hello world... my name is aya and i am going to be using this rentry as a diary or a blog of sorts. just so that i can keep track of everything happening in my life and my progress ૮₍ > ᴥ < ₎ა

you're welcome to read along and follow my journey but please tread lightly as there's more than a few issues up in my noggin. and i probably won't censor much. oh well... let's get to know each other, okay? have fun reading!


11/19/25
i've finally settled on a layout i don't COMPLETELY hate. the old theme was actually really cute to me, but it broke too much on mobile #Rip. yowamushi montblanc reloaded 😢😢... it will be missed dearly. it's 9:32pm on a school night and to be honest, nothing of real importance happened today. well, i guess one thing did, but it was quickly resolved and it's not exactly public business HELPPP

so much has happened in general over these past few months, though. where do i even start! most of it has been positive...ish? i wouldn't say these last few months have been the best months of my life or anything But they have been rather eye-opening for me. especially the last 2 weeks or so. i've finally decided to start being honest to myself, and others. i've spent a good part of my life running away from lots of things. namely, responsibility. and taking accountability. and while i can't undo my past, i can determine my future. i've admitted to all of my mistakes and wrongdoings and from now on i'm not going to run away anymore. for the last 2-3 years of my life i was so miserable and depressed and honestly? 70% of it was influenced by my behaviors and actions. i'm not going to go TOO into detail because it's all resolved now but it doesn't hurt to mention it. i'm certainly not perfect but i feel like lately i've been on track to becoming better, even if only a little bit. and i've found life is so much more beautiful when you aren't constantly feeling paranoid and trying to cover up your tracks! i feel like a great weight has been lifted off my chest and a burden off my shoulders. i've always talked about wanting to be a good person and these days i finally feel like i can look in the mirror and say that for the most part, i am. And that makes me oh so very happy 😊😊.

i am not sure what else to say. i have lots homework to do and not nearly enough time soo i think i will call it a night and end this entry here. goodbye 🐾


11/20/25
Hi. today was a very boring day to be honest. i had a french test today and i'm like 90% sure i bombed it. that's kinda on me though since i didn't really make any plans to study in advance... fortunately i've been decent in french up until this point so HOPEFULLY my grade in that class won't plummet too much. otherwise, nothing of real interest happened. today i was happy to see some of my grades went up, though! i've been trying to put more effort into school. i'm not really "book smart" by any means, so i'm a pretty average student, but for the past few years i've struggled soo much with finding motivation to even try. but i feel like i've finally found my spark again! i'm not really a straight A student or anything but i have three C-'s and one B+ right now which are actually the highest grades i've gotten in a pretty long time! so i would call that progress. i'm proud of myself 🩷 and there's still lots more time to bring those grades up before the end of the quarter. i got two Fs last quarter so i. Kind of don't have a choice. LOLOLOL

nothing else of importance happened today so there's nothing to really say. i'm going to watch some teen titans before i go to bed. Lalalala


11/22/25
HI! i feel rather overwhelmed. but also overall happy! i finally came out on twitter about the truth regarding my age... and i was honestly very anxious while sending the post out because i thought people would be angry. but surprisingly all of my mutuals were very understanding. the post ending up becoming a hit tweet. i got so many kind comments AND a lot of new mutuals 😁↕️. my follower count has inflated from 300ish to 800+ and counting just overnight... and i got ANOTHER hit tweet within the same hour. Soo thats freaking cool.... ive made at least 2 new friends from all of that. i'm happy i am finally crawling out of my shell and meeting new people again, even if it's only online. for the longest time i felt extremely lonely and isolated... 😢😢. i keep marveling at how much just being true to yourself really changes everything. i feel so much more confident and authentic while interacting. before, i was always paranoid about who was friends with who, or if the person i was talking to knew about how much of a fraud i was. but i don't feel that way anymore. i'm glad 🩷

aside from all of that, today i went to five below with my mom and brother... mostly because he got some sort of gift card as a school prize. i ended up getting some candy because that's all i could really afford LOLOL. i did see a lot of other things i wanted to get though. namely clothes and makeup. i really like fashion, but for the longest time it was more of a "in theory" typa thing. i love to look at fashion and admire it but for the longest time i've just been so... unhappy in my own skin, that i didn't even bother 。°(°¯᷄◠¯᷅°)°。but i think i'm ready to properly dabble in it! unfortunately i don't have a wholeee lot of money... and my family doesn't believe in thrifting For whatever reason. i have been trying to convince my mother to allow me to do online shopping on places like vinted though SO! wish me luck! and i have also been looking into diy fashion as well. i really want to dress jojifuku but i think that would be unrealistic to have as a fulltime style so i want a couple of extremely cute pieces to wear special occasions or something adjacent to that. the same goes for gyaru. i don't think it would be too out there to dress y2k full time though 🤔🤔 we'll have to wait and seee....

Oh and my sketchbook is all wet because i left it in my backpack and didn't properly close my bottled water #RETARD. i just found out and i'm really upset 😢😢 i got it less than a month ago and um. it's kind of required for my art class so this is genuinely distressing for me. looking at the damage i seriously doubt it can be salvaged so now my mood has been considerably toned down. I'm going to try to dry it regardless but not right now because it's 12:23am. bye bye


11/24/25
hello again!! today is the second to last day of school before thanksgiving break. im oh so very excited..... writing this after eating a nice (if kinda late) dinner of rice with beef stew. and to top it all off i have some chocolate my mama gave me. Yum yum yum

i've been thinking a lot regarding. well. everything! mostly about my public apology and all that. somehow, i feel like there's a piece missing, or something i haven't quite done. my friend group has already congratulated me on writing it, and all that. And that means a lot, because theyre the first people i've properly opened up to regarding the whole fiasco and they haven't shunned me for it. but i feel like i should try to make personal amends with the people i've hurt too. or well, the people i have an idea of who to contact, at any rate. i'm not going to name names but it's pretty obvious the people i'm thinking of... we can never be friends. that's pretty much clear. that ship has definitely sailed due to my stupidity😅😅 But my actions towards them were vile, and it would really be a dick move to walk away from them without any closure. giving them the respect of apologizing to their face is the least i can do after all of the trouble i've caused them.

i'm scared, to put it frank. of owning up directly, i guess. it's one thing to say into the air that you feel shame and it's another to state it while looking directly at the person you've harmed. but cowardice and inability to own up was what put me in this position in the first place. i would ask my friends their opinions on what to do first, but i can already imagine their general response. 😑😑 as much as i love them this is a course of action i have to take on my own. which is daunting. but i am not going to let fear rule my actions anymore. i just need to sleep over what exactly is the right thing to say... this won't be my first time apologizing to them, after all. but i'm ready to show i'm genuine this time. i am not even sure if my apology will be heard out, but trying is better than not even attempting at all, right?

On a more positive-ish note i checked my sketchbook today and it's considerably less wet not. still not tooootally dry but a sure improvement from saturday evening. thank heavens. OH! and i made a very lovely friend today. well, we technically met a couple of days ago, but i think we are really solidifying our friend status 😊😊!! they're getting into bandori because i asked them to! i couldn't be happier... i actually haven't dabbled into bandori in a whiiiile. life gets busy. but this gives me a reason to revisit it. particularly the anime! and in return i will be getting into enstars for them as soon as i get my phone back. wonderful times. i still need to take my shower and finish up some loose ends here and there so i suppose this is the end for today. goodnight to all who are reading this


11/25/25
i am writing this in my 2nd block class at 9am. First time i've ever done an entry before 6pm but i guess you could say my day has been very eventful already... i fell down the stairs this morning for starters. it was pretty scary and i hit my head :,^( but fortunately it wasnt a looong flight so it was over as soon as it started. i managed to get some work done on the bus so that was okay. But i spent too much time at the library and i missed the first bell. then i tried to go to my 1st block class even though it was a DAY 2 😭😭 so i had to get a tardy slip before finally getting to class. my teacher isnt here today though and theres a sub. We got a free period Yay

Thats kind of all? i don't really have anything else to report after all i woke up barely 4 hours ago Help. maybe i'll update thjs later today and maybe i wont idk. Byyeeyyyyeeeeree


11/29/25
can you believe november is almost over? I sure cant 😥😥 im at my favorite aunties house in the wooooorld right now. she isnt REALLY my aunt but she is my mothers closest friend so! i call her aunt to make things simpler. shes seriously like the cool uncle trope personified... except shes, you know, a woman. we came to her house on wednesday evening and stayed for all of Thanksgiving...... the dinner was really fun!!! she also invited some of her other friends in her neighborhood so it was a bit hectic LOLOL but the food was amazing. and i got to see my favorite cousin evererrrrrrr.... Or well. not cousin But you get the idea. shes 19 and a college student so shes seriously really cool. she took me to see zootopia 2 along with her college friend + my brother yesterday and that was super duper awesome. we even got free popcorn 😄😄!!! and the movie was sooo freaking good. i was GAGGED. dare i say it was better than the first movie 👀

today is our last day here and that makes me feel a bit sad.... i also ended up getting sick yesterday with a runny nose so that considerably dampened the mood of everything. we leave tomorrow morning. It's so disappointing how time flies rigjt.... i WANTED to make mac and cheese with my cousin before we go but yesterday wasnt convienent and we woke up so late today that it doesnt seem like today will be the day either. it's only 5:30ish right now so MAYBE we have a chance but i seriouslt double it at this rate. oh well.... theres always christmas i suppose. Aaanywayssss i am going to head down for dinner. jollof rice tonite. YUM! 🩷


11/30/25
Hi hi hi hi. i am home now. and exhausted. but overall very content. we left my aunt's house pretty early so that we could go to church. And then after church we went shopping... so that was fun. my aunt packed us a really nice care package with snacks and fruits and stuff like that to take home :) she is soo niceeeee... oh and i just took a really hot shower. I'm feeling very warm and cozy #Yep. though i do miss my cousin already. Frowny face

I still have zootopia 2 brainworms i keep humming that fuckass "zoo" song. it's so catchy HELP MEEE. i kinda miss my friend group. because i was so busy over thanksgiving i did not have a wholeee lot of time to talk to them. I've missed sooo much i need to catch up aahhhhh.... and i still have a cold ugh

i cannot believe there is about 32 days until new years and 25 days until christmas. where on earth did the year go?? not really a fan of going back to school tomorrow but i suppose theres nothing to be done about that... Can you tell i don't really have anything to say today yet? 🥹🥹 my apologies. i'm going to leave it here for today since i really just wanted to provide a brief update. goodbye for the present


12/8/25
Hello....?? hi. i didn't go to school today because of snow. and i didn't go on friday. and we won't be going tomorrow. i love my life

a little bit has happened since i last wrote in here. but the only one that's really relevant is the fact i cut off a friend about a day ago.../.. it hurt quite a bit as i really thought of him as close and even thought of him a bit romantically at some point ☹️☹️ but what had to be done was done. people come and go. but it's really made me appreciate the friends i have now. i love them ohh so very muchh. and i've also noticed i've felt considerably freer since blocking said friend. yay!

On another topic i made a friend of mine a rentry... i'm very proud of it soo i will put it here.

i had a lot of fun with it. tbh i was a little hesitant starting out because this is like Kinda out of my style in terms of color scheme and all but it fits my friend really well so i got it to work. and i'm going to be making them the rest of their rentries Just Because 🐶 i really love doing things for my friends heh. i am alsooo going to be watching a film for my OTHER friend since he said i might like it.

Thats all um i dont rly have anything else to say..........


12/10/25
it's like really late and almost 12am as im typing this but thats ok. the last 24-ish hours havent been very good at all. i feel sore from Something that happened last night with my parents. and i didnt really get to speak to my friends much today since they were sick/busy. i have a hangnail and i slipped on the ice on the way to the bus stop and lwk scratched my hand. And i failed a test in a really important class. i feel miserable

Today we only had like 6 hours of school because of a 2 hour delay so that made things easier i guess. AND i did see a christmas concert my brother was in tonight that was school related (hes in band). it was pretty cool i wont lie... i liked the choir parts the best. they were handing out free candy canes at the end but i didnt see where they were until it was too late and they were all gone :(...

Literally nohting else happened so i dont have anything else to say. i hope tomorrow will be a better day


12/11/25
THEY HIT THE SECOND TOWER THEY HIT TJE SECOND TOWER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL. CODE RED SOS MAYDAY ALERT ALERT DANGER DANGER

Its 4pm and i nornallly try not to fill these out before 6pm because i like to think my day isnt fully over until After the sun sets. but im too fucking upset and annoyed right now and i need a place to vent it out THIS IS A DIRE SITUATION

my school patched all of the proxies and vpns i use.... ever since 5th grade because of how grounded i am all the time ive found a way to unblock (almost) every site i use on my school devices, like discord n spotify. and the specific one i was using was working okay from around 7th grade but now its ficking GONE. like it doesnt work anymore. the only thing it lets me pass through is pinterest but i have a feeling thjt wont be for very long. And who even uses pinterest... i talked to one of my friends on there a little bit and she assured the rest of the group was doing ok and missed me but its just not the same... i know its stupid but school devices are genuinely my only contact to the outside world nowadays especially since i don't really have friends at my new school. i mean, i have people i talk to, but i wouldnt consider them people i'd invite them over to my birthday party...

today in general wasnt even that good of a day. i just feel so miserable. the snow mostly melted so now everywhere is just ugly and muddy.Thats not a real problem but still. at school we were discussing courses we wanna select for sophomore year and i dont know what i want to do. i feel like ive slipped a little bit (Okay a LOT), my grades were doing slightly better before and now they are.... ??????. i dont know. i dont really know what i want to be when i grow up. my parents are really pushing me into the medical field and i'm in a med program right now (courtesy of them), but i dont feel like i belong there. i guess i want to do something more artsy, like writing or drawing but i'm not really exceptional at either of those, i'm kind of just. okay at them? like theyre hobbies, not really ambitions. i cant see myself doing anything past a college class honesrly. I dont know

i think its probably best i dont evej use discord right now because before i cut off the ex friend, i had invited them to a server themed after one of my favorite things in the entire world (deco*27. Duh) and obviously i couldnt have known 2 days later he was going to be a phony. and before id even cut him off he never interaxted in the server (and i'd already been very active) but NOW that we're not friends anymore hes talking in the server?? and that wouldnt really piss me off as it's a fairly big server and its easy to avoid him if i wanted, but hes.... making it hard to avoid him? @ replying DIRECTLY to my texts sometimes, butting in conversations im having with other members, and even chatting with my friend (who, btw, knows EVERYTHING hes done and hates his guts 😂😂 they only talk to him to be polite!). and its silly but it really feels like hes trying to "prove a point" if i make sense. im not gonna leave the server or anything since i was there first + im a fairly popular member and im not gonna let that prick ruin the atmosphere of the things i love. it's just frustrating. i dont even like sending a bot command right after him UghghhhhFUCK.

im not gonna involve mods because what are they suppposed to do... Kick him? he technically isnt doing anything wrong by talking in a server and i would just look silly. i just find it oh so very convienent he chose to do it RIGHT after our blowup. Oh and he literally admitted to wanting to invite his boyfriend to the server too. Fuck My Life 😂😂😂 i just hope in my absence he doesnt spread some fucked up lies about me because otherwise i WILL go berserk.

Edit

Pub: 30 Apr 2022 16:42 UTC

Edit: 11 Dec 2025 22:42 UTC

Views: 335

Auto Theme: Light