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From: umpaniwarrior1981@pmail.uk
To: joceanborough@pmail.uk, phillipoborough@pmail.uk
Subject: School Friends. 18 December, 1994
***

You said you wanted to know about my school friends. Well, here are my lovely opinions on them. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Alric Yaxley

Seems like a bellend. I'm sure he would make a great Potions partner, but I don't trust him. He comes off too sleazy. Always smiling, always begging for money. He's like a failed car salesman and I'd rather avoid him.

Arthur Abbott

I'd have thought he was in Gryffindor with that name. I don't know if he knows Merlin, but it would be very funny if he did. He's a bit hard-headed, keeps going on about various different parts of Hogwarts. When I asked him about his family, he went on this long glorious spiel about their pure family name. When he asked about mine and I brought you two up, he looked at me like I was a soggy kitten. I didn't like it.

Carl Heron

The only other person on campus who seems to like making things with metal. I wish I could spend more time with him, even if his opinions on Potions are tosh.

Ciaran Whitehorn

I really admire his ambition. He's also kind of a tinkerer, but he only ever likes messing with his broom. It's very strange; I don't think I've ever seen him try to experiment with something else. Does he just not think about anything else enough to try messing about with it? At least he had the forethought to try and refine his repairing spell.
I'm a little envious of him, if I'm being honest. The way he's been able to pursue his dream and keep at it for years is something I need to learn to do.
If he talked about things other than quidditch from time to time, we could probably be good friends.

Frank Lee

I don't have much contact with Frank. He seems okay. I like that he likes books, but we seem to have very different tastes in literature. I don't understand how he's so bad at Defense Against the Dark Arts, either. Every time I see him in class he can't even pull off a Flipendo without it backfiring. I almost feel sorry for him.

Lennox Gaunt

He has so many snakes. He talks to them, too. Like Amalia, with all the hissin. Too creepy.
I see him in the library all the time, and I just have to wonder what he's doing. Is he plotting out how to find more snakes? Does he just like reading? I haven't the nerve to ask him, his snakes are really bothering me. I think I've heard him mention Amalia under his breath once or twice, and I just hope the two aren't very close.

Marvin

Okay, you know what Dementors are, right? I think I told you before. Marvin is one of them. I don't understand why. He is... unnervingly friendly. Professor Travers introduced me to him while he was telling me about patronuses... I suppose I will get to meet him more often later.

Merlin English

Ugh, I'm sure Amalia will tell you all about him. I try to keep my distance. He looks bad, smells worse, and keeps blinking in and out of conversations like he's not really there. Whenever he speaks it's incomprehensible, I can't understand a word. No wonder he and Amalia are close. She can understand snakes, after all.

Minagi Sukasuka

People keep talking about her weird horse, but I can't tell if they're pulling my leg. She hasn't got any pets. She hasn't got anything in one piece, really. Just bits and bobs of things. She must, I think, with how many little trinkets she keeps snatching from random people and surfaces.
I had to sit next to her at some Quidditch match once, and I haven't seen a good chunk of my hair since. I hope other Japanese aren't anything like her.

Mythran Stonework

Strange girl... or is it boy? I tend to think she might be one or the other, but I hear most call her a girl. Either way, I don't know. Something about her is... familiar? Intriguing? At the same time, I feel like I should stay away. I wonder if she's human sometimes.

Oaklynn Barlowe

I like her very much. She's a great negotiator and really good at Quidditch. I think she might be almost as good as me with Potions-- when we start talking about it, she seems to know a lot that I usually need to explain to other students. Apparently her parents run some big magical store that I've never heard of, so I guess she got access to a lot of expensive ingredients when she was little. She sure does know what to do with a lot of them...
Sometimes I wish she was in Slytherin.

Oliver Ollivander

He got me my wand! I am forever indebted to him. He's also a bit weird. I don't really know what to think of his outfits, and his music taste is questionable. He's nice, though, underneath all the snark. You should have seen him facing his great-grandad. He does the kind of stuff that would make grandpa start yelling at me for even considering it.

Olympia Stalward

I don't know if she counts as a... person? She's made out of paper, somehow, because magic. She can't talk, either, because magic? She always seems so flustered when I see her. Maybe someone just drew on her cheeks to make her look like that all the time.
I also can't believe she's in the same year as Amalia, she looks at least twice as old as sis.
I swear, she's gotten some kind of exception to let her pass notes in class. It's very distracting. She never gets punished, but whenever someone else does it...

Thomas P. Hippos

Interesting? I don't know. I've heard so many rumors about him (against my will). He doesn't talk much, either, and he's two years above me. He has an air of mystery about him, but also one of... tragedy? Maybe he's just aloof. I wonder where his last name came from; I've never heard of another guy being named "hippo."

Tibbits

A creepy little man with creepy hairy eyebrows and creepy crooked fingers. Creepy crooked everything, really. He looks like he's sixty-something. I've tried bringing him up to the headmaster, but it's no use. I have to share a common room with this grown man. Is it because he's hardly two feet tall? Does that make it okay? I always avoid him whenever I see him. He deserves all the mockery he gets. It's the only way us normal students can tell him he's not welcome without getting in trouble.

Tina Crouch

Intimidating. She's almost as tall as Professor McCreedy, even though she's young enough to be his granddaughter. I heard there was an incident between her and Amalia when I wasn't here yet... I wonder how that went.

Tony Ricketts

He comes off a bit scary at first, but he's a big nerd. He has a Nintendo of some sorts that can actually play games, and he said he's working on making his Genesis do that too. It's really cool.
He's also very talented with his spellcasting. I've been taking notes. I'm learning a lot from him, really. I don't know why he dislikes the rules so much, though. He keeps pranking people like they've done something to offend him, but I don't see many people really doing him wrong. It's off-putting.
You will be hearing from me when I finally beat him in Dueling Club. It will happen.

Veronica Pressfield

Tony won't stop teasing me about her! I wish he would just shut up sometimes.
I do like her, but not in that way. It's completely platonic, and I only sit next to her so often to try and copy her. Besides, it's not like she minds. She's bigger than me and she's got more important things to focus on. Did you know she's apparently going to Wycombe Abbey? I saw her filling out some test for it one night. I don't think she noticed, but I think it's really cool. She's like Ciaran-- super motivated and hardworking. She studies all the time for one thing or another, and she's cracked at Charms. I feel bad asking her to teach me, so I try to leave her alone with that.
I suppose she's pretty, too. A little bit. I like the way she talks. And she keeps everything so clean that I can see my reflection on them whenever I give them a look. But she's so rigid sometimes, it's hard for me to really understand her. She'll do all these super complex spells and assignments, like this maths assignment with graphs that I can't wrap me head around, while she's shooting off multiple spells at once, and then when I ask her what spells she's come up with on her own she just looks at me funny. Like it never even occurred to her. There's this really fancy broom she sometimes brings into the commons and she's not even touched it. It's like it's just out of the box. If you look at Ciaran's you can absolutely tell that thing is a powerhouse, he's done so much to it and it's so unique, but Veronica's may as well be factory new. It's so bizarre!

Yukiri Sukasuka

Not as bad as the other Sukasuka. Her personality is a little overbearing, though. Like if Amalia was more ladylike, if I had to describe it. I don't see her much... whenever I do, it's on some opposing team. I'm okay with that.


From: phillipoborough@pmail.uk
To: umpaniwarrior1981@pmail.uk, joceanborough@pmail.uk
Subject: Re: School Friends. 18 December, 1994
***

dear Zachary,

It's great to see you have been keeping up with your schoolwork. u make ur mother and I very proud. 

have u got any opinions on your teachers? all mine were rubbish.
Want to make sure u are not dealing with the same boring people. Tell me that magic school is more interesting than our boring ol school

-Phillip Oceanborough. 

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From: umpaniwarrior1981@pmail.uk
To: joceanborough@pmail.uk, phillipoborough@pmail.uk
Subject: Re: Re: School Friends. 19 December, 1994
***

What? Your school is not boring! 

Teachers are very interesting, very cool. I can tell you about them like I did the students:

Prof. Chantelle Shafiq

I like her classes. She always teaches something new and interesting. Her subject is 'transfiguration,' that's where you turn one thing into another thing. I've seen her turn frogs into jukeboxes, foxes into birds, and entire sculptures into tiny earrings. It's a little bit scary that you can do something like that, but it's so interesting. I would love to study it more, but I don't seem to be very good at it. Not nearly as good as Amalia, anyways. Why bother.
Oh, and, her name is pronounced "shant-tell" apparently. It's fitting. She doesn't say much.

Dan Manastone

I don't know his full name, everyone just calls him Dan. He's the headmaster. Or, he's supposed to be, anyways. He acts like a drunkard high off meth, he's almost completely incomprehensible and I don't know how he runs the school. Maybe somene else just runs it for him and he's a puppet. I'm guessing the Cicero guy does all that work for him, and Manastone just takes the credit. Big ol shaggy beard, almost white, and he's always dressed like a bum.

Prof. Dougal McCreedy

He's my potions teacher! He's very cool. I remember him always drinking coffee before class. He offered me a cup once, and I don't know if it was a joke or not. I rejected it, for the record. Coffee tastes like crap anyways.
He's also HUGE. I've heard he's part-giant. I can believe it: if you saw him, you'd have to look up. My neck always hurt after Potions because of it, for all of first year, and it still hurts sometimes. I wish I was as unflappable as him, too. I've watched him spill an entire jug of coffee on his shirt and barely blink. It's almost creepy, but I want to be able to do that so badly. Maybe he'll teach me if I ask. I wish he paid less attention to Alric and more to me.

Prof. Henry Travers

He always looks so tired. Anyways, he teaches me lots in private lessons and dueling club. Defense Against the Dark Arts, too. I've heard rumors that he served in world war 2... he totally did, there's no question. He's too cool to have not. I bet he turned nazis into big ugly vultures and shot them or something. Magic rules.

Prof. Minrathous Cicero

His name is so weird. I still can't pronounce it properly. Everyone else is so good at pronouncing it, too, it's ridiculous. Minarthose? Minrathose? Minarinaranananthos. I can't say it. It's impossible.
Enough about his name, though. He's scary. Really scary. Too scary for a Charms teacher, it's unnerving. He watches us like we're test subjects and just does fantastical feats of charming like it's nothing. He always gets really bitter when you talk about the Ministry of Magic, this kind of wizard-government thing that's like if parliament had fancy wands. He's upset with them for blocking him from teaching some kind of spell that he made up. It must be very dangerous if the Ministry has anything to do with it.
Seeing him jog around the school like he's just another teacher puts me off. I've been thinking of following him around and trying to see what he's up to.

Prof. Nicholas Firethorn

I don't like his classes. They're Amalia's, not mine. I'm not supposed to be touching magical creatures. I'm no good at it.
Professor Firethorn is an okay teacher though. I can understand him, and I can't believe that I have to clarify this but that's a real benefit in this school, and he really seems to believe in me. He keeps saying I'm really good at all this, that I should keep trying with magical creatures, that I was put forward a year for a reason. But I don't care! I don't want to do his class. He's wasting his time.

Simon Stan

Ugh, him. I don't think he's fit to be a teacher. He doesn't deserve to be called professor. He's supposed to teach Divination, which is basically just looking into the future with all those dumb old lady things like tea leaves and the phases of the moon, but all he does is ramble. None of his classes make any sense and he doesn't deserve to be paid for his work. If I were headmaster, I'd have fired him long ago!

Prof. Studios Gaunt

He's a big guy. Teaches plants. I don't know, he's a little off-putting. He's got a lot of rings and jewels and such, his wardrobe is a little gaudy. It's so odd seeing him next to the plants like that. Always got a cat around, too. I bet it only follows him because of all the shiny things he wears.


From: joceanborough@pmail.uk
To: umpaniwarrior1981@pmail.uk, phillipoborough@pmail.uk
Subject: Re: Re: Re: School Friends. 19 December, 1994
***

It's good to hear you like your teachers, Zach! It's very important that you listen to what they have to say and learn well from them.
They have a high bar to clear, after all. Your mum did a very good job of raising you, if I do say so myself.

Try not to be so rude to some of them. I'm sure that Dan and Simon are very nice people. You just have to be nice to them first.
And don't be so scared of this Minarthurus fellow, I'm sure he only wants the best for his students.

I didn't know they let elves share classrooms with children. I don't know how to feel about that.
Do you have the school's phone number, Zachary?
I think it might be best to talk to them about this.
It's foolish to pick on the poor man, and very rude to talk badly about him behind his back like this.
Although I really don't like him being near the students. Are you sure there hasn't been some kind of accident? 

And watch your tongue. Don't say 'crap' to your parents, we aren't like those other boys you liked so much.
We aren't your friends hanging around by the dumpsters, we are your parents. Please remember that.

And remember, Zachary, that we love you. No matter what. Let that really sink in. 

Your sister does, too. You should talk to her some time.
You keep talking and talking about her, but you never mention the two of you together.
You don't talk about her classes or how much fun you two are having over there.
I can't really believe that you've never met. You must be doing something together.

Please make sure you tell me if something has gone wrong, Zach. We love you lots and want to make sure you're okay.
And talk to your sister. If you aren't talking to her already. Please.
She needs help with her schoolwork and she just won't bring it up. If nothing else, talk to her for that.

Love,
Janet
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Pub: 02 Jun 2025 02:33 UTC

Edit: 29 Jun 2025 00:16 UTC

Views: 172