Rat's ⠀Extended ⠀Page ⠀
⠀ ࣭ ۫ ⠀He⠀ᵒʳ⠀ Him⠀ ࿓
This will serve as a journal or diary of sorts. Be respectful and careful. Expect to see sensitive/potentially triggering content, such as EDs and SH.
Entry 001 ⸺ 9:50 AM
I use the name Rat because it sounds fun and whimsical, but in a way I think I align more with the rodent-like aspects. Vermin is a calling, and I do identify with unbecoming bits and pieces, like the dirt from which you all look so far away. You avoid, and that's alright. For now.
Entry 002 ⸺ 9:51 AM I don't feel so inclined to be particularly self-deprecating today, though the atmosphere does attempt to bring me towards such a state. I don't enjoy feeling depressed, I'd much rather be rapidly shifting towards a manic episode. Until I'm actually there, of course. I'll always regret my wishes later. On the topic of regrets, I do experience them, despite what my online presence might suggest. I'm sorry I can't be a perfect scapegoat, I'd enjoy it too much. My favorite song right now is probably something on this album. I enjoy Hiro-kun's dynamics, though I obviously despise his infantilization online. I wonder if he enjoys it... I miss my friends.
Entry 003 ⸺ 11:14 AM It's so easy to pass as "normal" online, so why do I refrain? I wish I could act the part, but something refuses. I'll know it's a poor choice, and I'll hit send anyway. I don't get it, is this a form of self-destruction? Don't I carry enough of that already? On a completely different note, but still much the same (see that? that's my favorite kind of switch-up), I've been fucking around with the house parents again. I continue to eat in front of them, just little bits, purposely low-fat food too, and then I'll talk about how small my cat is. I'll point at the pronounced divet in my collarbone and talk about how she could fit inside, my own little bone pocket. The mother will stare, waiting, and say something about my caloric intake. Please, educate me! I don't know anything about that! I'm fasting again.
Entry 004 ⸺ 1:24 PM I had so much fun going out just now, I wish we had more time! I think there's notable irony with you doing group at the place- you know what I mean. Happy Coming Out Day, by the way! I think I have a squish on you, have we been flirting? If you find this and I'm wrong, I'll never live this down. You're so cool, you get me so bad. Augh.