried to be happy while they could (regret doesn't fix anything)
she had breast cancer
she went to the hospital
doctors didn't cut her breasts off (masectomy)
the cancer spread to her liver
she died
i saw her in the hospital (her eyes were yellow and she wasn't hearing me)
i don't remember the funeral (i fell asleep)
it was a mistake to forget (now i don't now what she looked like, even)
i don't think my sister misses her much (i know my father does)


5 & 6 i went to live with my aunt in Hampton VA
the school was shit (didn't even have a proper gym)
people were shit
stayed inside rotting my eyes and brain all the time (with an Amazon Kindle)
and it was terrible (except the food my aunt is an amazing cook)
not much to say here

when we came back to Chicago we got to see what my mother was like
my mother was strict
i was told to wash the dishes (ah yes letting six year olds wash knives)
i learnt a lot
she beat us with a stick
it hurt
she made us eat more (despite the good cooking my aunt made we were very skinny)
my sister kept vomiting
my sister couldn't take it (not surprising, she's the weakest out of all of us)
i wanted to stay with dad
she went to stay with my aunt, uncle, and teen cousin (she's been there ever since)

7 & 8 we moved to Houston TX
super hot, tons of bugs, horrible 3/10 don't recommend
it got worse
i did the vaccuming, mopping, dusting, wiping, dish washing, laundry, everything. (i was good at it)
she made me eat even more (i started purging, and got spanked when i was caught)
i had to kneel down with no sleep or food for four days
they were taking about my old mom having cancer
that's how i knew it was the liver cancer and not the breast cancer that killed her

9 & 10 they dropped me off at my aunts
i was a bad child
a very naughty kid
i didn't like it there so i tried to run away
i got my period
it was strange
but okay
i dunno what happened here, my memory is bad

11 & 12 i'm back here
the old houses were sold
and my grandfather isn't living with us
my dad was fighting
he drooped my off at my other uncle and aunt
i didn't eat, sleep, or shower there
they had to come get me
i lost twenty pounds

13 i'm nonbinary
what a surprise
so i asked my dad how he felt about a tran friend of mine
did not go well
they gave me a nonbinary flag (thanks)
i have it hidden in a purse of mine in my closet
i'm sewing it up and doodling on it
my health is getting worse
i'm at risk of diabetes, i need braces, my eyes get worse, and i've been gaining weight
at least she doesn't whoop me as much
also, my stepaunt came
she will help

14 i've been feeling tired lately
i have many missing assignments and i might not graduate
my mother is moving out
my dad will take me to Disney
maybe i'll get braces and a jaw expander

i've been feeling suicidal lately
not becuase i'm sad
i'm just exhausted
i want a break from life

i've been making people around me angry
my dad isn't happy with me anymore
and i don't know what to do about it

i'm making a show/series
i don't think i can do it

i's love to be a successful creator, with a nice job

but we all know i'm going to end up living in a cheap apartment with a gas station job.

i'm tired
so tired
life isn't as nice as you think it would be
life isn't worth the price guys
don't live

thanks for being with me, i guess. it's not as bad as i make it sound. i have everything i need, i just get tired very easily. i don't need help or your pity, don't try it.

see you soon.

Edit
Pub: 13 May 2024 15:59 UTC
Edit: 15 May 2024 02:24 UTC
Views: 56