For P:
Please don't give into harming or cutting yourself. I know that similar feeling of wanting to doing that as an escape of reality—to feel something other than the same aching feeling of emptiness—but I didn't. Because I know I couldn't bear truly hurting myself and I know I couldn't handle being reminded of the past everytime I looked at myself.
Sometimes I despise life. Sometimes it's too overwhelming, but despite how annoying it may be to hear it again and again... keeping a positive mindset genuinely works. Yes, your family treats you like shit, but you have so many other friends, hell, even people on the internet to talk to. There's always a helping hand amongst our society, no matter how much you think you're alone.
And you did do things wrong, but you also did do things right. But it's genuinely stupid for your family to constantly be angry or be biased because you're younger which means "you know less" or whatever their reason may be for assuming your sister is correct when she's got the "right degree" or "more knowledge" just because she's been alive longer than you.
And as kids, even we know how to hide shit, like food, secrets and most importantly our fucking emotions. If this is the first time you see your child act vulnerable in an age where they are their MOST EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE, then that means your child isn't fucking comfortable to cry around you and that says that you should be a better parent. Because if the only time you see the life you've spent so much time "caring for" is when they were a baby, that means you haven't acknowledged your child's feelings.
And like it really isn't that deep. You may not have all the time in the world but it's literally just trash. it's literally just a simple joke. Everything that sounds complicated or complex can be fundamentally simplified so it's easy to digest: your child just wants to have fun but you're restricting them from doing so. If you give your child enough freedom, they'll respect and behave, if anything being strict just makes your child loathe you. Do NOT fucking think "why does my child never visit me?" when she's older when you reprimanded her for the SMALLEST THING.
But no matter how much of my ramblings I could give you—I don't know, I truly don't. I don't have an opinion on running away. But I don't want you to, at least not until you can handle being by yourself. Until you can live without being dependent on others. I also want to keep being able to see you again, even if our interactions are mediocre or if they don't feel the same as they used to.
And, a response to your status: Cry. Cry all you want. Why should they care about their child being overwhelmed when they've already shown you many times that they don't actually, truly care about you?
Apology for R.
I'm sorry. I know there's a chance you may not see this but I apologize for my actions, i know you have bpd (its kinda obvious honestly because you get mad at the smallest things and you're probably looking at this annoyed even if it may be true)
but like i honestly may have npd (narcissistic personality disorder) and im sensitive as well and im still mad even if it was my fault in the first place. and I know when ur mad i just dont know what to do because i never do and i dont have the balls to just like. send this to you on messenger so im just hoping you look at this and if you dont do it as soon as i hope too, man ill just send it you
also idk if you remember this but like. the chair. i heard you whisper "stupid bitch" under your breath anddddddddd i dont know if you said that or if im schizophrenic but there's a likely chance you did so like. idk ill try better so can you too or smt
scroll down if you DARE!!!! (like srsly i dont want you getting mad at me again it srsly pains me but also i DO want you to see the thing below but also idk, , my opinions are formed by thr oponiosns of otherez)
use computer to play overwatch (+)
phone broke (-)
only use computer to play overwatch (+)
genuinely like fr scream while calling w ur friends (-)
i use computer for school (+)
you get mad at me (-)
i go over the time i told you id finish (-)
i lost pen nib (-)
conclusion!
its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault its all my fault
but also!
idk
goodnight
im cooked for the exams