Severus hates his body. He's hated it for as long as he could see himself in the mirror. He was overstretched limbs on a frail body. His nose was beak-like, his lips were barely visible and his eyes beady. It was an ugly visage, but in truth, it wouldn’t have mattered what he looked like.
He felt wrong, untethered, like the body he operated wasn't his own. It certainly did things against his will, things like grow facial hair or deepen his voice or, god forbid, make him feel lust. It was all disgusting, and Severus pretended he didn't have a body. As much as reality could let him get away with, anyway.
Today, reality was unkind. Potter's gang had cornered him, backed him against a wall in one of the dungeon corridors. It was hard to forget you had a body when someone was pushing a long piece wood into your stomach.
"Caught you at a bad moment, eh, Snivellus?" Black was saying.
"It's always a bad moment when he's around." Potter said and then threw his head back to laugh like it was actually funny.
Severus said nothing, preferring to glare defiantly. Or, he would have done so, if Sirius hadn't jabbed his wand hard. Severus bent over, trying hard not to throw up. A bit of spittle came out, though, and landed on Potter's shoe.
"Disgusting. Clean that up."
Severus tried to remain defiant but before he could refuse Sirius cast the jelly legs curse and he fell foward, his tormentors jumping out of the way. Severus barely had time to put up his hands to break his fall. Potter put his shoe right up to Severus' face.
"Clean it up, now." The boy commanded. Severus wanted to say no, wanted to kill Potter for this, but he also wanted to just get back to his dorm and sleep. He took his sleeve and was just about to wipe away his saliva when he heard footsteps charging toward them. Looking up he saw an avenging goddess, wand raised and fury so deep her green eyes glinted red.
She didn't declare her presence, instead immediately casting spells at Potter and Black before they had even turned around. Black went down with a simple Petrificus Totalus but Potter was swift, dodging the initial curses and began flinging his own. The hallway was alight with the color and sounds of violent magic and Severus just watched. He loved these moments, they were the only times Severus felt safe because he knew, without any doubt, that his goddess would save him.
"Why do you always defend Snivellus, Lily? Can't you see he's dead weight?" Potter said after letting loose a hair loss curse.
Severus' goddess smiled then, it was a beautiful smile, and it wasn't for Potter. It was for him. He felt her radiance course through him, soothing the very marrow of his being.
"And what does that make Sirius?" Lily asked before using a levitation spell to pick up Sirius' body and slam it into Potter. They crashed into the wall opposite causing Potter to become trapped under Sirius' petrified body. His wand rolled away from him and Lily bent down to pick it up.
"I think I'll keep this for a while, you clearly aren't very good with it." She said with a grin and walked over to Severus' toppled body. She crouches down in front of him, reaching out to stroke his cheek. He looks up into those brilliant green eyes, that perfect face, the face of a goddess and sees only tenderness.
"Oh, Sev, where would you be without me?" She asked in a kind whisper.
Severus was about to speak but was interrupted by Potter's pleas, "Please, Lily, don't- you can't just leave us here, no one will find us for hours!"
Lily rolled her eyes, pointed her wand lazily behind her and said "Silencio." Potter stopped making sounds and Lily got up.
"There, that's better. Now, for you next." Lily said and followed with the counter curse to bring Severus' legs back under his own control. Lily offered him a hand and Severus took it. She pulled him up and for a second he was looming over the redhead, mere inches away from her lips. He scuttled backwards until he smacked into the wall. Lily giggled.
"I don't bite, Severus. Come on, let's get you back to your dorm," she said, closing in and taking his hand again. Lily's hands were soft and small, delicate, the exact opposite of his unrefined clubs. He didn't have long to brood as Lily started dragging him down the corridor with surprising strength. As he stumbled after her, he found his voice again.
"Thank you," he said in a quite voice.
"I didn't save you for free." Lily teased. "You're going to reward me."
Severus had dreaded this. His goddess demands worship. And he did worship her, idolized every freckle on her perfect face, but not in the way she wanted. What she wanted was his body. She wanted to touch him, to lick and kiss and rub until they were both a hot mess. It was almost better to be abused by Potter than to go through that.
As they approached the Slytherin common room, Lily veered them off into an abandoned classroom, magically locking and warding the door. Lily grinned at Severus. He tried a smile back but came out more like a grimace.
"I have something special this time, Sev," Lily said, pulling out a glass vial filled with what looked like sludge from her robes. "Polyjuice, I want you to take it."
Severus paled, he already hated his own body, now he was expected to inhabit another's? And who did Lily have in mind? God forbid it would be someone he knew or even worse, a member of Potter's gang. He gripped his hands to prevent them from shaking.
"Lily, I don't think- where did you get that? How do you know it's safe?"
"I brewed it myself," Lily said grinning from ear to ear. If it had been anyone else, Severus might have been able to say something, but he couldn't go against his goddess. If she brewed it, it must be safe.
"But, I don't know... I am not comfortable- the mere idea of taking another form- it's just too much too soon- I mean, think of the ethical implications, to be another person without their consent," Severus mumbled before finally finding a good point, something he could say that wasn't outright refusal. Lily did not stop grinning.
"That's just it, Sev, the person is consenting, because you're going to turn into me," Lily said with a giggle.
Severus' mind overloaded. He'd become his goddess? Her sacred form should not be sullied through duplication. And if it was, he least of all deserved to be the one to take on her visage. He was nothing, a simple disgusting freak, and she was everything.
But, even as these thoughts raced through his mind, a quiet, near imperceptible voice spoke in his mind. It wanted to be the goddess. more than just be, it wanted to subsume her, to bring her essence into its own. It wanted to be worshiped and feared, to be so much more than Severus really was.
This voice scared Severus, for it was this voice that drove him to say "If it's you, I'll do it."
Lily bounded forward and gave Severus a tight hug, "I knew you'd agree, Sev, you are mine. You'd do anything I asked, wouldn't you?"
Severus suppressed a shudder. He loved his goddess, would never refuse her, but there was an edge to her voice sometimes that scared him. As if Lily would have no trouble devouring him.
"I would," he said softly.
Lily broke from the hug and with a wince pulled out one her hairs. She dropped it into the vial which turned an appropriate shade of red. She held it out to him and he took it and drank it in one gulp. The taste was nasty, but he didn't let it show. It was after all, the taste of a goddess.
As soon as the sludge went down his throat he began to change at a rapid pace. His body shrunk, hair grew, breasts began to form and to his alarm his genitals changed. He barely had time to process the excruciating pain of the change before it stopped. His body was now her body. Severus tried really hard to not panic.
He failed. He started hyperventilating, trying not to think, trying not to feel anything to do with the body he now found himself in. His vision swam and his legs buckled. Lily caught him before he hit the stone floor.
"Sev, hey, Sev, you're all right. It'll pass, you're just experiencing a side effect of Polyjuice. Most first time users freak out about not being in their own body. I'm here, you will be fine. Everything is fine," Lily cooed, stroking Severus' hair.
They sat like that for a while, Lily shifting so Severus' head was in her lap. Severus tried to adjust to his new body. It was much lighter, his limbs being popsicle sticks and his torso a coat rack. The long hair was odd, he barely felt it but was omnipresent, tickling his neck and shoulders. These changes were easy to be okay with, it took more time with the sexual ones.
He might have been fine if his penis had simply disappeared. Like the rest of his body it was horrid. But it hadn't just disappeared, it had been replaced. He tried not to think about it but it gnawed at him. He had seen Lily's vagina before, but somehow it was different now that it was on him. It felt weird, but in a good way, correct even. More correct than before at least.
Severus got up. He needed to see himself. Had to see what had become of him. He transfigured one of the desks into a mirror. He gasped. Staring right back at him was Lily. He had known he had transformed intellectually but now it was absolute. All traces of Severus were destroyed and replaced. He stood in Severus' clothes, ill-fitting and baggy, but he was not Severus anymore. He had been reborn.
Lily broke his reverie by coming up from behind and wrapping her arms around his middle. She looked smug as she nestled her head into his neck and gazed at him through the mirror.
"I knew you'd enjoy this," she whispered. "I know how you want to escape yourself."
Severus tried to keep his stunned look off his face. Was he enjoying this? He wasn't Severus currently, but he hadn't escaped, he knew in an hour he would be back to his wretched form. That his reflection would inspire none of the thoughts he'd just had. Perhaps this experience was a curse more than a gift.
"But now that you're fine again, let's have some fun," Lily said and began to kiss Severus's neck while fiddling with his shirt buttons. Her breath against his neck caused his nipples to stiffen and for heat to pool into his lower stomach. That was certainly different. Lily lazily transfigured a few desks into a bed and pulled Severus onto it, disrobing him as she did so.
Severus usually hated this part, his body making noises and stiffening against his will as his goddess serviced herself with it. But today, today it wasn't awful. Today he was a goddess, his body in divine harmony with Lily's. In that old classroom, Severus found pleasure for the first time in his life.
It didn't last. At the stroke of an hour Severus was returned. He was once again chained to his body, once again mortal. Severus didn't glance at the mirror as he went back to his dorm and bid Lily goodnight. If he had, he would have broken down on the spot.
As he laid in bed he replayed the events of the night. Lily had given him a taste of freedom. He had escaped his endless torment, become something beautiful. But endlessly drinking Polyjuice wasn't a solution. Becoming the goddess hadn't changed him, not truly. He was still the same underneath the magic. He needed to permanently change himself, he just didn't know how or what to change into.
It was with these thoughts that Severus drifted into a sleep filled with dreams. Impossible dreams. He was a goddess, but not Lily, something his own; dark and beautiful. Power radiated off him, each step he took crackling the air. In that dream he stood side by side with Lily, Potter bowing before them. With a single look, Potter began to clean his boots with his tongue, licking them until they were sparkling clean.
Severus didn't remember the dreams, but he did remember his goal, and when he awoke the next morning he headed straight for the library. No time to change like the present.