This article is possibly unreadable for screen-readers due to Miscellaneous Symbols being used. Read with caution.
If yaoi upsets you in any way then leave or be forever disturbed. This is a self-indulgent SCP-9100 x Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ article. Is it "canon" to the actual SCPFunbus lore?... Maybe. Ask Secure, Contain and Protect about that.
Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ walks to his office, glitching through the door as usual, when he suddenly spots a mysterious folder that has big red text, of which says "ULTRA SECRET MISSION (DO NOT OPEN UNLESS AUTHORIZED)". Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ assumes the folder is for him, and opens it. Inside, the following text can be seen:
Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇, you have been tasked with collecting samples of SCP-10092, specifically of the red coloration. You must go to the location mentioned below, and return the petals in a plastic bag.
You must take these items:
- A bag with essentials (Food, water, clothes, etc.)
- Plastic bags
- Pincers
- Hazmat suits
- Pillows
Otherwise, the mission will fail. These are not easy to collect.
THE O5
"Pillows..? I didn't know I had to get all comfy around such dangerous anomalies..." Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ snickers as he put down the folder and started preparing his bag. "I wonder if anybody else is going to be with me..."
Once finished, Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ walked through the foundation's hallways. To his surprise, most of the researchers were out of sight. Except Dr. King.
"Hey there, man... Where's everyone?" Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ asks King, who was trying to drink his coffee.
"They told me they were in a Super Secret Mission. Dunno what it is, though." Dr. King replies, taking a sip of his coffee, before being shot with an apple seed from behind, spitting out said coffee.
"...Well, I'm also in an Ultra Secret Mission! Thanks for telling me, man."
"Good luck on your mission..." Dr. King says as he tries to recover from the impact.
"Good luck for you too..."
Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ keeps going on his way, getting in the elevator and going to the lowest floor. Once there, he got in one of the foundation's cars and drove away. He turned the radio on, expecting some music, but instead, he got weird messages, probably from other anomalies.
"Your voice annoys me... I don't like what you're selling... You have a stupid name..." Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ says as he switches stations. The ride has just started, and he's already talking to nobody.
"I wonder why they chose me... I barely get any missions these days... It's probably because I technically have no skin." Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ goes deep in thought about this.
...
Meanwhile... In a nearby street.
"ROADKILL!!! ROADKIIIIILLLLLL!!!"
Screams Donald, as he starts going hog wild over the abundance of roadkill he can pick up and sell. All he sees is the golds and greens. Doesn't matter what caused all the deaths, all that matters is that it's there and it's now his.
"You see this, eh?! I'm gon' make hundreds! Ha!" Donald flexes for whomever is watching him behind the camera set up inside of him. The back of his body is filled with carcasses and everything in between.
"...You know you shouldn't be selling carcasses, right..?" Says the person behind the camera.
"...My locals like to keep 'em."
"Your locals are freaks."
"You're just jealous..."
Donald suddenly receives an email. "Eh?"
Subj. Donald,
Please come to [REDACTED]
We have gasoline.
"...Uhh... Would you trust this?" Donald shows his phone screen to the person behind the camera, who sats "Shrug". Donald also shrugs.
"Free gasoline is free gasoline." He says as he drives away, as fast as ever.
...
Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ parks the car in the side of the road, taking out his stuff as he steps out. Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ looks around, but then spots something on the ground...
"Oh, these must be the petals they were talking about." Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ says as he looks down at suspiciously trail-like petals on the ground. He then puts on his gloves and picks up the pincers from his backpack. He carefully picks them up and puts them in a plastic bag, slowly walking further into the forest. Before he knew it, he was inside of the forest, in a big open circle. The sun shines down on him as it reveals Donald sitting in the corner of the open space.
"...Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇? Did you bring the gasoline?" Donald asks, confusing Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇.
"Gasoline? No! I'm on an ultra secret mission. I can't tell you about it because it's ultra secret." Replies Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇.
"...I was told I was going to get free gasoline here." Says Donald, scratching his head. "Fucking idiot..."
...
"Ah, well. This sure is awkward."
"Yeah..."
The two say, as they are technically all alone, with no one to hear or see them... Except for that guy behind the camera, of course. Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ approaches Donald's window.
"...Am I supposed to take the first step here?"
"...Excuse me?" Donald is clueless at first, but then, Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ jumps inside, sitting in his lap and grabbing Donald's face.
"I'll take that as a yes." Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ says, before eagerly kissing the other's lips. Not even the horrid smell of the carcasses or the obvious audience behind the bushes are enough to stop him.
"Damn." Dr. Clef says. "Anti-Climatic. 0/10."
Dr. Rights dope slaps Dr. Clef. "You would do the same if you were as queer as them."
"Eheheheehe... Eheheehehe..." Dr. Fujoberg Iceberg and Kondraki's nose starts bleeding. Even though Kondraki lost her lovehood, men kissing is forever.
"We could have this going on." Dr. Guerrman says to Dr. Sieus.
"Yeah. You could get inside me like that day our ro... Nevermind." "Dr. Sieus" says, but Dr. Sieus interrupts.
The tension is insane. Donald starts grabbing Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇'s waist and forces him to sit down.
"My God..." Donald says as he pulls away. "You make me crazier than a road rage..."
Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ chuckles, giving Donald kisses on his cheek, like he can't get enough of him. "Looking at you makes me more [REDACTED] than [REDACTED]..."
Donald starts reciprocating the kisses, getting all sloppy. Like how this article is slop. "You're so beautiful... like the squirrels in these forests.."
"...What does that mean?" Asks Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇, confused.
"Nothing, Mein Schatz..."
"You desperately need to get out of Tumblr." Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ says, kissing his nose.
"You know I can't resist making references..."
"I know you cant resist killing the mood." Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ jokes. The two stop kissing and just cuddle with eachother in a warm embrace.
"...Do you think they set us up here..?" Asks Donald, looking down at the man in his lap.
Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ chuckles. "Who cares? As long as I'm here wit' you..."
"I guess you're right..." Donald kisses his forehead. "...Does this whole... Ordeal... Mean we're now a thing?"
"I mean, if you want..." Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ looks up at him.
...
"Alright guys, this is getting way too cheesy. I'm out." Says Dr. Clef a bit too loud. The two jerk their heads to where the sound came from, seeing Dr. Clef walk away from the scene.
"...Well, I'll be darned." Says Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇, looking at the bushes where the researchers are, embarrassed.
...
Donald hits the pedal, driving away with Dr. ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇, almost running Dr. Clef over in the way.
"Hey! Come back here!" Dr. Rights shouts. "We were enjoying the scene..."
Donald drives into the sunset, and the two lived happy forever together... Or something.
The End.