Moshi moshi! It's Yoko-chan! How nice of you to check on me while I'm getting my dinner ready! Do you think it smells good? Oh my, oh my! You all have so many questions for me! Well then, let's get everything sorted out, eh? Let's see... first question is...!
What's for dinner?
Oh, that curious about what I'm cooking over the fire here, huh? Hehe, feeling jealous? It's mine, though, okay? A girl has to get her nutrients somehow! But I can still answer your question!
See, I found this river over here, see? That one. And I thought "Oh! I can catch some fish to fill my tummy." So I started on a little quest to fish up a big fish!
So, first thing I needed was a fishing rod, right? Well, that's easy. Around here, it's not too hard to find trees. I wanted a nice strong one, so I tried to climb one of the trees. But, eh... I think I missed a step because I kinda fell out. It was pretty embarrassing, so don't tell anyone, okay? I found a smaller stick on the ground near it and settled for that instead of getting myself hurt again.
Next step, fishing line! I... I don't think I could get any traditional fishing line. I saw a fishing shop down the ways a while back, but I don't have any money, and stealing is wrong! But you know what I do have? This fancy roll of paper! Yes, I got it by accident, but listen to what it does! See, when I was trying to start my fire, I found out how hard it is to start a fire! I remember seeing clips of people smacking rocks together to make sparks, but when I did that, I just hit my thumb really hard. It still hurts. Eh... So, I decided to borrow someone else's fire! I kept using twigs and leaves I found and put them up against someone's torch, but... it never really worked out. Maybe it's because they're wet from the rain? Bad luck! What was I talking about? Eh... The paper! Right, yeah! I remembered I still had this roll of paper tucked away and used some of it to start my fire. I ended up burning my fingers holding it, but it was worth it!
But like! Look! This paper? It's gotta be magic or something! I accidentally dropped it into my campfire, but it's still here! It kept burning and burning and burning and never stopped! So of course I'm like "What the HECK is up with this paper, huh???" so I knocked it out of the fire with a stick and into the water and after pulling off a few wet and burnt layers, it's like it's as good as new!
Wow!
Wow!
Is this the best paper in the world?
I have the best paper in the world!
I tested it out and started pulling out more and more paper and it never ended! It goes on forever! So, like, I've been using it as fuel for my fire this whole time. I'm smart, right? A genius? Who else would think of that, huh?
Wait, what was I talking about again?
Eh...
Uh...
I talked about the paper... and the fire... eh... before that was... eh... fish- fishing! Yeah! Right, the fishing line! I just tore out a big line of paper and decided to use that! How did I get so far off topic?
Right, but... fishing line... I talked about the rod, right? I feel like I did, so the last, most important step is... bait! How would I ever catch a fish without bait? So, to fight for my stomach, I had to get some worms! A little dirt under the fingernails is worth it for a nice hot meal! That's the product of my hard earned work ethic!
So I started digging around looking for worms. I... didn't find worms, though... I found some buggy things in the dirt that are kinda like worms! Except it has legs. And sharp teeth. And it bit me and it made my finger go kinda purplish. I wrapped it up in paper for now, but I think I might need a doctor? I don't really know where to find one, though...
Or if they'd even see me...
Bah! Like they say, just rub some dirt in it! And I was already digging in the dirt, so it should be okay! I even wrapped the injuries in paper, so that's kinda like a band aid. I got some of those mean buggies and hit them in the head with a rock so they wouldn't try biting me anymore. I didn't have a hook or anything, so I just tied the paper to one of them, tied the other end to my fishing rod and started fishing!
But, eh... I kinda forgot that paper wouldn't work well in the water... Yeah, my fishing plan was a bust from the start. But while I was kicking and screaming in frustration, I had my big epiphany! I asked myself "Eh... Yoko-chan? Don't you have a good source of food right there?"
So... to answer your question, I'm roasting buggies over the fire.
That one took a while, huh? Let's keep the next question brief!
What happened to your clothes?
Eh...? Yes, your curiosity knows no bounds! I promised I'd keep it brief, so...
When I was letting out my anger from my failed attempts at fishing, I kinda did a silly oopsie and slipped into the river. Hehe... And I didn't want to sit around in soaking wet clothes, so I tried to dry them off over the fire. Mhm, mhm. Smarty pants moment, right? Well, uh... They kinda... got set on fire. Now that I think about it, how did they get set on fire so easily even though they were wet? The twigs and leaves didn't... Eh... My head hurts. I dunked them back into the water and just put them on again. They're... still good! Usable! Covers the important spots! I'll just let them air dry while I wear them and keep warm next to the fire. Next!
Where are you?
Very good question. Very very good question!
I!
Don't know!
Well, I mean, currently I'm sitting under the awning behind someone's waterwheel building thing huddled up in my attempt at a paper blanket to get out of the rain. But like! Where the heck am I? This place is so weird! There's people with horns and claws and animal parts and ghosts and fire and it feels like I'm in a kid's show or something! People here are freaky! Am I in hell? I'm almost certain I've seen at least a hundred demons since I got here. Yeah, there's still normal-ish people around too, but everyone dresses like it's history class. Or- The stuff in history class! The people! I wandered around for a long time and I'm 88% sure I've never seen anything like this before. I almost thought it was that holiday where everyone dresses up, but no.
...Unless?
No, definitely not. It's like... June, I think. Or July? Wait, May. No, I'm changing back to June. It's June!
Who are you?
Hey! I didn't get to finish! Are you getting bored already!? You're my imagination, you can't do that!
Hmph! Whatever... If you wanna know about me that badly, then I guess I can let it go.
I'm Yoko-chan! No family name, but I've gotten some nicknames! Like "Who?" and "Her" and "I forget" and "Walking Disaster". Well, only one person used to call me that last one. You see, my friend, I've always been extremely forgettable and unnoticeable. They say my parents forgot me at the hospital when I was born! Hehe, it sounds like a joke, but it's actually really sad! Because they never came back! So because of that, Yoko-chan grew up in an orphanage. Never was adopted either because the staff forgot to put my name on the register and the potential visiting families never noticed I was there.
I think the only times I was noticed is when I made a huge mess on accident. I'm pretty clumsy, actually. I never even got my driver's license after over twelve attempts because I kept almost crashing the car. It was really hard to find a job once I left the orphanage. I probably could have stayed there longer because I think the administration forgot about me, but I turned eighteen and I wanted to be independent! No more handouts and hoping to pass by! I was gonna stand out or die trying!
If I could back in time, I'd slap some sense into my old self. Look where my attitude got me! I'd rather be sitting cozy in the beds they let us sleep in!
So, like, I did find a job eventually. An antique place. Before you say anything! I know what you're thinking, bull in a china shop. But the only reason the old man that owned the place hired me is because I wasn't allowed anywhere near any of the breakables. I just dust the floors and handle the sturdy stuff. Well, I also cried a lot and begged him and hugged his legs while he tried to walk away, but I think he would have hired me if I didn't!
For a while, life was... actually pretty good! But things tend to go bad when you let your guard down, so this isn't the part where we tie the pretty bow on the end of the story.
One day during work, my boss, Mr. Tsukuda, was planned to meet with someone important. I was just supposed to stay in the back and sweep so that I didn't mess anything up. I already do that a lot, so I thought there was no way I could mess it up then! But I have a good knack of proving myself wrong. I... accidentally broke the doorknob off of the back door while cleaning. Don't- don't ask me how. I'm not even sure. Point is, I was stuck, and that's scary! The only way out was through the front, and that's where Mr. Tsukuda was having his important meeting! I didn't want to ruin it by barging in, so I went to peek through the little window on the door.
But, eh... Mr. Tsukuda was talking with someone, yeah, but... it was some really really tall guy dressed funny. He had a big hat and these robes that made him look like a monk or something, and I couldn't see his face. Without anything even happening, he was super scary! I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but Mr. Tsukuda was getting really mad. He must have said something wrong, because...
That tall guy, he... He pulled out a sword and killed him! Right there in the store!
I don't know what could have happened to make that happen, but I didn't care at the time! I was so scared that the only thing my little rodent-like instincts told me to do was to get away or hide! He could come back there and kill me next! I couldn't go out the back, so hiding was my only option. I just picked the first place I saw and went right for it. There was this big vase thing in the back that Mr. Tsukuda constantly told me to stay away from. It was covered in these paper things with weird words on them. I couldn't read it. I broke open the freshness seal, and I felt a cold chill come over me. Was he using it as a freezer for snacks and didn't tell me? I didn't always take his snacks!
Anyway, it was empty, so I snuck in right about when I heard the door connecting the back room to the main area opening. I decided to wait in there until I heard him leave and then I'd call the cops and go from there.
But my luck is always bad in the worst of times... Mr. Tall Scary Guy... He picked up the vase I was in like it was nothing! I don't know why he wanted it, but he took it! With me in it! I was so scared. So so scared... I fainted. Don't make fun of me! It was life and death, and I have the survival instincts of a baby goat!
When I next woke up, the vase was shaking a lot. I lifted the lid slightly to peek out and... I fainted again. We were going so fast. Too fast. I almost puked. Did I mention I get motion sick easily? That was one of the reasons I failed one of my driving tests. I never got that examiner again, hehe...
Then I woke up again! And thankfully this time things weren't shaking! When I checked things out, I was in some kind of warehouse-looking place. There was a bunch of boxes stacked up high and some scary people walking around. But they weren't as scary as Mr. Scary Tall Man, so I didn't feel the need to hide away as much. I tried to climb out of the vase, but... eh... it's a lot harder getting out of those things than getting in. The whole thing tipped over when I was getting out, and I screamed and fell and the vase broke and we smashed into one of the piles of boxes.
Those scary guys would have for sure come running over to see what happened, but... the stack of boxes I crashed into leaned over and... it started falling. Then it hit the next stack of boxes, which hit the next one, and the next one, and... Well, I ran away before I saw the ending, but I'm pretty sure all of that stuff broke. Like, I heard a LOT of crashing and shattering and tearing. Sorry, scary guys. One day I'll make it up to you by... eh... I don't know. I'm kind of worried about my own situation right now.
I escaped alive, but I was here in this... weird city. And that's how I've been ever since. I tried getting someone's attention, but that led to... poor moments. I spooked some poor woman who didn't see me and thought I was an evil spirit or something. She went to get an exorcist and I didn't want to stick around to see what would happen then.
I don't have anywhere to stay, and I don't know anyone, and I don't have any money, and nobody even knows that I'm there unless I do something incredibly embarrassing... but I won't give up! This Yoko-chan is a fighter! And my luck isn't completely down! I think the magic roll of paper fell into my shirt during the huge commotion with all the boxes, and it's been a huge help!
And that's the answer to your question. What was your question again? Eh? Who am I? I'm Yoko-chan!
That last question took WAY too long. I don't think I have time for another question, sorry! Maybe next time. For now, I have dinner to... My dinner!
Eh... I think it might still be good? The buggies are all black now, but... maybe it's like eating burnt toast? I can't let this food go to waste, I worked so hard on it...
Om... guh... I-I think it could use... some spices... I forgot you're supposed to scrape some of the black off of burnt toast.
No, thing positively! It's... not the worst thing I've ever eaten! I think if I keep my mind positive, it could maybe taste a little good! Yes, that's it! Master chef Yoko-chan saving her dish through pure mental fortitude!
Uegh... I felt something pop when I bit down that time... Bluh... Agh... Cuhgh...
Please don't look anymore...