My puberty experience, and how the first few stumbles snowballed into the mess that I am right now

So, puberty, that phase when you get curious about all things in life and become rebellious or whatever. Everyone had a different experience of it, some good, some...not so much. Unfortunately I fall into the latter camp, and that might have left a negative impact in my development that I'm not sure is reversible.

  1. But first, some background

My parents are...let's just say "traditionalists", and has been giving me "preferential" treatment (at least to them) ever since I was born. Little me didn't know much about it, but now that I'm starting to have an idea of what's going on, I hate it to the core. Part of that preferential treatment was them being overly protective of me, which lead to my early life being very sheltered, resulting in a lack of social skills (which I'm trying my best to obtain now, some 10 years later). I'm also expected to perform well in my education, and by extension in life. All of that together means that I was never really able to be myself, and was pretty much forced to follow the will of my parents, whether I wanted to or not. Any oppositions would be met with loud scolding instead of reasonable conversations, which further harmed my self-image.

  1. The first few steps

So, puberty hit, and with them not really teaching me anything about that, I picked up the knowledge from other people in my life (which is mostly my friends), and also by myself through various channels (and you can probably guess what they are). I might have met some not so good people in the process, and got myself into some trouble that lasted around a year. I probably was a stupid person back then, but looking back at what I had to deal with and how I had to figure things out myself, can I really blame my friends, or myself for doing dumb things? Also worth mentioning that my parents' response to the things I did was, of course, more scolding and physical abuse, which is not that helpful.

Fast forward to 7th-8th grade (around 14-15 years old). I was approached by a girl that matched with me in many different ways, and we got into a relationship. This was not my first relationship, but it was the first one that actually meant something, instead of just me fucking around and not being very serious about it. We had a very good time together. That is, until my parents found out about it. A "family talk" happened between me, my siblings and my parents, which turned into more yelling (because of course), and no actual information as to why it was bad (if it was even bad at all). After that, I was put under even stricter supervision. All my travel from and to school would be carried out by my parents, and all my online activity would be monitored.

Of course, being the rebellious person that I was, I wasn't deterred. Our relationship continued throughout secondary school, and I'd find ways to keep in touch with her after school, often through sneaking a phone somewhere, or even through the smart TV (!). My mom would eventually find out about that, and the tension in my family would keep building up, until one day my mom snapped, cried and screamed "I'd rather die" while banging her head into the wall repeatedly. Looking back at it now, I find it incredibly silly how a "small" problem has snowballed into that big mess. I guess she was feeling "defeated" that none of her tactics worked for me, and physical + mental torture was the only way she could think of?

Nevertheless, after secondary school, we moved to different schools, she met a new person, and our relationship ended after that. Despite the hardship, I still enjoyed our time together, and it had helped me understand many more things.

  1. Change of plan, and my second attempt

After getting out of that shithole, I decided that enough is enough, and nothing is worth putting my family through all that mess again. From 10th to 12th grade, I kept a low profile, not participating in much activities. That worked out somewhat and I was able to mostly stay out of trouble during that time. After I finished 12th grade and got into university, I was introduced to another girl. Compared to my previous relationship, she wasn't as close of a match, but since we played the same game (osu!), and university me being slightly more free compared to before (although not by much), I naively convinced myself that it'd work out this time.

Boy was I horribly wrong. Turns out she also had mental issues, and I wasn't ready to deal with both family and that at the same time. I tried my best to hide both sides from eachother, and avoided revealing too much details to either side. This constant juggling had made me very stressed and paranoid every time I went out with her, having to constantly check the time to make sure I got home in time and not raise suspicions. The overall atmosphere of the relationship was greatly affected as a result. To make things worse, she found out about my previous relationship, and as an outsider, she questioned why I was defending my ex-girlfriend so vehemently, not knowing that it ultimately failed in the long term. As time goes by, our relationship got worse and worse. I tried everything I could to save it, and it'd work out for a little while before ultimately declining again, because the root cause was never resolved to begin with. Ultimately, the relationship ended through a silent breakup, which was not great but at least it was over.

  1. So, where am I now?

I'm still here, still learning about life one step at a time, still with my nearly non-existent social skills that I'm trying to build up. I've decided to stay away from relationships altogether, because clearly I wasn't made for that. However, I've made it a mission to be as helpful as possible to other people, and also to meet as many of my online friends as possible, so that despite all the things that I've gone through, I'd still be able to make a positive impact in this world. To all of those that came and stayed, thank you ❤️

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Pub: 04 May 2026 06:42 UTC

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