
Heyo, I'm Kaleb β & β this is my digital diary as of 09.30.25!
πΆπΏ . πΉπΆ . πΈπ»γ,,γHey, this is my first entry I guess you would call it. I just wanted to talk about something that I need to get off my chest.
So, I really like one of my partner system's alters, but I'm not allowed to date outside of the system due to the host's boundaries. I don't know what to do about this because I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about him. We are both super similar β & β are also sourcemates, SHIPPED sourcemates to be exact.
I love talking to her so much, the other day they went to Build-a-Bear β & β we got to make one together. She asked me to choose one I liked β & β even used the name I picked. He literally called it our child. OUR child. I feel so strange, I have never felt romantic feelings for anyone except for them. I genuinely cannot stop thinking about him β & β it's driving me β & β my headmates insane (ToT) Everytime I front I check her Simply Plural profile, just to check up on them. I always want to say hi to him no matter if she is fronting or not. AAUGH this is so strange, but I kind of like this feeling.
π·πΆ . π·π· . πΈπ»γ,,γHi, It's me again. I spoke to him again! This time I said hi to them β & β by doing so I accidentally triggered her to front. HELLO?! Oh my god I was so happy β & β it made me think, what if they like me as well? I might be a little delusional, but I LITERALLY TRIGGERED HIM TO FRONT. COME ON! I'm freaking out I really really like them >_<
My emotions are so mixed right now. I spoke to Finn β & β was shut down because, again, we aren't allowed to date outside of the system. What in the doomed yaoi is this? (ToT) I feel like crying β & β jumping with joy all at the same time. I need to sleep bro.
π·πΆ . πΆπ½ . πΈπ»γ,,γHello again. I'm really upset at the moment. I just want to be able to love them. I want to tell him how I feel β & β be able to say I love her. God why did I have to fall for someone I can't fucking have. My chest feels like it's being stepped on, my stomach feels like someone just ripped all my organs out. I hate this so much. I wish I wasn't stuck in this stupid system. I want to be a normal person who is able to do whatever they want β & β be with whoever they please. I hate all these voices, I hate being bossed around β & β forced to abide by dumb rules. I just want to be torn from this body, I fucking hate it here. I can't stop thinking about him, my heart hurts, everything hurts. My mind is spinning. I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep now!
π·πΆ . πΈπ· . πΈπ»γ,,γI'm freaking out. I'M FREAKING OUT!! We talked again hehehe! HE'S CALLING ME KABI β & β WE ARE MATCHING LYRICS IN OUR BIO'S ON SIMPLY PLURAL :3 I'm so happy right now I could scream. She replied to my status saying he misses me too AAA! I'M SHAKING I CAN'T STOP SMILING β & β GIGGLING STOP IT.
π·πΆ . πΈπ½ . πΈπ»γ,,γHeyo, it's me again. It's been days β & β I still cannot get Pistol out of my head. My emotions are so fucked up, it feels like when you really want something, but physically cannot have it as if it's something that isn't real or completely unobtainable. I hate this so much. Why do I want something I can't have? Why couldn't I have been apart of their system instead? I wish there was a way to visit someone elses internal world, maybe then I'd actually be able to be with him.
Why doesn't Sikx see us as our own people, why does it matter to them so much? I understand feeling as though your partner is cheating on you β & β believing it will end up with Finn not being there as much due to other headmates fronting for their partner, but like, come on? Finn is a lockhost, so he will be there regardless of whether or not im fronting too. Just because we are apart of the same body doesn't mean Finn is cheating on you just because a headmate is dating outside of the system. It genuinely pisses me off. It feels like I'm being trapped in a small space β & β forced to never form a connection with anyone who isn't apart of this system. I fucking hate it.
Everything is so numb β & β I can't help but feel entirely hopeless. I love Pistol so much, I'd do anything to be with her. I just want to be free from all of this. I wish I was normal.