money, power, and respect.
he was born into wealth and immense power, the rightful heir of the minor family.
in a world of influence and hierarchy, all his life he never was enough. you could never be compared to him, and i raised a disgrace: frequent words thrown out by his father in an angry fit. it was the constant beating he received from his father, painful sting across his face, seeing the ill directed anger in those eyes, that jun was frustrated and fed up.
the minor family has always been considered inferior, to the major family. jun never had questioned who the fuck comes up with that.
killing everyone in the major family would solve everything that's wrong in his life. it's the day that he's been dreaming of. maybe it's true what they say. a child who never felt loved will burn a village to feel its warmth.
i want the poster child to fucking suffer.
- without them, you're nothing.
and he told me it was over, dumb decision. it was his own fault to think he had any chance in the world to be happy. still, it didn't help with his feelings of hopelessness and lost, how the future he dreamt of was ruined with simply three words. more spiteful words adding salt to his wound. unnecessary beating. there's nothing else other than the mark left on his ring finger, where there used to be one. from a drunken night, he couldn't care less what happened to that ring.
i don't wanna feel how my heart is ripping. where else he could escape from the hollow of his own heart, than filling in the spaces with liquor. vultures hovering close as if they'd knew when he has taken off his ring, when there's no more boundary. chasing temporary highs of lust with strangers and regret in the morning after, a vicious cycle to numb down all feelings. all avoiding to feel lonely.
make peace with the things you can't change. the only thing that's constant in his life is the man he finds comfort in. best friend of a few years, attended social events within once of a mutual friend circle. minnie, kasemchai. often times the quiet one.. thoughtful and calculated moves. the face he didn't expect to see in the bar that night.
let me love you the way you deserve to be loved, he said. hushed. intimate.
spill of repressed feelings pouring from his lips, filling in the cracks where there were before. lightheaded with how he feels like falling.
what happened in the past can never be changed. fuck the crime world. fuck the weight of his father's expectations that he had to carry. he had never felt so human, and he needed it.. now and in any future with him.
my other half: https://rentry.co/kasemchai.