"They used to be the rivers that would take us away and now you only call me every Christmas and my birthday" - Stay Away From My Friends by PTV

"Zero friends / Followed your voices into a sea of crosses / She blends in with the foxes gold and feels like home / Under the surface, my love / But beware, beware, beware / And take it slow tonight / We're on the other side of the road / I think we're bleeding out" - Today I Saw The Whole World by PTV

"Don't bother cause this love is a lie/ I'm a chemical kid / You're a mechanical bride" - Chemical Kids and Mechanical Brides by PTV

I will occasionally pull away and isolate myself; it is a necessary measure when I am overwhelmed, though I will reach out when I have the capacity to do so. I’ve come to realize that my past desire for a dependent connection wasn't true love, but rather a reflection of my own struggles with self-esteem—I simply wanted to know what it felt like to be someone's absolute priority. After what happened last summer, the thought of letting anyone that close again genuinely terrifies me. Navigating these feelings as an aroace is uniquely painful; it is exhausting to want an exclusive, dedicated bond only to realize that the person you want closeness with is the very one causing you an immense amount of pain. I don't understand why you couldn't want me with the same intensity that I wanted you. I was fully prepared to accept the same level of care I was giving, only for things to change yet again. I honestly wish things had never changed, because now I am completely at a loss for how to fix or say anything that can help.

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Pub: 05 Nov 2022 08:54 UTC

Edit: 23 Jun 2026 03:13 UTC

Views: 5293