You say "Why? Is something wrong with yours?"

"Fucking smart ass," Kit says. "You don't even want to know what I'm going to do to Tifid? You don't care?"
"I know exactly what you're going to do to her," you say. "You're going to break her heart and take her away from everything and everyone she knows and loves. Why the fuck would I care about that?"
Kit raises an eyebrow, looking back out the window.
"That's... probably true. But it's necessary. Our marriage is necessary for the future of this planet."
"How's that?" you ask.
"After we're wed, I will ascend to become a full fledged demon lord. At that point, I will have more power and influence to... properly attempt to stop the coming darkness."
Kit closes his eyes, and sighs softly.
"That's why this is necessary," Kit says.

You say "Oh yeah? Demons are everywhere, you dumbass. We don't need another one. Why are you so special?"

Kit rubs his temples, sighing as he does so.
"Because, you imbecile, I'm an angel. I'm not some God-forsaken demon, nor am I a mere mortal," Kit says. "I am an agent of TRUE order and good. The world needs a me to watch over it."
Kit goes silent, opening his eyes once more.
"Now, enough of this. Let's get on with this duel before I become too tempted to unleash my divine wrath upon you. So, are you ready?"
Kit asks.

You "No. I don't really want to fight you. I'm just going to walk over to Rostov's bedroom real quick."

Kit narrows his eyes, staring at you as he slowly unsheathes his sword.
"You're trying my patience, human."
"I'm not doing anything of the sort," you say, walking past Kit.
As you enter Rostov's bedroom, you notice that the man himself is nowhere to be found.

You look for the marriage contract.

You search the room for the marriage contract, but you realize it could be anywhere. You begin to look under furniture and inside drawers, but you can't find it.
"What are you looking for?" Kit asks.
"The marriage contract!" you say.
"That's classified information, human," Kit says.
You continue to look, but still can't find it.

You text Tifid: "Babe. Kit says he's an angel. Can't find marriage contract in Rostov's room."

You send the text and wait for Tifid's reply. She always has the best information.
Tifid replies instantly.
Tifid: "What do you mean? He's not an angel."
You stare at the message in confusion, then turn to Kit.
"You really are an angel, aren't you?"
"I told you that already. Do you not trust the word of God?" Kit asks.
"But... but... you're evil!"
"No, I'm the embodiment of justice," Kit says. "Now show some respect."

You text Tifid: "Kit says he's an angel. Embodiment of justice. Still can't find contract."

You wait for a response from Tifid. She's prone to messaging you back immediately, so you expect her to do so soon.
She replies a few minutes later.
Tifid: "I'm on my way there. Just stay in the room and don't do anything stupid."
You put your phone away and stare at Kit, who is tapping his foot impatiently.

You attempt to buy some time until Tifid arrives by saying "Alright, you boy scout, if you're so just, then what's the answer to the trolley problem?"

"What's that?" Kit asks, looking confused.
You explain the trolley problem, and after a moment of thought Kit answers.
"I would get on the track, allowing the trolley to hit me, but also stopping it from hitting everyone behind that. That's how I would do it."
"That's nonsense," you say. "The trolley would run you over, then hit everyone else!"
"No, it wouldn't," Kit says. "I'm a fucking angel."

You say "Fuck, maybe that wasn't the best thing to ask. Okay, new question: what are you going to do about that giant demon bee behind you?"

"Demon bee?" Kit asks, looking behind him.
"Fucking idiot," you say, as you run up to him and kick him in the shin.
Kit falls over, as you expected him to.

You kick his pansy twink-boy ass.

You take advantage of your position, and begin to wail on Kit.
"You like that, Kit? You like getting your ass kicked by the big man?" you say, as you knee him in the stomach.
"Please stop!" Kit begs, as you begin to punch him in the face."Ah! You little!" Kit cries as you bring a fist down on his head.
You punch him several times in the face until he stops struggling. Then, after catching your breath, you start searching him for anything that might help you find the contract.
After a few minutes of searching, you find a crumpled note in one of his pockets. You open it up, and see that it's a poem.
It reads:
To get to the wedding hall,
You need to follow my song.
First there's wood,
Then there's wool,
Then the door you will find.
"That's fucking stupid," you mutter. "This riddle doesn't even rhyme."

You look around for a fireplace, maybe.

There's a fireplace in the room, but you don't see anything else that looks useful.
You search around for something else that could be a door, but you come up empty-handed.
While you're searching, Tifid bursts through the door of the penthouse suite.
"Gil! Where are you?"
"Over here!" you call from the fireplace.
Tifid runs over to you, following your voice. She spots Kit's unconscious body on the floor and jumps back in surprise.
"Holy shit! Did you do this to him?"

You say "Yeah. Surprised I can handle myself?"

"Yeah... I mean no. I just, um, didn't expect you to be able to beat him in a fight. "Tifid says, staring at Kit's body.
She nudges him with her foot to make sure that he's unconscious, then quickly runs over to the corner of the penthouse suite.
"We need to find the door quickly! I can hear him stirring. He might wake up soon!"
You move quickly over to where Tifid is, and search for what you think could be a door.

You say "Here, look at this riddle. It mentions a song, then wood, then wool. What could it mean?"

"I don't fucking know! I'm working on it, though!" Tifid says, staring intently at the rest of the room.
You see what resembles a door frame hidden behind a tapestry, and walk in that direction.
"Wait a second... I think I see something."
"Well don't touch it! It could be a trap!"

You say "Let's find out!" and throw Kit's unconscious body at the tapestry.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Tifid shouts, but it's too late.
You throw Kit's unconscious body at the tapestry, and it falls to the ground. Kit falls on the ground as well, and lets out a pained groan. The door doesn't seem to be trapped.

You give Tifid a thumbs up.

Tifid slowly lets out a sigh, then gives you a thumbs up in return.
"Let's go," she whispers.
You both walk over to the door and leave Kit behind. The two of you enter a hallway, and move quickly but as quietly as you can.
"Should we really just leave him like that? What if he gets mad when he wakes up?" you ask.
"He's smart enough to know that if he tries to kill us when he wakes up, we'll just kill him first. Let's go," Tifid responds.
You nod, and follow her lead. After a few minutes, the two of you arrive at a large, open room. In the middle of the room is a large, clear case with what looks like a scroll inside.

You say "Is that the marriage contract?"

"That's the scroll, yeah."
"Do you think you can open that?"
Tifid shakes her head.
"No, I can't touch it, that's the whole point," she responds.
The two of you think for a moment.
"What if we break it?" you ask.
"We can't break it, there's a magic shield protecting it."
"Can we shoot it with the hornet gun?"
"Maybe, but it's not going to be easy. Okay, here's what you need to do..."

You shoot the glass case with the hornet gun before Tifid can explain her plan.

You pull out your hornet gun and fire at the case. A stream of angry hornets fly out of the barrel and towards the case.
"Ugh! Gil!" Tifid yells in frustration.
The hornets shoot out, but then quickly turn around and start flying back to you. However, they don't attack - they just hover around your head.
"What the heck?" you say in confusion. "I thought hornets were aggressive..."
The hornets are buzzing around your head for a while, as if they're waiting for your orders.

You command the hornets to seek out the security measures through their ability to detect radiation.

"Go find the security measures," you say in a commanding voice.
The hornets leave your head and buzz around the room. The swarm breaks up into several smaller groups, each one flying in a different direction. These groups then fly up to the walls and disappear into small holes and cracks.
"Wow, Gil, I think this was a good idea," Tifid says after a minute or two of waiting. "We might actually be able to pull this off."

You say "You know it, babe. I'm all about those good ideas."

"You're not wrong," she replies, smiling. "This was a great call."
The buzzing sound of the hornets flying back grows louder until they return through the holes in the walls. They find your head and quickly surround you again.
"So, what did you find?" Tifid asks.

You start dancing and making buzzing noises to communicate with your hornet pals.

"Yup, you are definitely the weird one in this relationship," Tifid says, rolling her eyes. "Just tell me what they said, please."
The hornets reciprocate, buzzing a message back to you.
"They identified where the security measures are. The problem is, they're everywhere. Watch your step, because there's pressure pads under the carpets. You trip those, and..."
"... And?" she says, raising an eyebrow.
"Uh... something about large screws falling from the ceiling. Like, really large screws."
"That doesn't sound good."
"Yeah..." you say, scratching your head. "That doesn't sound good."
"We're thieves. We deal with dangerous situations every day."
"True," you say. "But those things are dangerous in a whole other way."

You ask the hornets to lead you safely across the carpet to the glass case containing the marriage contract.

You wave your arm in the air to get the hornets' attention, and then point to the floor, miming walking.
They fly into an upright position, as though they're ready to march. They fly forward in single file, mapping out the safe route tile by tile. You follow them, and they fly back to inspect each tile before you step on it.
You reach the glass case without incident. Inside is a velvet pillow with a golden scroll on it. This must be the marriage contract.
"Hurry, Gil!" Tifid says from the entrance of the room. "Grab it and let's go!"

You lift up the glass case and grab the marriage contract.

You reach your hands inside the case and grab the marriage contract. As soon as you touch it, you hear a loud click behind you.
"Trap!" you shout, ducking under a swinging iron bar. It slams into the marriage contract, tearing through the scroll and lodging itself in the wall. Debris from the wall and the bar falls on you as you duck to the floor.

You take a look at the state of the marriage contract.

The marriage contract is torn to shreds, useless. You grab the remains and head back to Tifid without triggering any more traps.
"It's wrecked!" you tell her.
"Wait a second," she says, and looks over the remains. Her eyes widen. "It's fake! This is just a piece of parchment with the words 'Marriage contract' written on it in giant letters!"

You slap your face and say "Doh! We fell for the oldest trick in the anti-heist book!"

You slap your face, open your eyes, and groan.
"We fell for the oldest trick in the book!" you say. "Now what?"
Tifid's face is red with embarrassment.
"Well, let's get out of here," she says. "I don't want to be in here any longer."
You and Tifid attempt leave the vault, but the entrance is suddenly blocked by thick, unbreakable steel. Lord Rostov and his guards have trapped you in the vault!
"Oh my, what do we have here? A pair of thieves?" Lord Rostov laughs as he materializes out of the shadows. A large group of armed guards materializes with him. They have you surrounded.
"Lady Tifid, I'm disappointed, but not surprised, to find you here. It seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."
"What are you planning?" Tifid asks in a flat voice.
"I think you know," Lord Rostov smiles. "You're a smart girl. But let's cut to the chase. Hand over your heartblade, I know you've given it to your incompetent boyfriend to hold, and I'll go easy on the pair of you. You'll be able to leave here alive."

You say "How the fuck do you know about that?!"

"How the fuck do you know about that?!"
"I'm a demon lord! Of course I know!" Lord Rostov laughs. "But if you'd like proof, in exchange for your heartblade, I can give you this," he pulls out a photo and holds it up revealing a picture of you and Tifid kissing.
"How did you get a picture of us?" Tifid shouts.

You say "Oh damn, that's a good pic, tho. Like, the angle is perfect. And that slight blur, on the out-of-focus background? Kinda artsy."

"Oh damn, that's a good pic, tho. Like, the angle is perfect. And that slight blur, on the out-of-focus background? Kinda artsy."
"Ah yes, I knew you'd appreciate it. After all, you are my son." Lord Rostov says.
"What?!" you and Tifid exclaim.
"Ah, so finally you both know the truth. That's right, boy, your full name is Gileon Malphas, and you are my son."
"You're lying," Tifid says. "How the hell is that even possible?"
"Yeah!" you say. "That sounds like a load of bullshit to me."
"It's a long story," Lord Rostov sighs. "To make it briefer than it actually was, I was depressed, and very very bored. Following the war, I decided to take a trip around the world, in a human form, just to see if I could find something new, something interesting. And after stumbling upon a town, I saw your mother. She was a prostitute who lived in the slums of that town. The poor lass didn't have much, not even a sound mind. I offered her a good price, and she accepted. A few months later, you were born."

You say "That's fucking nonsense! You just pulled that out of your ass! If you're really my father, prove it, asshole!"

"Ah, of course, proof. Hang on." Lord Rostov says, pulling out a book. He opens it to a page with a date, and a short note.

April 18,
I had a good time tonight. No baby-momma drama, that's for sure.

"There! See?" Lord Rostov says.

You say "D-Dad?"

"Buh?" Lord Rostov says, looking up.
"Dad... no, sorry. I just... I had a lot of trouble believing you at first, but I guess the proof is right there, isn't it? And I..." you say.
Tears begin to well in your eyes as you realize that you've finally unlocked the biggest secret in your life.
Tifid slaps you upside the head.
"What was that for!?" you ask.
"You idiot! Don't fall for his tricks!"

You say "Of course I knew it was a trick! I just kidding around."

"This isn't the time for jokes, Gil!" Tifid shouts.
Lord Rostov smiles and shrugs.
"But Gileon, if I weren't your father, then could I do this?"
He raises a scaled finger to his lips, and blows. You see a red glint in his eye, and immediately begin to feel weak in the knees.
"Wh-what are you doing to me?" you ask.
"Oh, just affirming our blood bond. Now be a good boy and hand over the heartblade."
You feel your body move against your will, and your fingers fumble to grab the handle of the heartblade. You try to struggle against it, but find you cannot resist Rostov's control.

You say "Now wait just a minute. I'm already Tifid's boyfriend. If you're really my father like you say, then doesn't that work out for you?"

"You wish, boy. You're just a human. A mistake that will soon be corrected. I have no use for you beyond your value as a puppet."
You feel your arm extend outwards, offering the blade to Lord Rostov.
Rostov reaches out to take the blade from you, but his hand is suddenly wreathed by a black flame. He withdraws it, and shakes it in pain.
Tifid laughs.
"Didn't expect that, did you?" she says.
"That was foolish, Lady Tifid. You may be too powerful for me to control directly, but I can still hurt you."
"And that's your last threat? You're really lacking in imagination, you know that? No wonder you lost to my father!" Tifid says with a smug grin on her face.
"Watch your tone, girl," Rostov warns. "This is my domain. I will menace how I please."
"Sure it is. And you're doing such a great job of menacin- AGH!"
Tifid twists in the air, letting out a scream of pain. Blood begins to drip from her nose, as she falls to her knees.
Rostov walks over, calmly, and yanks her up by the arm.
"Now, my fair lady, I believe we have a marriage contract to sign."

You say "You fucking BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU!"

As Rostov extends his finger towards you once again and grins.
"It's past your bedtime, little boy. Time for you to sleep."
Your eyes close of their own accord, and you sleep. The world goes dark and silent. You do not dream.
You awake to find yourself in a cell of some sort. You are in excruciating pain, and you look up to see that you've been chained to a wall. It's anyone's guess how long you've been hanging for.
You look down and realize that you have been stripped naked, and your body is covered with scars. It's only then that you remember what they did to you. You were brought to the Regal Room's underground floor, and you were tortured for days.

You look around for anyone else in sight.

You hear the sound of footsteps coming from your left. You look over, and to your surprise, you see Kit walking towards you. He opens the cell doors and steps inside, walking right up to you.
"Kit..." you rasp.
"Still alive, rat?" Kit says. His tone is one of coldness and malice. "Look at you. I've never seen anyone in such a pitiful state. You're barely even a man anymore. You're nothing but an animal."
"What... happened... to... Tifid?"
"Oh you'll see her soon enough, though probably not in the way you think."
You wince in pain as Kit grinds a gloved finger into an open wound.
"AAAAGH! FUCK, YOU PRICK!"
"That's for stealing my princess, you filthy rat."

You say "Heh... What can I say...? I'm the best thief in the business..."

"And that's exactly what you'll always be. A filthy, common thief. Not worthy enough to even be called an insect."
Kit speaks with such venom that spit flies from his mouth and lands on your face.
"A worm like you would never amount to anything, least of all Tifid's partner. She needs a true equal, like me. I'm going to make her so happy, and you on the other hand, are going to suffer. You'll watch as I take everything from you. Your freedom, your woman, then your life."

You say "Christ... you are pathetic. Look at you... molesting a naked, helpless man. Go on... suck me off while you're at it."

A cold, emotionless stare turns to one of anger. Kit grits his teeth as he delivers a relentless flurry of fists to you. He repeatedly punches you in the face, the pain so severe that it feels like your skull could shatter from the force.
"You worthless fucking rodent! Ugh! I'm going to enjoy watching you die!"
Kit pauses to regain his composure and notices that you remain defiant. He snarls and steps back, readying another strike. Just then, a voice calls out from the doorway.
A large demon clad in riot gear enters, wielding a large and menacing spear.
"Sir Kit, what's going on in here? I heard shouting."
Kit looks to you with murder in his eyes, before turning to the new arrival.
"Nothing, just subduing the prisoner."
The demon simply nods.
"Lord Rostov has declared that this one will the next to fight. The bookies have given odds on whether he'll survive the next match."
Kit smirks at the news, and he turns back to you.
"Oh, what fun. Maybe I'll pick up some of your teeth as a reminder of your failure. This has been fun, but I have other places to be, like picking up my wedding tux. Enjoy the arena, and the rest of your short life."

You say "Just you wait, Kit. I'm fucking coming for you. You and Rostov both. You pieces of shit!"

Kit cackles as the guards escort him back out. They then proceed to lock your cell. You spend some time motionless, recovering from your many wounds. You hurt in various places on your body, and while the pain is sharp, it's not enough to take your mind off of the throbbing in your skull. You can only guess that you have a concussion. After a few hours, the guards return and unlock your shackles, only to put you in heavier cuffs.
"You're up." One of them says gruffly.
They toss you a pair of ragged pants, which you put on as best you can with your wrists bound together.
The two then grab you and forcibly drag you out of your cell. You try to walk but stumble, sending a bolt of pain through your head. The two notice, and one injects you with something through your neck.
You immediately feel a jolt of energy, and the pain in your head goes away.

You say "What the fuck was that? What'd you stick me with?"

"Hell if I know," the guard says. "Sure feels good, doesn't it? We give it to all the combatants in the arena. Gives 'em a little pick-me-up before a match."
"It makes for a better show!" the other guard says, laughing.
"Where are we going?" You ask.
"Where do you think? You're having your death match before the wedding. If you win, which you won't, you get to live. If you lose, well... you won't be around to see your precious Tifid marry that pansy-ass angel! Ha ha ha!"

You say "Just wondering... what are my odds?"

"Oh, let's see... you're fighting two orcs AND a troll. Those are some mighty poor odds. I'd say... twenty-to-one?"

You say "Perfect. Bet on me, big guy, and you'll never have to work again."

"Ha ha! That's a good one, kid. You know, I might just do that!"
The guards take you to an elevator, remove your shackles, and throw you in.
"This thing goes straight up into the arena. Good luck, kid. By the way... what the fuck is your name?

You say "Gil. Remember it, if you ever need anything stolen."

"You're a real joker, kid," the guard says. "See you on the other side."
The elevator doors close, and you begin your ascension. It feels like an eternity. Eventually...
Click!
The elevator doors open, and you're nearly blinded by floodlights. You walk out into the center of a massive arena. You see hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people watching you. The audience consists of both humans and demons. They cheer at the sight of you, and all around you two dozen monitors show a live feed of your face.

You check the screen for your moniker.

The video billboard in front of you reads "GILEON: THE MORTAL BASTARD". The graphic explodes, only to be replaced with a large, demonic skull. Underneath that is yet another subtitle, which reads "VS". The graphic explodes again, and another label appears: "HECTOR, HUGO, and PYTHON: TRIPLE THREAT!"
The stadium explodes with cheers. The announcer begins talking, but you can't hear them over the sound of the crowd. The camera focuses on your opponents. The two orcs look like monsters, but the troll... he just looks scary. All three of them are wearing some sort of decorative armor that's more for show than defense.

You scan the crowd to see if you can spot either Rostov, Kit, or, most importantly, Tifid.

The stadium is massive, and it takes you a while to peer through the sea of horns, wings, and spikes to find Tifid. She's now wearing a magnificent, white wedding dress. It's extremely long, with an elaborate train that drags along the ground behind her. She's sitting in a private box owned by Lord Rostov which is walled off by a pane of thick glass, presumably for the demon lord's own protection.
Tifid looks miserable, and rightfully so. Her eyes are red and puffy, no doubt from crying. The skin around her eyes is also dark, which makes her look almost like she's wearing eye shadow. As soon as she sees you, she runs up to the glass wall and starts pounding on it. She begins screaming something you can't hear, but from her mouth movements, you can guess it's your name.

You blow Tifid a kiss and give her a thumbs up.

Tifid stares at you in disbelief, then slaps her hands over her face. She then kisses her fingertips and presses them against the glass before collapsing to her knees. She must be beside herself with worry, but there's nothing you can do except give a wink. That gets a weak smile out of her, before she goes back to looking miserable.
After checking in on Tifid, you return your attention to the fight at hand. Namely, three massive monsters all intent on killing you. You doubt you'll even be able to kill one of them before the other two put you down.
But somehow, you're not worried. Perhaps it's because you know Tifid is here in the stands, watching. Perhaps it's because you've come this far and there's no point in getting killed now. Or perhaps it's because you're always in the presence of death in the first place; why worry if it comes a little sooner than expected?
In any case, you prepare yourself for battle.

You channel all of the enhancement runes tattooed into your left arm, and push them to their limits.

You thrust all of your focus into the enhancement runes in your tattoo, and a magnificent flash of energy ripples out from them. You feel the magic burn through your muscles, making them more powerful than ever before.
The announcer steps into the center of the ring and sets down his microphone. He lets out a long, high-pitched whistle, and the audience quiets down.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOLKS, WELCOME TO THE FINAL BOUT OF THE CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS!" he shouts into the microphone. The audience applauds, but the referee shuts them down.
"TONIGHT, IN THE REGAL ROOM ONLY, YOU CAN SEE A TRULY UNIQUE SHOW OF VIOLENCE. WE HAVE FOR YOU, BRUTAL COMBAT BETWEEN A HUMAN, TWO ORCS, AND A TROLL! LET'S HEAR IT FOR OUR FIGHTERS!"
You hear the roar of the crowd as they clap and cheer. You can make out some of the cheers and jeers.
"Ha ha ha ha! Three against one? That's hardly fair! Three to one! Three to one!"
"Look at that human! He's a scrawny thing! Poor pathetic little monkey!"
"Think we'll see blood?"
"Do it, man! Slaughter the non-humans! They're nothing but animals!"
The announcer's whistle cuts through the noise once again.
"START THE BOUT!"

You punch the troll as hard as you can, with all of your runes revving at maximum, and see how much damage it does.

You get the jump on your opponents. You quickly draw your fist back and ram it upward, straight into the troll's jaw. His head snaps back as his feet leave the ground. You feel his jaw shatter into pieces and his teeth scrape across his tongue as he flies up. He lets out a gurgling scream as his body begins to twist and turn in the air.
The audience gasps as you watch the troll fall back toward the ring with a heavy thud. His body lies still.
You wince as you feel your knuckles fracture and bruise. The pain is tremendous, but you ignore it. It was a necessary price to win.
"OH MY! DID YOU SEE THAT?"
"TWO TO ONE, ORCS! TWO TO ONE!"
The orc on the left slowly walks over to the troll's body. He nudges it with his foot. The troll doesn't move.

You spit on the floor, raise your good hand, and gesture to the orcs in a "bring it" motion.

The orcs looks at each other, then back at you. They grunt something in their language, and begin to move forward slowly. You wait with bated breath as they get closer and closer.
The orc on the left suddenly swipes at your legs. You leap over the swing and land a heavy, painful kick right in the center of his face. You hear a crunch as his nose breaks and his face caves in on itself. The other orc swings at you, but you duck out of the way. You reach your hands up and grab his arm. With all of your might, you yank it downward and pull him toward you. You twist, and toss him over your shoulder, using the momentum to slam his elbow onto the floor. He lets out a yell as his arm snaps at the elbow.

You stomp his lights out.

You raise your foot and bring your heel down onto his face. You hear a crushing sound as his nose crunches and collapses inward.
His eyes roll back into his head as he falls unconscious.

You turn to the other orc and say "Really? This is it? I didn't even try."

The remaining orc stares at you, his face turning red with anger. He lets out a horrible yell and charges at you. You quickly leap out of the way. His forward momentum causes him to trip over his two injured friends. He slams into the ground face first.

You put him in a rear naked choke hold.

You grab him from behind, your forearm pressed against his neck. You squeeze tightly as he starts to struggle and yell. He's not going anywhere though. You increase the pressure, and he slowly fades out of consciousness.
You hold him until he goes limp.
You drop the body of the orc beside you.
Diplomacy is over.

You look up at Tifid and scream "BABE, I WON!"

Tifid probably can't hear you from behind the glass of the private box, but she seems to understand. She goes absolutely wild, jumping up and down, and hugging you through the glass. Even the guards seem mildly impressed.
"NOW WAIT JUST A MOMENT, FOLKS! IT LOOKS LIKE A NEW DEVELOPMENT IN THE RING!"
The announcer points to the entrance on the other side of the arena. You look up to see a figure entering the ring. It's a young man with long hair tied in a pony tail, and wearing knight armor. On his hip is a silver sword, and on his back is a silver shield with a red cross.He raises his hands in the air, to an enormous reaction from the crowd.
"Please welcome Sir Kit of the Cherubim!"
The announcer's words are met with thunderous cheers. Seems like most people have switched to rooting for Kit, and booing you.

You say "Nice getup. Don't suppose I'll get anything like that."

Kit snorts at your comment.
"This is my battle armor, you idiot. I fight for God and the Church, this is what I use."
Despite the situation, you can't help but laugh at that.

You say "A sword AND a shield? A bit overdressed to fight someone completely unarmed, don't you think? Or are you really that scared of me?"

Kit's face hardens at your mockery, and he levels his sword at you.
"I'm going to enjoy killing you."
With that, he charges towards you. He swings the sword, but you duck under it and keep close to his body. You throw a punch at his stomach, but he twists to the side and lets it fly past him.

You kick sand into his eyes.

You quickly kick sand into his eyes, and he drops his sword.
"AAAAGH! MY EYES!" Kit screams, desperately trying to wipe the sand out of his eyes.
You quickly grab his sword and pull it out of his grip. He falls to his knees, and you push the tip of the blade against his throat.

You say "Dude, you suck."

"You filth! That was a dirty trick!" Kit shouts.
You smirk at his complaint.
"I thought angels were meant to be good and just. You're terrible, and just lost the fight."
"I won't let you mock me!" Kit shouts, as two glowing wings sprout from his back. A halo floats above his head, and he charges at you. He grabs your wrist and twists, causing you to drop the sword. He picks it up before it even hits the ground.
"Now you're gonna get it." Kit says, twisting his sword straight into your gut.
You wince as the pain shoots through you, but Kit isn't finished. He twists the sword again, opening up the wound further and causing more pain. He twists a third time, and with a scream you fall to the ground, writhing in pain.

You look down to see the damage.

You look down to see Kit's sword sticking out of your stomach. A steady stream of blood is pouring down the blade and onto the sand. You can feel your strength fading away, and you know you don't have long left.
"Any last words, joker?" Kit asks, lifting up his sword.

You say "Yeah... please... come closer... I need to tell you..." then headbutt him when he comes close.

You cover your mouth and let out a forced, pretend cough.
"What? What is it?" Kit asks.
You take a moment to build up a larger cough, and when you think he's close enough, you headbutt him in the face. He falls stumbles backwards, but doesn't fall. Your little trick only makes him angrier, but you figure it wouldn't matter for much longer.
"You little... you're gonna pay for that!" Kit says, lifting his sword above his head.
Kit brings the sword down, and your life comes to an end.

You see the world move in slow motion, as one typically does during a dire moment. Look up at Tifid one last time.

Your vision starts to get blurry, but through the pain you can make out the shocked expression on Tifid's face. You hear the smashing of glass, and then the light fluttering of leathery wings. Through your blurry vision you can just about make out Tifid's figure barreling through the window of the private booth, and descending upon you.
You feel her hands on your face, and then everything fades away to blackness. In that moment, you hope that she'll get out of here alive.

You try to reach up and touch her face.

You try to reach up towards her, but the pain is overwhelming. She catches your hand and holds it against her cheek.
As your vision begins to fade away, you feel her warmth.
"Gil!! No... no no no no!!!" she sobs as she holds your head in her hands.
"Tifid..." you utter as blood trickles from your mouth. You can feel the taste of iron pooling on your tongue.
You take a deep breath and close your eyes. You take your last breath and feel your lungs deflate of air.
Kit seems to be saying something, but you can't quite make it out.
The last thing you feel is Tifid's hot tears splashing against your face.
You have died by the hand of Sir Kit, but it was all for the woman you loved.

You see your life flash before your eyes.

You see yourself. A child, growing up in the slums. You come home one day to find your mother dead from an overdose. You are alone in this world.
You starve in the streets, and eventually get desperate enough to pick the pockets of Count Grey, the Vampire Count himself. You make a run for it, but Grey's men are faster than you. He breaks your legs and brings you back to his mansion. He nurses you back to health, and eventually trains you to be a thief.
Count Grey's training is the best there is, but he enslaves you all the same. He forces magical tattoos on you, and makes you to work for him. You perform various heists and robberies at his command. His favorite part of the job is beating you when you fail him.
You spend your teenage years in a cage. Sometimes he feeds you scraps, sometimes he lets you starve for days. Eventually, you make your escape, and strike it out on your own.
You still work in the underworld as a thief, stealing anything if the price is right. You meet Tifid, a fellow loner and criminal. You two form a bitter rivalry that eventually develops into love.
Your relationship is stormy, and you both constantly pester one another, but you wouldn't have it any other way. Tifid is stubborn, fiery, and independent, but she's all you want and need.
At the end of the day you know that you couldn't live without her.
You did all of this for her, and now you'll die in her arms.
It all seems so fitting somehow. You were born to love Tifid. Nothing else seems right. Even if it was brief, even if it was tragic, it was still perfect.
Your story ends here.

Except it doesn't.

You ascend.

You awaken in a place filled with light. You're on some sort of floating platform. Far below you, a crowded city is laid out before you. People bustle through the streets, going about their daily lives. You can't help but be captivated by the sight.
A booming voice calls down to you, "Gileon Malphas! By the grace of God, I welcome you!"
You look to your left, and see a figure cloaked in white. A golden mask covers the figure's face, and a shining halo floats behind his head. A tunic and robe made of fine cloth is warn by the figure, and in his hand he carries a staff with a glowing blue orb at the top.

You say "Who are you? Where is this place?"

The figure looks down on you. "I am God."
You scowl "That's a terrible joke."
God sighs heavily. "No, I'm serious. Terrible jokes are what you humans are good at."
You stare in awe at the powerful being before you.

You say "You can't be God. God's an old man with a beard, like Santa."

God throws back his head and laughs heartily, the orb on his staff pulsing with blue light. "Oh, my children have been updating my image! I had no idea I inspired such creativity. You should see the odd ideas they come up with for Jesus! Still, can't complain, it keeps them off the streets."
The massive being before you radiates power and authority. You feel certain that he is everything he claims to be.

You say "So... this is heaven? Am I dead?"

"Yes, Gileon, you have died. This is indeed the afterlife. It's not quite what most humans imagine, but then most humans don't get it until they arrive here."
You look around at the gleaming white landscape. "So this is heaven? Does that mean I'm in the good place? How? I was a criminal my entire life, a thief. I never harmed anyone who didn't deserve it, but..."
God smiles at you. "Gileon Malphas, your heart was always in the right place. You tried to protect the poor and the innocent whenever you could. That is a good man, Gileon, regardless of the crimes you committed to put food on your table. There are many here in this after life who are far less deserving than you."
"Truly?" You ask, unsure what to think.
"Yes, and most important of all, you died for love. That is the highest calling there is. We shall grant you a wish, as is customary for those who reach us with this calling."
"Anything?" You ask, thinking quickly.
"Anything within my power, which really means anything at all."
You take a moment to think, but really there is only one thing you want. "Alright then..."

You say "Send me back. I need to go back to Earth. I still need to kick that prick Kit's faggot ass.

"I want to go back."
God smiles. "Ah yes, the deceased often wish to return to the world they left behind. It is natural. Sadly, this wish too is impossible."
"What? Why?" You demand, your heart sinking. "You said I could have anything, why not this?"
"You're already dead, Gileon. The dead don't live again, no matter how great a life they lived."

You say "Bullshit! I'm not done yet! Besides, Kit is an angel. He killed me, so take responsibility as his boss!"

God frowns. "I'm sorry Gileon. I understand your frustration. It's true I am partly to blame for Kit's actions, but the dead stay dead. Consider this your gift instead."
"What gift?"
"The knowledge that you died for love, and that your life had meaning. That's the greatest gift of all."
"Yeah... Yeah I suppose it is." You admit.

You say "Wait, not it isn't! That's a load of fairy-tale garbage! Send me back, Big Man! Tifid's still trapped in that sham marriage! She's probably sick with grief! I can't let it end this way!"

"Sorry Gileon, I can't. This is it for you. Heaven is more peaceful than you can imagine. Forget about your pettiness, your lusts, your greed. None of it matters anymore. You'll be happier that way."
"But... But I'm not ready!"
"Few people are. Whether they be human or demon, adult or child. It is not the length of your life, but the way you lived it that counts. You will be remembered fondly, Gileon. Now, it is time for you to move on. Embrace eternity."

You sigh and say "I hate to do this to you, Big Man... but I invoke the rule of 'G'."

"Rule of 'G'?" God asks with a frown.
"Yeah, it's an unbreakable code. Both our names start with a 'G'. That means we're bound by blood, Big Man. I think you know what that means."
"I'm not sure I follow."
"It means you've gotta have my back, God. That's how this works."
"I'm not sure about what you're talking about, Gileon..."
"Sure you are. You know the rule: 'G's gotta have each other's back.' Help a brother out. Send me back. "
God sighs, and runs a hand across his chin.
"I really think you should let go, Gileon. You had a good run. This is your fate."

You cross your arms and say "Fuck that. I'm invoking the rule of 'G'. You're sending me back."

God sighs once again, this time deeper than before.
"... Very well. But this is your last chance, Gileon. The next time you die, you're staying there."
"Right. Thanks, Big Man. Oh, and can you do me just one, teensy favor before you send me back?"
"What is it?"

You say "I want a cool, full-body armor. Insect themed... like... that TV show with the superheroes that ride around on motorbikes."

"You mean the Kamen Riders?"
"Yeah, those guys! You know about them?"
"I know everything," he says, smiling. "I'll make your armor and send you back. When you want to call your power, just scream the phrase, 'Henshin, Engage G.'"
Holy fuck. You just got God to smile and joke. He's never liked you (or any of us, really), so having his good side can help you out in the future. Just make sure you don't fuck up...

You say "Oh my fucking You, this is awesome. I can't believe I actually got you to agree to this. You're the best, God!"

God frantically waves his hands and shakes his head.
"No, no, no! Don't say that. And for the love of Me, don't tell anyone I made this armor for you. I don't want everyone coming to me asking favors like you."
"Got it."
God snaps his fingers, and a flash of blue light blinds you.
Your soul hurtles back towards your body in a huge bolt of lightning.

You explode back into the arena, now clad in your usual clothes.

The lightning bolt hits you straight in the chest, and you scream. Your soul is forced back into your body, and you fall on your ass.
Your head hurts, and it takes a moment for you to regain your bearings. You're alive. And somehow, all your clothes from before are back on your body.
Tifid, having been thrown back by the force of the blast, looks up at you like a miracle just happened.
She crawls over to you, and holds you in her arms.
"Gil... You're alive..." she whispers, caressing your face. "I thought you were dead!"
"I'm too cool to die," you chuckle.

You get up, stare down Kit and say "Ready for round two?"

Kit's expression twists into a mixture of shock and rage. He grits his teeth, and his angelic wings spread out to their full width.
"You... You son of a bitch!" he screams. "How are you still fucking alive?"
"Had a talk with your boss. We reached an understanding," you chuckle.
"Shit! Shit! Fuck! Fucking damn it! Shit!" Kit screams, spitting out curse words. "I can't believe it! Why?? How???"
"He's a G, not that I'd expect you to understand."
"Fine!" Kit yells, his voice hoarse. "You and me, right now. Let's finish this."
He spreads his wings and readies his blade.

You grasp the shining golden letter G on your belt and shout "HENSHIN! ENGAGE G!"

You feel a surge of power fill you up as your clothes transform into a sleek black and gold armor. It resembles a tailcoat jacket, with shoulder pads over a golden chest piece and black pants. A fur-lined collar wraps around your neck, and a gold helmet with a black visor covers your head. You flex your fingers, and sharp ebony gauntlets cover them. You press one finger to the G belt buckle, and it glows brightly as you hover into the air.
You gasp as newfound strength fills you up, and let out a metallic chuckle.
"You... You've got to be fucking kidding me," Kit says, staring at the shining golden G on your belt. "That thing's a god-killing weapon! How the fuck do you have that?"

You point stylishly at Kit and say something incredibly cool.

"I'm not here to kill a god. I'm just here to kill you."
Your voice reverberates inside your helmet and comes out as a fearsome, booming echo. Kit looks taken aback by your sheer manliness, and takes a step back as you point at him. You're ready to fight.
Kit dons a helmet of his own, and is now covered head-to-toe in holy warrior armor.
"Well, boy? I'm waiting for you to make the first move," Kit says, standing in an offensive position.
You wave your hand and shake your head.
"Nothing from you will harm me."
With those words, you raise your gauntlet and charge.

You charge at each other while screaming each other's names.

"KIIIIIIIT!!!" you scream.
"GIIIIIIIL!!!" Kit roars, forsaking his sword for his fists.
In a fit of fury, you swing your fist at Kit's helmeted head. He blocks it with his arm, and counters with a punch of his own. The two of you yell and scream as you pummel the other, smashing fists, and sending shockwaves rippling through the air. You leave dents in your wake, and with every hit Kit and you roar louder.
You send Kit stumbling back with a solid left jab to his jaw. He looks winded, and you're about to follow up with a right haymaker, when he does something you didn't expect.
Kit spreads his arms open, and beams of light shine over him. When the light fades, Kit is replaced by a man made of pure light. A being not of this world.
"Look upon me!" Kit says, his voice booming. "I am Kit the Luminous, and I am an angel of the Lord."
Pillars of light rain down upon the arena, causing the audience to run for cover. You stand still, and the rain bounces off you harmlessly.
"I was chosen by God to smite the wicked!" Kit says, raising his arms up to unleash holy light. "And that shall be you, Gil!"

You rush back to Tifid and protect her from the light beams as Kit goes on his crazed rampage.

"Stop that you fucking moron!" you say as Kit sends a beam of light towards you. You deflect it with your gauntlet, and it flies off into the crowd and sets ablaze an entire row of aristocrats. Kit raises his hand, and a disk of light materializes. He throws it at you, and you grab Tifid before rolling out of the way.
"Tif! Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
"Not... not really," she says, panting. "Here, take this! Wasn't able to give it to you before! Ha ha!"
Tifid hands you your hornet gun. You'd nearly forgotten about this thing with all the crazy shit that's happened.
You aim your hornet gun at Kit but you're unsure what to do. Does a man of light actually feel pain? Is this gun even effective on him?

You rip off your helmet, exposing your face, and say "Let's take him down together."

You rip off your helmet, exposing your face.
"TIFID!" Kit says, the sound of his voice hurting your eardrums. "GET AWAY FROM HIM!"
"Let's take him down together," you say, as Tifid nods in agreement.
"Together!" she says. She places her hands over yours, and you hold the hornet gun tightly.

You pull the trigger together.

You pull the trigger, unleashing a swarm of hornets. Tifid's power, combined with the energy from your god-killing armor, enhances their effects hundredfold. They fly towards Kit in a spiral formation, hitting him directly in the face. Kit screams in pain as hornets lay their stings into his eyes, his ears, his nose, his mouth and any other part of his face they can get to. Kit howls as his skin bubbles from the acidic effects of the hornets. Thin beams of light erupt from his eyes, before the light in them goes out. Kit collapses forward, utterly destroyed by the effects of your hornet swarm. The hornets buzz around you and Tifid in celebration of your victory, before disappearing.
"Thanks," you say to Tifid, who's staring at Kit in a combination of terror and awe.
She looks over at you, smiling.
"I knew you'd pull through," she responds, as you embrace.
She traces her fingers along your armor, admiring its design.
"Wow... I wouldn't mind if you wore this all of the time..."
"Maybe I should," you say.

You walk over and put a foot on Kit head, then demand to know where Rostov and the real marriage contract are.

You step over to Kit, putting your foot on his head. You pull out your gun, pointing it at him.
"Kit," you say. "This is the last time you'll ever see me. Where's Rostov."
"Go ahead and kill me," Kit says dismissively.

You say "Nah, I won't kill you. I've got other plans for you. But first, you're gonna tell me where Rostov is."

You grind your heels into his skull, and Kit winces.
"Go fuck yourself," Kit says, spitting out a tooth.
You pick up his own sword, resting the blade on his neck. Kit begins to sweat nervously.
"Tell me where Rostov is," you say.
"Second Floor, west wing, second door on the right," Kit says urgently.
"Thanks," you say.
Kit seethes under his breath in response, and you back away slowly. Kit reaches for a small blade, holding it up threateningly, but you flick your wrist, severing his hand at the wrist. He screams in agony as his severed hand and the knife fall to the ground.
"Remember this," you say. "I did that without even looking."
"You cretin," Kit says. "Who do you think you are?!"

You say "I'm just a Mortal Bastard", and stomp his lights out.

You drop your foot on Kit's face, shattering his nose. He blacks out.
"I'm just a mortal bastard," you say.
Tifid runs up to you, and looks down at Kit's unconscious body.
"Fucking prick," she says, as she spits on Kit's face.
She turns away and shakes her head.
"Sorry I couldn't help more. The contract prevents me from causing him direct harm," she says.

You kiss her and say "I'm so happy I have you back. I'd die a thousand more times for you, any day."

You pull her close and kiss her. You hold her hand, and look into her striking, violet eyes.
"I'm so happy I have you back," you say. "I'd die a thousand more times for you, any day."
"Oh, Gilly... please don't do things like that. I don't want you to die."
"It's okay, because I'll come back every time. I promise," you say.
You hold her closely, and she hugs back.
"I really missed you," she says.
You kiss her, a long and passionate embrace of love and trust. Your lips fit together perfectly, like two pieces of a perfect puzzle. Her hands weave into your hair, as you hold her by the waist.

You say "Oh yeah, nice wedding dress by the way. Shame you won't get to use it now, not that I'm complaining."

"Oh yeah, nice wedding dress by the way. Shame you won't get to use it now, not that I'm complaining."
Tifid smiles.
"Not necessarily..." she says.
"What do you mean?" you ask.
"Nothing. I'll tell you later. Let's go find Rostov, that bastard's got to be around here somewhere."
You nod in agreement, and begin to walk out of the room.

You say "Oh yeah, there's one thing I almost forgot. Count Grey! Get out here, I know you're watching! You always are!"

"Oh yeah, there's one thing I almost forgot. Count Grey! Get out here, I know you're watching! You always are!"
There is a pause, and then the shadows near the wall move. You turn to face them as Count Grey steps out. He wears a black cloak over his suit, the lining matching his dark hair and pale skin. His sharp facial features give him a somewhat ghoulish appearance. He smiles at you in his usual way, baring his fangs.
"How did you know it was me?" he asks playfully.
"Lucky guess," you say.
"I'll remember that for next time."

You point to Kit and say "There's the immortal I promised you. Now we're even."

"There's the immortal I promised you. Now we're even."
Count Grey smiles, revealing his fangs. He walks slowly towards Kit, shaking his head.
"You're too kind, Gil."
Count Grey raises his hands, and two more vampires appear from the shadows. They pick up Kit's body without a sound and carry him away.
"What are you going to do to him?" you ask.
"Oh, not much," Count Grey says. "Just some little experiments I've been wanting to try out for years. Nothing that will hurt him permanently."

You say "Well I don't really give a shit. Have fun, you sick fuck."

"Well I don't really give a shit. Have fun, you sick fuck."
Count Grey smiles.
"I always do," he says.
Count Grey and his vampires carry Kit away to who know what fate, while you turn to walk outside.

You storm Rostov's office with Tifid.

You storm Rostov's office with Tifid.
The two of you enter the large office, where Rostov sits behind his desk. He sighs when he sees you.
"Well, well, well," Rostov says, leaning back in his chair and examining the pair of you. "Look who it is. The thief and his little demon princess."

You say "What's up, 'dad'? I took care of your little bitchboy Kit. Now, hand over the marriage contract."

"What's up, 'dad'? I took care of your little bitchboy Kit. Now, hand over the marriage contract."
Rostov sighs, shaking his head.
"You don't change, do you?" he says. "Always so aggressive. What about poor Tifid? Is your aggressive nature not why she's afraid of you?"
"What? I'm not afraid of him," Tifid says, confused.
"Of course you are, darling," Rostov smiles. "It's okay, you don't need to hide anything. It's only natural."
"No, really. I'm not afraid of Gil," Tifid says, looking at you.
"Oh... I see. Well that's awkward," he says.
Your eyes narrow.
"Hand over the contract, Rostov! And the heartblade, too!" you say, taking a step forward.
Rostov sighs again, before smiling at you and pulling out a document. He tosses it across the table to you. He then pulls out the heartblade and does the same. You quickly catch both items, before opening up the contract and scanning through it.

You show it to Tifid to verify that it's real.

You show it to Tifid to verify that it's real.
"Tifid, is this the contract?" you say, showing her the piece of parchment.
She looks at it, leaning over to read it before nodding.
"Yes," she says.

You "Huh. I'm surprised you didn't try to pull another trick on us, Rostov."

"Huh. I'm surprised you didn't try to pull another trick on us, Rostov."
Rostov leans forward, placing his face in his hands and rubbing it, before looking up at you.
"Oh, I had planned to," he admits. "But I'm far too tired to come up with something that elaborate."
"Don't think you'll get away with all this that easily," you say.
"Get away with what? That document is legitimate. You're the ones breaking into my home to steal from me."
"He's technically right, Gil," Tifid says.
"But what if he's trying to fuck with us?"
"I'm sure he is," she says, staring at you. "But the contract is real. It's not a forgery. We should take it."
"Fine," you seethe. You look at Rostov. "You've made a wise decision, Rostov."
You quickly turn, heading back to the exit.
"I'll admit, I was wrong about you, boy," Rostov says, as you leave. "I'll be seeing you."

You say "Yeah. Not likely!" and walk out with Tifid.

"Yeah. Not likely!" you yell, walking out with Tifid.
You quickly hurry down the stairs and through the hallways, heading back towards the front door of the Regal Room. None of the guards try to stop you, and soon you're back out on the streets of the Sinful Bliss City.
"So that... that was a thing," Tifid says, as you head down the steps.
"It sure was. I sure didn't expect it to go that way.
"Me neither. But we got what we came for. I'd call this mission a success."
You nod, and the pair of you begin the walk across the street. You find your vehicle, the red convertible sports car, and climb in. Tifid climbs in on the passenger side, and sighs deeply as she leans back
"Good lord... I need sleep." Tifid says, closing her eyes.
"Go for it. I'm going to check some things out real quick. I'll wake you when we get home."
Tifid nods, and closes her eyes, resting her head against the seat as she drifts to sleep. You turn the car on, and begin to drive down the road.

You drive back to Heksten City and go home.

Three hours later...
You pull up to your mansion, and cut the engine. Tifid wakes with a yawn, stretching her arms above her head as she wakes.
"Wakey, wakey. We're back home," you say.
"Already?" she asks. "I slept for the entire ride?"
"Yep," you reply. "Shall we go?"
You step out of the car, and walk up to the house. You unlock the door, and walk inside, Tifid following close behind. You flick on the lights, illuminating your home.
"Home sweet home," you say.
"Finally," Tifid says.

You pick Tifid up princess style while she's wearing the wedding dress from her sham marriage with Kit.

You bend down, picking Tifid up princess style. She holds the dress up as you do so, so you don't trip on it. You walk up the stairs, and slowly move to your bedroom. You set her down on your bed, and she lies there.
"Thanks, Gilly," she says, lying her head down on the pillow.
"Don't mention it," you say.

You collapse beside her from sheer exhaustion. You're utterly spent, having literally been tortured for days, died, went to Heaven, and came back to life.

You collapse beside her, and close your eyes. You're utterly spent, having literally been tortured for days, died, went to Heaven, and came back to life.
Tifid rolls over and scoops your head into her arms, cradling it.
"You're my hero," she says.
"Nah. I'm just a dumbass that's head over heels for you," you reply.
She slowly leans in, and you close your eyes. Your lips meet, as the two of you share a passionate kiss.
"I love you," she whispers.
"I love you, too," you reply.
She lies down beside you, pressing her body against yours. You wrap your arms around her, and cuddle for a while. The two of fall asleep in each other's arms, not even bothering to take off your day clothes. You need sleep, and you need it now.
You rest for a while, and then wake up to find yourself in the early hours of the morning. Tifid sleeps soundly besides you. You look at her sleeping peacefully. Then, you look around the room to find something to write with. You spot a pad of paper and a pen on the end table by the couch.

You draw two, silly open eyes and stick them over Tifid's face, then snap a photo of the prank.

You pick up the pen, and draw two, silly open eyes on the notepaper and stick them over her face. Then, you pull out your phone and snap a picture of the prank.
Tifid stirs, and slowly opens her eyes.
"What the hell?" she says, in a groggy voice.

You say "Hey, check it out, you have googly eyes" and show her the photo.

"Hey, check it out, you have googly eyes," you say, and pull out your phone.
Tifid sits up, and gives you a confused look when she sees her face. Then, she realizes what you did, and smiles.
"That's so fucking childish," she says with a giggle.
"You're one to talk," you say, and hand her the phone.
She takes it from you, and pulls up the photo you just took. She bursts out laughing while looking at the photo.
"You're such a fuckboy," she says.
"I try," you reply with a smile.
The two of you sit in silence for a while, as Tifid messes around with your phone. Eventually, she stops, and hands it back to you. You put it back in your pocket.

You say "I have to meet with your dad and give him the marriage contract. He's the one who hired me to steal it, after all."

"I know," Tifid says.
"Do you want to come with me?"
Tifid nods in response.
"Yeah, I'll come," she says. "It's only fair that I'm there for this."

You kiss her on the cheek and say "Okay, babe. Let's go."

"Let's go," you say.
The two of you drive through the city to Pellius' office. The journey takes about fifteen minutes, and there's no conversation for the majority of it. You're both still tired from the day before. Eventually, you pull into the parking lot of the Demonic Senate.
"You ready to do this?" you ask.
"As ready as I'll ever be," Tifid replies.
The two of you step off the motorcycle, and walk into the building. You step into an elevator, and ride it up to the fiftieth floor where the Demonic Senate is located. The doors open, and reveal a large room with dozens of people milling about. Some of them look like normal humans. Others have features which mark them as demonic. Goat-like faces, horns, pointed teeth, and long fingernails. Each of them wears a suit, and some of the female demons wear dresses. You walk through the crowd until you reach a large desk near the back of the room. A demon sits at the desk, which has several lines of people in front of it.

You approach the front desk and ask for President Pellius.

"Name?" the demon at the desk asks.
"Gil."
"Reason for visit?"
"I need to see your boss."
"Do you have an appointment?" the demon asks. "President Pellius is a very busy man."
Tifid steps forward and speaks.
"Tell him his daughter is here to see him."
The demon raises an eyebrow at this. He seems distressed, and begins looking through some papers.
"Lady Tifid!" he says. "I didn't realize...well, anyway, if you wait a moment I'm sure he'll be able to see you soon."

You whisper to Tifid "Damn, I love it when you flaunt your power and status like that..."

"Damn, I love it when you flaunt your power and status like that..."
Tifid giggles. The demon at the desk is clearly uncomfortable.
"Is there anything else I can assist you with?" he asks.
"No, that will be all," Tifid says.
The demon nods, and walks away from the desk.

You wait for Pellius to show up.

After a few minutes, the demon who spoke to you before walks over to you.
"President Pellius will see you now."
"Thanks," you say.
The two of you approach the desk, and the other demon leaves. A large black door stands on the other side of the desk. You watch as the demon knocks on the door.
"Come in," a voice says from inside.
The demon opens the door and allows you to walk inside. The room you enter resembles the Oval Office, but instead of American flags, demonic symbols adorn the walls. Pellius springs from his desk when he sees you, and practically bowls you over in an attempt to hug you.
"Gil!" he says. "How are you, my boy?"
"I'm fine," you say. "And you?"
"Couldn't be better!" Pellius says, leading you over to the sofa. "Now sit, sit! Would you like a drink? We have every kind of soda and juice you could want!"
"Daddy, we don't have time for that," Tifid says, rolling her eyes. "We need to discuss-"
Before Tifid can finish, Pellius wraps his tentacles around her in a great big hug, and says,
"Tifid, my little princess! I love you!"
"Daddy, not in front of everyone!" Tifid says, struggling to escape from her father's grasp. "Let me go!"
Pellius finally lets her go. Tifid takes a step back, and fixes her hair while blushing.
"Now, now Tifid," Pellius says. "What do you mean by that? You'll always be my little princess."

You hand Pellius the marriage contract and say "Mission complete. Rostov has nothing over Tifid, or you anymore."

You pull out the contract and say,
"We got the contract. Rostov has nothing over you anymore."
"My boy! My boy!"
Pellius walks over to you, and hugs you for a little longer than normal. He's almost sobbing with happiness when he stops hugging you.
"Well done, my boy! Well done! I knew I could trust you."

You say "So what happens now? Are you going to destroy it?

"So what happens now?" you say. "Are you going to destroy it?"
"It's not that simple, I'm afraid, my boy," he says. "A demonic contract isn't so easily broken. Sadly, I'm going to have to give you a little..."
Pellius looks over at his daughter, and then back at you.
"A little 'treat' for all your hard work."
"What!?" you say. "I thought the job was finished!"
"It is," Pellius says. "I just mean you deserve some form of payment. You certainly deserve it!"

You say "Payment? Tifid's happiness is the only reason I did this. It's all I need."

You shake your head and say,
"Tifid's happiness is all I need. It's the only reason I did this. Please, no more deals."
"Hmm..."
Pellius scratches his chin and looks down, as if studying you.
"You know what?" he says. "I think you've more than proven yourself, Gil. And..."
He leans in really close to you, and whispers at a volume only the two of you can hear.
"If you wish for Tifid's hand in marriage, you shall have it. You won't even need to ask."

You give Pellius a silent, but resolute, fistbump.

All of the worry and fear you've been feeling starts to melt away. You feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You give him a silent, but resolute, fistbump. That seems to make him happy. Pellius laughs thunderously, and slaps you on the back so hard you go sprawling.
"Hell yeah!" you say.
Pellius clears his throat and takes a seat behind his desk.
"Now, I'm sure you two lovebirds have a lot to talk about," he says. "You don't need me around for that, now do you? Go on, get out of here. We'll talk later."
"Thank you, Sir," you say.
"See you later, Daddy!" Tifid says, and walks out of the office. You follow her out the front door. You don't bother looking back at the office; you just want to be with her.
When you exit the building, she nudges you in the elbow.
"So...?" she asks. "What did my father say to you?"

You say "I'll... uh... tell you later. Say, you wanna go somewhere, just the two of us?"

"As long as it's with you, I'm game," Tifid says.
"Sweet! Let's go."

You take Tifid to the abandoned overpass by the train yard, where you spent your first morning as a couple.

You arrive at the abandoned overpass by the train yard. You spent your first morning as a couple here, after all.
"This is where we came after our first night together," you say.
Tifid smiles.
"It is," she says.
You sit down on the same railing you sat on that morning.

You say "A lot's happened between us, yeah? We went from bitter rivals, constantly fighting, and getting in each other's way to... well... all this."

"Yeah. It was fun watching you suffer," Tifid says, smirking.
"Right back at you," you say with a smile.
Tifid sits down next to you, and you hold her hand.
"Do you ever feel like our relationship was... I dunno, fated?" you say.
"Do you believe in that stuff?" she asks.
"I dunno. I guess it's possible."
"Meh. I don't believe in fate."

You say "I might. Sometimes I think I'm too dumb and reckless to be alive without a bit of intervention from the stars."

Tifid laughs.
"I love it when you're so serious," she says.
"Only for you, Tifid," you say.
Tifid smiles at you.
"I'm lucky to have found you," she says.
You look into her eyes. You find her deeply beautiful. Maybe it's time you told her just how you feel about her.

You take out the heartblade and rest it on your palm, then say "Tif... a while ago, you gave me this: your heart. I'll treasure it forever. But now, I want to give you mine..."

Tifid's eyes widen in shock.
"You... you want to..." she begins to ask, but you put a finger over her lips.
"Please, Tifid, let me finish," you say.
She nods. You take a deep breath, and speak from the heart.

You tell Tifid how you feel. Not as Gileon Malphas, or the Spell Thief, or whatever other confusing nonsense people want to call you. Tell Tifid how Gil, just Gil, feels about her. Then, ask her to marry you.

"Tif, I've never been great with words, at least not when it really counts. I'm not that smart. I can't say or do anything fancy... I'm not a hero. I'm not a demon lord, or an angel, or whatever other weird stuff that's out there. I'm just a guy who steals shit for a living. But, for you, I'll be whatever it takes. And I can tell you this: whenever you're around, I feel truly alive. Everything just fits. When you're gone... I'm not the same. Tifid, you make me better than I am."

You brush her hair aside and put your forehead to hers, then, take the small, velvet box out of your pocket and open it between the two of you.

"If you feel the same way, then please, Tifid Buer, will you marry me?"
She stares at the ring, her wide eyes begin filling up with tears. She places a hand over her mouth and gasps, almost choking on her own breath as she does. Her breathing hitches as she struggles to contain herself.
"Yes," she says, in barely more than a whisper, but loud and clear enough for you to hear. You slip the ring on her finger, and embrace her tightly.
"Yes, Gilly, I'll marry you! I'll marry the fuck out of you!" She laughs, hugging you back. You kiss her, and laugh as well, feeling the tears run down your face.
"I love you," you say, holding her by the shoulders.
"I love you too, Gilly," she says, wiping your tears away with her sleeve, "I love you so much."

You chuckle and say "Guess I just gave my soul to a demon."

Tifid strokes the ring protectively and sticks her tongue out at you.
"No take backs! You're stuck with me now! I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you, so get used to it."
"I wouldn't have it any other way," you say.

You say "Guess we have a wedding to plan now, huh? A real one. No evil plots. No shitty angels."

"Oh hell yes," Tifid says, kissing you.
"You should go tell your dad," you say, "He seemed pretty excited about us."
"Yeah, I'll go tell him soon. But...where will the wedding be?"
"I dunno, you pick. I don't know shit about weddings."
"Fine. We'll have to figure it out later. But for now," she stares at the box lovingly, then puts it away, "I just want to go home with you. I'm so exhausted; my head is killing me."

You say "Same. Coming back to life in god-killing armor really takes a lot out of you. I need to just lie around and be a piece of shit for a day or two."

Tifid nods. You drive back to your secret hideout, hand in hand, and lie in bed together.
"This is nice," you say, mumbling into the pillow.
"Hush, Gil. I need to nap."
You hold her tight as she drifts off, and do the same soon after.

Timeskip: 11 Months Later.
Day of the Wedding.
You sit nervously in your tuxedo, tapping your fingers on the seat. You don't like wearing these things. You prefer jeans and a shirt. Or your heist outfit. But regardless of what you're wearing, you've got way too much adrenaline running through your body to focus on anything else.
"Dude, just relax," says Chuckles, trying to calm you down.

You say "Thanks Chuckles. Real glad you could make it out of Fucktopia Forest to join us tonight. Without you, Tifid and I wouldn't have gotten together."

"Thanks Gil, but really, you did it all yourself. You got rid of your sexual issues and finally just spoke to Tifid. You've got this. Hell, you even saved the world from a maniacal angel. If you can do all that, you can get married without having a panic attack."
"Yeah...I guess I have come a long way, haven't I? I still don't understand how I did it. I mean, I have no idea how I managed to get so lucky."
"It might have something to do with you being a demon. When you're as hot as me, luck tends to be on your side."
You laugh. Chuckles is an idiot and a pervert, but he does know how to cheer people up. That's why he's the Clown God.
The door to the waiting room swings open, and Count Grey walks in.
"Gileon, my boy, so it's finally time for you to get married. Are you prepared?"

You say "Damn straight. I still have no clue why you were so eager to host us, though."

Count Grey smirks.
"You insult me, my boy. I raised you like a son, didn't I? I wanted to pay my respects by letting you get married in my castle."

You say "Knowing you, it's probably to do with politics or connections."

"Ha, you catch on quick," he chuckles. "But enough about my reasons. Are you ready?"
You stand up.
"Ready as I'll ever be."
Count Grey and Chuckles lead you down the staircase to where the procession is waiting. Like you rehearsed, you walk down the aisle and stand before the priest. Despite the momentous occasion, you've never felt more alone. You have no family to speak of, so nearly everyone here is a stranger. There's no way that Rostov, if he even is your actual father, would come to this; you know he's too busy abandoning you and cooking up schemes as it is. Count Grey might be your mentor, but he's still a demon, plus he pretty much abused you as a kid.

You sigh and fidget while waiting for the procession to continue.

As the wedding procession continues, you begin to hear whispers among the guests.
"Is that the groom? I'd heard he was a human."
"Yeah, and quite a young one at that. And a thief, no less."
"I wonder why Lady Tifid would marry someone so lowborn."
"Where is the best man? Does he even have one?"
"I heard he saved her from some villain, and she felt indebted. How sweet."
"I heard she was tricked into it by her father."
You groan, but the voices don't stop. The priest isn't even bothering to keep quiet anymore. You're starting to regret not just insisting on writing your own vows.
Suddenly, you feel a hand grip your shoulder. The tell-tale clicking and whirring of gears implies that it's Yalia.
"Stand tall, you are Lady Tifid's chosen."
She squeezes your shoulder reassuringly, then lets go. You're about to turn and thank her when you hear a voice that sends chills down your spine.
"You're not married yet"
Your head slowly turns to see Kit, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed. His face is still half-buried in bandages, and his one eye stares at you with a mixture of pity and malice.
"W-what the hell are you doing here?"
"Trying to talk some sense into you."

You say "Didn't Count Grey make you his personal bitch or something? Give it up."

"D-don't speak his name!"
"Why not? Too scared of him? I just saw him. He's probably still around."
You expect Kit to explode in a fit of curses, but instead he takes a deep breath and attempts to calm himself.
"You think you have what it takes to make her happy?"
"..."
"You think you have what it takes to survive in this cruel world?"
Kit's "charm" is really getting on your nerves. Still, you can't help but give him an answer.

You say "Oh, I just got a great idea. You can be my best man!" and give him the ring. "You can hand this to me, and watch as I make Tifid the happiest woman on Earth, in Hell, or anywhere else in existence. Oh, and don't even try to run. I don't expect Grey will be too happy about it if you do."

You stuff the ring into Kit's hand as he looks at you in shock and anger. It takes him a while to compose himself, but he manages it. He's about to say something when the music stops, and the crowd goes silent.
The doors slowly open, and your bride enters the room. You feel your heart stop for a moment as you just stare at Tifid in her wedding gown. She's...beautiful. More beautiful than you ever thought possible. Even Kit falls silent as he stares at her.

You elbow Kit in his ribs and say "Come on, 'best man', we're up!" then wait at the altar as Pellius escorts his daughter down the aisle.

You elbow Kit in his ribs and say "Come on, 'best man', we're up!" then wait at the altar as Pellius escorts his daughter down the aisle. Kit reluctantly follows you as you march up the aisle with purpose. You blossom into a grin when you see your beloved waiting at the altar. She locks eyes with you, and her beautiful smile is all you see. Pellius frowns when he sees Kit by your side, and leans in to whisper to you.
"What is he doing here?"
You shrug, not wanting to ruin the moment with an explanation. Kit looks like he wants to run away as he stares at the demon lord, but you give him a quick glare which causes him to stand a little straighter. Pellius seems to take the hint, and smiles a big, toothy smile as he gives Tifid a large, lingering kiss on the hand and then turns to you.
"I'm looking forward to calling you son."
You grin and nod eagerly as the ceremony begins. Kit stands at your side, fidgeting and looking like he wants nothing more than to run away from this entire experience. You almost pity the fool until you remember everything he put you through. After a few minutes of the wedding march, you and your bride reach the altar.

You hold Tifid's hands as Father Tomas goes through the motions.

Father Tomas begins the wedding in a hushed voice.
"We are all here to bear witness to this bond of holy matrimony. Two souls united into a symphony of love and harmony, binding two beings into one. No one can tear you apart today, for the heavens themselves behold this rite and bless your bond with an unbreakable strength. May you, like our world, become both demon and human, made whole by each other's company."
You and Tifid both nod as Father Tomas continues.
"Do you, Gileon, take this woman to be your wife?"
"I do."
"Do you, Tifid, take this man to be your husband?"
"I do."
The priest smiles at the both of you.
"Then I pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."
You take a little bow before Tifid, and hold your arm out in a mock "regal" pose. Grinning, she takes your hand and slaps you hard in the face. The entire room erupts into laughter as you rub your cheek.

You say "Ow... what was that for?"

"For old time's sake!" she says, with a sly smile. "Come on, you have to do it, too!"
"Are you crazy? I'm not slapping you..."
"Don't be a coward, Gil! Come on! You've done it before!"

You wind your arm back and slap Tifid as hard as you can.

The force of your slap causes Tifid to stand there in shock. Her nose is bleeding, and she quickly raises a hand to it.
"Oh fuck, I..." you begin to say, but are quickly interrupted by cheers.
Pellius, especially, is cheering so hard he's pumping his tentacles in the air.
"That's it, boy! Make her bleed! Ha ha ha!"
Tifid wipes the blood off her nose and raises her hand to you.
"Now put a ring on it, you bastard!"

You snatch the ring from the bystanding Kit, put it on Tifid, and kiss her in the most dramatic way possible.

As the crowd roars, you sweep Tifid off her feet and kiss her in front of everyone. The kiss, unsurprisingly, is much more passionate than any you've shared before.
Tifid looks over your shoulder and gives a thumbs-up to Yalia, who rolls her eyes and smiles.
Kit, on the other hand, simply covers his face in embarrassment.

You yell "Peace out ya schmucks! I'm off to be the luckiest man in the world!", and bridal carry Tifid to your bike.

With Tifid in your arms, you rush out of the castle and to your motorbike.
"Hurry Gil, I waited all day for you, and I'm not waiting any longer! Take me home!" Getting on the back of your motorbike, she wraps her arms around you. She's all over you before you can even start the engine, and as you ride off, she starts whispering sweet nothings into your ear. Her words start off as loving as can be, but start to turn dirtier and dirtier the more she goes on.

The progression of Tifid's "sweet nothings":
"I love you!"
"We're going to have so much fun, just me and you."
"I'm going to spoil you until we're bankrupt!"
"I'm going to give the best blowjobs in the whole world."
"...and then we'll fuck for our entire lives. I want to have your children."
"Maybe we'll adopt some too, if my uterus gets sore."
"I love you Gil, I'll always love you."
"We don't even need to reach the secret base, you can just pull over into this cornfield and do me right here. I don't care."
"I just want to be as close to you as I can."
"Mmmm... Come on, Gilly... I need it right now, let's make love..."

You say "Holy shit, Tif, please, I need to drive."

"Oh grow some guts, you chicken. You fucking pussy," Tifid says as she starts to tear your clothes off, piece by piece. Your bowtie and boutonniere go flying off into the freeway. Next goes your jacket, then, followed by your shirt.

You say "How are you even doing that?!"

"I can do lots of things, Gilly. Lots and lots of things. Just for you."
Somebody honks their horn at you as they drive by on the freeway. You just give them the finger as you punch it to reach top speed. The wind starts to blow through your hair and past your chest, which is now bare as you floor your bike through the traffic. By the time you get back home, you're lucky you even have any pants left.
"...Let's make love, Gilly... let's make babies... I want to have your babies... Gimme! Gimme!"
She's practically begging you at this point.

You scoop Tifid up and bust through the door, then head straight for the master bedroom.

You make your way into the bedroom as quick as you can. You're already ripping your pants off as you enter the room, and toss them aside. Tifid doesn't even bother to strip, she just teleports out of her clothes and into your arms as you hop onto the bed.
God, she is so beautiful. So perfect for you in every way. Her gorgeous, body that you love to gaze at is pressed up against you, as if it was meant to be.

You kiss Tifid with passion exceeding that of a trillion perfect sunsets.

The two of you lock lips as you slowly move your hand across her back, feeling every curve and every dimple through her skin. She holds you in a tight embrace, and tight is an understatement because she could crush your bones if she really wanted to.
"I love you, Gilly," she says, through desperate breaths.
"I love you, too, Tif."
As you gaze into Tifid's beautiful eyes, you feel a surge of emotion so powerful that you almost can't contain it. You feel like you could stare into her eyes for an eternity as your fingers glide through her hair, although only one thing comes to mind...
Fuck her brains out.

You do exactly that.

You kiss her again, this time with even more passion than last time. You can feel her heart pounding with anticipation for what's to come. Your hands roam all over her body as your mouth explores every inch of her-- from her neck, to her ears, to her shoulders, and even her belly button, before finally arriving at the promised land.

You say "I'm about to conquer this shit so hard, Satan himself will cower at the feat."

"Come on... own this, you little bastard," Tifid whispers, staring up at you with anticipation.
You lift one of her legs, and plant light kisses on her inner thigh. She moans in ecstasy as you work your lips up to her ankles, then back down again.
Tifid's breathing quickens.
"No more foreplay! Stick it in! STICK IT IN!" she angily commands.

You say "Shhh... calm down. Let a man do his work."

"Stop teasing me, Gilly! I swear to god, I'm about to-- Ugh!"
You feel Tifid's body shudder as you graze your lips against her the side of her knee.
She grips the sheet with both hands as you slowly slide your mouth up to her other thigh, then back down again.

You say "Wow, you came already? I barely touched you."

"You're such a fucking asshole," she whispers, but her face is beaming with a wide smile.
After the foreplay, it's time for the main course.
As I've said before, this story is not for the weak-minded. If you don't think you can stomach reading about a man and his demon bride fornicating in vivid detail, then I suggest you skip the next few paragraphs. But know that you'll forever bear the shame of being a fun-sucking prude.

You continue to lightly tease Tifid all over for several more minutes, then sit up and look at your proud work.

After several, excruciatingly pleasurable minutes of teasing, you relinquish Tifid from your grasp and sit back up.
You haven't touched her seriously yet, and she's already a mess. A thin layer of sweat has formed all over her body, and she lies there with an arm over her eyes.
A thin layer of drool runs down the corner of her gaping mouth as she pants, and one glance at her groin confirms that you've definitely got her in the mood now.

You gently lift her arm away from her face and whisper "Hey, Tif, you still with me?"

She lifts herself up onto her elbows and, without saying a word, pulls you in for a kiss.
"No more teasing," she moans as she holds your head in place.
"We literally just got married, Tif. Can you blame me for wanting to drag this out a bit?"
You hear her muttering "shut up" over and over as she buries her tongue in your mouth.
Her hand glides over your naked chest as you lean in to kiss her neck, then move upwards to caress her face.
Her breathing intensifies as her hands run through your hair, and you can feel her nails digging into your shoulders and back.
When she breaks the kiss, she tosses her head back and groans.

You glide your thumbs over her nipples as you nibble on her ears.

Tifid grabs your head and, after one last moan, releases you from the kiss.
"G-Gil..."
As she takes a sharp intake of breath, her fingers trace the outline of your muscular frame as she bites her bottom lip.
Your thumbs glide over her nipples as you take one of her pointed ears gently between your lips, and she lets out a shuddering gasp as you flick your tongue playfully against it.
She throws her head back as she runs her hands through your hair, and grabbing a handful as she moans deeply.
"S-so good at this..."

You trace your fingers over her breasts, then along her ribs and navel, then finally between her legs.

She lifts her head and looks into your eyes as she bites her finger in an attempt to stifle a scream.
Her breathing intensifies as you gently flick your thumbs over her erect nipples. Then, you slide your hands downwards, tracing the outline of her ribs and navel as a playful smile curls the corners of your mouth.
Your hands gently caress the inside of her thighs, as you lean in to kiss her neck.
"Nnhhh... G-Gil... I can't... You're... Ah!"
You gently part her legs and push them up to her chest, kissing her inner thigh as you slowly slide your middle and index fingers inside.
"Ah...!"
Tifid bucks her hips as she raises her bottom from the bed, then pushes your hand away as she sits up and wraps her arms around you.
"E-Enough already! I... I want you... Inside me... Now..."
Her hot breath in your ear and her delicate fingers tracing the contours of your muscles sends a chill down your spine as you feel a twitching sensation in your nether regions. You gently turn her over and lift her legs up so they're bent at the knee and plant little kisses on the back of her thighs, calves, and ankles as she grips the bed sheets and whispers "Come on, Gilly. Make a mess out of me..."
You spread her feet apart with your hands and position yourself as your member touches the warmth inside her and her toes curl.

You deliberately "miss" a few times, driving your shaft along her lips and clit instead of inside of her.

You gently glide your glans up and down her folds as she writhes and squirms. You keep missing the mark, rubbing yourself against her lips and mound but never quite entering her.
"Oh... Gilly... Don't tease...!" she moans as she arches her waist to meet your manhood.
"Sorry, I can't help it... you're just... so beautiful..." you say with a shaky voice as you continue rubbing her lips and clit with the tip of your dick.
"Oh, Gilly! I want...! I want you...! Don't make me beg... because I'll totally beg if I have to..."

You say "Fuck, please, Tif. Beg me. That'll absolutely destroy my dick."

"Please... please, Gilly. I... Want you inside me. Fuck me, I... I need it!" Tifid says as she turns her head and glances over her shoulder.
She reaches back and grabs her ankles, pulling her knees as far apart as she can.
"Come on, hubby... own your demon bride... Mark me with your big, strong, human cock..."
You slam your hips forward, penetrating her up to the hilt as you grab her waist.
"A-AHHHHHHHH-" she screams, as she balls her hands into the sheets and pulls them over her head.

You rest your cock inside of her briefly before pulling out completely, and then slamming into her again.

You pull out of her slowly, and then thrust into her again as she lets out a loud moan. You repeat the process, slowing gouging her insides with your dick as she screams in ecstasy. Each time, you pull your entire length out and thrust it back in with as much force as you can.
After every few thrusts, you lean over and squish your crotch right up against her ass, grinding the tip of your dick as deep as you can. Tifid goes absolutely wild when you do this, squirming, screaming and begging for more.
"Oh! Oh! God! Yes! That's it! Just... like.... thhhhhh.... that!"
Her pussy tightens around your cock, hugging it as you thrust in and out of her. Her ass moves back to meet your thrusts, as she pushes herself onto your lap with aplomb.

You hold her close and whisper "Shit, Tif, I didn't even know aplomb was a word."

Tifid reaches down and entwines her fingers with your own as she closes her eyes and grins.
"Y-Yeah... it means... composure under stress."
"Ah... like how I'm maintaining a stiff upper lip while fucking my newlywed wife?"
"No, like how I'm giving you a fucking dictionary definition while I get my guts ripped out..."
You thrust even harder and deeper as she screams into the sheets, practically pushing against her womb as she feels your dick head swell even larger than before, the tip of it brushing up against her cervix.
"Oh my fuh...!!" she groans as she lets herself go, her whole body shaking as she lets out a long moan.
You feel her walls pulsate and shake around your dick as she lets out a long grunt, her hot pussy squirting her love nectar all over your crotch and balls. You slow your thrusts to long, gentle pushes as you feel her walls continue to squeeze and contract, sucking on your length as if eager to drain every single drop of cum out of your balls.

You grab her horns and crush her into the mattress in pronebone mode.

You grab her by her large, curved horns and hold on to them as you slam your cock back into her pussy, forcing it into her tight hole as you start to thrust. Tifid wraps her fingers around your wrists, clutching you with vise-like force. Her knuckles go white as she holds on for all of her sanity. You can feel her demonic strength on your bones, but you don't care. You keep thrusting and thrusting, letting out a low growl as you start to push into her harder and harder. Her legs kick and flail as they struggle to keep still, but you keep pounding all the same.

You coil her tail around your hand and pull as you rail her.

You grit your teeth as you keep pumping your dick into her, and then grab ahold of her tail and start moving it. You wrap it around your wrist and snap it back, gently, as you continue to thrust. Tifid immediately lets out a throaty growl as her fingers dig into your arm, leaving faint white marks. Her ethereal wings, usually hidden away unless she's flying, burst out of her back and start flapping erratically. They pulse and fizzle, as if unable to sustain themselves for long.

You use your intimate knowledge of her body, and unique demonic anatomy, to make her make her cum her brains out.

You ravish her body like a wild animal, thrusting and coiling, as you fuck Tifid into one orgasm after another. The two of you are at it for hours, the both of you not stopping for a moment's rest as you relentlessly continue, despite the fact that you've already both reached pure exhaustion.
The sun slowly sets over the window, soon replaced by a soft moonlight.

Timelapse of Gil and Tifid's Lovemaking:
9:00 PM - Tifid's fingers curl as she lets out a long, loud moan. The sound of it is almost painful to hear.
11:50 PM - Tifid begins to purr like a cat as she wraps her legs around Gil's waist.
2:20 AM - Gil can no longer speak as he has spent the better part of the night screaming Tifid's name, but he continues to fuck her relentlessly. He is a man possessed.
3:20 AM - Break time. Tifid goes to get a drink while Gil smokes a cigarette and pounds back a Red Bull in one breath.
4:00 AM - Tifid has collapsed on the bed, her body twitching and covered in sweat, her eyes glazed over as she stares up at the ceiling. "I need a break," she whimpers.
5:50 AM - Birds begin chirping outside the window. The bed has become too soaked with bodily fluids to continue, so they move on to the floor.
7:20 AM - Gil has spent the past two hours gently teasing Tifid's clit as she writhes about in pure ecstasy, begging him to stop as she cums time after time after time. At last, she pushes his hand away, whining again that she needs a break.
8:50 AM - Break time. Tifid takes a light nap while Gil watches the sun rise, quite possibly the first time all night that he's actually been still.
9:50 AM - Gil tries to sleep just as Tifid begins poking him and begging him to continue. His mind is fuzzy and his body is sore, but he manages to get it up yet again.
10:20 AM - Gil is now wrapped in chains as Tifid rides him like a cowgirl. "I love you, Gilly!" she screams.
11:10 AM - Instead of chains, Gil is now wrapped in bandages. The reason is unknown, but our hero is too busy getting busy to care.
12:00 PM - Tifid pours honey all over Gil's body, then begins licking it off. He appears to be dressed as a gladiator.
1:20 PM - Break time. Gil complains that his dick is too sore to continue (as well as several other body parts), so they just eat a nice lunch and watch "Futurama" together.
2:00 PM - The bed is gone, replaced with a mountain of bones. A circle of ghosts comprising of ancient Roman soldiers, medieval knights, and all variety of soldiers from throughout history all chant "Fuck!" in unison. The air is filled with the smell of gunpowder as cannonballs blast off in a wide arc above Gil's head.
3:20 PM - Tifid has transformed into a 10 feet tall demonic-goddess made of fire and lightning. Gil continues to have sex with her. Her moans cause wildlife outside the house to mutate into horrific abominations.
3:30 PM - Tifid suddenly disappears. A portal to another world opens up and dozens of succubi come pouring out. They all take turns riding Gil like a rodeo bull.
5:30 PM - Gil has donned his Kamen Rider armor and is fighting demon invaders from another dimension. Tifid, who is now a heavenly knight, rides to his aid on a pegasus.
6:00 PM - The two cuddle in bed, watching "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia".
10:04 PM - Gil ejaculates deep into Tifid's womb, clutching her hand tightly while whispering "I love you" repeatedly.

"I love you," she whispers back, locking your waists together with her legs.
You have successfully consummated your marriage without incident.

You plummet face-first on top of Tifid without even bothering to pull out.

You topple on top of Tifid, like a tree falling. You lie on top of her, panting and covered in sweat.
"I'm so... fucking tired," you moan. Your voice sounds hoarse, and it hurts to talk.
Tifid wraps her arms gently around you and strokes your head.
"You were a trooper, Gilly," she says, kissing you on the forehead. "You were a real trooper."

You say between labored breaths: "What... the fuck... was all... that about?"

"Oh... that... I'm not sure, but I think I came so hard that my magic altered reality," Tifid says, almost too calmly.
"What... do you mean?" you ask.
"My orgasms have been so strong they've drastically shifted the fabric of reality. For approximately four hours, I became a living anomaly."
"Did you just make up random shit again?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.
"No! I was coming so hard that I almost destroyed the universe," she says.

You say "I don't get it... who the hell were all those winged girls? They pinned me down and ran a girl-train on me. I was fucking scared."

"I don't know," Tifid says. "I think those were my childhood imaginary friends that I converted to real and turned into succubi."
"You did what to imaginary friends?" you ask.
"Don't worry your sexy little head about it," she says. "Just close your eyes and let me pamper you for a bit. You deserve it."

You close your eyes and let Tifid pamper you for a bit.

You lie there, letting yourself sink against Tifid's body as she gently pets your hair and rubs your chest. She coos softly into your ear, comforting you with her voice.
"That's it. That's my big strong hero," she says. "You did well tonight."
"What... what was that... with the winged girls again?" you ask.
"I told you, didn't I? I came so hard I converted my imaginary friends into reality," Tifid says. "I think they were a little too real though, hence why they tried to fuck you to death."

You say "Wait... does that mean I cheated on you?"

"No, silly," she says. "They came from my mind. It's all me. You didn't do anything wrong."
"Oh thank fucking Christ," you say, breathing a sigh of relief.
"I know, right?" Tifid says. "Anyway, enough talking. It's time to go to sleep."
You lie on the bed, drifting off. Tifid's embrace feels like home. Your day might've been long and stressful, but this moment of rest is well-earned.
You wake up to Tifid's face immediately inches away from your own.
"Morning, Gilly," she says with a smile.

You say "Oh man, I get to wake up to this every day from now on, huh?"

"Yes you do," Tifid says, kissing you.
"This is the best day of my life," you say.
"It'll get even better, as long as we're together," she says. "Oh, and by the way, my dad wants to have dinner later."

You say "Heh, it does get better."

"You really like my dad, huh?" Tifid asks.
"Yeah," you say. "He's a badass!"
Tifid pulls you in for a long, deep kiss.
"Shit, the world must be unfair, because I didn't do anything to deserve you," Tifid says.

You say "Fuck that. We deserve each other. Forever and always."

Tifid kisses you again.
"Forever and always," she agrees.
THE END

Epilogue: 10 years later.

The year is 2088, and humans and demons live side-by-side on Earth. The combined efforts of humans and demons have propelled science and technology to new heights, and revealed the existence of other worlds. As it turns out, Earth, Hell, and Heaven were not the only places inhabited by intelligent beings.

You are Gil, a former thief who is now a security operative for an inter-dimensional trading company run by demons. Your wife is Tifid, a powerful flame demon, who just got promoted to head of the research and development department for the company. Tifid says you should be the one running the company, but you just don't feel like being the boss. Besides, you know she's gunning for the top spot anyway, and it'll be fun to work for her.

The two of you now have a little 10-year-old daughter named Mona, who has the unique genetic combination of human blond hair and red eyes, as well as pointed demon ears. Her horns have yet to grow in, but according to X-rays and tests run by demon doctors, they should be even fancier than her mom's. To Tifid's exasperation, Mona takes after you in her love for mischief. She also seems to have an unhealthy obsession with stag beetles. You don't know where she got that from.

Your father-in-law, Pellius, is still the acting President of Demonkind, and is unlikely to lose his position anytime soon. He visits you and Tifid on occasion, and is especially fond of Mona. He spoils her so much that Tifid has forbidden him from bringing gifts when it's not her birthday or Christmas.

Your relationship with Tifid's bodyguard, Yalia the Doll is... complicated. She's still not over you. In fact, she's been getting jealous of all the time you've been spending with Tifid and Mona. She would sooner die than admit it, of course. You guess she really wants a baby... You don't know if dolls can even have children, but you're considering introducing her to a human coworker you know who's into model figures.

Rostov, the demon who claimed to be your father, hasn't been in contact with you for a while. After Tifid's sham marriage was annulled, the entire city he owned disappeared off the map completely, not even Hell knows where it is. You have a feeling you know what he's doing, but that's another story.

Count Grey is... well, Count Grey. He's still brooding in his castle, making the occasional political move. You haven't spoken to him in years, but you're sure he's still up to something. From what you know, he still hasn't found a suitable successor.

As for Kit, the angel, he eventually found his way back to Heaven, though you hear he's jobless now, and addicted to alcohol. Can't say you're exactly losing any sleep over it.

Things are doing well, all things considered. You've moved out of the secret base into a regular apartment. It's upscale, but nothing too fancy. It's also a lot smaller than your old place, but you don't mind - it just means you get to be closer to Tifid, and your adorable little Mona. Every day you go to work, you never know what's going to happen. One day you might be signing paperwork in the office, the next you might be apprehending crazed alien killers and otherworldly demigods. You might have switched careers, but your skills have only grown sharper. It keeps things interesting. Not a bad way to live, really. For a guy who started with nothing, you're doing pretty good. Then again, you've always been good at seizing opportunities.

You're still a thief at heart, after all.

Edit
Pub: 18 Dec 2020 04:58 UTC
Views: 194