sx7 parts i relate to
( from naranjo's book )
req from vera n aj but anyone whos motivated enough for this enjoy ur meal ig..
Once the fantasy of pleasure is activated, it becomes unstoppable, like a snowball in free fall, and the only way out he sees to discharge such a level of excitement is not to contain it. The indulgence in seduction, for example, would be more or less like this: I like this person so much, I like him so much, so much, he is so special, so luminous, so beautiful, so, so... The sensation is so enormous that I can bear it and I have to tell him, I have to kiss him, it doesn't matter if I have a partner, right now it doesn't matter, life has to be lived, I have to be faithful to what I feel... And so he throws sticks into the fire, bigger and bigger, to justify the desire to skip the limits, imposed or agreed upon. From fantasy he passes to mirage, and from there to dream and almost hallucinate, being able to experience fictitious and invented scenes as real in order to justify any desire in order to get rid of anxiety.
In addition to escaping from his responsibilities, he is absent-minded, a "freak" who usually lacks grounding and the ability to get organized in the practical things of life. It is not very well known where his head is or his existential priorities; what is clear is that his thoughts are not of this world.
The sexual E7 demonstrates a very clear resistance to adopting those responsibilities that will mature him into adulthood, and to effectively deal with difficulties. An eternal child, he is not capable of taking responsibility for the consequences of his actions. He refuses to grow up because of his attachment to the satisfaction his childish attitude gets him. This represents a very clear emotional immaturity, along with crippling insecurity and an unwavering fear of not being loved or accepted by others. This resistance to growing up necessarily entails difficulties in taking care of oneself and others, and in establishing relationships, especially romantic ones. In fact, his childish immaturity also transforms him into a dead weight for his partner.
He hides behind lies and excuses to appear as though he is not incapable of growing up. He speaks about fantastical projects, successful businesses, blissful romantic adventures... These fantasies (which are generally impossible to realize) allow him to seduce others with a promise of a world without pain. They also allow him to blame others for whatever misfortunes may befall him.
Staying committed to a partner awakens the terror of being trapped there, without freedom or a life of one's own.
"I'm so awesome". As he speaks, he chains himself with how interesting what he is saying is and how intelligent he is. He is so self-referential that he only listens to himself. He delights in his own words even while he politely leaves a little space for the other person to introduce his own comment, already thinking about what he is going to answer: he continues to recreate himself in his internal discourse, he does not keep quiet, not even in silence.
There is resistance to discovering or accepting oneself being sick; he/she does not want to feel discomfort and is capable of self-suggestion to avoid physical pain.
Behind this tendency to postpone the realization is not only the postponement of the energetic downturn that it imposes but also a great fear of failure, of not being enough, of not being worthy. Of not living up to the idealized image one has created in the other.
The distorted sexual instinct, in its literal erotic sense, is expressed in this character not as a spontaneous search for pleasure but as a tendency to mental seduction and abuse of susestion and stentione santage atmos, here aimed it fetie the asis iti an imaged
of quiet lovemaking
The sexual Seven has specialized in making joy, not only for him, he knows how to spread it. And fascinate, excite and hypnotize, so that the other is trapped in their stories and does not make room for discomfort, conflicts or demands.
He is a boy who wants to confuse his mother with seductive words and gestures so that she does not realize something he has done wrong and, at the same time, achieves the satisfaction of making her laugh. In this way he fulfills two needs: he is not punished and he feels good for having taken Mom out of her worries. The ideal self-image is nurtured, although the sense of guilt will remain as background noise, from which he will defend himself all his life by inventing new and imaginative justifications.
The suggestibility is a distortion with which he flees from an emotional world that he has not learned to sustain and, above all, from emptiness. Filling himself with the fantastic images of a parallel life, and believing in them, he compensates for his lack of confidence in the development nature of life. With suggestibility you avoid the discipline and effort involved in satisfying a need. Jumping into fantasy, he avoids checking whether or not he can achieve his object of desire, he escapes possible frustrations and, confusing action with thought, feeds his narcissistic self-image that can do anything.
Emptiness is a monster that appears to him in the form of boredom or mediocre and flat life. Boredom blows up the fuse: you can lose the meaning of life or fall into depression.
It has the taste of death itself. The sexual subtype, plus the others, then fabricates illusory images and plans in order to feel alive. Suggestion is a way to avoid anxiety and sadness, which lurk around every corner. He disguises an unpleasant internal space in his flight into an enchanting world, just as he reacts to something painful with laughter and apparently covers it with humor.
In other words, he has developed the ability to suggest others, influencing their way of thinking to lead them to act in the way that interests him. Expert manipulator in a world eager for illusion, this E7 offers happiness and that makes him attractive in the eyes of others. It gives off that fragrance of optimism where they are subtly seduced. His power of contagion convinces him of his worth and this self-conviction has, in turn, the power to fascinate.
"I've realized that I respond to things I don't know by making up the answer. I speak with great confidence and charm, without knowing that I am really making it up. I myself believe what I explain.
A painful situation is transformed into something funny, wrapped in politeness and gallantry.
The sexual E7 is a strategist who happily leaves the other with his problem, without feeling the responsibility or the need to define himself within relationships and the facts of life. A skilled escapist from commitments and complications.
The fight with the father is thus the basis of his hidden rebellion. What he cannot see is that, in this underground war, and hidden under the skirts of his mother, he loses the opportunity to come face to face with his father and clearly earn the right to be a grown man.
One of the maxims of this character is that everything can be postponed except pleasure.
Although it is a great unknown, guilt is one of the staunch enemies of sexual E7. It can leak out in the form of anguish, anxiety, and even nightmares. In order not to assume it, he develops the ability to point fingers and look for blame in any situation, sometimes bordering on paranoia. Most of the time, he carries out this signal with elegance, using seduction and suggestion to drop the responsibility on anyone else, even though he also goes into childish and indiscriminate tantrums.
The sexual E7 has a unique ability to divert the focus of attention to some topic that has to do with him or with some area of life in which he has something to say, probably taken from the latest book that has fallen into his hands. hands. If he doesn't know much, it doesn't matter, he makes it up, as long as he's the center of attention.
The underlying motivation is to release anxiety and fill the inner void and the interpersonal space with words. It is also a way to control one's own and others' emotions.
What is important is not so much what is said but the expression itself (language in phatic function). It's pure oral incontinence. If a sexual Seven is asked about what he just said, he may have a hard time repeating it, because he doesn't even listen to himself.
He can approach social situations with ease, aided by his low sense of the ridiculous as well as the courage to use himself as a caricature. He is especially witty at making fun of himself. He has little shame and makes fun of his own faults or defects as a way of taking iron from them. He is adept at parodying his own life.
It would seem that the sexual E7 does not know how to be anywhere other than the joke. Always sharpening everything, the sweetener, useful in so many moments, ends up cloying. The abuse of humor makes him invasive, impertinent and inadequate in many moments in which that attitude does not apply.
Fate admiring himself through the fascination he provokes in others is a springboard to feel above him, with aggressive and haughty attitudes. The more admiration you receive, the more you come down and feed the belief that you are "special" and unique, superior.
he is also a slave to his own desire and shows no scruples when it comes to going for what he wants. Once he succeeds, there is also no remorse for the forms employed, like the child who, unable to contain his frustration, went for the candy at all costs.
He lives in a kind of chronic fiction, entertainment and permanent comedy that ultimately allows him. do what you want and when you want. And, unlike the Conservation Seven, he tends to believe his own lies, self-suggesting them.
A mental character but with an emotional tendency denied in the background. In his day to day, hysterical tantrums are not uncommon, moments in which his understanding is clouded and he behaves like a small child who, not being attended to, explodes.
He is an optimistic, lively, fun person... at least on the surface. He has already been
designated "the clown of the enneagram" for his immense ability to laugh and make a joke out of any situation. In fact, most of the great comedians are sexual E7s.
Optimism and humor are not only at the service of highlighting the humorous side of situations, but also affect the cheerful spirit of the sexual E7, in its liveliness and joy.
Optimistic ingenuity is the lubricant that allows the sexual Seven to glide through existence
without the friction of living.
The sexual E7 idealizes the other and goes as far as to live out a relationship (with them) in his head, though the only use of which is to maintain an idealization of himself which disconnects him from the nature of his instinct. The search for intimate and sexual pleasure becomes a romantic dream with much satisfaction, while deeper inside there exists a fear of giving in
It is more desirable for him to be in a perpetual state of falling in love with the experiences of life, people, and things. It is as though the E7 saw life through the eyes of a person who has fallen in love. He idealizes the other; he reinvents them. He lives out a relationship in his mind in order to maintain another, more important, idealization; of himself
He uses pleasure, laughter, and humor to submerge himself in the illusion that there's no frustration or abandonment in his life. He denies the aspects of suffering that could either limit his feelings of excitement, or belittle them with irony. Happiness! His specialty is the ability to turn into positive any sort of negative trance or situation, as well as the creation of an object that gives him a sense of satisfaction.
Just as it is typically said that "love is blind", the sexual Ez, with his enamored and enchanted look, lives enthusiastically; keeping himself blind to the limits of his existence.
Moreover, when he realizes that his difficulties are insurmountable, he is then capable of convincing everyone, starting with himself, that no objective is worth pursuing.
The life of a sexual E7 is a mindless frenzy of experiences. He insatiably increases the volume of life with such an apparent bliss that it drowns out the noise of his internal suffering to escape it. In fact, he's not in touch with that which is pleasurable much at all.
Behind the effervescence, there's an evident uneasiness and anxiety which becomes agitation and movement. Happiness, for him, rests in the limitless and unstoppable vigor of his impulse for pleasure; hence ending up in compromised situations out of a fervent excitement to test life itself. In his escape from the intensity and the absence of boundaries, he does whatever makes him feel alive.
This voracity towards continuous excitement and autonomy makes the sexual E7 a very impatient character, one who readily and impulsively bounces from one experience to another. Similar to a child that tantrums for what he wants at that moment, the time he has to wait before satisfying his desire is quite bothersome for him. It's hard for him to endure the emptiness; so when he wants something, he goes and gets it.
The passion of gluttony very precisely defines the passionate attachment of a character that wants to increasingly embody that which is good in the external world, with the illusion that this could return to him the love and happiness he lost in his infancy.
His egocentrism renders him unable to recognize another person as an individual with a life of his own, but as someone who has something good to offer to him. He is a narcissist who seeks to always put at the center of every relationship the satisfaction of his own selfish needs. This voracity can also manifest itself in behaviors dependent on anything that can offer an exciting satisfaction, such as tobacco, alcohol, sex, and drugs. Everything, and endlessly more.
The E7 child did not develop the capacity to make himself independent of a mother that, to avoid his frustration, seduces him through the promise of endless gratification.
Therefore, by making his mother fall in love with him [Enamorando a la madre], he acquires everything, yet loses contact with his profound need for warm intimacy.
The sexual E7 calls enjoyment only the combination of three different things: illusion, enthusiasm, and fantasy. His delight is but a mental pleasure that comes from the anticipation of what he will experience. Even further than his enjoyment, the sexual E7 excites and exalts himself for something that isn't necessarily pleasurable. He confuses consumption and movement as enjoyment, and effervescence as wellbeing. He takes delight in the present by imagining the possibilities of the future; rather than in whatever is real in the here and now. He lives more in fantasy than he does in reality itself.
He is a fickle character, mercurial. Whenever he wants something, he chases after it unabashedly; almost to the point of insolence. He confuses his constant excitement with his feelings, hence why he places himself among the more emotional characters.
Since I was young, I could interest myself in about a thousand things at any one time. However, after only doing them for a period of time, my interest in them vanishes as fast as it appears.
Humor has always been his specialty. Anything can be turned into a joke, and he uses this method as a tool in social interaction. To seduce, to leave a good impression. Or to subtly harass with a passive rebelliousness by way of irony, or with the most bitter of ingenuities.
"I was brought up to be someone who does only the bare minimum, and with the absence of a good discipline, I grew up to be a terrible student. That was when I first developed another attitude that empowered me over others: irony. For a long time, this was a tool for me that filled the void left by my failure in academics, my vulnerability, my fears, and my feelings of inferiority. Whenever someone felt offended, I always had the excuse of just saying that I was joking; but what's funny is that I never tolerated any jokes from anyone, and I was also very sensitive."
An eternal child, he is not capable of taking responsibility for the consequences of his actions. He refuses to grow up because of his attachment to the satisfaction his childish attitude gets him. This represents a very clear emotional immaturity, along with crippling insecurity and an unwavering fear of not being loved or accepted by others. This resistance to growing up necessarily entails difficulties in taking care of oneself and others, and in establishing relationships, especially romantic ones. In fact, his childish immaturity also transforms him into a dead weight for his partner.
He hides behind lies and excuses to appear as though he is not incapable of growing up. He speaks about fantastical projects, successful businesses, blissful romantic adventures... These fantasies (which are generally impossible to realize) allow him to seduce others with a promise of a world without pain. They also allow him to blame others for whatever misfortunes may befall him.
I was still insecure and fearful about not knowing what was necessary to manage my professional life.
He appears very self-confident, even haughty and arrogant. All of which is only a facade carefully crafted to hide his fears and insecurities. Behind his seemingly permanent smile, as well as his appearance of a fun and joyful person, hides someone extremely insecure, and terribly afraid of solitude.
that of talking about everything even without knowing almost anything, with a lot of passion and, above all, not letting others speak. Listening, for me, was superfluous, the important thing was me and showing my skills as a speaker, which I mastered quite well in hand-to-hand combat but not in front of an audience, since my fears did manifest themselves there, due to the lack of confidence in myself."
the sexual Ez is in need of large doses of affection and attention, especially from a partner who can offer it. However, due to a lack of awareness of this need, when the relationship becomes more serious and begins to require more and more commitment and responsibility, it can become asymmetrical and often ends up causing a breakup
Like all Ez children, the sexual subtype takes on the task of making the often depressed or suffering mother happy. Without much chance of success but with the permanent illusion of obtaining her love, giving her a little life with his grace and joy.
In sexuality, he finds pleasure in seducing and gaining admiration. He enjoys the cognitive usurpation of the other. He is not so interested in love and sometimes not even in the consummation of the sexual act (more of the conservation subtype), but in the excitement of conquest and falling in love. With relative frequency, once the other person has been conquered, he does not even get to the sexual relationship, or it almost becomes a mere formality because, deep down, he has run out of the toy of motivation and the excitement of the attempt to achieve it.
What he wants is to prove again and again that he can captivate. Once he has conquered one person, he can move on to the next, to show that they do not resist him.
Women or men become prey that, once "hunted", become trophies.
He is so self-referential that he only listens to himself. He delights in his own words even while he politely leaves a little space for the other person to introduce his own comment, already thinking about what he is going to answer: he continues to recreate himself in his internal discourse, he does not keep quiet, not even in silence.
Physical needs are discomforts to enjoy life to the fullest. Sometimes he abandons himself physically, avoiding even the minimal frustrations and obligations that having a body with needs to be attended to means.
For psychological maturation a certain amount of suffering is necessary, but the sexual sicte does not think so: "How can suffering be good? So that?". He is so afraid of pain that he defends himself by inventing a future pleasure, based on possibilities that are not real. This state of perennial illusion, longing for an ideal world of permanent happiness, condemns him to chronic dissatisfaction in the present, generating a background anxiety that distances him more and more from himself.
"For me, it is the mind that takes me out of suffering. I am not able to be in it consciously for very long. I project. I am always projecting. When I touch on something that dissatisfies me, a love block or a professional disability, I resolve it in fantasy. I see myself dominating everything, seducing everything, so as not to remain in pain.
There is a lot of projection of falling in love, of the other loving me without limits. But I am disappointed, almost with a programmed clock. There is a stage of enthusiasm, of total infatuation, and then a vertiginous fall to my limits and to those of love itself.
Is capable of diverting attention or the focus of the conversation by making parallel comments, introducing new distracting incepts, with jokes that change the mood or simply blurting out some superficiality out of context Interrupts conversations, either directly or with encouragement sideways as a whisper. He is an expert destabilizer of meetings or conversations that do not interest him or in which he is not the center of attention.
It combines freshness with a shamelessness that reaches rudeness. He is capable of approaching and confronting the source of power so equally, with such daring, that it borders on irreverence. In his approaches, he is usually very direct and self-assured, even limiting the unpleasant effects of his impudence with jokes and various complications, putting Vaseline at every step.
The impudence of the sexual Seven can be such that he dares to preach what he lacks so much, that is, being ethical and honest. It is not uncommon to hear him giving advice or moralizing, from idealization, about what is correct.
However, under his apparent friendliness and sense of humor, he has scathing and corrosive words. In the irony he hides his competitiveness and even contempt and, aggressively, he exhibits his dialectical skills to ridicule his opponents with devastating weapons. His impudence comes from the incontinence of his desires, which they do impulsively, straight to what they want immediately.
Ultimately, he does not stop being a dreamer. Someone who needs to spend a good part of his time in the fantasy worlds he cultivates, disconnected from reality, oblivious to problems.
Although he does not lack empathy to identify with others and tends to be kind, humane and even emotional, his difficulty in connecting with a genuine interest in others is enormous. The sexual Seven is a person with great affective disconnection towards those who return to him, an aspect that, although he is not very aware of it, is one of the most painful for him. In the long run, he feels alone and isolated, since he does not establish real contact but through his self-image. And although he is inflamed by his abilities and triumphs, deep down he himself is aware that he has no real achievements and feels internally fraudulent, quite insecure and fragile.
Like all E7, the sexual subtype can also be defined as selfish. The priority is the satisfaction of one's desires, everything else is left behind in the order of priorities. He does not see the other; only his own navel. And, of course, he believes that he doesn't need anyone to be well, that he can only handle the vicissitudes of life...
Although he anticipates a lot and acts from the mind, he is often carried away by his impulses. The sexual Seven has a low tolerance for frustration and wants to be one step ahead of reality itself, like a capricious child who, when he wants something, wants it now.
They find it difficult to sit or stay in the same position for a long time, they have difficulty stopping, being at rest. This constant mobility even makes him frequently change his profession, address, and partner... Restless agitation is a mechanism to avoid contact with the inner world, where he could connect with discomfort. It's like surfing the waves of life's discomfort, tiptoeing through situations.
Avoiding suffering and repressing pain leads to hypersensitivity to any sign of physical discomfort, which soon turns into constant worry.
At the same time that he is feeling the emotion, the sexual Seven is telling it to him live. He is putting words to it, like the announcer of a game that broadcasts life live.
That is to say, more than feeling directly, he thinks about what he is feeling, in that irrepressible impulse to put words to everything, to narrate (to himself) reality.
Joy is therefore their predominant emotion. He tends to tell himself of his life happier than it is, taking on the role of light joker, always with a joke on hand to avoid moments of intimacy or solemnity that bother him so much. An example is your tendency to whistle, hum, or engage in some sort of sound, internally or externally, in times of stress, boredom, or simply, a bland walk from the parking lot to work, adding music to the gray routine of everyday life, due to its difficulty in sustaining a reality apparently empty of content.
This character, in permanent flight from frustration, is paradoxically very sensitive to it, in the sense that the denial of something makes it even more present. And given that a response to frustration is the explosion of rage as a defensive reaction to try to set limits, it is not uncommon for the sexual E7 to perform somewhat childish manipulative actings.
The sexual E7 will try to avoid being seen to be angry - although there will be times when he cannot contain himself - because he prefers to withdraw from the world at the slightest sensation of discomfort, anger or sadness, so that his joyful and happy image is not called into question.
It is precisely in this withdrawal where the choleric expression is most common. The closest people know well: parents, partners or children of this subtype, that it is in the domestic environment where he shows his irritability the most. In less trusting or less secure environments, he does not dare to show anger, but he does show rebelliousness and, often, with a real sabotaging eagerness.
He gives free rein at home to frustration, to the irritation he has swallowed outside. He gives himself permission to show himself cold or monosyllabic, taking off the disguise of the coiled one, in a strange version of the warrior's rest
he/she can become a demanding and controlling tyrant, pending of the smallest detail, with an easy trigger when it is time to scream or raise his/her voice at the slightest frustration.
Patient and kind outside the home, frustrating and unbearable at home. Fun outside and annoying inside.
And just as he paints life rosy when everything is going well, he can become a catastrophist when his plans go sour. The fantasy is here put in favor of negativity and amplifies it; he becomes paranoid and sees everything black, until he becomes blind with rage. The sexual seven now becomes mentally obsessive: he recreates himself in rage, frustration and the aggrieved he feels. He visualizes himself expressing all his anger, losing himself in internal self-dialogues that will never come true because of his fear of confrontation.
Inside, I thought: "Poor things, how much they have suffered and how lucky I have been, with a happy childhood, I am very well." At that time I was heavily addicted to cocaine, without a job and quite lost in my life."
The empathy of the sexual Seven allows him to feel the pain and sorrow of the stories of friends, patients, relatives or students. However, with the same condition as before: that this feeling of sadness does not threaten to touch one's own misfortune. Being an opportunistic and self-interested character, this version of empathy is not to tune in with the other but manipulative. Conqueror strategist as a good Seven, he puts at his service any tool at his disposal to make the most of the link and the situation. The sadness he may show may, therefore, respond to some strategic interest, be part of a game of seduction.
He denies fear and buries it deep down, but as soon as he scratches it, it will emerge with force and he will feel how its tentacles paralyze his work.
Extremely childish when facing adult life decisions, the sexual Site tends to commit itself with joyful unconcern to tempting challenges, imagining the benefits of such challenges without valuing the risks, the efforts or the consequences. Thus, frequently and suddenly, once the time to act has come, fear may erupt in full force, including somatizations and panic attacks.
Suggestion and fear are an explosive mixture. The sexual E7, with active physical fear, can be a great hypochondriac, a great fearful person who, at the slightest symptom, begins to activate catastrophic fantasies, suggesting himself with the fear of becoming seriously ill.
Obsessivity may also be activated here, with repetitive thoughts about the origin or repercussions of these symptoms. Ultimately, in their attempt to control and secure themselves through thought, they end up provoking pathological fear, in a neurotic feedback loop.
There is also another fundamental, though denied, fear of authority. It is the fear of being denied the privileges obtained through his infantile character, of being discovered in his schemes, of being put in evidence.
It is a fact that it is difficult for him to admit his traps when they are pointed out to him and he is exposed. When this happens, his narcissistic game of perfectionism, the demand not to fail, is transformed into guilt. As a character who lives with fantasy intensity everything that affects him, he can even recreate himself in pain, laying the foundations for a new depressive cycle.
The hidden ambition is, finally, another source of guilt for his attitude of an infantilized adult who shows himself to be more of a child than he really is. A regressive attitude that makes it difficult for her to make that necessary transition from boy to man, from girl to woman, which would be so legitimate and healing.
Practically all its character structure is based on the escape from suffering and the search for pleasure.
And one of the advantages of this infanticilization is, precisely, to be able to use fantasy as a mechanism to avoid pain. A sexual Seven who has not lived a deep process of psycho-spiritual maturation will not be able to understand, and even less, to accept, that disappointment and frustration do not kill but teach.
Since childhood, fantasy has been his great companion in his adventures. Relying on his inner world, the sexual Seven child takes refuge from a paradoxical reality and withdraws into himself when the external situation becomes complicated or uncomfortable: conflicts, shouts, scoldings, sad moments, boredom, emptiness, discomfort. He develops, hand in hand with fantasy, that internal space of security where he can isolate and protect himself.
In large groups, he will do his best to be noticed through humor or, directly, through slapstick. If the expected case is not done, the usual thing is that he isolates himself to take refuge, once again, in fantasy.
Even if they do not remember it or are not aware of it, the sexual E7 is a person who suffered in childhood, and to such an extent that they learned to panic about pain and not want to feel it again. He neither wants nor, on many occasions, can touch suffering. The logical no que fer to suffer or to suffer in the case of the sexual Seven has developed to the extreme that the threshold of pain has been so low that it stops fulfilling its function; because for an adequate adaptation to the environment it is necessary to experience a certain degree of suffering and learn to deal with it.
The sexual E7 tries to build a bubble of illusion that defends him from suffering, and becomes so strict in that defense that it ends up turning against him and he has to withdraw from the real world in order to survive the slightest emotional ups and downs, since the slightest inconvenience becomes unbearable. Such an attitude is based on a childhood of emotional withdrawal that ends up being channeled into the world of fantasy and the substitution of reality for plans and projects that are often abandoned without fulfillment.
Schizoid behavior is gradually replaced by a new way out into the world that is, at the same time, an escape from oneself.
The sexual Seven is not hardened in coping with frustration, he is not tough enough to deal with daily difficulties and inconveniences. Since childhood, he has been spared the obligation to produce this hardening, since no one has put limits on him or, if there have been, in the family itself he has received the teaching of how they can be avoided.
The mother is usually closer in terms of the basic tasks of food, health and care, while the father is usually an absent or discredited figure in the family environment, sometimes even by the mother herself. A seductive mother who presents the father as an ogre. This relationship between the parents may be colored by a certain competition between them, which is manifested in education, in the rules that are set at home. Faced with this inconsistency in the criteria to be followed in a normatively ambiguous environment, the child becomes a skilful opportunist capable of taking advantage of the option that suits him best at any given time, and he develops the ability to get away from what does not interest him.
There is no clear father figure who sets limits for the child. Deep down it is as if he had been abandoned by his father and the only way out is to throw himself into the arms of his mother.
With some frequency, that fearful and ambiguous father figure is replaced by another second level male figure: a grandfather, a... who becomes the reference. Deep down, the boy needs to find a male figure who, on the one hand, gives him that confidence, recognition and support that he needs from an adult man and that, in parallel, saves him from his mother.
The sexual Seven has been a child who, from a very young age, already stood out among those of his age for being more alert, quick and intelligent. He understands right away, and almost effortlessly reaches what the environment demands of him. Stands out for his cunning, or for his ability to cheat, manipulate and lie if necessary. However, he is also often hypersensitive, fragile, sickly, attached to maternal care and phobic to the aggressiveness of the outside world.
"To compensate for the low self-concept I experienced at school, I used magic and gossip, lied about my achievements, feats achieved... I made up all sorts of qualities and experiences: lived, seen in others, fabled or read. I was hooked on these lies because they had the desired effect: they gave me the attention I needed and didn't just see me as a child glued to limiting glasses. I invented a parallel reality where there was no pain, only success and glory. The impulsiveness of lying was such that I didn't have time to process so much creativity and, of course, they discovered me quickly. Then I was overcome again with such shame that my body and, above all, my face burned."
His apparent chronic joy contrasts with a hypersensitivity that makes him very touchy and suspicious. A minor misunderstanding is enough to open the crack of frustration.
His sulky little-child outbursts reveal the shallowness of his joy and the inability to contain aspects of himself that might break the dream of a life without limits or difficulties.
The compulsive search for well-being and satisfaction (whether in fantasy) makes him a devourer of experiences, an insatiable oral who does not know how to stay deeply in the pleasure with which he fantasizes. Since he does not indulge in pain, he does not indulge in pleasure either, and ultimately ends up becoming chronically dissatisfied.
The mistake is that he seeks happiness in what he will feel, as an avoidance of present suffering. This makes a happiness complex that is not based on simplicity, which is where true contentment is found.
The fear of feeling pain is the nuclear shadow. The fear is not knowing how to get out of there, to fall into an abyss that surpasses him and that could lead him to an experience of impotence and loneliness: a cold world. Depression is the monster that hides behind his ponenis smile and movement: the feared possibility of the paralysis of fear and the hicks of loneliness
It is not uncommon, then, that, delving a little into his inner feelings, he parks a feeling of loneliness, and even sadness (if he allows himself to feel it, since all his effort is concentrated on escaping it) in an atmosphere of chronic sub-depression. The sexual E7 has atrophied the muscle of feeling in front of the hyperdevelopment of a rationality that makes him cold and distant.
It is paradoxical that a character who is looking for an audience for his cognitive display has such a low quality of contact with others. The consumerist greed ends up causing an incomplete contact, a non-relationship with the other. He appears to be very sociable and close when in fact he is the opposite: insensitive and distant, while pretending to be taken into account and the slightest insult can be taken with hypersensitivity.
Although he usually has many people around him, he does not usually maintain quality relationships or deep contact. He shares fun and joy but, failing to build intimacy through a sharing of truth, in the end his relationships leave him with an indefinable void, which he has to fill by going elsewhere with music.
So much kindness hides, in short, the shadow of indifference, the lack of deep empathy. And this emptiness that cannot be satisfied with authentic love pushes him to constantly rebuild a mask, denying his great need to be welcomed and loved.
Hence, another aspect that he keeps in the shade is the loneliness he feels. If there is a cold in relationships, he does not have an internal place where he can warmly welcome himself. The avoidance of touching the pain causes him to freeze, turning his inner world into a place of helplessness and orphanhood in which he feels hopelessly lost and alone.
In a relationship, the difficulty for commitment stands out. This childish character finds it difficult to commit emotionally to an adult because, in reality, he is looking for a mother or father to take care of him.
Obviously, in the relationship of an adult couple, this imbalance is unsustainable, so the other person is burdened while the sexual E7, with his not taking things seriously, becomes less and more responsible, freeing himself at the cost of the couple loads it. As the relationship progresses, if his partner doesn't set limits on him, the sexual Seven becomes more and more a parasite in the relationship.
Allowing oneself to feel guilt and assuming it would mean unmasking the idealized image of the good guy who can do anything. To assume that he has failed would open a deep narcissistic wound. Low self-esteem would be revealed and the harsh truth that he doesn't want to grow up or, worse, that he lives as if growing up were the most hellish sentence.
Another aspect that the sexual Seven has quite in the shade is the connection with anger. Based on autosuggestion, he represses all the annoyance caused by the limits and difficulties that relationships imply. He does not usually express anger directly and clearly but through rebellion; either passive, resisting, or active, destabilizing the other. This tendency to avoid anger causes a buildup of disgust that, like a gas bag, threatens to burst into a fit of infantile rage. Before that external explosion, the rage will have imploded internally many times, because the confrontation is so panicky that it becomes hermetic.
Suddenly he shuts down and becomes the most controlled and serious person in the world: he goes to E1 and becomes rigid. Faced with an upset, then, the sexual Seven does not usually express it. He neither asks for explanations nor says what is happening to him but remains silent, closing himself off, without speaking about it. But isn't he a charlatan? Good; here, the charlatan is internal. The external silence contrasts with the internal noise of your repeated and obsessive thoughts, which can last for days.
Internally he remains resentful and inside the most destructive thoughts appear. At that moment she would run away and break up with everything: she would leave her partner, her friends, her job... she would go far away from there. With resentment a mental cage is built around it. It is so big that it catches him, he struggles but can't find a way to escape or know how to break with his image of a happy person. Even knowing that he is harming himself and others, he finds himself at the mercy of the situation,
A skilful opportunist, he prioritizes his own interest, ignoring ethical principles to achieve his goals or obtain advantages, taking advantage of the mistakes, weaknesses and distractions of others. The sexual Seven's opportunism is accompanied by a lack of integrity.
He manages to use means and strategies that border on fraud. It is difficult to be consistent with ethical values and, at the same time, selfish. So the sexual Ez chooses to have values that are flexible and adaptable to what interests him at all times, so as not to have to come into conflict with his narcissistically kind self-image.
This fraudulent permissiveness can go to such an extent that not even he trusts himself. Such is their variability and inconsistency that, little by little, their own self-esteem is undermined. An example is the very elaboration of this book. On numerous occasions texts have been requested from various sexual E7 as material. One hundred percent of the time they have said yes, but 99 percent of them never made their commitment.
Although he belongs to the fearful group, the sexual Seven is not aware of the amount of fear he has. Here is another shadow line. Apparently he is a spontaneous, uninvolved and expansive person who does what he wants. In fact, he seems affable and not easygoing, and sure of himself.
Much of that image is the result of autosuggestion. In reality, the sexual E7 is a shy extrovert, a rather insecure and fearful person inside, an instability that he overcompensates with a large dose of daring and outburst of doors. If he comes into contact with covered fear, it is easy for him to collapse or, at least, with a high degree of almost chronic anxiety.
Your irresponsibility to take charge of yourself in many ways has very self-destructive consequences. It is like a big child who does not know how to take care of himself or commit to his real needs, sometimes not even with the most, despite the great power that he confers to grant himself what he wants, he neglects almost vital aspects. More than satisfying his real needs, the sexual Seven avoids the frustration of his desires. He is not committed to his adult part, which implies responsibility and discipline, but to his younger part and to his drive.
Even so, he usually has a very intolerant superego, a rigid internalized father before whom, as with external authority, he rebels, becomes unsubmissive and undisciplined; and this is how he boycotts himself, neglecting and abandoning himself. He doesn't know how to make a nurturing father nor, therefore, is he a consistent and loving authority itself.
For example, in the use of money, he can be a spendthrift on a whim that he may want at a given moment, but on the other hand he is a little stingy in food, clothing, health, etc., and there he skips and gets stingy.
He is very greedy. In the mouth there is an irresistible desire to try everything, without overeating. In fact, it is difficult for a sexual Seven to fall into a compulsion to eat, and it is also rare to find a fat or heavy sexual E7. They are generally slim and slender, ready to leap from flower to flower like butterflies. And, although the most active love in the sexual Seven is erotic, in reality it is a false eroticism, a fantasy version, because it confuses true erotic pleasure with enthusiasm for novelty. What matters to him is the conquest.
A void that he will try to fill with a new emotion: new love conquests, new intellectual influences, new projects (often unrealistic, unattainable), new physical activities, new foods, new languages, new countries. Life becomes a giant supermarket full of goods of all kinds that fail to satisfy a hunger that grows incessantly,
All this excitement, however, is experienced with great guilt and remorse. In his idealization of pleasure, he can fall into addictions of different kinds, focused as he is on enjoyment and experiencing "trips" of all kinds.
Although it is a "sexual" character, in the enneagrammatic sense, that is to say, prone to intimate contact, to show itself in short distances, in the one-on-one, the sexual E7 fears emotional intimacy, where it enters the danger zone. His favorite intimacy is him talking, gently tricking his partner, while affective intimacy, from heart to heart, he lives with discomfort and activates his strategies.
Faced with the needs of others, he leaves. A sexual E7 does not pay attention to the sick, deserts funerals, does not take care of children, the weak, the needy or the poor. He is not empathic, paradoxically, due to an excess of empathy: he identifies completely, he merges with the pain of others.
Although he seems incapable of feeling compassion and appears cold, detached, or absent, he is actually hypersensitive to pain and emotions, which he perceives as heartbreaking. The fear of feeling the pain, perceived as immense, is such that it moves away as much as possible, putting land in the middle as soon as it guesses an eventual contact with it. You feel too much, and in your autosuggestive fantasy, you anticipate that emotion intensely; hence his aversion to pain.
His typical attitude towards pain is to normalize it, to resort to light jokes, to laugh at misfortune, not to weigh it down. Getting in touch with that pain is, in fact, a fundamental part of your transformation process.
His life is marked by the crazy idea of having had a happy childhood, a fantasy instilled in part by his family and that fits perfectly with our consumer society, a gigantic factory of happy babies who do not miss a thing, with toys and fun. for children from zero to ninety-nine years of age.
When someone seemed especially interesting to me, I poured all the power of my charm on her, flattering her, taking an interest in the topics that interested her, to get her full attention and be someone special to her. And if I managed to get that person to take me into account, I felt even more special. I needed reinforcement from the outside to be able to believe in myself."