How to withdraw from tulpamancy - a honest truth about dissipation
Dissipation (a fancy word for "killing" a tulpa) is a topic many people are ashamed to ask about. You are told by some bigots that you are supposed to commit to a tulpa forever once you started. This way of thinking is no longer dominating the community but you can still experience a taboo around it.
In my opinion it's reasonable to ask about a possibility to withdraw from tulpamancy later, before you are going to commit to it. And I am going to tell you about what, from my point of view, is just the full truth.
First, let's answer a not very correct version of a question many people would like to ask but are afraid to:
"Can I kill the tulpa?"
Let's start from telling you why such a question is wrongly worded. Tulpa is a character, not a living being. It's possible to kill a character in your fantasies. You can imagine killing a character from a certain fictional universe and then imagine them living like their death never happened. Same with your tulpa, although I think people rarely imagine their death that way. It's not a kind of death that interests us.
When you ask about "killing" a tulpa, you probably mean what tulpamancers call dissipation. You no longer want to interact with a character like one interacts with a tulpa. Or in other words, you no longer want to have a tulpa of that character. You don't want to have a tulpa in that sense, do you?
So the question should sound like below:
"Can I stop having a tulpa?"
And the answer to that question is: "Yes, you can". Some moralizing bigots might discourage you from that and tell you that you are a bad person but don't listen to them, they are just idiots. Just make sure that you are okay with it. But most important fact is that you can stop having a tulpa, indeed. Let's answer how one stops having a tulpa.
"How one stops having a tulpa?"
I am going to provide a few examples of how it looks like, from host perspective:
- "I've had a tulpa named Jesse but I have never had established any form of a bidirectional contact with her. I have just stopped trying to make her interact with me after some time. I still use her as a character in RPG sessions though." - It's debatable whether it even is an example of dissipating a tulpa... But I think many of you might think of a character being your tulpa even before experiencing any form of agency from her and think about abandoning efforts as getting rid of her. Nevertheless, in this case a person have stopped trying to make interactions with a character. Eventually, they stopped thinking about that character as their tulpa. She (the character) is still their OC though. Dissipation doesn't necessarily have to mean forgetting a character.
- "At first I've been spending a lot of time with Sylvia but soon after that, we have just lost it. We've been talking to each other less and less and one day I've realized I haven't talked to her for over a month. I tried to call her but nobody answered. I can no longer feel her presence and feel unhappy while thinking about her." - And here is how it often happens for tulpas who were already talkative. Sometimes our bonds burn out, our zeal becomes stale, our relationship doesn't make any sense anymore, we don't feel a need to interact with each other anymore. This is how often tulpamancy reaches unhappy ending. If you are just beginning a journey with tulpamancy, keep in mind that it might happen to you, I'd like to warn you to be prepared for that kind of unhappy ending.
- "I've got a few tulpas. But I have recently lost contact with one of them. Adam has told us to not contact him anymore. While Eve and Lilith have been doing fine and had it easy to find friends of their own in community, he just wasn't interested in relationship with others. Our inner life also haven't satisfied him, while the girls are enjoying each other's company." - If you have a few tulpas, there is a high chance that some of them will not be happy while others are perfectly fine. After failing to find a purpose in life, a tulpa might choose dissipation. It can happen in only tulpas too, obviously and if you have a few of them, you might experience a situation from previous case.
- "I don't know why I was doing it. This tulpamancy doesn't make sense. I admit I was enjoying it in the past. But one day it all started to feel fake and it's how I still feel about it after a few years. When I think about Mary now, I don't feel anything anymore. She could have never existed." - Finally, it happens that host just abandons their tulpas. And I think people expect it to be the most common way of dissipation. I am not sure about that but I think it's actually one of the least common ones.
There is one common things in all of the examples. One stops interacting with tulpa. That's what dissipation is and also how you do it. If you don't want to have a tulpa anymore, stop interacting with them. You don't need to do any rituals, goodbyes etc., just stop interacting.
"How will I feel after dissipation of my tulpa?"
In the cases above hosts feel differently about their dissipated tulpas. Let's extract only parts with their feelings this time and add a few more examples:
- "I don't think of her as a tulpa anymore but I still use her as a character in RPG sessions."
- "I feel unhappy while thinking about her."
- "When I think about her now, I don't feel anything anymore. She could have never existed."
- "I don't have a tulpa now but I am happy she was with me back then."
- "I don't know how I feel about her."
People are going to feel different about their tulpas after their dissipation and those feelings might change over time too. If you happen to grieve after lost tulpa, it hopefully won't last for long.
Keep in mind that even if it makes a host sad for some time, in all of these cases dissipation were all successful. One had a tulpa, now they don't. What about unsuccessful cases?
"Can dissipation go wrong?"
There is one more case that I witnessed. A failed dissipation:
- "I have told a person dear to me about my tulpa. They insisted on getting rid of him. I didn't feel good about it but I told Daniel we cannot play together anymore. And since that he doesn't like me anymore. He calls me names, tell me I'm stupid, yells at me. I can't stand it anymore, he doesn't want to leave me alone, what should I do?" - And they eventually stop interacting and succeed with dissipation or decide to keep the tulpa and make amends with them. Hopefully.
I think there is just one core reason for cases like that. It's a person being internally conflicted about it. In the case above, a host is told by a dear person (parent, close friend, etc.) that she needs to get rid of her tulpa. She doesn't feel good with it but influenced by other person, she decides that the tulpa must be dissipated. It doesn't work out. The part of her who doesn't want to get rid of the tulpa manifests in his behavior and overall, her internal conflict manifests in their interactions. The difference between the case above and case 4 from previous section is that in the former case there were no internal conflicts. Person was totally convinced that stopping to interact with a tulpa is a right thing to do.
To prevent failed dissipation from happening, if you aren't sure about your decision, you should either convince yourself it's a right thing to do or reconsider your decision.
"Can I bring dissipated tulpa back?"
Yes. If you think the circumstances changed significantly, you could try to interact with the same character again. Let's give Sylvia and her host a happy ending:
- (Happy Ending) "I couldn't have stopped thinking about why I lost Sylvia. I asked guys in Discord and after telling them how our daily life looked like, I was told that tulpa isn't supposed to be active all the time and comment on everything I do and it's no wonder it got burned out relatively quickly. Anyway, I tried to contact Sylvia again and it just worked. We apologized to each other, hugged and stayed together for 2 years already. There are days we aren't talking at all but when it matters I can always count on her. She also made a tulpa-friend in a Discord server mentioned before."
To bring a tulpa back, sometimes it's enough to just call them and expect an answer. If it's not enough, you can try to do what you have been doing before you established bidirectional communication at the first time.
Summary
- To dissipate a tulpa means to stop interacting from them which effectively make a character stop being a tulpa.
- Tulpa can't be literally killed but you can stop interacting with them.
- It's debatable whether giving up before feeling any signs of agency is an example of dissipation. Nevertheless, it's probably the most common ending and some tulpamancers will end their journey like that, nothing to do about it.
- Probably most common actual dissipation happens when both tulpa and a host just stop interacting with each other. They interact less and less, and eventually it just stops. It's the ending that comes from lack of initiative from either side.
- Other cases of dissipation come from initiative of either side. Sometimes a tulpa can't regain a purpose in interactions and asks you to stop contacting them. Sometimes a host doesn't see any sense in tulpamancy anymore. It can happen.
- If you have a few tulpas, some of them might stay with you while the others eventually dissipate. Having multiple tulpas increases your chances of experiencing dissipation in the future.
- You should always be sure that you wholly accept your decision, whether to dissipate a tulpa or to keep them. Failed dissipations and tulpas being forced to interact against their will can lead to distress. Try to solve your internal conflict before committing to either option.
- Dissipation doesn't always last forever. If you feel the circumstances that previously led to dissipation changed, you can try to bring your tulpa back.
© Felix Faux