Your wife, Ninomae Ina'nis, was just found dead in your office this morning, strangled with a paper bag. Distraught and baffled, you've called in the assistance of world-renowned private investigator Ms. Amelia Watson to help expose the killer. After roughly forty-three minutes of thorough investigation, the detective has called all the suspects into your office.

“You can’t possibly think it was me,” states Kiara, your old business partner, while trying to hide a ketchup-stained shirtsleeve. “Ina and I were the best of friends. In fact, I'll tell you a little secret. I was paying her under the table to manipulate the fast food market; so why on earth would I kill her? If anything, it was probably that little secretary of yours. I know for a fact they’ve been doing it all over your desk whenever you're on lunch break. This is clearly the result of some dirty affair gone wrong; arrest that shark! And while we’re at it, let KFP do the catering for her funeral. It’s what she would’ve wanted.”

“You're lying!” your young secretary, Gura, hisses aggressively at Kiara. “She was not your friend and I've never... done that with her. Ina was going to turn you into the DA, and you knew it!” Gura turns back to face you with crocodile tears forming in her eyes. “I demand you have that phony phoenix arrested, and that you let me have all of Ina's panties. It's what she would've wanted.”

“Shut up!” shouts Detective Watson, as she stomps her feet in frustration. “Jesus H. Christ, enough with the bickering! The Great Detective Amelia Watson hears nothing but bullshit! The sleazy businesswoman, the lustful secretary, that's all so cliché! Neither of you two are actually cold-blooded enough to have killed her. When you add it all up, there's only one person who could've done this. There's only one person deserves to rot in jail.” The Detective then proceeds towards your desk, slamming her fist on it triumphantly. “It was Mori! She was the one who killed our beloved Ina! All out of jealousy for her art skills and affection towards Gura.”

"Now wait a minute here," counters connoisseur of early 2000s Adam Sandler films Calliope Mori, who inexplicably appears behind your desk. "Your boy's being framed! It was that bitch Watson. She killed him just so she could take the case and make headlines for getting me tossed in the slammer! Anon, you need to arrest her right now! And let me do a bangin' memorial rap at her funeral, it's what she would have wanted."

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Pub: 11 Jul 2023 04:40 UTC
Views: 131