3.24.25 ⨾ neu + aj ♡ Countup part two


rentry dedicated to my amazing fiancé, neu ♡


i'll be honest, i still can't bring myself to read this entire thing from start to finish anymore, but i do hope that one day we will be together again neu. focus on yourself and heal from all the unintentional pain we have put each other through. i love you, i'll wait forever if it means that we get to talk again one day.

30k+ words, this url might be laggy esp on phone. sometimes the images don't load i might have so switch to a whole new url soon :( anywy hi neu

(website established during early april, i just keep changing the url name)

okay have fun reading this entire thing if you are sane enough to do so


i love you i'm so happy we met even though you live so far away :sigh:, everyday i spend with you makes me feel like i've known you for a lifetime, i am always looking forward to talking to you, whether it is when i wake up or going to sleep. even though i continue to question your taste and your so called 'children', i'm so glad to have you. you're literally so funny what you’re so amazing your so sweet like literally one of the most kindest person ever you even take time out of your day wake up early / sleep late to talk to me, everything about you is so >>>>> ugh your so nice like literally you’re so smart and amazing <3
even though I can’t even respond properly to help or anything nice being said to me general, #1 person rewards goes toooooo dudududu you!!11
sorry if this is getting long i love you with every fiber of my being even more than idv, more than bsd, more than anything i’m interested in I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE ALIVE AND HOW WE ARE ON THE SAME PLANET!! HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE :fearful: IF I COULD SUPPORT U EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE I WOULD DIE HAPPY ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹‼️#orphrickisverymuchcanon
^ oh my god can you believe this is the first ever paragraph i've written for you gosh we came so far i'm so happy i can easily tell you i love you now AHHHHH


5.1.25 】
okay so here i will be updating this everytime i can but i think bro fell asleep because he was texting me on tiktok and last i heard he was on some mountain trip with some connection of wifi and he didnt download idv :laugh: good bc HE HONESTLY GOTTA GET OFF THAT GAME i mean he'd probably lose skills but he's already bad... :nervous: I MADE THIS DRAWING YESTERDAY its us (me, yua, and you) and our mains in idv!! we should totally play again sometime soon even if ur bad bc im gonna be S badge anti trust we miss you neu....


5.2.25 】 finally free to idv today i hope we play COME BACK NEU I MISS YOU i hope i will be able to get oph antiquarian and her acc soon. it was super nice talking to you today even though i got a bit freaky last night and this morning hahaha COME BACK im tracking u down


5.3.25 】 i'm really glad we could talk today even though it was late for you,,, i can never beat the "neu is my man" allegations now bc of you and vi. this delusional alpha thinks I WANT HIM SO BAD WHICH IS INSANE

the mountain trip pics you showed me were really cool the cow was so cute and then theres the horse ig.. MY SISTER THOUGHT THE COW WAS A FUCKING CAMEL WE NEED TO REOPEN THE SCHOOLS AHHH


ok bai neu love u


5.4.25 】 AHH WE PLAYED IDV TODAY WOOHOO WITH YUA !! im so happy we got to play im sorry we kept u up IT WAS FUN EVEN IF YOU ARE BAD and i gave you backshots :tongue: :tongue:


IM LOVE U NEU I HOPE UR SLEEPING WELL :smiling_face_with_3_hearts::smiling_face_with_3_hearts: i promise one day ill spend money and get u smth even if u don't want me to hahah i hope you feel better about your friend and everything more backshots for me :flushed: I STILL CANT BELIEVE I WASTED A FREE TRIAL ON DOCTOR JUST TO ABSOLUTELY SELL IT WAS SO FUNNY I CANT UR BIGBACK BLOCKED ME FROM RUNNING UGH NEU DAMN U okay i ran out of things to say maybe tmrw


5.5.25 】 i woke up at 3am today idk why maybe it was because i had to fulfill my request to reply to you i swear i was going to but i fell asleep AHHH rocking that 5 hour sleep omg idk how i still managed to get an A on my exam woohoo! and then i posted that tiktok slideshow thing on my alt and then YOU SAW IT UGH and then sam too LEAVE ME ALONE GUYS "so we all up rn" STOP IT RN but yeah i love you please stop flirting with me im gonna get shy and freaky sorry i was a bit freaky this morning and last night sleep was hitting me hard.. ik my doctor said to sleep more otherwise id get sick but i cant im so desperate to talk to you i just wait and wait for you i miss you even as i am typing this rn even though u keep leaving during the middle of our convos stop doomscrolling pls come back 💔 vi is probably thinking im cheating on her now its all ur fault u fake alpha! but you are my alpha heh let me bully u in bed :evil: WE HAVE TO STOP BEING FREAKY OR WE ARE NEVER BEATING THE ALLEGATIONS


5.6.25 】 idk if you even know this or this is not obviously already our friendship changed to kinda romantic and freaky pretty quickly after vi mistaked you for someone else i'm grateful for this because as long as i can remember i've kinda liked you for a while even if I don’t remember feeling anything romantic i hate being asexual ugh i hate having romantic mood swings idk maybe you want me i really want you yes i like you yes I want you please want me maybe you do no this isn’t casual!!! vi thinks she’s a matchmaker now that she accidentally set us up, i can’t believe i fell for my own best friend on accident, i'm still in shock whenever i hear that you love me and whatever freaky backshot things we talk about i just really really really wanna be a good boyfriend for you i don’t want anyone else AHHHHH sigh #yearning

PLEASE DONT BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSEEEE PLEASE DONT HAVE SOMEBODY WAITING ON U


5.7.25 】 i do want you so badly let's totally date and do cute things together i dont care if its corny yes neu you are my future boyfriend (how i feel after calling the loml just by his name) i love everything about you even though our only shared interest is idv, i really enjoy spending time with you even though you suck at the game it's okay because i do too i think your voice is so cute and and and idk you make me so happy and made me laugh in a way nobody else had in forever without you idrk what i'll stay for you gave me such a good reason to stay even though i'm kinda sick, seeing you online or just talking to you makes me forever happy. i swear i only fell for you on accident, being friends with you is my first best decision, meeting you is my second.


5.9.25 】 WE PLAYED GENSHIN YESTERDAY and YOU FINALLY AGREED TO PLAY ON MY SISTERS ACC without giving me the "but i feel bad" bs !! we are all cracking ratte he is the love of my life yes ratte 🤤🤤🤤 you were giving me backshots WHAT WAS THE LOVE TRIANGLE I TOLD RATTE I WAS GONNA GIVE HIM BACKSHOTS BUT HE SAID HE WANTED TO GIVE YOU BACKSHOTS and you wanted to crack me HELP i'm still in fourth period rn and i'm looking foward to talking to you next period i still feel terrible for making you stay up even though it's like 2 am for you by the time i get out and we play together. i really miss you, i promise you during the summer i'll be more free everyday so you can finally sleep so i can finally sleep without waking up in the middle of the night to talk to you like our souls are connected to pay debt to each other's sleep hours i love you and i'll update this after we play idv today hopefully :3

DONT BE SAD AJ I WANT NEU TO BELONG TO EVERYONE, he just doesn't belong to me yet. also axi (n1 neu x aj fan on discord) and kassu is my number one supporters in me getting with you, i really like you and i have plans to ask you out, but not so soon.


5.12.25 】 i'm in class right now, and i really miss you. i love you so much thank you for talking to me yesterday. we made a cool playlist called composer cat even though you apparently wanna put him down!!! THAT'S OUR SON!! i would never leave you for ratte, you mean the absolute world to me and i love you so much and if i had to list the reasons why i would be here for years but you're my favorite guy ever i'm so super in love with you maybe you like me too i'm not ready for a relationship just yet because i need to focus on my health and finals but you make me so so so happy it is insane more than anything i wanna be with you, you're the only person i am interested in atm and nobody will ever change that. i can't believe it's only been a month with you but we came so far. with every day that passes i fall more and more in love with you. i have the biggest crush on you btw . everyday you prove how sweet and genuine you are. i dont know how i got so lucky... you're my first thought in the morning, and my last thought at night. i hope you're sleeping well, i can't wait to talk to you when you wake up. i love you so much.


5.13.25 】 COME TO MEEE SLOWLYY /clairo ref you are asleep, and i really miss u i hope i was your last thought at night bc u were for me YOU BETTER! /j
"I think that tonight I'll leave my light on
'Cause I get lonely when it's out and I miss you right about now"
/ faye webster ref
everytime i listen to faye i always think about you btw :white_heart: i love you so much it hurts

let's kiss and hold hands while we ride off into the sunset with our son composer cat

femboy neu says nya 😳😳🤤 please tackle me in bed

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE PAY GORN TURNED OUT TO BE A WEIRDO RACIST.. :fearful: you're my future boyfriend hell yeah! you better make the first move because I CAN'T,,, you suggested we make matching rentries, which i think we should TOTALLY DO! our first matching thing ever and i think it's cute, only if you want to though / I KEEP DOING THE REFRENCING THINGS AHHH beabadoobee ref

you have been with me through the worst, you've seen me at my lowest and highest but you loved me regardless. i'm so happy we got to in meet on some partner tiktok even though we only started off as friends who texted every time it was late for me and early for you /vice versa and pick up where we left off even though i disappeared for 2 days. i love you so much i can't even put it into words. you've shown me that not only can love be gentle or from a friend, but that it can be life changing. you've made me a better person and i only ever wanna keep trying. i love you so much, you mean the world to me.


5.14.25 】 i'm just gonna add screenshots of our dms/ some may be old but lowkey just here for the memories and all that, come back ples i wanna play idv with u again i rly wanna get oph anti but stupid rite aid won't restock their gift cards :heartbreak:


neu come back :drool: :drool: sweetie pie honeypie what not bae just come back OH GIRL DONT U STOP TIL U GET ENOUGH HONEY HONEY HONEYPIE I LOVE THAT SONG STOP

AHHHH I LOVE YOU you make everything so much better when you are around i wont stop till ur my malewife!!!

our fav words :heart: i've been listening to more pierce the veil, our music taste might be a little different but i'd listen to anything you want me to. i'll like anything you want me to like. you are so cool.


5.15.25 】 i feel like writing this after lowkey taking a spanish test and probably bombing it.. i went to sleep late again bc i was staying up to talk to you. i think the way you care about me taking care of myself is really cute. whenever ur around i don't really mind sleeping late and being tired when i wake up, if it's for you, then i'll do it. i still can't believe i had to introduce you to sleeping with sirens, hahah i love them and you soo badly. today i got to talk to you during lunch, which was so great. i really can't wait to play idv with you again, i'm missing you right about now.. come back neu i miss you. you told me you missed me when i was asleep, and it's the same for me. i'm sorry timezones have to exist i just wanna spend every minute of my life with you sighhh


5.16.25 】 how do i exactly start this off? you've been with me for 53 days, and literally always managed to understand me when i act off, and just be there for me. i love you, i'd genuinely do whatever you ask me to, or like whatever you want me to like no matter what. i hate the fact that sometimes i get sad, and i feel like i can't do anything to help myself, i hate it when you're worried, i want you to be happy all the time. everytime i get depressed i try my hardest to push through. i haven't been motivated to live at all, but you helped me. you helped me so much, you make me feel loved in ways i never understood. you make me understand what it feels to be cared about even though at times i don't know how to respond to someone actually caring for me because wdym i'm not being treated badly again?? i know love is real because of you. i want to be there for you like you have been for me. i feel vulnerable when i'm with you, in a good way! (faye webster ref) you let me be my actual self around you, and i don't have to feel pressured to put on an act. i can never get mad or stay mad at you, i think of you a lot too. i hope you know you mean a lot to me, i would write paragraph upon paragraph so i can prove it to you like sometimes convos get so good i start walking around my entire house, my family was confused as to why... it just shows how much i love you, okay? please don't forget that. i'm here for you, i can't imagine what life would be like without you even my sister tells me everytime i text you during night i sound like an idiot laughing bc apparently whatever she said couldn't have been that funny lmaoo
^
i sent this to you and you replied with a voice message, your voice is so cute


5.19.25 】 HI,, iam back... i've just been spending more time with my friend/fiancè/idk (situationship) and honestly i couldn't have been happier. we've been saying more "i love you"s and maybe platonically or romantically I DONT KNOW. neu you are killing me... in a good way /faye webster or sleeping with sirens ref but YAY I GOT OPH ANTI even though i lowkey got scammed by rite aids. dollar tree nice experience in a while? i'll get good at her just for you,, i was giggling today in the morning because you keep bringing up how i was old even though i'm older than you by a few months!! and i keep saying "i like them younger where them kids at" IM NOT A UNC AJ IS NOT A UNC PLS giggling i love you so much neu (i don’t even know how or pronounce your name) kloud keeps telling me that it’s obvious you want me but i don’t see it.. i think it’s obvious at this point that i want you and i like you PLEASEPLEASE YOU’RE MAKING ME SUFFER do i want you? yes. are we friends? yes. do i wanna make a move? maybe. do i want you to make a move? yes. would you make a move? prolly not. i can’t believe you love me for me and i found the one for me. 56 days is insane, can you tell that i’m in love with you,,,?


5.21.25 】 ngl i'm happy that none of my past relationships worked out, i was meant to be yours,,, played into the "i like you" joke a little too hard and i fell in love 💔 i wanna make you happy so badly you told me you don't want me to leave you as if i would ever. i'd cry if you left me though, would you stay in my life forever neu? YOU HAVE MY HAND IN MARRIAGE

I WISH WE CAN PLAY IDV AGAIN WHEN IM HOME ALONE BUT ITS ALWAYS BC MY MOM IS HOME BROOO AHHHH IM GONNA CRY summer come pls


love how i didn't even mention the idea of dating, you just want me so bad even if i was a woman. you can be anything you want and i'll accept you.

I LOVE YOU,,, bring back the backshots :tongue: not on the farm tho

:flushed: never beating the neu is my man allegations

AHHH neu doesn't want me to leave and go to sleep, even offering to translate it just so i stay. YOU ARE SO CUTE

our first ever "I LOVE YOU", and it was said by you.

leaving you on seen THIS WAS SO FUNNY

PLEASE DONT GO AWAY NEU I LOVE YOU

"i fell in love from the moment we kissed, and since then we've been history" /SWS ref


5.26.25 】 neu, i'm like super in love with you so please do me the honors of asking me out i'm tired of pretending there isn't something between us and I'm desperately in love with you and i wish you were here with me, i wish i could meet you in person one day if you ever come to new york, you mean so much to me i can't wait to talk to you once you wake up. you're the only one for me and i just wanna be with you your voice is so cute and just hearing it makes me jittery. im kinda glad you are comfortable around me to send vms that i can listen to even though i delete mines whenever i send one because im so insecure of my voice. you've given me so much love i never had exposure to from my past relationships and friendships, it's like after being hurt i found someone who doesn’t hurt me and it’s like the knifes in my back are getting pulled out by kindness??? LIKE it hurts to feel this good feeling that comes once in a lifetime.


5.27.25 】
i'm sorry that i almost overdosed last night, i just love you so much and i thought i might've ruined things but i just ended up hurting you more. i'm so sorry, i love you and the things i send you are almost nothing compared to the stuff i write here as well. you make me want to cry in a good way i can't stop tearing up i don't know what i did to deserve you. i won't ever leave you, i love you fiancé wipes off my tears in 6th period


you spectated me playing idv yesterday trying to grind anti medal, i had to lock in to impress you... you're my fiancé and i'm glad my worker bee ass carried that round. i can't wait to play with you again ❤

i dont think ive ever regretted any of my time spent with you, not even the times where i had to be extra extra extra patient and understanding since ik you are busy and couldn't talk/play much due to our timezones, because i love all the time i spend with you regardless. i wouldnt trade it for anything else, not even wealth, because your love and care makes me feel like the richest guy alive!! is that corny idk and i dont care. its true!!! you care for me and love me even though im fully convinced that all my friends wouldnt even be able to handle me and my constantly fluctuating mental state.. but you did and you're shorter than me too. it takes a lot of patience to spend this much time with me and to care for me this much yet youve always stayed by my side throughout all of it. nobody else has ever made me feel as loved and appreciated as you do, i am so grateful. i feel like 70% of my heart and brain is full of you and the other 30% is my friends, family, and idv.

i love spending time with you. do you know how much?? more than i love doing all of the things i have to do every day... so basically just idv and talking to my friends, but i love talking to my friends a LOT. so thats saying a lot!!!!! sometimes you ask me if i want to play idv, and my answer is always "yes" or "of course" AND I MEAN IT!!! even if were just sitting there talking bad about our randoms and us emoting the entire match, ( i get ts at 5 ciphers) it makes me super happy and i think its very fun. i really love being able to talk to you daily and i wouldnt want to do it with anyone else so thats why i dont. simply. i dont even play with any of my other friends besides you and my sister. i only play games with you because even though i like to spend time with my friends i definitely love doing it with you more


5.27.25 】 we are very ptv/sws (vic + kellin) + white/black + moody cat/happy puppy + cats + sunshine emo boys + childe/arlecchino. and we are very raeda and hualian and skk and orphrick they are us!!!! i see a little bit of us in everything and even if i cant i always think suuuper hard on it to try and see at LEAST something in there cus it just makes me happy being reminded of the fact that you are my very awesome cool and cute fiancé kicks my feet and blushes

sorry im kinda bad at this I love you so much it is insane i smile and blush every time i talk to you okay i cant wait for this summer when i have more free time and we can play idv/talk more AHHHHHH less than a month. WOOPWOOP YYAAYAYYY I CANT WAIT I MISS YOU i hope you sleep very well. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU more than i love echos and food uhh. and money and any of my interests.


5.29.25 】 IM SO SORRY i didn't get to say goodnight last night I FELL ASLEEP because dad was in the room. it was so funny bc i was like "give me a sec" and then i never come back... aj come back.. you were probably waiting for me and was so confused i feel so bad but its so funny when i think about it and you were like "did you fall asleep?" LMAOOOO AHHHHH i woke up this morning to immediately check because i was supposed to text u after my dad had left the room lol... :nervous: and my phone didn't charge due to that!!!

but anyway i got anti's accesorry using my bank balance.. uh oh i might get in trouble again whoops but anyway i'm gonna start saving up to get you the frog florian skin,, even if you don't want me to but i will because you are my awesome cool fiancé ok i love you sjsjssjjdude

sometimes i wonder if anyone has ever found this url and just reads me documenting everything and my huge fat crush on you and gets genuinely concerned

update : 6/14/25 dana's friend

THIS WILL FOREVER BE FUNNY TO ME IM GIGGLING
things neu has done to make me continue living

  • ⠀⠀being my awesome super cool swaggy like insanely cool cute fiancé
  • ⠀⠀listens to my music taste in our composer cat playlist
  • ⠀⠀always is there to listen when i start tweaking or crashing out OR SMTH THE COMFORT JUST MAKES me wanna cry
  • ⠀⠀playing idv with me and always having funny pre match / post match convos
  • ⠀⠀gets my humor and makes me laugh a lot smooches
  • ⠀⠀talks lots and texts me when i'm asleep, so much more. than you used to. i do not know how i put up with you being so quiet before. well i do. its because i love you dearly!!! but its changed and you actually talk to me lots i love listening to you and you always love listening to me too whenever i say "OMG DID I TELL YOU" and you're always like "YES TELL ME" i just love you so much i love hearing you talk about anything or just about how you're always flopping in idv (i keep using love in this sentence,, HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DESCRIBE IT?? gosh neu i am so fond with you i'm so attached i'm so happy i have your endearment and closeness)

things neu has done to kill me

  • ⠀⠀making me wait for him to wake up, so i can stay up and talk to him when it's like 11pm (he always tells me to go to sleep) like FYM GO TO SLEEP I WANNA TALK TO YOU I WAITED HOURS FOR YOU AHHHHHH
  • ⠀⠀always making fun of my anti skills WHEN HE IS THE F BADGE
  • ⠀⠀leaves me during the middle of our converstations because he has the attention span of a spoon
  • ⠀⠀WHEN IM STAYING UP TO PLAY IDV WITH HIM AND HE TELLS ME TO GO TO SLEEP I HATE YOU I DID THIS ALL FOR YOU!!! sob sob sob

5.30.25 】 neu, i don't even know where to begin. i'm so happy that we met, you have had such a positive impact on my life. everyday i feel so lucky knowing that me and ratte got to be your fiancés. i don't think anyone saw this coming, but i'm happy it happened anyways. i hope i can show you all the love you deserve. talking to you is one of my favorite parts of the day, even if we're just playing talking about random stuff or flirting in silence; it's nice knowing that you're there. it's been 2 months, and i cannot wait to see what else life brings us. i love you so much, you're the sweetest thing ♡

its been 67 days, so much has happened. i'm so sorry about last night i guess i kinda tweaked out after you didn't pick up on the hint that i like you and i wanna ask you out i do still love you sorrry sorry. i'm glad you were there to comfort me and tell me you were worried about me. i love you more than anything in the world and you told me you wanted to match skk pfps in a "nonchalant" way, and you would try your best to get into bsd for me with your horrible attention span. that's so so cute and sweet of you to do i am really really. well. umm. i feel very bad about the at least 3 crash out sessions i had and the time you had to spend with me to get me to calm down. i was crying over nothing and it felt so pathetic. it's been like 3 months since i started playing idv and i've spent almost 300 dollars. that is so much money. but i'm trying to save up to buy you the florian line skin even if you told me you didn't want me to but i love you so much i just wanna repay you. you said all i had to do was be in your life, and i plan on doing just that forever. i love you so much way more than the words i write here and more than anything IT HURTS to love someone this much, okay? i've been getting better physically my period came back after like 2 months and i think you were a blessing. i'm gonna be honest, i didn't expect us to get this close at the start. may has been one hell of a ride for the both of us, so much as happened and so so so much feelings has since awoken in me. you are my favorite person, my best friend, my fiancé, the person i love most and i put that on my soul i'll always continue to love you and have a reason to live as long as you and music (sws) exist.


i don't even need anymore pills, he gets me so high /bea reference. you're my sailor song like everytime i hear an emo song i always think of you. like yeah i know other ptv fans but you are MY ptv fan, ykwim?? like wowie anytime someone mentions something you slightly like my mind always diverts to you. missing you right about now, i'm gonna get out of fourth period soon just please plsplespls. everytime you say goodnight and i'm not there kills me AHHHH AND I HATE IT WHEN THE BELL RINGS AND I STILL WANNA TALK TO YOU are you my chuuya neu or my dazai idk idk idk if i'm dazai or chuuya but it doesn't matter bc skk is literally us anyway bc they are "stupid" like you said and gay i hope i make you happy i always try very hard. i never want you to leave okay i will never leave it's us forever i want you forever and ever i'm sorry.. dont leave me!!!


5.31.25 】 hai. it's the end of may, and uhm i just wanna say wow i can't believe i got to spend this month with you, and i never really expected so much to happen. we really did hold on till may and you can see that this month was my biggest simp stuff writing shit. we played idv today and it was super fun no matter how bad we sucked rescuing against a fools gold is always so hard for me i'm lowkey so goated at anti though i just love doing anything as long as it's with you,,, we matched skk pfps yesterday too and we are so cutie AHHHH wow i love you you are my beautiful fiancé okay blows you kisses like you do in idv im so sad you won't be there when i go to sleep today, since you have to go out with your family ;,(( sniffles but it's okay i love you okay

you'll never guess or see this coming haha my friend kloud said that you want me to confess but IDK MAYBE U LIKE ME BUT GOSH there's so many other good people out there for you and i'm just the lowest type of person you'd ever wanna date outside discord and the internet. i love you so bad and i'll always promise to get you used to me sending paragraphs like you told me how you want me to get used to you caring because i've never once was treated right when you were missing in my life the thought of you makes me want to cry after all this bad treatment from my exs and ex friends there was you.


6.2.25 】 FIRST JUNE WRITING wowie... it feels like i've known you for so long now even if it's just been two months. UHHH I REALLY MISS YOU and i'm writing this in ao3 sixth period. you are so koolaid and funny happy gay month my homosexual fiancé!!! i'm straight so i had to celebrate your country and culture so this is a lavender engagement. it's final week this week and next week,,, i'm gonna ask u out soon AHHHHHH you told me that you see every ship as us, is that casual? idk.. i can't wait to play idv with u again fiancé. listen, do u hear my heartbeat thump over the monitors/ptv your music taste is so good and you only know peak. you are my favorite person ever and i wouldn't trade you for a million echos or dollars because being friends/fiancés with you is worth so much more, i never really once agreed with my own advice that i give to my friends because i really didn't believe there would be "someone" out there for me, but you are my someone!!! there's never a moment I don't want to spend with you. i know you don't like it when i buy you stuff but i will still do it anyways. i'm so in love with you, even when i can't/suck at expressing it i love you so much (i think you know that by now). nothing could change that. you're my fiancé until the end of time because i don't wanna marry you. telling my friends about you was one of my best decisions, now i can talk about how amazing you are to them. your voice is so soothing; you may not like talking but i could listen to you talk for hours. i love you, neu. ♡


6.3.25 】 okay wow hi neu i don't know why i've been getting so sleepy lately when i usually can stay up until 11pm to talk to you,, i think it's because i've been staying after school more and i'm stressed for all the final exams coming up tomorrow and the next week sigh sigh sigh. UHHMM i really really hope we can at least play idv once this weekend because i have to show you something special!!! i really hope you don't get bullied on your class trip thing or what not because ure my alpha fiancé skibidi best friend and you don't deserve mean betas bullying you :angry: even though we don't get to talk for as long as we can this week due to my need of sleep and rest, i still super duper ultra mega love you :3 you better watch out those next few weeks because i have something up my sleeve . i always listen to your vms, even though you might not think it's important at all or anything but i just loving listening to you crash out or talk about random stuff that may not even matter buy it does to me because it entertains me (please let me go from this engagement). let's ride off into the sunset with composer cat and be happy forever! THEYY SAY THAT LOVE IS FOREVER YOUR FOREVER IS ALL THAT I NEED nobody will hear you scream... :evil: also don't you find it so concerning how i suddenly got so comfortable with you? i really have never done this paragraph writing at least daily for anyone before. i don't really open my heart like this to anyone and which i simply really don't. want to do it for anyone else. i document everything that happens, our convos, or our shit together which i've never done or will ever do for anyone again because you are so special to me. at the beginning of our friendship it was just me awkwardly talking to you and trying to make you laugh since you were just that "one friend who has a crazy time difference with me", but you are so much more to me now, there are so many things i have yet to say or tell you but i think with time you'll find out. i'm so happy i got to know you, let's be best friends/fiancés forever!!


6.4.25 】 i'm currently writing this the period before my final.. i'm so scared. i still feel bad for whatever the hell happened yesterday something just happened and made me split so bad sometimes i say stuff when i don't know what to say anymore and i honestly hate it and i didn't want to hurt you and i started cry for no reason and couldn't stop until i eventually fell asleep and woke up with my eyes puffy. i am okay now, it kills me inside to not tell you a lot of stuff i haven't said yet. i'm not ready to lose everything,, i don't even know what i want to do anymore, i just wanna talk to you gosh i am such a bore for that i'm so afraid to love/be friends with someone because i keep getting treated badly again and again to the point i don't know what it means to be treated right. sorry sorry i keep tearing up as i write this i'm such a baby for that i still love u okay i don't think i'll be able to stop even if i don't want this engagement. i'm sorry if i'm blunt or too directly mean even if i don't want my words to come out the wrong way. i just get so jittery when i get to talk to you i totally forget everything and like you're literally so cool too idk what to do i just wanna make you happy not hurt you, you're scared i might leave, but i could never. even though you sometimes accidentally hurt me, i don't care because i know you don't mean it and i just automatically assume you hate me or something but i figured you probably have a huge crush on me if you're not letting me go from this engagement it would be so crazy if you liked me though right bc i can't tell anymore, we are just friends... you told me a song you listened to reminded you of me today and i could just feel the flutter of my heart at that okay


6.5.25 】 i have so much things to do today AHHH i really don't know why my ipad isn't charged i'm stressed asl. but anyway i bought you the florian line skin!! wowie even after you told me you don't want me spending money on you. i've spend almost or over 300 on idv.. that is so. so so much money :,( and i know you don't like me spending money on you but i promise i just wanna make you happy and 25 dollars isn't that much i think,, i keep making dumb choices and buying stuff like a crow attracted to shiny things but this one was for you because i'm such a awesome cool kind nice fiancé. i was talking to you about the friend i like when in reality you are the friend i like.. you are too good for me and so out of my league i can't help but put myself down. please love me, i really want to be a good boyfriend for you. i'm happy you liked the gift it was super funny to see maintenance just happened to delay my surprise. sorry i'm like blushing while writing this making me twiddle my toes for real just being reminded that you are my best friend / fiancé / one night stand / idk makes me happy i'm prewriting this rn i'm super scared for my spanish final soon and i hope i do good. sometimes when i'm talking to you i completely lose my thought process and things just come out randomly because you are so cool and i don't know what to do when i'm around you at all i really can't help it idk is this rizz or something i'm gonna give you a huge fat kiss okay just one and a half more weeks of school and exams and i can be free and spend more time with you i don't have school tmrw so maybe we can spend some time together hooray!!! :3

i've spend almost or over 300 on idv.. that is so. so so much money and i know you don't like me spending money on you but i promise i just wanna make you happy and 25 dollars isn't that much i think,, i keep making dumb choices and buying stuff like a crow attracted to shiny things but this one was for you because i'm such a awesome cool kind nice fiancé. it still kills me inside to not tell you a lot of stuff i haven't said yet. i'm not ready to lose everything,, i don't even know what i want to do anymore gosh i am such a bore for that i'm so afraid to love/be friends with someone because i keep getting treated badly again and again to the point i don't know what it means to be treated right. sorry sorry i keep tearing up as i write this i'm such a baby for that i still love u okay i don't think i'll be able to stop even if i don't want this engagement. i'm sorry if i'm blunt or too directly mean even if i don't want my words to come out the wrong way. i just get so jittery when i get to talk to you i totally forget everything and like you're literally so cool too even though sometimes i go crazy and just think you hate me or smth the thought of losing you really hurts but i figured you probably have a huge crush on me if you're not letting me go from this engagement. sorry i'm like blushing while writing this just being reminded that you are my best friend / fiancé / one night stand / idk makes me happy when i'm talking to you i completely lose my thoughts and things just come out randomly because you are so cool and i have no idea what to do when i'm around you at all i really can't help it idk is this rizz or something i'm gonna give you a huge fat kiss okay just one and a half more weeks of school and exams and i can be free and spend more time with you i don't have school tmrw so maybe we can spend some time together hooray! i love you okay i'm set on life for that sometimes idk if i'm really serious saying all this stuff since we are just friends joking around but i really want to be enough for you.


6.9.25 】 so much has happened these couple of days, i won't be talking about it anymore because i'm still in so much physical and mental pain. i think now i'm gonna write until everything is over and i am free to talk to you again - to work on myself. today has been stressful, i'm glad you messaged me about everything and i think it's going to be the last talk we have until then because it is better to leave it there. i hope we can pick up where we left off, even if we can't be together i really wish we can find our way to each other again and it wouldn't be doomed. maybe it is in this lifetime but not yet. please give me a chance. please don't be in love with someone else please don't have somebody waiting on you i don't want to keep you waiting, but for now i need to focus on my exams and mental health, my friends say it is better to not talk to you directly in my current state right now. i really miss you but i can't change what has been done or revealed but i want to change how things will go on in the future. i still love you so much it hurts. it really hurts because i tried. i knew you felt the same and i'm happy we at least tried. i hope we last forever because i never go back on what i said, never. maybe my heart doesn't do the same thing when it does when i talk to you anymore maybe but everytime i think of you it gets hard to focus i feel burning inside i feel like i lost so much i feel like my face is flushed. would you still call this love neu? i know you never rejected me but you said we can't be together. do i still have a chance? can i really just be friends with you after what felt like us sharing a bed? i know you were never faking your love for me. this feels like i've broken up with my boyfriend who never even got to be my boyfriend but also was my boyfriend because it was mutual. i love you, i'm sorry.


6.10.25 】 i miss you so bad right now, you can ask me if i still love you and i will say "yeah i want you here right now". i've taken my spanish listening final today, i think i did well. i almost had to present today which luckily i didn't because i still need time i think i'll study tomorrow on bio and expand on my script for english. it's been raining a little for today, i'm wearing shorts and it is COLDDDDD. i like the rain, it's calming even if it's seen as sad, as it edgy to say it reminds me of myself? i rather prefer sunny days because like beabadoobee, maybe we will be okay tomorrow when it's a sunny day. i know you never see me online at times but i promise i won't keep you waiting. i'm waiting too. i want things to go back and be fixed, i want to love you. i still have so much love for you everytime i listen to sws it gets hard to not think of you at least once. it's been hard listening to ptv but i'm pushing through it, because i still think of you. if i etched your voice and your words into my mind, by the time school is over and i'm walking home i would still remember how and what you said. it was so funny that my substitute teacher starting singing anxiety by doechii, you would've laughed too. are we still engaged? i just realized now that i actually want this engagment. i want you, i miss you and i hope you're okay even if i won't ask. if you're in a good place, i won't mess with that /faye webster ref i hope i don't ruin everything if i come back. i love you neu. EVEN IF I FLIRT WITH MY OTHER FRIENDS in a jokingly way i still mention you because i'm still engaged to you I LOVE YOU me and my freaky fiancé me and my fiancé, what we had was real. and what i have for him is still real, i'll see you soon neu.

"Every day, I wake up missing you
Wishing that I were to be in your bed
By your side, tell me that you'll wait for me, patiently
No one else taking all my time, holding out for you

Baby, I promise
There's nobody new
I'm being honest
There's no one like you" -- Nobody New, The Mariás


6.11.25 】 do you still fucking lvoe me do you srill want me i think im going insane i cant handle change i miss when it was just us together i miss you i miss you so fucking much i can't handle the thought of you ending up with somebody else please i swear i only want you please want me i love you more than anything it feels like im being cheated on and i dont know why i can't help at the thought of being just friends why am i so crazy why am i so unstable i wabt to cry i want you to love me i love everythijg about you i've been thinking about you when i woke up and went to sleep im crying as im typing this you never lied about how you said i was everything you ever wanted right? you WERE ALL THAT I NEEDED. I WANTED YOU MORE THAN I WISHED I DID. i wanted you more than anything. i wish things were different 'cause i want to hold your hand i want to love you. you still have all my heart despite you being the one who broke it. i hate being in jealousy pain and despair, are you still going to wait for me? my heartbeat spiked when i saw you viewing my stories, and even liked the one about all my heart why do i still act so nervous? they were all about you i swear listening to sws has been so hard for me those last couple of days. i miss your sweet words that meant something i miss your bad skills at idv i miss making you laugh i miss teasing you i miss when you comforted me i miss when i was crashing out over nothing. do you still love every version that you got to see of me? even as i was bleeding out in the bathtub i was still thinking of you, even when i was sleeping in the hospital i was thinking of you. i feel like 90% of my thoughts circulate around you, i think of you so much. are we still going to make it? those nights staying up to talk to you were so worth it it didnt matter if i was going to wake up tired and have trouble focusing in class i just wanted to talk to you id do anything for you if i was following you and you suddenly fell into a ditch id probably fall into the ditch after you i'm so attached i'm so in love with you i just want to be anything but your friend. i miss flirting with you and saying i love you even when it was without a label even if i was unsure if i was in love with you or really mean it. i miss you so much, please don't change. i don't even miss the old you i just miss the feeling of how it used to be talking to you. i love you even though you may not love me anymore.


6.12.25 】 hey fiancé i'm finally out of the hospital and in school again. it's been hard, like really hard to listen to sws as if lately. do you still need me? because you're still my first choice after everything. i don't want to sound cringey i don't want to sound cliche but i'd take you with me over anyone anyday. so i can at least feel something. i still mention you to my friends as if nothing happened as if you were still in love with me, because i still love you. i don't think i can ever stop loving you, until i die. the thought of you getting with someone else hurts me so bad, i'm not jealous i'm just overwhelm with the thought of losing you, the thought of talking to you but it's not the same again kills me it feels like my insides are being tore apart. i'm only promised to you engaged to you and i don't want anyone else. i'm sorry if this makes me seem obsessively attached or crazy but i just really never had the chance to say this much to someone and i absolutely mean every single word i say. i had an english book talk today and i absolutely yapped my mouth off, i hope it was more than 2 minutes.. i've never talked this much to someone unless it was you. i hope you're happy and okay, please think of me every once in a while, because i always think about you. i love you so much and even if everybody else loves you just as much, there is no doubt in my mind that i love you more than anything in the world, i didn't fall in love with you for what you could give me, i fell in love with your entire soul. our mistakes might still hurt me, but nothing is ever enough to make me hate you. i love you, do you know that? do you ever doubt my love for you? i really hope you don't, because i'd trade anything to be with you, to talk to you, and just to make you laugh again. i love you neu. i'm really trying to be strong for you, to be mentally and physically okay for you, to do well on my exams so you don't have to worry (regents is SO SOON :nervous:) even if it means things won't be the same between us again, one message from you would make me die happy. you're still my fiancé which i've never had one before and i really want us to last until the end of time until i die i promise i'll keep living for you, even if you might not care for me anymore. do you get nervous around me? do you think about our age and height difference (1 year and like 6 inches) alot? am i supposed to see you as cute or should i continue teasing you about that. even though i'm not afraid of you, sometimes seeing you dry or like a completely different neu i still get a little scared because sometimes you act tough :sweats: i still sometimes see you as my baby but not like a child baby but like my younger fiancé i need to take care of because you're cute, silly, and sweet. please still have a place for me in your heart, because you've been full of mine. holy i wrote a lot i checked and this is like 500 words oh my god i need to stop yapping so much. i mean it's not like you'll even see this because i haven't showed you yet but i'm trying to reach 10k words by today. i only write here because i have nobody else to tell about my thoughts of you and even if i did they would probably think i was crazy or get so concerned for me AHHHH I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WISH YOU CAN SEE THIS.


6.13.25 】 writing this after i finished everything i need to for my spanish final. now it's just the regents, i am so nervous and i guess i just have to pray in order to get a good grade. my bio teacher says she expects everyone to get a 85 or above on the regents WHICH I REALLY REALLLY hope i get at least in the 90s range. i miss you, do you miss me too? i'm sometimes not sure what cues you're trying to give me by liking my stories on tiktok. do you think of me too? i think of you all the time which means the chance of us thinking about each other are probably like 50% or more (idk i can't do math) but it's guarenteed at least once throughout the day we think of each other at the same time. my song of yearn at the moment is enchanted by taylor swift not only bc i relate to how i was destined to meet you but also because of the part where she goes please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you. i don't want to keep you waiting because even if it feels like you're the one waiting for me it feels like me just yearning to talk to you. my heart spikes everytime when i see you view anything that's mine, i think i've said that right? i love you crazy, you got me so crazy because you're so lovely. i love you, do you love me? i know you're busy but i get you, i got things to do but i choose you. i'm going crazy here without you you make it hurt so good you still are my last thought and night and my first thought in the morning, i promise you won't ever get this side from me or a love like this ever again, i fell first and too hard and i wouldn't give my entire love to anybody else. please love me back. i love you, soon enough we will talk again. I LOBV YOU I LVOE YOU licks your eyelid


6.14.25 】 tough ride uploading stories about you instead of talking to you. i'm not ready yet, i still miss you so bad why am i jealous when we don't even have a label ITS BECAUSE WE DONT but i label you as my fiancé slash lover slash i don't know anymore 82 DAYS 82 DAYS WOOO that isn't like a lot a lot but it still matters that you're here it feels like i've known you forever. you've changed me, not my personality but the way i want to be a better person and actually be loved for who i am. my friend says i don't have to be enough to be worthy of your love and it is your decision to choose who you want to love but it is my decision to choose to love you. it's the weekend and i should be studying but it's so hard. i miss you so bad i never thought you would grow so fond of me and fall for me, i was just hoping you'd talk to me i feel like you're shy asf hoping i would talk to you. this could be us if i watch this soon right after i finish bsd. the words "i love you" don't even begin to describe my feelings for you. you mean the world to me. i never really understood love songs; but suddenly every single one is about you. you changed my life and i'll be forever grateful. my small smile whenever we talk, the fluttering of my heart really are all from you, the sound of your voice makes me feel safe. your love speaks thousands of words even if you're not good at them just talking to you makes me feel so at home. i think i've finally found where i belong, it's with you. only you. forever you. i fall in love with you more and more every day. i'm sorry it seems like i'm so obsessed, not in a creepy way but in a way where i have so much love for you. there's so much i want to say but i can never find the words. i long for you. i long to feel this way forever with you, i want to spend the rest of whatever future i have left with you. it's hard to be so in love with someone i can't see every day, even if it's online or just through a screen, i genuinely hope we meet one day, i'm so lucky that i get to call you my fiancé. idv hasn't been fun without you, my sister hasn't been on in a week and last night she asked me if we were still friends since i don't ask her to play idv with us anymore, and i said it was complicated. it's not complicated when i'm still this in love with you, i miss you. i love you so much i'm not ignoring you i'm just so scared and not ready yet but i believe that in all universes, in all timelines, we're ALWAYS engaged as our love transcends the multiverse and whatnot, no matter how many people leave me behind, your love for me has never faltered. i know that no matter how much i screw up you will be there to lift me back up again. you're the only one who manage to face my episodes and reassure me properly, i love you. i love you so much so much it hurts by the time summer vacation is over i'm going to be so into you that it hurts okay? if i never get to talk to you again then i want to die right now.


i've just felt so much love for you recently. and ive been really embarrassed to say it because its just so much more true now and its? felt weird i suppose because like now im dealing with the fact you (used to??) love me as well. and thats insane to me. and it was just so embarassing and fucking unreal to me when you were talking about how i was everything you ever wanted in a person. that id just be cruel to not blush when you say cute stuff that makes me want to explode, it was so embarrassing when i replied to you just putting myself giving you the "no you don't want to be with me" bs AHH IM SORRY I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU maybe we'll get there eventually :(.

YAYAYAY SKK MENTIONED theres so many emotions ive had to deal with recently that i havent felt before, and i cant believe youd (id assume) felt this way for so long towards someone else. i don't like someone else neu, i like you. you are the first person to get this treatment from me and nobody has had me like this and ive never felt like this before and ive never met someone that cares for me and im glad that i got to experience all this with you because i honestly dont think there would be a better person to, i love you im so glad ive never had someone..? feel bad for me like you do or just care even if i'm the slightest bit upset. i hate seeing you upset or sad, because wdym my whole other soul, my fiancé slash the love of my life is sad i didnt think you liked me and now i do and im suffering the horrible consequences of still being in love with you. im going through quite a lot right now and i'm doing this all for you, please love me.

your semi confession meant quite a lot to me, did i mention that everything you say means a lot to me? it's still so hard for me to understand how you could ever like me sometimes, but it's really nice to talk about our emotions because its a true real discussion about one of the most meaningful things, it doesn't really matter what we talk about regarding how we feel either. its not like.. super comfy when we have serious talks because it always gets awkward. i don't know what else to say i love you so much sob sob weeping rn IM SORRY IM SORRY I WANNA TALK TO YOU


6.15.25 】 how i feel after talking with my fiancé slash the love of my life through discord statuses instead of actually dming him oh this is so miserable i'm always looking back on this rentry to see how we used to be, we were so cute and silly and probably we still are now!!! i still get scared, too scared to talk to you sometimes, but i think of it often of how we used to be back when we were just fresh friends who met each other on tiktok i'm just so happy you're doing what you think is better. like, we both are. i used to get so shy around you to the point id set my status off whenever i saw you online because i didn't know what to say around you, i should've knew then i have a crush on you. i love you so much, why aren't we dating already? even if we were would it really be that surprising to everyone else....... gosh such a shocker i miss the times where i would tell my friends that i like one of my friends and they would all say your name because it was so obvious SO OBVIOUS. even when i asked axi how she knew she was like "oh just a hunch. "neuskitten" AHHHH ITS SO CRAZY HOW IN LOVE I WAS AND I AM STILL IN LOVE WITJ YOU it's been a week since we last talked on discord and my last attempt and getting hospitalized after, it feels like its been forever without you. day 101 without my fiancé, because that's really how it feels. i'm going to put screenshots of our dms here from a little while ago that i haven't uploaded yet
AHHH YAY I GOT YOU THE SKIN even though u said not to spend money on you I LOVE YOU HABIBI
leaving neu on seen with only emojis part 2 I SWEAR I DO THIS TO TEASE YOU AND PISS YOU OFF WHENEVER YOU PMO
I LOVE DOING THIS ITS SO FUNNY
i find you cute when you wanted to match pfps but you get shy, just ask me!! i'd love to do anything as long as it's with you.

i just feel like ive adopted a lot of your personality or texting style it was so cute to see how you started to text like me too i have bits of your personality with me, isn't that just so cool? i'm also forever grateful for the fact that we're able to be romantically but also so comfortingly affectionate..? without being like in love back then. i was crying telling you about how my /p husband was being a ass to me and back then i've only knew you for like a week or less IDK but that was the moment i just knew in my heart that you were there for me. i loved you yesterday, last month, today, and i will love you tomorrow and forever. i just think thats so awesome. except we aren't dating (yet). this is my loving internet fiancé, discord edaters, idv couples we blow kisses in match frequently or maybe even more whatever i just wanted to tell you i love you a lot and at first i was trying to dm you on time on tiktok bc i didn't have your disc i was going to die neu you dont understand how hard it is to dm you about all this but then i realized holy moly!!! i have a url for this stuff so i can just write them here!


6.16.25 】 hi bae sweet cute hot fiancé, today is the last day of school but tmrw is the regents. i am SO SO SO nervous. i guess i was originally planning to ask you out on the 18th but due to the recent events i think it's better off to work on myself first. i remember a time where the weird pinterest yuki girl told me she wanted to treat me as if i were diamonds and lavish me because it is what i was worth and what i deserve, do you think that's true? i don't know. i could list a hundred reasons why i love you but i can't list a hundred for myself. why wouldn't i like you.. you are so nice you are everything i need in life i miss you so much and i feel like everyday without you i grow more urges to need you even if we are just talking through discord statuses. i have to lock in and do well on the exams to impress you. gosh sorry everytime i think about you i really do blush, i can't help it that it feels like my insides are feeling squeezed? it feels so weird and that's so corny to admit. sometimes i also wonder if it was better to let you see all this before it became an overwhelming amount to read, like seriously, 12k words? that just really goes to show i love you more than i love myself, or anything i really like. i don't want to do this for anyone else. i want to do it for you, and only you. maybe in the end i'm the biggest yearner who yearns for someone who doesn't love me as much as i love him. #swordfightcity
the fact i've had this since the week we met is so sweet and i think about that fact a lot. isn't it nice to have a full record of everything we did and how i feel about you ? i mean. this is like me talking to my best friend about my crush. and its just fun to read through i am super glad we play idv a lot back then and will soon again, the people we met weren't THAT nice and the games were boring but its okay idv has been super fun in general with all the updates draining my wallet and we've (sometimes) gotten so many wins i love you. this is like. some on and off stuff because i never know if you want me it's like one moment you're in love with me and directing your status towards me and the next it's like i'm nothing to you anymore NEU WHY DO YOU DO THIS YOU MAKE ME SO CRAZY and so in need of you THATS EVIL THATS EVIL :( letting my twink fiancé know that he's making me go mental except hes not a twink idk WE BOTH ARE because i can't even lift a kettle but he can and he's so short too man i honestly started laughing when you told me you were shorter than chuuya. you're probably the shortest guy i know. we're only kinda dating, but it's like lableless we aren't dating but jokingly(??) engaged. i've gotten screenshots of that reyri girl who said everything i do on here is genuinely concerning but she's such a hater :heartbreak: "friends being silly and pretending like they're actually going to get engaged irl" NO WE AREN'T FRIENDS THAT PRETENDING THIS IS REAL please we are getting engaged irl!!!!! i love you i'm fighting such urges to tell you i love you when we talk again i'm going to make up for the time lost and tell you i love you all the time okay? i really really super duper ultra mega love you i'm gonna tell you i love you twice because that's true. i'm trying to think of what to write.. this is reaching 13k words oh my gosh i really can't wait until you read this, i don't know how long this would all take to read though...

are you really that ashamed to be with me. i love you so much and you literally make me want to rip my hair out at times i get so stressed thinking about you when i should be focusing on exams i swear my hair is falling out each time i think about you i think thats good because my hair is too thick anyway also i think your carrd is nice i think its nice its cute its simple its goated everything you do everything you like is cool my swagalicious amazing beautiful fiancé whom im so so in love with is the coolest ever wow if anybody else says their your number one fan i just know they are lying because they would never write 13k words about their idol right.. yes this is my fiancé / boyfriend / idk / situationship / doomed yoai i wish i had someone to talk about you all the time instead of writing it all down on a website but here we are i guess. i miss you :( i hope you rest well


6.17.25 】 omg today has been such a long day,, i'm done with the exam but GUESS WHAT i have to take another one tmrw and its math! wow i've never been good with numbers or letters except for the time i buy echos :money_mouth: i finally finally got to show you all this even though it was probably an ass to read because 13k words is not for the weak. i finally get. to be your boyfriend. it feels so unreal to me :((( like what do you mean you love me ??? i'm writing this now because i miss you, a lot. i always do. even with our time difference we still make things work and i promised myself that i'd do anything to be with you no matter how complicated things get i really hope you get to see this too since you know this url exist
(i viewed this url over 200 times that is so crazy) I MISS YOU NEU PLEASE COME BACK after my last exam tmrw we can spend a lot more time together wow. I LIKE HOW asking you out part 2 wasn't as touching as my original confession it was just "be my boyfriend neu!! let's ride off into the sunset together!" IT WAS SIX AM FOR ME OKAY I HAD ZERO idea what was going on but i genuinely felt my heart leap when you replied, you already know that i love you so much okay why wouldn't we be dating.. you're literally (i still feel like you're) too good for me i get too shy bringing it up like what do you mean i'm dating the person i was in love with for like 1-2 months i missed you a lot. talking to you today felt so nice again, i just know that i'll have the honor of talking to you again and hopefully the rest of my life. sometimes i wonder how i love so much despite being done so dirty in the past like i was basically cheated on twice, used as a placeholder against roblox and c.ai LIKE AHH WHAT?? i really just want to give you the love i was never given before, i should be in my villain arc by now but i am not. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OKAY IT ACTUALLY HURTS RN i know you're my boyfriend but the thought of you makes me want to cry in a good way thank you for giving me love i have never received before you're literally the one good soul in this messed up generation. if you miss me, please always come back to this url, my love for you is endless as corny as that sounds.
AXIS OLD DISPLAY USED TO BE "n1 aj x neu fan"
something possessed me into using light mode now YOU'RE SO WEIRD WTH
i love showing my old dms of me talking about you you can really just tell everyone knew and i'm so in love with you

TO EVEN THINK OUR FRIENDSHIP TURNED TO A RELATIONSHIP BC OF VI AND HER MISTAKE IS ALWAYS GONNA BE FUNNY TO ME HELP


6.18.25 】 i'm just gonna write this now because i miss you so much I GOT TIRED OF WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK OKAY :rage: :rage: my own fiancé boyfriend ditched me :( i'll write more later but i guess i'm never going to be as good as telling you all this stuff directly so instead i write it here. i always wake up early even though i should be sleeping for my exam it's not my fault i keep checking my phone to see if you texted me or not my phone is dry asf okay i only look forward to replying to you i have so much notifs from my other friends but i think sometimes it's better to put them off because i love talking to you more.. sorry. quick little vent because i have nobody else to tell this to you don't really have to care for this but the only friend i was mostly talking to during the time we weren't talking was this guy jaden and idk he's been acting dry ever since i unmatched with him i don't know i only unmatched because it felt like i was being unloyal to you i kinda got a feeling he was growing a little too attached to me or gaining feelings for me but idk maybe im just assuming stuff but if you're not neu i really don't want any of that stuff, and him acting more distant and dry kinda goes to prove my point maybe he does like me or something but he knows that i like you a lot, i was telling him all about you so even if he did like me that would be really weird what did i do bro please i hate when people treat me like this
i kinda feel bad because i sometimes also act like this towards you when i'm mad,, now i get it it feels like shit trying to understand why the other person is upset i'm sorry i'm going to do my best and be honest with you and open up more to you beause you're my boyfriend and i trust you with my entire life, i won't get upset at you ever again i was just crashing out because i wanted you so bad NEU PLEASE COME BACK ITS BEEN LIKE HOURS WITHOUT YOU IM SENDING U LETTERS okay enough about that guy i was looking back at our old dms and IT WAS SO FUNNY TO SEE YOU BEING DELUSIONAL EVEN THOUGH I GUESS THAT WAS THE START OF MY CRUSH ON YOU
the time where neu friendzoned me wow sniffles
BUT ITS OKAY I ALWAYS REJECTED U IN EVERY SINGLE WAY WHAT WAS YOUR POINT HERE I KNEW YOU LIKED ME SEE what a delusional little fake alpha :flushed:
someone had to snap neu out of his fake fantasies guess who that was bats my eyelashes as all the ladies cheer for me
i feel like everytime you threatened to leave i always soften up because I AM CLINGY (not very much) but in a way where i didn't want you to go STOP
WE ARE OVER!!! NO WAIT NEU IM IN LOVE YOU... IM IN GAY WITH YOU you're no longer a side piece you're my awesome amazing fiancé and boyfriend!! ratte pulls up in his car and i divert my attention to him oh hey look it's ratte!

i just wanna say that even though we are dating and everything i still have like the biggest crush on you; you're so cool like idk how to describe it you just are and your personality is unlike anyone elses i've seen i keep getting reminded everyday the exact reasons why i fell for you i'm so in love with you okay? it's almost gonna be our 3 months together, i love you.

guess who went back to hot (expensive) topic again today... your poser bf!! I DONT EVEN LISTEN TO THEM BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE OKAY i got the matching belt color too heh it came out to be almost 40 dollars wth I COULD (maybe) BUY AN S TIER SKIN WITH THAT WTF SCAM TOPIC but i always go back.. when are they gonna have sleeping with sirens stuff they have 3.1m spotify monthly listeners PLS THEY ARENT UNKNOWN WHERE IS MY SWS STUFF there was a lot of ptv stuff too neu mentioned NEU MENTION OH MY GOD it's my awesome cool emo bf


6.19.25 】 totally not writing this at 12 AM... new day i guess am i right heh it was so nice talking to you today. it's officially day three of dating you i know we are taking things slow but it feels like after all this time i finally get to be with the person i love most in the entire world i don't know what to do, why are you so perfect? why wouldn't i be so insecure when you are literally the most astromically heavenly guy to ever exist? i have the best boyfriend ever. there is no room for you to argue that you love me more okay? i've loved you since the start, you sound like every sws song i've ever listened to, because some of them are so edgy with the guitar riffs and others are just so calm. i always talk about you to my friends, even my /p husband lukas is so tired of it.
even when we weren't talking i was always mentioning you

i am just so in love with you, you've proven to be the most beautiful soul in existence and can you really blame me for being so insanely in love with you? i just feels like everyone has to know how much i love you. your name has been mentioned more than 500 times in all my dms, while i refrain a lot from yapping to my (single) or just my friends in general about you, i really wish there was someone i could just tell everything to like "wow i love neu SO BADLY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND NEU IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GUY EVER" like would anyone not find that corny? it's okay because i don't care, everything i say about you is true. i like it sometimes when you act cute and everything, i still get nervous because i don't know how you like me back or was so unhesitant to agree to being my boyfriend like what????!!! i still get a little shy whenever you compliment something i'm just naturally good at, you are so cute neu. i'm still trying to figure out what exactly you see in me, i always overthink about these things. how could someone so amazing like you love someone like me? through my every flaw too? your love makes me feel so warm and peaceful i always think about you. you just being here means the world to me, and now that i can finally stay up to talk to you, we can spend as much time as we want together. you can always lean on me for help or anything, even though i barely see you sad (which is something i strive to be), i hope that you can always talk to me about anything. you're my boyfriend, why wouldn't i care? you're the only good thing that's left in me, you're the only one who makes me this happy. i'm never leaving you neu, if we ever get to meet one day i'm gonna give you such a huge fat kiss okay. goodnight i love you


6.20.25 】 IT'S STILL JUNE 19 AS I’M WRITING THIS RN BUT I’LL COUNT IT AS JUNE 20TH BC IT’S LATE AS HELL ANYWAY AND IT'S ALMOST GONNA BE THE NEXT DAY. four more days until our three months together. IT FELT SO SHORT i genuinely can’t believe this :,(

ive been thinking of you when i hear certain songs, probably the songs you add in composer cat playlist mainly because they're so far from my own tastes that i don’t listen to them outside our playlist now whenever i hear your music i think about how thats something i listen to with you together, something that would go under the “our song” label.

i've been typing differently since i met you maybe it’s good? i feel like us getting to type like each other more is such a cute thing. we really clicked and you get my humor because sometimes YOU SAY THE MOST ABSURD THINGS NEU!! LIKE LOOK AT THIS i've NEVER talked like this before btw I REMEMBER I WAS JUST BEING FREAKY AND ALL THAT OLD STUFF looking at our pinned messages MADE ME WANT TO KMS STOP IT I HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE LAUGHING AT MY OWN MESSAGES and at first it was just be being a shy freako around you until it got more way more sincere and i don’t know, off the line of what i would call friends. i’m typing this right now as YOU ARE GONE AGAIN sniffles just say you hate me neu, it’s okay anyway i’ve grown used to waiting to text you everyday when i woke up for school and went to sleep at night. it’s so boring now in the house with nothing to do because i could busy myself but i just wanna talk to you :( wth man you’re so evil for that neu you always be outside and on some adventure like you’re making me look like novaonline who has a discord server to mod so i say inside all day

I STILL HAVE SOME OLD SS OF OUR DMS ILL MAYBE UPLOAD SOON WHEN I GET THE TIME TO since my phone so old and only has 68 GB HELP i feel like such an millennial unc

neu : aj you can’t goon to composer… he’s literally our son!
aj : unblushes o-okay neu… sniffles
neu : good…. because we can goon together~
aj : omg neu? 😳 don’t say these things in front of composer cat! blushes and looks the other way
neu : hey. OBEY UR MASTER ALPHA.
aj : o-o-o-okay… arf!!!!

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I JUST TYPED OMG STOP CAN U TELL IM BORED OUT OF MY WITS WITHOUT YOU HERE i’m looking back at our old messages and seeing how cute and far we’ve gone is so fucking nostalgic :( wth neu you were always cute from the start. I WAS ALWAYS JUST SAYING THE TRUTH OKAY don’t explode
it is so crazy to think it’s been 2 months since this screenshot, i love you so much it feels like i age so much faster whenever i’m with you 🥀

WHAT IS HIS ISSUE STOP


“neu would be gentle with me” knowing damn well i’m the real alpha in the relationship and i’m like 5 INCHES TALLER THAN YOU

digital footprint i’m NOT PROUD OF

i always write about you with honesty, with my absolute heart, and with everything in me. i never once regretted anything i did with you ; meeting you, dating you, or just texting you was the best part of my everyday life. every single moment i get spend with you, hearing your voice, reading your texts, or just playing idv with you meanwhile my sister yells at you through the screen brings me the smallest joy that no one could ever replace, this is only something that you can bring. only something that you can find in me even when both of us are hurting, and that's what i appreciate so much about you. you've given me a love that i've never experienced with anyone else. time difference, or if you're "bad" at words, doesn't matter in this relationship. we don't have to talk to each other every hour of the day to know that we love each other. we don't have to remind each other we love one another. i'd choose you over anyone anyday.

before i met you, i never thought i'd have this kind of connection with anyone else. not after i was cheated on and broke up with my ex on bad terms. i thought that at that point, i'd never be in love with someone again, to have someone who understands me and get my jokes without becoming sensitive and splitting because of them. i never thought i'd be more in love with someone than they are in love with me. to be equally loved to the same extent, to the same words and humor, always felt like so unrequited until I met you. everything other than you kinda gets shut down in my mind when i spend even the smallest amount of time with you. i end up thinking about you for hours after you have to go :(. every small comment, sweet or not, puts a genuine, happy smile on my face. i've never felt this kind of joy talking to someone online. it showed me that i don't need to know them, or face them in real life to actually feel real feelings toward someone. just mere words can change anything. i really hope one day i can talk about you to my irls, who already sees me as weird but i wouldn't want them to think i'm even crazier by mentioning how i'm a edater... (it's okay if i'm an edater, as long as i'm with you.)

a song that reminds me of our relationship, is If I'm James Dean,You're Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping With Sirens. it's been one of my favorites since i started listening to them, specifically the live version makes me always think about you. like mentioned in the song, i have no idea how you could ever pick me, but i want this love to last forever, and that means to have you forever. HONESTLY I COULD SING YOU A SONGGG BUT I DONT THINK WORDS CAN EXPRESS YOUR BEAUTYYY i can't promise that things won't be broken, but i swear that i will never leave please stay forever with me it feels surreal to be in this relationship, being in a relationship with an amazing, caring, funny, most beautiful guy like you. even if you don't think that, even if you think lowly of yourself. because you aren't chopped. someone's whole beautiful soul is always going to be important than one's looks. i still think you are way too out of my league, i don't care about your flaws neu, i love you entirely. just know that im here, thinking that you're the most amazing, thoughtful, lovable boyfriend on this planet, this universe. out of all these people and stupid exes that i was too good for, i picked you. i'd choose you in every lifetime.


6.21.25 】 not exactly the next day but almost the next day so it's basically the same thing, i'm gonna upload some of our old dms because it's silly it's funny you are dumb men kisser men toucher men grinder lip toucher sword fight city.

this is me when you btw I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU NEU for the one hundreth time

me x you x ratte x kellin quinn

neu's monstrosity of a taste :wilted_rose:

looks like you did join the freakfest after all neu...

ugly orphrick,,, this is us!! composer cat so cute

I NEED TO GO BACK TO DOING THIS ENOUGH IM IN TEARS neu has 5 different identities. hi i'm neu! hi i'm nue! hi i'm enu! we ditched neuvillette for composer cat because you didn't want to pay the child support!! cries as a stay at home dad of 9

I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT WHAT IN THE WORLD NEU I'M AXTUALLY I STILL CALL U BEANS SOMETIMES WHEN IM TALKING TO MY SISTER WHOOPS

i gaslit yua so hard into thinking you actually changed your name to beans instead of neu AND NOW SHE CAN'T STOP CALLING YOU BEANS I KEEP CORRECTING HER I'M SO EVIL FOR THAT

neu will never get childe. SCREW YOU FOR LAUGHING AT MY PITY I WORKED SO HARD TO GET THAT GAY ANRMO TWINK OMG and also for the record childe isn't cute or hot!!!

we actually in fact DID RIDE OFF INTO THE SUNSET!! i love saying it sm because you're the only person i've ever asked to do it with, it's basically like my confession at this point like yes! let's run off or sail off into the sunset and be happy forever!

we played idv today even though i was feeling a little sick it was still super fun even if we lost every single round we played. i will never learn how to kite smiley EVER but it is okay as long as i do probably much anything with you i'll always be okay. sometimes it does make me a little sad that i can't talk about you to my other friends because most of them have just broken up with their partners or they aren't interested to listen to me at all. i have one friend who's been forever attached to her boyfriend who she dated for A DAY. and then they broke up because he was busy or smth and i keep trying to tell her to let him go, because that dude just wasn't worth it now she hates couples and texted me and was like "good morning I hate couples again." NO BECAUSE HOW ARE YOU GOING TO BE DATING FOR ONE DAY? AND THEN GET BACK TOGETHER JUST TO BREAK UP THE NEXT DAY WHAT? relationships that last for that short really is just not true love at all. do people not focus on themselves anymore? i feel like some people need to realize they don't need to be dating someone to be happy. i broke up with my ex in january, and up until now i was pretty much fine being single. it's been 4 days since we started dating, my last one was only a week, but i feel like with you we are going to last forever. this month either everyone started dating or broke up with their partners like is summer vacation the problem??? WHAT "now I'm gonna find it annoying when people talk about their bf or gf 😇 that's just how I am lol" aw man :( being inside the house all day and not doing anything passes by so fast, maybe it's because i don't have school anymore, but i miss you a lot. i'm having a small headache and i haven't replied to any of my friends yet but it is okay i probably will later, i just know we'll be able to talk again tonight i really can't wait to talk to you even though i have no idea what i would be talking to you about. ROACHES IN THE CEREAL? AHHHHHHHH

to be honest i've always liked you from the start, i think during the first week of may we became super close and my feelings started to develop from there even though at first i tried to push those thoughts away, i didn't want to ruin our friendship because i was in denial and i know i would've ended up hurting one of us either way. i'm glad we were able to solve things now, i am fully in love with you, like head over heels!! waking up at 4AM today was so surprising i bet you were like "oh aj's back! hi aj! wait a minute... ISN'T IS 4AM FOR YOU?" ahh neu

i miss my funny cool silly sweet asian twink furry discord e kitten boyfriend. one second without neu.. 1 minute without neu... IT'S BEEN HOURS IT'S BEEN DAYS I'M ACTUALLY GONNA GET THE ROACHES IN THE CEREAL TO COME FOR YOU NEU


6.22.25 】 my phone + ipad got taken today so i might as well might more about you come back i really miss you neu.. :( i wonder who else has seen this url because it's in my profile ITS SO FUNNY THE THOUGHT OF PEOPLE OPENING THIS AND BE LIKE WHAT IN THE WORLD WHY IS THERE SO MUCH TO READ I FEEL LIKE I BELONG IN A PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL LAUGHING AT THE DELUSIONS IN MY HEAD STOP. but i guess they all know that we are in love and you're not my situationship anymore, isn't it beautiful? i love reading back and seeing how much my crush on you has came to be, whether it was me realizing when i started to like you, crashing out BECAUSE WE BOTH WERE SO COMPLICATED AND i couldn't say what i wanted which was you since i'll never be able to be good at saying what i want. i love you though, i'm happy you were able to realize i really just wanted you in my life! when we get married (in like 100 years) in the red church on idv lets post it on a url so everyone can come. can kellin quinn be the priest or whatever the vows thing PERSON HELP I DONT KNOW
^ our honeymoon will be in chinatown and moonlit river park map so that we can celebrate in idvland :heart:

EWWW I HATE EDATERS I HATE EDATERS I'M NO EDATER WHOEVER ELSE INSANE ENOUGH TO READ THIS URL i'm not an edater.. me and my bf are less corny than the other edaters out there don't talk to me if you are a straight couple or any other couple you're not welcomed!!!! i'm totally not jealous of all the couples with easier timezones, can you believe what yua said to me last night? she said "not trying to be rude, but you guys probably won't last that long with the timezone" NO DON'T SAY THAT THATS NOT TRUE ME AND YOU SURVIVED 3 MONTHS WITH THE TIMEZONE and i'd gladly do it forever because i know we don't need to talk every hour of the day to know we love each other i have a life outside of discord (no way!) i'm not THAT chronically online, but i do miss you every hour of the day. yua so mean :( she's gonna object you if we ever get married because you suck at idv and you're a furry PICK A STRUGGLE NEU. no phone.. no tiktok no idv boyfriend is gone sister is watching boring kdrama stuff what DO I DO i miss yiu neu i miss U i came back at the wrong time AHHH i was gonna text u but i never got my phone back in the morning my mom mean asl it's complicated with her sometimes she's nice and yeah but most of the time she's such a bitch because she idk she hates me??? because i don't know how to do anything around the house because she never taught me so i had to figure out a lot of stuff by myself and she yells or goes off on me for literally every little thing because i'm the older sibling sigh everyone in this house is tired of her ways i swear. i love my mom but she can't expect me to be close with her like i am close to my dad. whenever my parents touch me or go to hug me my body keeps backing away? and they ask me why but i don't know maybe i don't like to be touched or maybe because they've (mostly my mom) abused me throughout the entire first half of my life up until i was in middle school? the same woman who told her own child (me) to kill himself over something he can't control makes me so upset too even if that was years ago it still hurts to think about that. i don't like it when my parents touch me, but i let my irls and i would let you touch me, (not in a freaky way) because i love you and i trust you. sorry for the yap and vent i got the roaches in the cereal for you HELP I CANT STOP REFERENCING THE ROACHES IN THE CEREAL VIDEO

i goon to you btw i always think about you at night :drooling_face: i love you neu you're so beautiful personality wise and physically i just know you are i'm scared that if i go on vacation i won't be able to talk to you because last summer i went on a cruise for a week and had no wifi to text my ex i hope i won't be gone for that long because i gotta hang out with my irl childhood friends and kids who are still in middle school but likes hazbin hotel... i'm not surviving it without my phone and ipad all i do all day is either draw or lay in bed thinking about you or write about you pull up neu my fingers are getting tired JPJP or /hj i don't know i love you i hope you're sleeping well i'm gonna try to get this to 18k words i think i ought to let you know that every time you say smth slightly nice to me i always just go WTH woah you have no idea what you're doing to me this isn't dirty or anything i feel like an anime school girl blushing heh.. LMAO AHH 18K WORDS AND LIKE NOT EVEN A WEEK AGO I WAS AT 13K and two days ago i was at 16k i love writing about you when i have nobody else to talk about you to :white_heart:

it's 1PM right now and i've been listening to sex by m1v nonstop, questionable title but IT'S SO GOOD it samples the lonely russian song and it's freaky asl this song is so hot i want to look like this song is that a thing

i love this song too you sound like the instrumental version of this song it's so beautiful i love music i love you and i love you more than music i can't believe ptv has been one of my top 3 or 5 artists this month COMPOSER CAT PLAYLIST REALLY CONTRIBUTED TO THAT it just shows i listen to your music taste a lot i think your music taste is awesome it's cool it's goated just like everything you do and are into


6.23.25 】 i've been doing nothing but genshin grinding the entire day for arlecchino. I CANT BELIEVE IM TOP 2%. i'm gonna be top 1 soon just watch ALL FOR MY LADY arlecchino blushes.. neu can never be top 10% or higher heh i finally have time to write now. today i was doing the shenhe echo thing which was so hard for no reason?? it took me like 7 tries and cost me my sanity. but i finally got it it's so pretty shenhe is so pretty too let your AR 60 omega boyfriend carry you next time trust. idk how i'm still top 70% mavuika and clorinde when my mavuika hit 1.02m ugh akasha it's because i built her with a different set AHHH clorinde kinda buns BUT IT ISN'T MY FAULT SHE HAS ALHAITHM OR HOWEVER U SPELL HIS NAMES WEAPON. free my girl clorinde!! we also played idv today we only won 2 matches out of however many we played.. ITS OKAY YAY I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH YOU even though you and my sister have beef in idv because she said YOU WERE HORRIBLE at every character you played. hell ember staring down at us in shame BECAUSE WE BOTH SOLD SO HARD OKAY it's NOT MY FAULT I WENT TO WHERE minds eye was decoding he WAS COMING FOR ME?? yua lowk carried the two matches we won STOP WE ARE ACTUALLY SO BAD

it's alright if we suck, i love spending time with you either way because i don't really talk to any of my other friends besides you. i sometimes get lonely because you're like the only person who's asked me to spend time with you this summer while none of my other friends had, maybe they don't like me anymore but that's okay. doing anything with you just makes me so happy, do you know that? you make me so happy, i miss you so much right now :( you'll be back in a few hours i still felt bad that i texted you today and then you came online and i told you to gts LIKE NO I DIDN'T MEAN TO WAKE YOU , i don't think ill never stop loving you. i still remember the day i fell in love with you and asked you if you had a crush on me since i didn't want things to go in the wrong way, may 7th of 2025. and ill never forget the best day of my life, even if i had the regents exam that day, june 17th of 2025, the day we started dating. it still feels like a fever dream i woke up pretty nervous for the exam but i was so relieved that you had texted me, even though we were both unsure where to head next or if we were ready to be together, i just ultimately asked if you wanted to be my bf and ride off into the sunset with me, what a silly thing to ask while i was half awake but you said yes so now it's been 6 days since we started dating. i love you, i'm still trying to take our relationship slow because i'm still kinda shy getting used to having someone love me but i still have so much love to show you, i really don't know how you even like me back at all that's so awful saying that sorry sorry :( i'm trying not to put myself down but you are literally too good for me i always ask myself how i ever got so lucky, now i just feel so silly for all of the times where i thought you didn't like me back because i was being stupid and struggled to admit my feelings for you or just say what i want when i REALLY JUST WANTED YOU i am so in love with you i really want you forever and ever please stay in my life forever neu we are already engaged fiancés so you have my hand in marriage. it's genuinely killing me that there are people out there on discord that know who you and i are because i've shared it publicly now, i doubt there is anyone else insane enough to read this entire thing. this url's old name used to be /neuslittlekitten LMAO I CHANGED IT OKAY OKAY IT WAS FUNNY rentrycord sees this and go this url is aj's plans to ask neu out ?!?!? jokes on you i am neuphobic! i would never ask neu out because i'm not neusexual!!! we are dating now and just because we're not talking every hour of the day doesn't mean we're not dating. use your brains!!!!! you know tomorrow is our 3 months together... time passing by so fast. i'd die for you, you've improved my life like crazy, i love you neu.


6.24.25 】 i could probably die on the couch right now from all this boredom. it feels like this is the worst summer yet, it's been hell being stuck at home i keep crying over stuff that doesn't matter or i'm just so overstimulated. maybe summer break isn't for me, i miss having irl friends around and none of my friends either text ne anyway. would anyone even care if i died or just left discord and every other social to never come back again? i want to disappear until i feel better again, sorry i don't know whats wrong with me anymore but anyways happy 3 months together when will any of my friends text me to spend time with me again i was looking forward to spending time with them in the summer but now it just feels like i'm by myself. if the rest of summer is just going to feel the same everyday then i want to die right now. i want to cry i want to hurt i want to do things to myself until i become unrecognizable. i hate venting in this rentry because i don't want to bother anymore i can't talk to anyone i'm trying to open more up to you but it just feels like a burden i can't control it i'm trying to stay clean i'm trying to lay off the pills because it's been 18 days since i last relapsed. i love you i'm sorry i'm like this maybe i'm just typing this because i'm mentally unstable at the moment or i'm just stupid and need a reason to cry since i'm so bored i'm too lazy to do anything but lay in bed. when can bpd let me be happy for a lokg time instead of every now and then. you are the only good thing left in me/sws ref i think that i probably would've died a long time ago if you weren't in my life hold on i'll write later after i feel better again :( i don't want ou to worry about me sorry i love you im so fuckinf sorry you mean so much to me and i can't do the very little thing you ask me to do which is to take care of myself i feel so alone rn

i'm doing better now i think i just cried for no reason because i was overwhelmed. i miss you a lot, i'll try to stay up tonight to talk to you again AHHH I MISS YOU NEU IT'S BEEN HOURS WHYD U STAY UP SO LATE TODAY now you may as well wake up when it's midnight for me and when i am dead asleep why are u so dumb i'm back on genshin again need that top 1% grind sorry if i've been acting off lately, i'm just so lonely without you since nobody else talks to me , and i'm just no good without you. i hope you're sleeping well. my friend today told me about how his gf's mom found out that they were online dating and now they have to act as friends and can only say 'i love you' in call. i can't imagine living with that if that happens to us because i love telling you i love you, you are literally so cute yes even if you don't think so you just are i love you so much okay i literally blush everytime i think about you yes it's cringe yes you're the only one that i ever want, okay? please never doubt that even right now as i'm a little upset just thinking of you makes everything so much better. i really love you, let's stay like this forever.

by the time you are probably reading this, i would probably be already passed out asleep. i hope you have fun during the day without me, hopefully you don't miss me as much as i miss you, i can't just help sigh bedrot and then fall asleep because my life feels so pointless staying inside all day right now. we've only known each other for a short time, but i felt like i've known you forever. please never feel like you have to regret telling me anything, i will always care or listen to you updating me whatever you're doing or wherever you're at. i know i am your boyfriend, but it's sometimes hard to act confident around you because you're literally so much cooler and you're so down to earth, wow, i am so in love with you. a guy like you deserves all of the love in the world. i wouldn't want you to just "be" happy, i would like you to "feel" it from the depths of your soul, not something forced, but something genuine. that's what i want for you, even if i'm not here when you are awake during the day. every time we talk or whenever you are around, my entire soul gets healed. it's like finding warmth in the cold rain or just feeling a warm breeze over the ocean. (wow i'm so poetic)


6.26.25 】

hi sorry i didn't write yesterday i had a whole depressive episode day. i have so much inbox messages on tiktok and i haven't replied to them. it sometimes gets so overwhelming so i put them off for hours but if you texted i'd always reply as soon as possible. i can't believe axi reads this as well it is a WHOLE LOT to read sorry.. it basically documents an entire month i've had with you, and soon enough it will be the 2 month birthday of when i first started writing about you. does reading this really make people cry? i know i am such a good writer, and i love looking back and reading every little sweet thing i've wrote about you. i really mean it. i never knew i could love someone this much until i met you. the thought of you makes me so happy. besides from kloud and axi, i really don't have anyone else to talk to you about. my friends know i am crazy in love with you, sometimes i love you so much i cry at the thought of you it's like being healed from inner trauma because i've never received love like this before i am so nervous sometimes like what happened to the freaky aj when neu is around or shows me affection, you mesmerize me and i will never stop talking about you. i have so much to brag about because i managed to get the friend who i had a crush on to love me back, i never thought you would ever have feelings for me but i did have a little feeling you did i'm so happy i was able to confess my love for you, because that is something that will never change. i don't think my love for you will ever fade away. i truly love you.

maybe i was born for hunter qm after having such bad surv randoms.. better past record than when i play with you better start locking in OR YOU WILL BECOME DUOLESS NEU.
me and yua THEY DANCE SO WEIRD IN THE PUBLIC MAP I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW JOSEPH DANCE

meow hot sexy babe

first real joseph match against survs, are you proud of me i was able to get a four man even though i still kinda suck at him me and patroller joseph against the world HELP

literally us idk if i'll ever put this url to use though UGH I LOVE HAVING THIS URL PUBLIC everyone needs to know how much i love you like hey guys this is my partner, my person, my boyfriend and the person who forever healed me.. i'm so happy you're still here with me because i don't know where we both would be without each other what if i never commented on that post on tiktok, i would've never met you :( besides from that, there is so much i love about you like how you're always so kind to me and how loving you are and how nice you treat me like aghehff i've never felt more loved....and i really love that about you. everytime i get the chance to talk to you i always try to explain everything i love about you and what makes you so special to me even when im talking to my friends i can always think to myself "i could be talking to my beautiful breathtaking bf sighhhhh". i'm so happy you're still here with me i love you so much. you don’t get tired of my corny jokes and what ifs, i'm always ready to listen to all your nonsense stories and shit, if you have a problem you can always rant to me im all ears. even if it is you crashing out about idv over a voice message i'd still listen to you. even if i don’t know what to say sometimes so i'll just joke around so you can laugh even though it’s corny. i'm always here for you, i’ll be your #1 fan, boyfriend, and best friend (and fiancé) if you ever think you did something wrong, don’t think that i’ll lose interest in you because that will never happen. i will never fall out of love with you neu, let’s fix ourselves (mainly me) together, okay? licks your cheek


6.27.25 】 it's almost 2 PM and i still haven't ate breakfast at all while typing this... hold on bae i'll continue after i finish eating HELP I TOOK HALF AN HOUR EATING probably bc i was distracted or hungry i don't need to even eat lunch anymore!!

same friend who didn't like me talking about you since she hates couples

honestly, it's not entirely my fault that her relationship lasted one night and got into another relationship within days. it's fun to brag, like why wouldn't i be showing you off?? i'm so heavily in love with you like wow everybody i have the best boyfriend ever!

neu giving aj chinese rizz
STOP THE WAY YOU WERE SPEAKING CHINESE AFTER I TOLD YOU MY PARENTS WANTED ME TO DATE A PERSON WITH THE SAME ETHNICITY OR ASIAN so you were like I CAN SPEAK CHINESE i can impress your parents!! you are so cute and funny it makes me happy that you know at least a few words gosh you are just so awesome.
met on a rice field type of love story :smiling_face_with_3_hearts: :smiling_face_with_3_hearts:
neu thinking he's a chinese fine shyt
I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD CAN WE EVEN SAY THIS NO WE ARENT RELATED IF YOU REMOVE THE BORDER NEU GTFO
wo ai ni neu ni shi wo de alpha wolf I CANT WITH CHINESE PINYIN OMG
gotta adopt the boyfriend habit

it's been 3 months with my sweetheart, the happiness of my life. thank you so much for being my boyfriend, i mean you're the best boyfriend, thank you so much for always comforting me even when i am in a bad mood or a episode and making me comfortable & safe around you, thank you i'm willing to endure this long mental journey with you, i'm willing to always be happy when you are here. thank you so much for coming to my life and being one of my favorite person in this world, thank you for being this understanding and strong when i have bad days, i know only good things will happen to a guy as great as you, you deserve it bae. I LOVE YOU

i wanna say i'm so sorry if i'm not enough for you, i can't be the person that you want, sorry if i still have bad moodswings and make you feel upset with my behavior. i hope you never get tired of me, i will also change the things that are not good for you, i will work on it for you, honey. my hope for this summer is that i will become a better person, and of course our relationship will be able to grow more as i open up more to you and share my thoughts with you, i know we can do it. thank you so much for exisiting, i'm so happy and proud to have you in my life, i love you more than you've ever known. (づ˶•༝•˶)づ♡ i love you so much, i always try to show it but that's only a fraction of how much i really love you, i literally can't show all of it in a hundred lifetimes. you mean so much to me and i'm so grateful that i get to talk to a sweet guy like you every day (even when you cheat on me with those dudes named "sleep" and "bed" ig..). every day i wake up and always am so grateful that god brought you into my life. you are so special to me, you mean the absolute world and it'll never change. i love every version of you, even the mad neu. you're so silly, so sweet, sometimes 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 to me. EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS JUST SO LOVEABLE. i don't want you to ever think you aren't enough for me because you are more than enough, even though i still doubt if i'm enough for you. you make me feel so loved, so safe, so special. there's not a single boy on earth that compares to you and i'm so glad that you chose me to be yours. i might have ups and downs but i will never leave you. i won't ever get mad at you, i'd never make you feel unsafe or unloved. you are EVERYTHING i've ever wanted and more. WO AI NI!!!


6.28.25 】 bae is finally home!! i've spent the entire morning doing chores for an hour.... i'm so exhausted but at least you are home and alive. i'm sorry it took me a while to write today, i'm just so tired and i still have latin class tomorrow. i haven't even played idv today, it's boring to play alone it's been like 40 minutes since you've probably went to sleep and i already miss you.. come back neu at least we are going to talk tomorrow. it's almost going to be 100 days since i've been with you, i feel like i'm growing old already when i look back at our old messages. it is crazy how 3 months have passed together, i mean that is a quarter of a year together, i know it hasn't been long but at least we aren't leaving it at the 3 month rule. you are the most amazing person ever, every time we talk you always managed to put a smile on my face and make me giggle and just overall you make my soul feel warm every time we talk, you make me feel wanted. from the day we met you have always been the person who understood me, the person who has been around since i needed you the most, when i needed to be held and told everything is okay. that is why we instantly clicked. you are amazing and i hope to make you feel as loved and valued as possible whenever we talk. everybody deserves a neu in their life but just not you since you're my person, you're my special someone. sometimes i still feel bad about being blunt to you or teasing you in a mean way, but i still cannot fathom the fact that you like me too and is willing to be my boyfriend. let's kiss or something then ride off into the sunset with our 7 children who i still don't accept. i really appreciate that you spent 3 months with me even though i'm annoying and talk too much sometimes. your presence in my life has become a necessity, i literally can't get you out of my head. every time i talk to you i feel my heart beat so hard, i'm already at risk of heart disease don't kill me neu! :( i'm not the best with words to express my entire love for you, but i hope i managed to get through at least half of my feelings for you, you're such a sweetie. i can't see myself without you. WHY ARE YOU SO COOL i keep checking my phone every hour of the day even when i know you asleep. okay more screenshots of old dms because i miss you I MISS YOU when are u coming back neu

omg this fake 16 yo unknown wanted me so bad on valentine's day
I HATE BEING CALLED "ml" or "my love" IT'S SO UNORIGINAL and NO I'M NOT GONNA REPLY FAST I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND

oh hell yeah :tongue: my asexualness turns to sexualness when you are around...


6.29.25 】 i'm literally so lazy today i've been listening to composer cat playlist.. WHY DID I PUT SM SAD SONGS I'M MISSINGYOU SO BAD.

i just finished idv. my randoms were HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE today. I BARELY WON any matches and i got like 3 nightmares?? my randoms have zero idea what they are doing this is how i feel rn. why does COMPOSER LOOK SO NAKED OH MY GOD i mean wow.. composer flash us!! that's our child... my randoms are even worse than you I AM SO MAD RN DONT TALK TO ME I ALMOST GOT DUNGEON BUT I ACCIDENTALLY CRAWLED OVER A PALLET TWICE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE everytime i play this game it makes me wish everybody would drop dead UGHHHH neu save us all...

i posted like two tiktok slideshows about you, that account is starting to flop so BAD but it doesn't really matter as long as i'm thinking about you. thank you for the best 3 months and by far the most craziest months of my life. even though i write this whole url from the depths of my heart, words cannot explain just how special you truly are to me. you make life worth living, you make life worth waking up to, worth breathing what the earth has to give. you make worth of every struggle i come to encounter, even if it's not from the hands of your own. i would have never expected myself to last in a heartfelt beautiful friend/relationship with you. i was kind of done with relationships after my last one until you came into my life and you became more than a friend. no matter what you do, how you are, what you be, i will always love you. you can be whatever you want and i'll accept you, i promise i'm trying for you. i hope one day we will be able to meet, if not then, i hope i don't go insane. i don't know where i would be without you, but at least i'm lucky enough to experience what life is like with you.

if aj and neu ever moved in together with composer cat

neu : aj.. please get off identity v.. sniffles me and composer cat are worried... you've been on the game for days now.
aj : wait. I'M LITERALLY ABOUT TO HIT A CLIP BOYZZZ, oh neu.. what did you say again?
neu : GET OFF THE GAME AND TAKE A SHOWER. YOU HAVEN'T SHOWERED FOR DAYS. YOU STINK! YOU'RE TORTURING OUR SON'S NOSTRILS
aj : babe i'm literally on call! can you just shut it for a minute?? yeah sorry guys my fiancé is being annoying rn.
neu : GET OFF THE GAME OR I'M UNPLUGGING YOUR CHARGER! please.. spend some time with us?
aj : UGH FINE. WHAT DO YOU WANT? I WAS KITING FOR 240 SECONDS.
neu : you don't even look at me when we make love anymore! tears well up in neu's eyes
aj : why WOULD I LOOK at a twink like you? you aren't even good in bed!
the boyz hearing this : WOAHHH THINGS JUST WENT DOWN
neu : oh yeah? says the one who is my omega and asks me to knot him!!
aj : angry flushes NO I DO NOT! STOP LYING. leaves call after that
neu : you're MY omega. not theirs!! growls
aj : ugh, why are you being so annoying? they're just my friends.
neu : because i'm worried about other alphas knotting you!
aj : only your charger can be in my plug, don't worry neu. goes to take a shower
neu : i'm going to touch you.
composer cat : wowie...


6.30.25 】 fuckass neu made me wake up at 4am today because i suddenly had the thought of talking to him again had to put on REAL SLEEP MUSIC but apparently neu is a hater of cocomelon.

twinkle twinkle little star...
hey sweetness OUHHHH


that dream was not fucking funny man :( i hate when people i know appear in my dreams because it usually means something bad like whenever i dreamed of one of my exes or ex friends our relationship always came to an end i had to wake up because apparently i tried to speak but nothing came out that was so scary... i love you either way i would never cheat on you why would i cheat on such an amazing beautiful sweet dude like you anyway i hate being cheated on sigh my heart was pounding never sleeping at 5 am again

back to when you first assumed that you liked me i only had like 100 mentions of you in my dms, now i have almost 700 wow i love talking about you so much

NOOO IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO HIT A CLIP NEU GO AWAY GRRR NO SHOWER NO GETTING OFF stop texting me i'm playing idv jellyfish game!! playing jellyfish game instead of talking to my bf clipped neu being desperate okay sweet time now

there is nothing in this world that will stop me from loving you, i love you so much that i don't even feel my heartbeat when i talk to you SORRY NEU IM SO IN LOVE i am missing you a lot ..... seriously i just want to talk to you i can wake up at 4am again if that means i get to talk with you while i was so out of it again. IM MISSING YOU SO MUCH I FEEL LIKE I'LL FREAK OUT NEU PLEASWEEUWISIS I AM EMOTIONALLY DEPENDENT ON YOU /hj you are just my everything : my beloved, my cutest, just everything. you're so amazing and beautiful and you make my heart feel so warm.
sometimes, i get nervous to be natural around you, as i do with most, but then i remember how kind and accepting to me you are. you've always understood me and never judged me for being the way that i am because of my personality disorder, i've been splitting less lately because i am with you. i would trade the world just to feel that even more often. thank you for continue to deal with my shenanigans. thank you for existing. you're so strong and amazing to me, and i love you so much... :(

i can't lie that it's torturous to be able to talk to you only during certain hours. but i'm so happy when you text me back or at least is there when i wake up. i miss you so much every day and i can't help but feel my heart ache whenever i remember that i can't hug you in person. . . the only comfort i cling to this url and reading our messages way after you have gone to sleep. IM IN LOVE WITH YOU okay bye neu talk to you later ❤


7.1.25 】 i feel like absolute shit right now, i can't breathe i don't know why i'm so panicked. maybe it's because everybody else got their own best friends who are willing to spend time with then while i don't have anyone. i'm tired of making new friends that don't share anything in common with me and are lame and never talk to me. or maybe i'm worried about transphobe. why do people always make me so worried i don't know what i did wrong i feel like death at the moment. i'm so tired, i woke up at 5am so i could at least text you. life is so hard right now but at least i'll continue living for you even if i don't want to.

i wrote that at like 6am because i woke up early in case my phone gets taken again... why do i always get such weird dreams like you cheating on me or us breaking up? am i really that insecure? why wouldn't i be insecure anyway when you are literally so perfect what the freak why did i wake up with tears coming out of my eyes this is just so so weird. like two days in a row? at least i got to tell you about it and you had to calm me down again. i really love you for that, thanks for not questioning my dreams and telling me i'm not as hard to love as i thought i was. you're the most amazing boyfriend ever, i'm so afraid. i'm really afraid of losing you and those dreams where i did lose you is probably a reflection of my fear. i have never wanted to not lose someone so badly, please stay in my life forever i don't know what i would do without you :(. all that aside, i made a new (yeah just one unfortunately) friend today, hopefully i get to make new friends who are actually interested in talking to me. no new idv friends :rage: I GOTTA SPREAD THE IDV BRAINROT TO EVERYONE. i'm gonna try to finish bsd today i'm playing genshin rn and skirk's story quest is so cool wowie neu you're a genshin noob!!

this song basically describes my love for you
EVERY WORD U WRITE OR SING IS SO WARM TO MEEE

everything about you is absolutely radiant, you are so perfect in my eyes and nothing in the world could change that. your kindness, your personality, your love is amazing and i will always love you. i am so very devoted to you and want to the rest of my life with you. it's been a wonder to see us both change and grow as time passes and even when life gets incredibly hard for either of us you are always there for me and i want to always be there for you. i love you so much neu. i always struggle to find the words to express my feelings but i'll try my best just for you. you're perfect for me, and i hope i'm perfect for you. i hope i can spend the rest of my days with you. i'll stick by your side no matter what, i promise.)


7.2.25 】 HAPPY 100 days together sweetness (hey sweetness AUUGHH ref) this unc is getting old asl with you... can u tell i like that picture a lot

more old dms because i need to clear my storage also because i like looking back at them


flashback to when neu threw all the matches we played together i'm no longer ur duo neu,..



neu was a little freaky back then in tiktok dms wowie.. tears were shed while reading this



first ever convo with neu how are we feeling.. STOP THE WAY YOU TEXTED ME BEFORE WAS SO FUNNY

self proclaimed alpha btw
hmph! i'm no tsundere...

blushes
telling the fine shyt about all the chopped shyts


that one time i wrote you an orphrick mpreg ff THIS WAS GENUIENLY SO FUNNY PLEASE
neu when he is jealous of ratte and becomes a tsundere for aj
I WAS CRAZY FREAKY BACK THEN OKAY

"I KNOW" and it turns out i liked you all along :heartbreak:
oh i know you do YOU WERE GIVING SOME MIXED SIGNALS that were really easy to piece together!!
am i down bad :rose:
I MESSED UP SO BADLY HERE WHEN I SAID "oh no i should post them on my alt now" WHICH WAS ME INDIRECTLY TELLING YOU I HAVE THE HIDE IT FROM YOU THEREFORE YOU WERE THE PERSON I LIKED I REALIZED THIS AND FREAKED OUT but luckily you were too slow to figure it out LMAOAOAO
how it feels telling the person i like about the person i like NEU WAS KILLING ME BACK THEN

clipped... why would you even SAY THIS NEU

i love talking to you everyday, you are like the light of the sunset in my melancholic afternoons driving away all the pain in my heart (cringe). i hope your day was good, i think mines today is going good so far even though none of my new friends has texted me yet, i'll spend the afternoon watching bsd and then rewatching toh!! i was thinking a lot about you and how much i miss you since jouno and tecchou are shipped a lot and when they were in the episode i always think of us anyway OUHH today is my dad's birthday so i might come back home a little late and probably manage to talk to you if i'm lucky :( i'm sorry if i don't.. in case i don't i hope you read this, GOODNIGHT I LOVE YOU I'LL TALK TO YOU IN THE MORNING I HOPE U HAVE AN AMAZING DAY DON'T MISS ME TOO MUCH


7.3.25 】 writing this very lateee today... i'm so happy one of my new friends decided to spend time playing roblox horror games with me even though we couldn't beat it i added like two new songs to composer cat playlist two punks in love honestly wants to make me bawl it's like our song too A LOADED GUN CUPID KNEW WHAT WAS UP AND NOW I'M LOCKED :slight_frown::cupid: i did not want to talk to anyone when i woke up i'm sorry i kept you waiting i still feel like crap for some reason but you were cute this morning... sorry i keep doing this disappearing thing i hate it so much i just need some alone time whenever i do things like that but i'll always be okay. don't worry about me hurting myself i don't like you worrying it kills me :(

you bring so much joy to my life. you're the best partner i could've ever asked for. you still manage to make me smile and laugh every single day even on my worst days or bad moments. i love you endlessly, always and forever, and i always will. i cannot wait to celebrate more milestones with you, our 4 months is in 21 days (three weeks). i can't believe i was lucky enough to get an amazing boyfriend like you, you make me the happiest guy on the planet and you make me a better version of myself after everything i've been through. you make me mentally stronger and happier, you give me a reason to love again and enjoy it. i've found there are so many reasons to get out of bed in the morning and you definitely top every single one of those lists. you're just the best, i love you and i love being your boyfriend. T-minus 10 years until we get married in idvland. thank you for everything, thank you for saving me, thank you for always being there for me, thank you for getting me back on my feet and believing me when no one else would. you have the kindest heart and the sweetest soul i've ever known. thank you, for trusting me with your heart, and in turn, thank you for allowing me to trust you with mine. you're adorable, and loveable. i love you endlessly. even though it's only been a quarter of a year, there's one thing i'm sure of. you're my soulmate. and no matter what happens, i was destined to meet someone like you.

also i've had your initial in my roblox bio for a while, i never knew you stalked me on there....


7.4.25 】 oof catbox is down today.. happy independence fourth of july day!! idk if u celebrate it there babe but either way at least i'm not going to be attempting today since i'm going to stay with you as best as i can.

upd: YAY CATBOX IS BACK finally can upload screenshots of our old dms :cute:

glad you think i am one...
that one lyric that goes "I don't love you and I never did/ You're just a number in my pocket so get the hell over it." "But little did I know that this was nothing but a one night stand, oh" - Intoxicated I Love You
THIS CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD unlocked a new face expression from how traumatized i was we never did beat the dating allegations
back when all my friends wanted us to end up together you fed way into the dating allegations I COULD
TELL YOU WERE DOWN BAD FOR ME
ouhh neu.. WHENEVER WE DO HAVE A CUTE MOMENT WHEN YOU COMFORT ME WHEN I'M NOT OKAY i always have the urges to say something random since i cannot take this comfort or cute madness i'm going to touch you in ways you've never been touched before jpjp
BACK TO WHEN PAY GORN RAC1ST liked me.. "why do you never send these romantic messages to me" SHUT UP NOW I SEND U A LOT OF very sweet things that i write from the depths of my soul
I HAVEE NOT talked to ratte in a hottt minute... our poly still has him though neu is delusional for me
THE RATTE : DIES KILLS ME EVERYTIME I READ IT neu with his big delusional fat crush on aj trying to convince him to ride off into the sunset with him instead of ratte
next father's day trust

i've made plenty of these silly little paragraphs for you and it wont stop anytime soon... you deserve all the love and praise that i can give and i mean that with my whole entire soul. you are so special to me that words cannot describe it, you make me so happy whenever we spend time together... no matter what we do... whether it's us talking, playing anything tg, or talking shit about the ppl i hate, me when i write in this url or even just doing anything with you, i always enjoy having your company. thinking of you makes my head spin for some reason, i'll love you for the rest of my life. can i just say how lucky i am to have such a great boyfriend in my life like you? you've been with me for what felt like ages, no matter all the hardships that stood in our ways. i still thank the heavens that i got meet you because you have changed my life. you make me love myself alot more, and you also make me remember that i always have someone who will have my back. and guess what? i have your back too, no matter what. i'll be your #1 fan until the day we part... hopefully that will never happen. i enjoy having our stupid conversations, sorry i talk a lot sometimes i just have a lot to say. i love you so much sweetness bae. i'm never gonna make this public in my discord bio or probably make another pretty rentry again because i love this one i don't care if it's basic and just a pile of words stacked upon each other to make 24k words, this is the most sincerest thing i've ever done for anyone.


7.5.25 】 i'm still lucky to be here today, i didn't commit during the fireworks but instead i was talking to the love of my life everytime the sky lit up.
here are some pics from yesterday that i saved !! so beautiful wow i could not sleep yesterday sorry,, i was bothering you and making you worried and now i woke up with an eye red.. i miss you ugh can you come back already please neu...

kinda reminds me of us "could go to hell" is sad knowing how everybody is homophobic nowadays smooches
i really do love you, this whole url is something i can never move on from. you mean so much to me and the thought of you makes me so happy even when i'm having bad moments.
i'll learn how to skate and become so much cooler since i'm already edgy as fuck "you both can fall together on ice then" ONLY YOU WOULD since you're literally so short
weird pinterest lady's saves.. WHAT IS GOING ON LMAOAOAO i mean us :flush:
OUHH yeah my rentry's are so beautiful yeah i know keep the praise coming keep saving it to your boards i feel like if i ever did get a job it'll probably just be doing rentry comissions sighh
they knew you were stalking me and somehow found the matching pfp i was using by posting this!! i'm gonna make a hyluka themed rentry today.... i love these two too much they are literally us because you're a twink you're short you ragebait while i'm tall cool hot sexy fine babe who died for you bats my eyelashes

i hate how i sometimes have to refresh the page for the images to load lowkey pmo but yay more sweetness time

i love your personality so much. you are one of the most caring and dumb people i have ever met aughh. (dumb as in being in love with me since you know how complicated i get sometimes.) you have the best jokes (actually it's me) and you are my favorite person ever. you never fail to make me feel better, i love you and your personality. no one can compare to you. i genuinely believe that we know each other in every other universe, and if i don't believe in such things as soulmates, you are the closest thing i have to a soulmate. you mean so much to me. you make me so happy and i love you so much. you're so silly and you were my best friend before i got with you which was the best thing i ever did. i'm so lucky to have you, and I can't believe you chose me. dating you was my first best decision and meeting you was my second. i've had so much happen to me in this year and yet you don't care, you like me so much for me and that means so much to me. i've been treated horribly and cheated on and even once took my anger out on you because i was having a bad day, but you didn't care. i'm so happy you chose to believe me over everything. you were there when everything happened with my /p husband, and you stayed on my side. you are a change of pace and i'm so happy for that. i'm so happy you don't make me feel like i need to be sexual for you to love me, even though i sometimes say freaky stuff. we can just have deep friendly cute converstations and my feelings will never change.


7.6.25 】 i'm so freaking lazy and bored i rewatched alnst again and lazy drew I HATE drawing... i'm better off drawing silly creatures instead we played genshin today, even though your lazy noob ahh didn't want to explore and decided to be a little whiny twink instead :( it's okay.. i still love u since i had fun doing nothing but one shotting the monsters in your world while you claimed that you can "solo" some lawachurl with your 16 dmg. you were so awesome today, the way you got a little upset because i didn't say i love you back was so funny and cute yes neu "i love you too" "ig" and then you went YAY sniffles "NOO AJ SAY IT BACK"

i finished bsd i wanna watch more shows but i'm so lazy and unmotivated i miss you.., i always look forward to night time and i'm not even mad summer vacation is going by so quickly because i love spending time with you and waiting until nighttime to talk to you even if my phone is taken because i still have my ipad but sometimes i fall asleep before i could talk to you sorry :( i was going to reply to you last night but i couldn't risk being caught so i told myself "i'll snooze for a little and hopefully wake up and talk to neu in a bit" and then i fell asleep </3

sorry i suck at writing today, i've never made a proper ‘lovemail’ or thoughtlog before. at first i had no idea what i would put in this at all, like what do people even put in these? so i just started writing about you and my day, since this is probably the only way you get to see my thoughts when you read this during the time i'm asleep or not around. if i had to put anything on here other than the corny love stuff, i would talk about my regrets. i regret not confessing to you sooner. or admit that i liked you during the first time i asked you. the truth is, i really did like you but i wasn't sure if you felt the same way since it did feel like something was changing in our friendship - a good change. it was my checkpoint to see if i would either get hurt and friendzoned, or we could just stay the same with my developing crush on you. i genuinely thought i wouldn't have a chance with you—especially with how you were not as obvious about it at first and i knew there were other people in your life to consider since you probably like the company of somebody else too. sorry sorry why is this so sentimental fuck sorry i'm tearing up now. i thought, "should i really risk throwing away a friendship with someone who could never love me back?” truth be told, i found you odd, in a good way. your humor was the same as mine and you had a weird habit of always changing your pfp, sure, you were my friend crush. id talk to you, and have silly conversations and my heart would race, it felt like we talked for hours, even if it was just me talking before i went to bed. then you offered to play idv with me on a random morning when i had swim. it felt good to finally spend time with you, knowing that i wasn't a super close friend of yours at that time. i'll never forget how much fun i had on that first time we played idv together. i did a decent kite that turned a tie into a win, your horrible skills at novelist. that was what your care and love had to express for me during the time i disappeared for 2 days. you care speaked volumes. i'm tearing up okay wait i don't want to cry. i hated it because i wanted to spend more time with you, but couldn't due to timezones. every time we played we would have funny chats even to the point where i introduced you to yua. flash forward to all that denial stage of me realizing i was lowkey in love with you. how could a friend's joke cause me to fall for you? then it was all that confusing love where i wanted you but i was terrified of being rejected, i told you you were cool instead of answering your question — "do you like me or?" and then i attempted and left. i regretted it so much at first, i couldn't tell the only person i wanted that i liked him, i felt so defiled and ashamed, 13k words and nothing could come out when i wanted to admit i liked you. (i'm crying so hard right now my tears are making my vision blurry i hate you neu) i thought i made a horrible mistake, that i ruined our friendship since you started becoming awkward and dry and not replying to me, ignoring me when you were online. i thought i ruined my chance again. we talked again on my last day of school — you were gone by the time i saw your message, and on the bus i was trying to think of what to say once i saw you again. i replied, i know we were both scared, and when i woke up the next morning i saw your message even though i was so tired and it was on the morning of my exam, i asked you to be my boyfriend, and you said yes. i was so happy that you liked me back, even though i knew you liked me since you weren't hiding it at all. i regret not telling you my actual feelings the first time, or the second time. i know i should've, but i didn't want to risk losing someone i considered a close friend, a friend that had become someone i thought about daily. the friend i went to such lengths just to talk to and spend time together. but now we're dating. i couldn't be happier. it's like i kissed you the first time and regretted it, when i confessed to you it only felt like you finally kissed me back. i love you so freaking much. and i need to wipe my tears


7.7.25 】 watching the owl house again, it's been 2 years since i finished it.... it feels weird to watch it all again because of the nostalgia hitting :( ooff i miss being a weird kid even though i'm still seen as one by everyone else in school WTH i'm trying to be more 'normal' since my parents want me to make more friends but i can't help it that i want to be myself. anyway here look at her cute smile oh my shayla luz how i missed you me when neu does bad in idv i miss you neu I FIND IT SO FUNNY HOW everytime you text me in the morning about how much you miss me and then when i come online you immediately freak out and get so happy and you start spamming me with good morning messages while i've only been online for like 20 seconds. this is how i see you when it happens i always find that so adorable, like how you wait for me to come back. don't be sad, i am here now and that's exactly how i feel when you come back during the night. mentally doing happy little jumps everytime you come back btw. this is us when we finally get to talk again yes i'm waking up earlier to talk to you! this is how life feels when you are around

these last three months with you have felt unreal. i guess i can also say you're unreal, you're so different and unique. time really does go by super fast though... it felt like 2022 yesterday and the time i spent with you felt even shorter (not in a bad way of course). in a few months, i'll be 17! i think i might as well cherish my time while i can before becoming an old man. the moments i've shared with you keep me so happy, and i couldn't ask for anything more. you're literally the best bf i could ask for, thank you so much for just being here. when we first met, of course you just had to stalk me. i still question it to this day. but besides that, when I tell you... you were the most awkwardest man on earth, you best believe it. luckily we were both so weird we managed to keep the conversation going. NEU YOU TEXTED SO WEIRD BACK THEN IM GIGGLING i'm glad you were able to get comfy with me within a few minutes. we were arguing about whether or not childe was cute, AND HE ISN'T. i'll still love you either way. i hate being in a relationship with your best friend because there's just always something expected of you, and once you break up with someone, you'll never be 'friends' again. you're lower than that with no chance of regaining the status you had before dating, no matter how or why the relationship ended. i would never want that to happen to us. i would never ever want to be thought as your crazy bpd ex who had a lot of random split sessions.. marriage is not off the table though. keep that in mind, internet fiancé. sorry the point of this was that i'm more yourself around you and i just trust you a lot more because theres like no strings attached. except we are committed. i'm not leaving you for another eboyf. i've talked about how much i wanted to date you, even if i were/was/am (still debating) in love with you. i can't see myself without you because there's just so many things that will leave if you were to go. i'd have to accept that i need to stay for you even when things get hard, because you've always stayed for me. i don't even think i can leave because i truly am so happy the way we are now. as it is now, i would never change anything about you or me or us because we are perfect dude :( and i could never ever be happier with anyone i swear on my life.
my point is that i love you and you're awesome and the best boyfriend a guy could ask for. i'm gonna read more of our old messages because i miss you AUGHH


7.8.25 】 i know we had a rough morning today since i was doing bad and deathdrinking again — mixing water with drinkmix + zoloft which gave me so much electrolyte and antidepressant materials that i would've probably died if i drank another cup. i was going insane, once you texted me i couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone so i just started crying while sally was playing. i'm sorry, sometimes i can't get used to your care and i'm trying because it just feels like i'm asking for attention and i hate being an attention seeker i just wish sometimes you would've left me to die sorry i don't wish to vent here no more since this is our rentry just dedicated to us even though i crash out sometimes i love you lots and uhm i'm trying to lay off the pills since i wanna live for you i wanna do my best for you and hopefully we get engaged irl one day/hj just like hyuluka in wiege. yua was nice today and made me food since i can't cook that well as her and i think i'll watch the owl house again right after this. i miss you, hopefully you aren't tiring yourself out that much. guess who got gold anti medal today.. trust me composer is next. also today i was on blibli sucking up orphrick crumbs and let me tell you there was the funny cute wholesome side and then the freaky side i literally saw a video where composer was reaching for his gun on the ground and then stupid orpheus' hand went over this and i immediately though "OH HN THIS VID IS FOR THE OLDER KIDS" and then it showed composer sweating and drooling and blushing and then i went ooohh i like that :drool: and i was amused he said "orpheus... i'm going to kill you.." in chinese and then it showed orpheus on top saying "i'm waiting" yes you have to know this because we live this life together and if i like something you will have to know bc seeing composer oiled up like that made me feel things i've never felt. (second time since i've felt new things whenever i'm with you)

uhh i love you like a lot a lot. i've said it a bunch of times because i really do i haven't given up on your care yet, please don't give up on me. i'm doing my best and sometimes i feel like a lazy pile of fluff on the bed but when you are here i'm basically super happy like twirling my toes!! this is me when you are here with me.
well i'm embarassed and even more so that im admitting this on a rentry but ive cried a lot this summer and i still am at least once a week. i'm just really glad we've gotten to talk these past couple nights even though i get so tired by the time you come back and i haven't stayed up texting you all night in a long time and i missed it a lot and its just really nice that we get to talk during the night since my phone is always taken. we used to stay up talking for a lot when i had school. i would blink and all of a sudden it was 2 am the next day and i had to get up. talking to you was the best since you were all that mattered because thats all i ever wanted to do which was to talk to you. and it was nice and funny, even though you kept telling me to go to sleep and you meant a whole lot to me during that time, and you've helped me with a lot i think. i love you so much that i just do not know what i'm supposed to do about all my problems because it begins to impede in our relationship and effect like my wellbeing but im too shy to tell you all about it directly because i'm more forced to tell you everytime you ask me if something was wrong because you always ask nicely and i don’t wanna lie to my partner. i know you keep telling me it's better to tell someone and not keep my thoughts in my head. it just hurts me because you keep telling me not to hurt myself everytime this happens and i hate how that's what came to be your first thought because i just keep doing that. i really won't. this is you whenever you are worried for me (i'm hachiware)

i cannot express how much i want you to remain in my life. i just really want to be with you. and i want to be happy with you, and i want you to be happy with me. and it feels really really stupid and bad to say that, but it means a lot to me. i've never been so desperate to be a part of someones life ever. and everytime i think about how, this is just an edater thing and we'll never actually be together and we won't talk in a few years, its so sad :(. like i've never felt as sad as i do when i think of a life without you and i really really hope that we will end up as more than a little online love situation.
will we really last until then? this is me when you. even yua told me we probably will never last that long. it hurts to think like that sometimes because i'd do anything for you. i am never breaking up with you since i have infinite love for you but you probably will since my bpd and problems are getting out of control i apologize for everything
( this is like those marriage vows or whatever. through good and bad or whatever the priest says. i would gladly be with you through any part of your life as long as i could be with you. including your cringy edater phase where you suck at flirting neu. just leave the romancing to me.) omg sorry i wrote so much today


7.9.25 】 i'm sorry i'm writing this kinda late today... i was playing idv for like an hour or two with new people i met on idv. i miss you it was nice talking to you this morning. it's nice to talk to you every morning... we were talking about marriage today since my dad keeps telling me about when i get married he will walk me down the aisle like UHHH uhh it's okay we can get married you were like "tell him i can speak chinese!" and then proceeded to send a vm saying "wo shi wo shi mao" THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE NEU i can tell you don't speak chinese ugh i miss you my cramps hurt i got it WHILE I WAS AT THE gym sigh.. more excuses for me to get the hell out of there anyway

WE ACTED LIKE THIS WHILE WE WERE FRIENDS BE REAL RIGHT NOW and i was questioning "is this all platonic..."

when my bf (best friend) doesn't wanna bang it's okay i'm neuphobic gayphobic yaoiphobic anyway why would i want you to get on the bed :/ heh... :wilted_rose:
roses are red... violets are blue...𝓶𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓲𝓼 𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓭 💔 𝓲’𝓶 𝓼𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓪 𝓯𝓸𝓸𝓵 why did i fall for you... i gave it all for you sniffles

you make me the happiest i could ever be. i'm so happy that iI get to be a parent with you and composer cat and our several other adopted children. you're the nicest guy i've ever met and every time i talk to you, i feel more at ease. neu, i love you so much, i honestly cannot put into words how much i love you. my head is constantly filled with thoughts about you and what to talk to you about, you and our children are the best thing that's ever happened to me!! i can't really compile all my thoughts into this, but i care about you more than anything and i love you so much i feel stupid feeling my heart race whenever i think of you or just you existing does all sorts of things to my brain. i always tell everybody about you too like even the friends i met on idv today. yes my bf is my awesome duo he sucks at idv. i love all of your traits. i know i'm a lot to put up against sometimes but i'm so happy you at least get why i act this way. i love your personality and i love how you aren't pushed back by how mean or dry i can be sometimes during my splits or how you constantly have to worry about me taking care of myself. sure, you'll feel discouraged but you're back on your feet in no time. this might sound mean but i love how dense you are sometimes. it's just so easy to tease you and you not getting the hint until a few seconds later. for all your strength, you're really, really clueless and cute sometimes esp when i was sending you the sleeping with sirens emoji combo and you had to figure out what i was talking about.

i feel like shit with my cramps and now i'm trying to get rid of it by writing it out (doesn't seem to be working?) anyway. i love making everything about you. it's so beautiful this is all about you!! yeah whole url come back soon don't burn yourself out i love you this is now 29k words oh yeah


7.10.25 】 my right arm hurts so badly right now for some reason like IDK WHY UGHHH after writing this i'll go out and buy food. i really miss you like lots :( i hope you're sleeping well no more abusing your plushies okay. we lowkey face revealed to each other without asking but like i just got so comfy i didn't really bother asking i was just like "oh i don't even look that bad compared to vinny.." so then i was thinking whether or not i should delete it since i was like "no wait.. what if i'm not attractive enough like it's okay if i'm not masc i'm still kinda? pretty looking" I HAVE NO idea how to compliment your looks because your looks don't really matter to me much (not mean) in this relationship since i only fell in love with you for your personality. YOU ARE CUTE AND BEAUTIFUL AND HANDSOME PRETTY BEAUTIFUL ABUSIVE DUMB BEDDABLE BREEDABLE or whatever you prefer just not tall. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT TELLING ME YOU WERE CHOPPED BEFORE i will throw you into a laundry machine i'm still taller than you haha L L uhhh you are very cute looking like you are always cute anyway you would only be up to my ear if we ever met that's still scary because marriage is scary like what do you mean you don't wanna listen to sleeping with sirens with me... I FEEL LIKE MY LOOKS NEVER MATCH WHAT I TEXT LIKE since like i've only been called cute by plumpypigeon and like yes okay i feel like only my eyes are cute but i'm NOT CUTE I'M NOT CUTE i wanna be SEEN AS ATTRACTIVE. it's okay asians just do it better it's not my fault my exes somehow fumbled me work hard neu... we miss you on idv

i just wanna say that you're a pretty cool guy and i find you funny and nice to talk with even if it can get awkward when i run out of things to say. ever since i started being friends with you, you have made me feel super happy and got me some hope on dating again, you also listen to me ramble abt my interest and i appreciate that you try in getting into the stuff i like.. it makes me feel special in a way. not to mention you got me more into ptv and OMG I AM SUPER IN LOVE WITH YOUR MUSIC TASTE + i always end up thinking abt you when im listing to composer cat anyway. just know that i really love you i just really kinda suck at flirting and i really have no clue on how how real dating works atp since i've never felt loved once when i was with those dumb exes, but with you it feels like just now i'm given something i should've got a long time ago. i know we're both trying, and it hasn't been anything bad between us at all. hopefully one day we'll be together and everything and we can be happy forever riding off into the sunset and you'll get to experience how crazy and weird i am in person it won't be hard, i'm willing to wait forever and keep online dating as crazy as that sounds with you if i still get to be with you either irl or online as the result. i get sad thinking about it and i doubt all online relationships whenever i get into one i just ask myself "do i really want to marry this person?" i guess i do want to marry you for once in my life, and i'll always make sure to be patient for the both of us.


7.12.25 】 sorry i didn't write yesterday i just don't have much motivation at all to write recently since summer depression is hitting me hard and i'm not even sure what i want to write about anymore. i'm depressed i don't feel any excitement waking up anymore. i'm so tired, i'm so so so tired, of living like this. i don't wanna live but there's so much for me to stay for and it's so overwhelming for me. entirely, since i've wasted half my summer doing nothing. this summer is by far the worst and loneliest one i've ever been in. i mean i was always alone during the summer and watching shows by myself but this year the silence is actually hitting. everyday feels the same, i don't even know why i complain i just want to disappear. i want to deathdrink. i want to feel numb and feel at least something, i want to sleep forever and rest until everything becomes better again. this wasn't the summer i wanted, i don't even know why i was excited. i feel kinda dumb for that now. anyway i just woke up from a nap, i was fading out and getting depressed. i don't know what to do, it feels like the more time i spend with someone, the more distanced i feel whenever we aren't together. why do i feel like this? i know attachment is normal but i feel like ten times stronger with my personality disorder, and i try my best to not let it affect our relationship but it's getting harder since i don't feel surrounded by many of my friends anymore and i pretty much only have you and my sister around - because i find you the most interesting and fun to be around, and i can't exactly say that i have been the best and not lonely as if lately, but i really manage that when you are around. in five days, it'll be one month since we first started dating, i remember all those little dates and then our four months will be next. summer is going by so fast, and i'm just glad that you're at least here. because you have something with you that just makes me feel soft and at ease and it's crazy to tell you the exact effect you have on me. today i was talking in some squid game server that i joined from a close friend and they mentioned idv and i yapped my mouth off bc the owner is new and i was giving her tips since she plays lg. i had to go in the middle of the match yesterday since my mom got mad at me staying up and yeah you did good too even though you got terrorshocked. i love you, neu the terrorshock warrior. i think this is past 30k words. maybe i'll just binge watch the owl house until you come back or something, i really miss you :( wtf


7.13.25 】 day 2 without idv first hour without you again i am so so bored out of my mind it was nice to talk to you this morning even though i talked a lot about things that might have not mattered to you but i like talking to you anyway and even if you send too many messages while i was away i will always read them and reply to them. you like some of the same stuff as me, so it’s very fun to talk to you about our fixations and have enthusiastic responses from someone who is as interested as i am, it’s not always easy to find people like that. you make me feel wanted and heard, and i really appreciate that knowing that i am very hard to handle sometimes. you're so sweet and easy to talk to, as well. i’ll always be here to listen to you about anything, and i promise to stick by you as long as you want me around. i love you a lot. i'm so glad we met, i can't imagine my life now without you. it's always so fun hanging out with you, no matter what it is we're doing. i love that you'll happily sit through my random rants about stuff i like, like that one time i just rattled on about idv for what must've been about a whole hour or whenever i ramble about sws or what me and my sister did and not a lot of people are like that. i can't believe it's been almost 4 whole MONTHS since we've known each other, and i've never regretted a second of it. i love spending time with you and talking to you and sending you tiktoks even though my fyp is questionable. you're so funny and sweet and i've never ever been angry at you or upset with you at all, and i doubt i ever will be. you've always been there for me ever since we met. you make me so happy and loved and every time i see that you've messaged me, i mentally cheer. i still get jittery around you. i love you so much, you've never been a burden to me. nothing i do will ever be enough to show just how much i love and care for you, because it is infinity. you make me laugh all the time and it's impossible not to smile while talking to you or even thinking about you. you're amazing.

i am listening to let love bleed red by sleeping with sirens and i will never ever be reminded of this song without thinking of you, and im really happy about that. it feels special. umm. you showed me a verse today in if you can't hang and im honoured that i was the one who got that pleasure. because i love that song i love sleeping with sirens i love you ughnm i love the lyrics met a girl at 23 knew she meant the world to me so i gave her everything and she did the same to me IMAGINE THAT!!! i don't blame people for saying that's their fav sws song bc it's n1 on their list and it's rly good sorry i'm getting off topic but i'm rewatching toh and before you, toh was my favourite show. not because i was a weird kid, i just related a lot to lumity relationship and it was an awesome show. i usually. relate to characters specifically in relation to the characters they're shipped with. cause a big part of who i am is about who i am with people. and i used to watch lumity's confession overr and over and over because they were me :( and now they're us, i lowkey made references about their confession to you.
^ "everything is so crazy right now and i have no idea what the future holds but it would be so good if you were in it, so will you go out with me?"


7.14.25 】 i have to shower in a few minutes but playing idv with you and yua for what did not feel like 2 hours was so fun and insane and we won 8/9 matches wowie this is the first time we won so many rounds in a row even though you got like terrorshocked like twice. if only you were like that... EVERYTIME YOU FOUND ME IN GAME YOU BLEW A KISS AT ME AND THEN GRAFFITIED AND RAN AWAY GET UR AHH ON A CIPHER NEU. past record so good finally... look we are matching roleplaying with yua but 500 pounds neu is secretly jealous miss you fiancé bae.... my eyes are dry hold on

i wanna let you know that i love you more than you will ever know, and i wish i’d shown it more. you were always amazing to me, even when i had bad moodswings and splits. i don't even know what to do if you were to able disappear or leave my life, i missed hearing your voice a lot during the times you weren't here. if you were to ever go, it'd hurt me so much and i'll miss seeing you online i'll miss the way we talk a lot. i don’t know if you were ever aware of just how beautiful you were, especially to me. i love how you’d listen to the same songs i like and know what i'm talking about when i make certain references, i just find that insanely cute and sweet. i love how bold you’ve always been, never afraid to stand up for yourself or slap me back to reality sometimes when i don't feel right. you didn’t let anyone stop you from being you, and i admire that, even when you had hard moments in your life. i always love playing idv with you or sending you stupid tiktoks.

we got together on the same day as him and his boyfriend hi fabi if you see this lovemails weren't originally my idea since there's lot of them too i just think mines is the longest one yet LOL crap ton to read

see we are so cute together everybody thinks we are so cute together because you are cute and i'm sort of cute too only because you said i was

anyways let me continue aside from that, i genuinely love you so much that words cannot describe. if i could travel all the way to where you live id give u the biggest smooch right as i see you :// you genuinely mean the world to me and as someone who has been opposed to online dating for while. after meeting you has been quite literally life changing. everyone around me has been saying that it's just gonna pass or some dumb shit but you have a special place in my heart that no one in the world will be able to replace you. i think about you every day on a daily basis and even during those boring ass classes during school since you're the only thing that lives in my head rent free. the first time i met you i thought you were a bit silly and weird but as time passed i saw you in a different light and more as someone that i would want to talk with, listen to music with, and get engaged with. to be honest our distance kind of pisses me off since i see all my friends around me date people that they can do all these things with at such a close distance, and a much easier timezone, but i won't let this distance stop me from loving you so much since we've made things work for almost 4 months. we are literally hyuluka, orphrick, suegiku, raeda, skk, and/or any ship you and i like are literally us!! you're so pretty/handsome/beautiful you mog me everytime :// you're funny too hopefully if we ever meet i'll swirl my tongue in your mouth/j


7.15.25 】 chill outt what you yelling for??? lay back, it's all been done before and if you could only let it be you will see i like you the way you are when we're driving in your car and you're talking to me one on one but you become somebody else /avril lavigne haha hi i don't ever knowif you're gonna read this no more but i'm really sorry for self sabotaging so i don't get hurt again, i don't ever want to feel that pain again ever since that morning. i am 39 days clean and i'm trying trying so hard to stay that way for you, maybe you're proud of me too? i torture myself by removing me from someone i really love but for now, i am in a terrible state to even hold a converstation and i'm sorry. i wish i could've let you know what was making me split so badly but i'm too scared i am not ready for that stage in our relationship yet. i'm so traumatized i am terrified because everyone always uses what i tell them against me and it hurts, it really does. i know i am not mentally stable at all, and i'm sorry you have to deal with me. i know one day you're going to get tired of those splits and leave me, that's why i'm distancing myself before that happens, so it wouldn't hurt as much. i love crying i love typing this while i'm in tears i just really hope you do okay even when i'm not here, i love you so badly i can't even express how badly it hurts when we aren't together. but like sws said i don't want to take up all your precious time, hopefully we will be okay again if i ever feel better.

i guess i'll just write more because i have nothing else to do, why is it that everytime i decide to take a step away from you everything suddenly becomes hard for me? i don't even feel like listening to SWS anymore or music in general, i can't tell if me leaving creates one more problem or one less problem for you. this could mean everything to me, i'll be okay, you'll be okay right? you're my bf and best friend so of course it hurts, the way that we AREEE IS THE REASON I STAY as long as you are here with me i know i'll be okay. just give me some time, because i know you were a little impatient last time i disappeared and texted me within a week. the thing is, i'm not sure what i would say once i'm back, and it hurts a lot. because i know you don't understand how my mind works sometimes i'm hurting and i can't even sleep so i guess i just listen to music and cry and cope it really hurts it really really hurts but i'm fighting every urge to not do something stupid because i know i'm better than that and you won't be able to help me at all this time. i love you and i'm sorry again, i hope my words mean at least something to you.


7.17.25 】 i'm so tired after playing idv literally all day today... i started ranking with yua and EVERYBODY WAS TERRIBLE. those smurf hunters make me so insane bc i got one twice. please save us i hate rank i hate being in worker bee can i get out of worked bee please nobody here has game sense i started cussing everybody out in post match including the hunter because rank makes me so mad. i finally got yua the summer prospector skin too. it was reassuring to talk to you today, hopefully everything will be okay... today is also one month since we started dating and soon it'll be our four months!!! day 3 without bae... i'm silently sending you letters neu please save me from worker bee i do not wanna be in this stupid tier anymore. me and yua played duo hunters and we waited an hour and twenty minutes to kill 7/8 survivors

girlbosses did not get flared once


7.18.25 】 sometimes you make me split so badly i do not know whether or not i love you or hate you anymore. it hurts so fucking badly why do you do this fuck i can't handle it i want to hurt myself so badly no i didn't finish my breakfast i do not care anymore i do not care why must i hurt so much just to be loved i hate bpd i hate bpd i just wanna die at this point it's not okay every little thing u said that day made me want to die so badly maybe i'm used to neglection and late replies but it really hurt it really did there's no fucking way you can help me today just made me want to come back to you even later than i would've wanted to i hate having an fp i hat it i hayw it i fuckinf hayebit andni tried si hard to get it off my mind like yeah i feel like my fp hatesnme and can't stand it anymlre i was up qt 5 am trying to tjink if i meamt sometjing to yku but i know i do but it's hard to know i'm sorry to admit this but i doubt your love for me at times do yiu even love me at all i'm not used to anything nice and i ruin everything thtat is too good fornme i never wanted to cry like this again this is so fucking pathetic if you just hear what i sound like while typing yhis i hate being loved i hate being me i ist hate it why do i try why do i even bother why does yua want me to fix things when i'm the one ruining it we were talking about you last time and it hurts i can't rven do anything but feel myself break because life has been too hard and i wish i felt more surrounded by other leople that weren't you. all i ever wanted was your reassurance when i felt like i wasn't enough why can't i be enough and maybe i don't mena anything i say rn because i'm in a split episode i just felt like i needto get this off my chest i'm sorry if uou read this i love you imm sorry i don't hate yiu

i'm sorry for whatever that was, i guess all that pent up frustration and loneliness that started four days ago finally got to me, i guess i take my anger out on writing, but at least you get to see more of my inner thoughts and a different side of me, i don't hate you at all it's hard for me because i'm a silent splitter and i get angry inside my head and i tell myself that i hate everyone instead of actually saying it when i don't at all. it means the world that you still haven't given up on me.. i want to believe that you think i'm a genuinely nice dude who is just really struggling with bpd and getting no treatment at all. me and yua were talking about you last night for hours and we were talking about futures and everything and it just felt weird because we were discussing things like "idk what if neu is too intimate with me?" and she said "like what? you don't liked being kissed?" the thing is, i have a hard time with romance since i'm asexual but i grasp the concept well, i'm not scared to be intimate with you at all.. we were talking about funny things such as "what if i add neu and ask him how many times he washes his rice?" - yua and i still can't believe you guys aren't friends on idv? she said she didn't like adding my friends but we are like a little family at this point and yua even suggested her future husband cookfor us since we are both as useful as a broken tennis racket in the kitchen... i like letting you know what we talk about you :( it's nice discussing whatever future there might be and we have never done this before. hopefully there's still a chance


7.20.25 】 i'm going to continue rewatching toh after i finish typing this,, but uhmmm life has been boring without you, even though everyday does feel the same, it isn't the same without you. i have trouble going to sleep at night because i'm never at ease until you tell me goodnight. sometimes i feel like you don't love me? sorry i know that's complete bs to say but i mean it as if i sometimes love too hard or too much to the point where i don't feel loved if the other person doesn't give as much back, i try to not let those thoughts get to me but it feels like i ruin everything that's too good for me. i don't even know if i deserve your love at all... i know you care about me A LOT i guess god really just told me that this is the love of my life and i need to lock the actual hell in because why do you keep showing up in my dreams... does that just mean i miss you a lot or what everytime i dreamed of someone everything fell apart with them afterwards, but maybe it wasn't a bad thing. even if i fell apart with those other people it was redirection to the people that were actually right for me - including you. i trust you with my life, even though sometimes i can't stand it whenever you do make me split. i think when we talk again i'll open up to you more about my disorder, that way we both wouldn't hurt anymore going into the future. we wouldn't have to take breaks like this. but anyways, let me stop being sad for now... neu, thank you so much for supporting me, loving me, caring for me, and just being alive at the same time as me. if we hadn't crossed paths, i probably would have still been miserable and mistreating myself by allowing bad people to ruin my life. you saved me we met, and have done it countless other times; both in the past and present. you are very, very special to me. i'm happy that my healing and growth process will always have you in it. it means the world to me that you're still here despite me having all those splits out of nowhere. hey it's us

also i just wanna say i like hearing you talk, like a lot :( sometimes i wished you would talk more with me even when i'm asleep because it doesn't matter if you're spamming me or what not. just seeing your name in the notif sections when i wake up makes me the happiest, even if i haven't seen it in a few days. day 6 without bae and it's lowkey killing me because i hate seeing you go down my dms when you are usually at the top of my dms.. yua is begging me to talk to you tmrw. she misses you and she wants to play idv with you again it feels so weird bc yua is acting like a child of divoce rn when mommy and daddy are taking a break or smth. even if i have other friends i talk with, i don't think anyone will ever come close to you at all and lately i'm glad i haven't been bawling my eyes out in the morning due to my splits or how awful this all is i cried so hard that morning (because of you but don't take it to heart, you didn't do anything wrong) i got a fucking eye infection from it.. yeah i really don't mess around when it comes to you aka my fp and bf and best friend :( i hate how badly i am quick to split whenever i feel like things are changing and the fear of abadonment gets to me. i just feel weak now, since i am so vulnerable when it comes to you and you know how i am because i'm so deeply attached to you and in love with you even when you sometimes unintentionally make me split. i don't know if you want me to talk to you tmrw, i don't even know if you will read this, but just let me know if you want to. i miss you a lot it genuinely pains me whenever we aren't together.


7.22.25 】 guess who is back talking with bae.... i need to show you something hold on AWWEE YAYYY i love you by the way lovemail but it's also kinda like journaling rentry about neu. i genuinely love you so much, like wdym we have share almost the same main interests & we listen to the same music (especially emo rock. you're so cool for liking it and listening to sws for me) and you actually ??? enjoy talking to me??? i'm genuinely so glad you decided to reply to my comment on that stupid tiktok video that one day even tho i was lowkey intimidated by your pfp at the time and god knows what we would've been doing in life if you never saw my comment bc it might've been at the bottom of the comments :( we literally hit it off so quickly and i was like hey thats twin (and i was like okay neu you're one of my bffs now because you're cringe and you're funny) plus throwback to how i stayed up so late just so that i could talk to you and even tho i was kinda scared you'd leave me like a week into speaking, but you never did not even when i was really sad that one day and i'm SO grateful that you're still with me, like that's my baby!!! anyways omg you always know the right thing to say and even though our timezones are so different we always manage to make it work like go us or whatever!!! (hopefully when you come to ny we will talk more because we have the same timezone) but anyways i love calling you cute lil nicknames and sometimes??? petnames (i'm too scared to call you petnames because some ppl find it cringe) like yes you are my sweetest neu TELL THEM!!!! that's you okay? and i love doing anything with you and whenever i start ragebaiting you i just start giggling and whenever we act cringe it's okay because you are my wocky slush and i'm your sweet potato okay??? (say yes)

i really love how i can be myself around you and you're literally the only person i send vms to like i'm always too bored to respond to my other friends or start convos but with you like my day feels incomplete when i dont have a conversation with you i lowkey tear up whenever you're gone and i can't talk to you because i always look forward to speaking to you everyday and i really truly do hope that you know that because i cherish you so deeply and you are my boyfie like we are fiancés we should get one of those claires cat necklaces that are magnetic! yes i'm your fiancé and every masculine compliment you can think of i love you okay? i love you with my whole heart and i always will i hope we stay together forever and ever and one day we can both get chased down by chuck e cheese animatronics when we go at 3 am


7.23.25 】 hi plumpybeans it's okay neu... i know secretly you're built like plumpy jeez i wonder if there's anyone out there like that their life must be miserable right
when you gotta act nonchalant when you yk bae lies damn well about himself my legs feel like jello rn after swim boing boing boing but anyway i missed talking to you like this :((( uhmm i still miss you so so much i've been so busy today i haven't even gone on idv yet i miss you my sweet sugarplum chicken nugget waffle pancake sugar honey iced tea sprout cookie i miss you neu pelase come back did you just call me dumb this morning whatever boy tomorrow is our 4 months together hooray!! i'm typing this in the car i'm going to a tutoring meeting BUT THAT'S 1/3 of a year that is so crazy and i can't believe it i get so happy knowing you're still here and everything because yeahbwe were simply just meant to be i'm so sweetness about you neu i'm basically neuness #neucore #givemethatmic #neusexual i love you so much neu you're literally one of the most caring people there is on this planet and no matter what you do i want to be like you i know sometimes some things can get to you and seem too hard to deal with but you've got to keep on going because i believe you can do it. i'm beyond happy you've found someone you're happy with because that's all i've ever wanted for you you've come so far since i first met you i noticed that you've been opening up to me more and it makes me so happy to see that you've learned to trust me i know we've gone through our troubles but i'm so thankful that we're still boyfriends because you are one of the most important people in my life and we are going to get married one day and just have cats okay?? smooches


7.24.25 】 omgg i'm writing this so late today but omg /swsptv reached 500 VIEWS OH YEAH BABY i remember when i first had this url private it was only around 100-200 views so thank u internet strangers though i doubt any of you has read ALL of this but yay it's our 4 months together I LOVE THIS APP SO MUCH you were so funny to talk to this morning esp with my british accent portraying plumpy that had me in giggles smacks his belly boing boikg boing neu i miss you i was listening to faye webster a few minutes ago and she was saying "feeling like i need something, it's just you" that is us okie dokie?? you kinda have no choice anyway :((( uhakmmm imm eatinf food rn plumpycore i miss you i love tslking to you even though i fell asleep at 1 am last night you're so cute it's okay if i have other friends i sort of flirt with in my life because i only have true feelings for you it's just hard for me to flirt with you knowing well you reciprocate it while with friends it's less kind of expected?? that it is taken in a serious way... you're so nice to me i feel so bad sometimes knowing i don't deserve all this at all i have never been so happy to call someone my best friend and boyfriend. words aren't enough to express how deep this feeling goes. you make me feel heard, you make me feel loved, you make me feel like i genuinely have purpose on this planet. thank you for never hurting me deeply. meeting you felt like opening a new chapter of my life, and quite frankly, you and yua are the reason i have been able to move on from the people who love me no longer. you're so adorable and cute too okay :// why do you find your boyfriend's desperation and suffering cute go away :( i love making you laugh, i love our dumb little inside jokes, i love it when you message me when i'm asleep. waking up and seeing your notifs first thing when i wake up is, honestly, the best feeling ever. you don't get it. i have so so so much to say about you, things i would prefer to say to you privately. i love you. you are the best bf ever. thank you for making me realize my worth, thank you for loving me like no—one ever has. i swear by my soul we will stay together forever, we can solve problems together okay? fix ourselves and be there for each other. and like i promised, i’ll never stop trying to work on myself for you… you deserve a version of me where i can support myself and just be happy and stable. i know you love all my versions, and it means the world to me that you’re trying to understand bpd for me is something nobody has ever done for me. without you here, i probably would’ve let people continue to treat me like shit while blaming myself and my bpd for messing things up whatever boy let’s talk later awesome boyfriend we kiss 35k words


7.25.25 】 i should be showering but instead i am here writing his while eating ice cream HIORAY me and yua played a lot of idv today esp duos i got double teamed at 7 ciphers like twice because i am simply just TOO GOOD ;-; me after going for the good gold medal player but anyway even though we had a rough morning since i felt so sleepy and had a small split ep but at least you were there to comfort me and it meant the world to me that you understood me and didn't pressure me into saying anything that i didn't want to stay. i'm glad you're always a part of my growth process, i've been sort of a lot healthier mentally since you came into my life and i'm glad that i feel like somebody understands me. no words can describe how i feel about you, my love for you goes beyond any kind of human comprehension, though i'll do whatever it takes for you to understand how i feel. from the very first time we talked (or knew about your existence) i felt drawn to you, you know? it might seem "corny" or exaggerated, but it is how it felt for me. it took some courage to actually get comfortable around you, but i don't regret a single second of it (even if at first i was anxious about it when i thought you would see me as a weirdo when that night i was crashing out over my /p husband being mean to me.. but you understood and was there to comfort me while i was crying so hard that time). i'll spend the rest of my days with you, as long as you allow me to. you mean more than anything in this world to me (+ more than words can ever get to express), i love when you talk to me about anything, when you just tell me whatever you're doing or did at any moment, because i love talking to you in any possible way. ♪ i love your voice & you overall, being both personality (you're so unique and amazing!!! genuinely!) & looks (you're so handsome not chopped,,,) ... you might not think the same way as i do but it doesn't matter! i'll make sure to remind you of it as many times as i possibly can. if we ever meet in person, i'll stay by your side. if we don't ever meet, i just hope i won't go insane :(( i talk about you to everyone i know, you mean so much to me so i just can't help it! i can't explain how thankful i am for having you in my life, but i hope my words can reach out to you for you to get a closure of it ... i hope that apart from viewing me as your boyfrien d or your fiancé, you view me as someone that will do his best to be helpful to you. i'd do anything you asked me for, no questions asked, and i hope you are always aware of it. IM LVOE YOU licks your eyebrow


7.26.25 】 i am now in a mary quick match.. i will tell you how it goes even though i'll probably win heh... maybe i should start hunter ranking as well!!! okay yeah update i won of COURSEEE queen mary eats those flops. i need to start playing joseph more because i did not just get his summer skin for nothing maybe i got it just because it looks nice i know i'm going to be bullied hard in rank if i play joseph. and omg dude :( i just got this hugee feeling of sadness and urge because i miss orphrick so much... they are still my otp and everything ughh i miss them i miss the aom storyline composer please come back i was and am so heavily obsessed with them UGGHH i miss these gay losers GIV MEE DRAGON HUNTER UGHHH AUHHh that is us anyway i wish composers were real this is all making me miss you so bad because do i even need to explain how i hold so much love for you words don't even scrape a single inch of the surface of it. your love will always accompany me no matter how far we are apart from eachother. can we be together forever ? IDC IF IT'S CORNY D1 NEU GLAZER IS ME. you changed my life so much for the better. i love every single moment i spend with you, no matter how short or insignificant they may seem. you make me want to heal so we can be happy together. i've probably said this before, but i get so happy i physically can't contain it doing literally anything together. let's be cornballs forever... I LOVE YOU!!! i am rey and i am the #1 neu fan!!! i remember the first time we actually talked, i was super shy and you looked so cool... i remember telling you about all my friends and idv stuff & how crazy i went over vi not talking to me... even before we started dating, I've always seen you rather... highly...? than everyone and anyone else i've ever met. you were just special... i thought that you were better than everyone, that no one could ever replace you and you were just so, so sweet!!! but the exact moment i was sure i wanted you only for myself, was after that one day we played idv when you weren't feeling the best and we were joking about how i was leaving you for another alpha and then i woke up around 3am to talk to you again. might sound stupid or dumb for anyone else, but the way you cared about my sleep and that you went out of your sleep schedule to play with me and yua and only then we were still only "friends" at best was, really, really!!! cool... i was perplexed... it was like your crush finally noticing you!!!! but anyhow, i love you very much and I really appreciate your company more than anything... i'll always put you above everything. because at the end of the day you are still my fiancé, bf, best friend and crush.♡


7.28.25 】 i am in the mood to take a nap and it's hot i don't feel the best right now but i do feel much better when i'm writing about you... which is why i am doing it right now i think i am really locked in with you since even yua told me i haven't been this happy with any of my other exes she was like "you are always laughing at what he says and you smile like crazy when you're talking to him at night" and all that just made me lowkey blush like wow jeez thanks yua i really am happy i remember when everybody else knew how i much i liked him except for you and it was just really good times i was so set on asking you out that day, even after all the complicated stuff we have been through, esp all this bpd feelings stuff you have still stuck with me. you're genuinely such a beautiful soul, i love you and i wanna spend the rest of my life with you, it doesn't matter if it gets hard sometimes, i just want to be with you neu. there won't be anyone else i will be able to love just as much as i love you ever again. i love you through every little small flaw you have, because it doesn't matter to me. i know you'll still love me even if i change myself sometimes, because you're so understanding and i can never express my gratitude for everything you did for me. i love talking to you because you're so cute and i want to try for you, i want to see you win in life. i want to see you in your happiest place, even though idk if that's with me because i'm in my happiest place when i am with you. we changed each other ever since we started liking each other and dating. i want to be better for you, even if it is hard. you're the only one i want to end up with even if it is complicated, being in love hurts so bad but you're a different love you're the best love you're a healing love, one that i haven't gotten for a while. i strongly believe meeting you was me getting a second chance in life, i love you so much i still want to cry at the thought of you.. you are so nice to me i want to bawl at how you still love me even though showed the worst versions of myself to you at times. how did i get so lucky :(, i love you more than anything. oh neu, you’re exactly the kind of guy i need. alpha enough to put me in my place, rough enough to leave me aching :tongue:. you might be a little abusive, but that is okay. we’re pulling the most toxic yaoi imaginable, neu abuses aj while aj cheats on him by flirting with every omega in sight behind his back. when you are the dominant alpha, you don’t just turn heads, you own souls. you haunt the minds of everyone who lays eyes on you, leaving them scared, ruined, forever yearning. bats my eyelashes and me i get to see, to feel that teasing, dangerous energy :drooling_face:. you’re addictive, and i don’t ever want to stop wanting you.


7.29.25 】 unmm this entry might be a little short since i am tired and sad from nana and i miss you neu :( kinda sad you start school tomorrow but i'll be able to talk to you a lot more (maybe?) since i'm not at school anymore,, but i always wake up super late in the morning... i finally got to elk with yua even though she still needs a few points to get into elk but i did it so i can finally save your terrible WR neu. 22% IS INSANEEE i have like a 67% i think uhmmm i can't wait to "carry" you knowing you will throw the game for us. i love my boyfriend so much guys its so unreal fun fact he's the one that got me more into idv because after i stopped being friends with vi, i almost wanted to stop playing since i had no motivation but i kept the game since i liked playing with neu and talking to him about it isn't that crazy. anyways i'm soososoo in love it's been almost 3 months since i started writing in /swsptv about you and my crush on you hasn't ever gone away i love you so much literally nobody gets it. nobody gets ME more than you do (excluding myself) not even yua sometimes it's crazy. i'm so grateful i met you and you've made life so much better for me.. last summer was somewhat 50% the best summer of my life and i loved spending this summer with you too, even if i had multiple crashouts and breaks and stuff :(. i love spending so much time with you every day i love laughing with you complaining with you crying with you sometimes aaagh you're so perfect for me.. i remember when you first had faye webster in your status and i was like omgomg is that a faye webster reference? and you were like yeah and i was like omg i love faye webster and you were like me too! OUHH yeah i knew we had to get married or something in that moment because when someone listens to faye webster i lowkey have to kiss them now. and then you told me you listened to emo rock and we shared music tastes, i was so excited because i listened to emo music as well but i had to introduce you to SWS and i'm glad we listen to each other's music tastes!! and i couldnt stop listening to composer cat playlist i think ptv was at least top 5 last month just wow.


7.30.25 】 my insides hurt, my heart really hurts and i can't the feeling of emptiness out my chest. i just miss you a lot. i feel like crying again. i cried yesterday while sending you that message and afterwards too. i'm gonna watch nana with my irl tmrw again neu, i'm afraid if i cry over every small thing, i'll start crying over you as well. i still want to tell you so much, but there's so little time and i'm just not ready yet. i miss having the biggest crush on you, even though you were dumb and oblivious to it. i wanted you to be the one who held my hand through everything, i still feel like a child sometimes from how immature i am. but it seems like you are fine without me. i miss my fiancé neu, i miss my sweet summer radiant beautiful engaged babe. i sometimes miss the old me too, even though i don't even think i'd changed at all. it's so funny how i wanted to change but i didn't but you did after all this time. will we still get to laugh at our little complicated online love story in the future neu? i hope you're okay. i love you too deeply and it ruins me. i know how bad this is hurting you, but the thought of breaking up hurts even more. i just want to numb the pain away but i won't take pills, i promised you. i hope even if we break off for a little while me and you are still end game. what happened to all the little scenarios and future questions yua wanted to ask you like "but you and neu both don't know how to cook y'all gonna be so fat and order takeout everyday." i haven't thought that much into our future. you are still my endgame neu, i just wish time didn't seperate us apart so much. and i still find it weird how i don't call you any nicknames or pet names but instead just straight upcall you "neu", i should start thinking of one, but it hasn't come to me yet and i don't know if you even like pet names. i also went outside for a walk today for almost an hour, it felt nice again. it felt good to take my mind off things. i love you, i want nothing but the best for you, my beautiful babe.


8.3.25 】 happy late three months since i started writing about you babe. sweetness i honestly think that we are end game but if you want us to last then you better lock tf in for me. i keep getting those little random urges to love you and tell you how cute you are but then i start thinking on the negative side - "am i ever gonna get the same treatment?" "what if he's just taking my love for granted?" i still miss you, but i guess it doesn't hurt as much as being around you, as bad as that sounds. i want to be that silence you're focusing on whenever my favorite song transitions into yours, i want to bleed poems for you to read. i think that i'm hurting a little less, athough i've lost a few pounds since we last talked, i think that's good. i like taking walks everyday now. it's the fair way of coping for me, i think i'll start a new show called Moriarty The Patriot, bc i like the ship sherliam hell yeah more bl for me uhhh i don't want to go back to school. but this summer has been the worst one yet, i'm trying to go for A badge anti on idv i think you would've been so proud of me for breaking out of my fear to start ranking. I hope in the end this all works out and I'll be happy forever. I want to wake up every day with that loving feeling of yours. out of everyone else I could've met in the world, i'm glad it was you. i love listening to music lately, it's also one of the coping methods for me and even though everything reminds me of you i am strong enough to ease out of the negative head space SHERLIAM i can't wait to watch it i hope it's good anyways i'm going to end this entry today. i miss u


8.5.25 】 i remember i used to burn myself out a lot by writing in this lovemail almost everyday. now i only write when i have the free chance to.... i miss ajneu shout out peakness tragic yaoi. the devil couldn't reach me so he made sure that the only true love i met was 14 hours ahead of me sighh i was working on /our today me thinks i did a good job. i like orphrick. i atcually love them?? because that's us well yeah composer cat is our son but you get what i mean i could create a matching one with my other friend rina from the art that i found but i'm too scared to ask ok.. also i was telling my friends about our situationship since i'm sure you'll also turn to your friends during a time like this, they were all saying to break up and look for "someone in my timezone", they don't know what they're saying. i don't casually throw 38k words for someone i wouldn't go through timezones for. maybe you're not putting the same effort i am into our relationship but omg they don't understand how ajneu were discord friends who had a crush on each other so now they are eboyfriends and potentially future spouses slash husbands since idk i like being everything and anything now idk maybe i'm a girl or boy who cares about stupid labels i wanna like what i wanna like i'm #neusexual whatever boy :/ i hope you read this neu once we talk again i wanna be 100% honest, no strings attached. this is how you should also talk about me when i'm away btw... oooh neu you're fading and having some competition gentle husbandwife and evil twink husband


8.7.25 】 thank you to the 609 random internet strangers that have clicked on this link hot dog hot dog hot diggity dog oh em gee anwyays in ten days it's gonna be our two month anniversary ok and then it's gonna be our 5 months together. i guess you can say we were meant to be also i still listen to some of the songs that you have added in composer cat in my own playlists i think that's very nice. it's nice to have songs that remind me of you whenever i listen even if it hurts lately i've just been rentryinggg and listening to music and taking walks. i'm starting to go outside a lot more almost everyday now i think that's a nice improvement, though i'd still prefer to spend it with friends i've been recently hyperfixating on kellic again i love these two i don't ship them ship them but i think they're so cute and a good pair uhmm i remember we had moments were we both were saying the same thing and completing each others thoughts i miss that a lot neu, i actually do miss those moments and i've been reading old chats just to feel that same comfort and laugh again. this RENTRY IS MAXXED OUT IT'S THE MAX AMOUNT OF WORDS A PAGE CAN HOLD NOO :( fear not though.... this is not the end of /swsptv I'M MOVING IT prolly just gonna do /ptvsws HELP also i'm signing up for a small volunteer job of taking care of kids next summer i'm such a dad i lovd you :( i'll miss weiting in this url maybe i should restart it bc i still have all my writings saved somewhere no but i like seeing how things changed over the months idk maybe once we talk again we csn discuss it

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Pub: 16 Jun 2025 21:56 UTC

Edit: 16 Aug 2025 22:23 UTC

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