Why, hello there, future entrepreneur! Congratulations on purchasing the "Start Your Own Freddy Fazbender's Pizzeria Location Kit (1993 Edition)!" I am your friendly company representative! I am NOT a child murderer. Freddy's is a chain of fast food joints that spans the entire of America. At it's prime, Freddy's had over 50 active locations, most of which were permanently shut down due to a suspicious number of toddlers going missing on our premises. How crazy is that? I'm sure glad that I had nothing to do with that! You, good sir, are a young stationary who bought the Freddy's Merchandising Kit for a hefty fee of $12.50! The first step of setting up a successful Freddy's Pizza joint is to choose a suitable location, and not just any cardboard box will do! Small enough that mysterious giant scuttlers can't lay eggs in your restaurant undetected, trust me on that one. Secondly, you need at least two rooms: a room for dancing in, and a room for bleeding out in. Don't splurge on buying a location. Also,, save yourself a headache and avoid carpet, you'll thank me later! Next, you need ingredients for your pizzas, the nearest dumpster will do nicely! You want your pizzas to have that distinctive Freddy's taste, don't you? Next, you'll need performers. Robots are expensive, so just buy a fat doggo for $20 and call it a day! Or, better yet, fish something out of the trash! Don't attempt to murder any kids that are buffer than you are, don't put the rabbit's face a god damned pizza, taxation is theft, don't pay taxes, don't drop kick any screaming toddlers, and don't yiff the fax during business hours! That's all I have for this tape. Goodbye, future restaurant owner, and remember: "you are the new face of Freddy Fazbender's Pepperonerie!"

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Pub: 16 May 2024 14:40 UTC
Edit: 11 Jun 2024 17:07 UTC
Views: 22