zhang hao's languid winter | cover star
original cover story in chinese
first meeting, a coalescence of ten thousand stars
rewatching mnet’s survival show <boys planet>’s finale night, when he was announced as the center, zhang hao seemed to be in much of a trance. with his musical talents and outstanding performances on stage, he managed to stand out from the rest, becoming the first chinese individual to debut as the center position in a korean survival show.
even when he looks back on that moment now, zhang hao feels as if it were yesterday. he remembers clearly, then, the first phrase he uttered on stage was “it seems as if it is a dream”. after a two second pause, he added with certainty: “those who have dreams are amazing”.
many things seem to have been inherently predetermined– not in the sense that destiny will send you towards a particular direction, but more so, how to decide when in a particular situation. it seems that the path of life is composed of a countless number of choices, and it is through these choices that “i, finally become myself”.
a while ago, zhang hao presented his opening stage at the MAMA awards. beneath, sparkling lights encircle the stage, as if the gathering of ten thousand stars. zhang hao stood in the middle, his violin bow dancing on the strings, his person and the instrument possessed with a type of flamboyance. dressed in a fully white tuxedo – a returning knight, the entire arena filling with cheers, as if it were the knight’s coronation ceremony.
it’s hard to imagine that the violin is something that zhang hao picked up again after graduating from high school. “when i was young, i took violin lessons for a few months. because i’ve liked to listen and sing songs ever since i was young, so the day after the csats, my mom came to me to ask whether if i wanted to retake (the csat) and major in music.”
he feels that his mom is someone who knows him well– someone who, compared to many parents that only discuss grades, care more about whether her child is happy or not, whether her child is doing something he wants to do, because she has given more trust to zhang hao.
although at that time zhang hao had already received the acceptance letter for china university of geosciences, but because of his mom’s words, he chose to retake (the csat) in the end.
“after thinking about it carefully, (i) still felt like life should be about trying fearlessly, so (i) chose to prepare for the csats again.” in the end, with the high academic achievement of “sciences yikao (arts test) 1st place”, he entered into fujian normal university.
zhang hao is truly someone who can’t be idle, choosing to unlock a new hobby: “during the 2020 shelter-at-home quarantine period, i would sometimes upload the dance videos i filmed in the building corridor onto the internet.” not long after, he received a casting inquiry from a (entertainment) company’s agent.
he had already received the teaching certification at that time, and was preparing to apply for a master’s program. later, he would go on to say in a livestream that if he hadn’t debuted, he probably would have become a music teacher. but just like the decision he made to retake the csats, at the crossroads of life, he was more keen to choose the option with more adventure and unknown.
“(i) can apply for a masters later, but for my dream, i feel that spending an extra year or two to try and experience, would not be for nothing, so (i) decided to come to korea to give it a try.” with the dream to become an idol, he came to korea and started from being a trainee, and later attended the (survival) show.
the stage that made the deepest impression on zhang hao was the first mission, <kill this love>. for the contestants, finishing a satisfactory stage is the standard basis. it is the question of how to improve the performance and improve the viewing experience that is more difficult to achieve.
“everyone practiced until they reached a bottleneck, and then we sat down and thought long and hard about the effect (of the performance) on stage.” it’s important to keep an open mind and have the willingness to try; continuous trying is also the accumulation of experience. “(performing) on stage at the first mission really made me feel the happiness of performing, and after that, i gained the ambition that i must successfully debut and (i wanted to) keep standing on stage.”
having ambition is one thing, but to survive until the end is another. in the world of korean entertainment notable for its hellish difficulty, to be able to debut, is a great relief (to many). under pressure, it was necessary to keep a level mind. (zhang hao) confesses that: “actually when the center was announced it didn’t sink in to him. it was only until the live broadcast had finished and they directly went to the new dorms, when the 9 members sat in a circle and ate dinner together, that i realized that for the days to come, we would be walking alongside each other.”
since for every mission, every survivor announcement, the vote count is determined by the public, (and) because (it) represents the love of too many people, so he especially treasures every vote of affirmation. “because there are many fans who love me and i received first place, therefore, i always feel the responsibility that i need to show a better side of myself in the future.”
after <boys planet> ended, zhang hao and zerobaseone continued to be busy, and the whole year’s worth of plans became full, he and the members determined even higher goals to reach together, whilst preparing for events in the future: “we received many ‘new artist’ awards in many different awards ceremonies, and there were many special stages that needed to be prepared – with each schedule, some changes had to be made, these days often after the schedule, we would also go back to the company to continue to receive classes.”
zhang hao who is slowly adjusting to the new pace of work and the relationships between members, has realized the necessity of (his) members’ companionship. “thank goodness there are the members and (my) friends.” just as the team name suggests, this is “the idyllic journey between 0 to 1, the beautiful start to glory”.
strolling amongst moments of affection
recalling moments from debut until now, it seems pointless to trace back to (his) own hardships. he feels joyous for being surrounded by love, not wanting to disappoint those who support him. he too believes that, in each corner of the world, there is the sound of affection that reverberates.
a slow, languid, weekend is hard to come by these days for zhang hao. he chooses to delicately breathe in the floral fragrance that drifts in the air, and to enjoy strolling in noontime and dusks. he likes to, in solitary quietness, think about answers relating to love.
love is something that is simple and pure, it can happen in an instant, and become the convergence of many instances to form an infinity. it can also accumulate with time, slowly crawling to a peak. zhang hao uses roses to describe love, and hopes that just like the rose, to possess qualities of both fiery passion and pure loveliness. he says that ‘romance’ is just like roses, a timeless notion.
zhang hao is a leo, and (so) his love is also like the hot sun on a summer’s day, “i hope that you fall in love with me at first glance, and even if it’s not love at first sight, then i’ll give it my all to make you fall in love”.
a while ago there was a video about him that was really viral. during a fan sign, a korean fan showed zhang hao her photos from when she visited china: “i was really surprised at the time, in that moment i thought, how much love must she have for me, in order to be able to go to a completely foreign country to walk the roads i’ve walked, to see the scenery that i’ve seen? to this extravagant affection, what can i do in response? while thinking about these things, i became determined to never let down the fans, i must do everything i can, to let the people who like me also feel my gratitude and affection (too)”.
regarding the topic of “heart-fluttering vs suitability” when it comes to love, zhang hao has his own opinions, saying that it’s not so black-and-white. “i think feeling butterflies (t/n lit: heart-fluttering) is the prerequisite for love, after the butterflies to not feel tired of (the person), while learning how to slowly form that sense of familiarity is also something that must be learned diligently and with the heart.“
familiarity isn’t something that can form with the snap of a finger, but rather something that is accumulated gradually with mutual companionship and shared experiences. in (the context of) day to day interactions, the habits, likes and dislikes, values of each other, slowly meld together, forming an unique understanding and kinship.
there are a plethora of ways to express love. there are some who care about anniversaries and traditions (t/n: lit. ‘a feeling of ceremony’), needing words of affirmation whispered in the ear to to feel closer by heart; there are others who feel that love needn’t be spoken out loud, finding preciousness within the three meals and four seasons of companionship and care. zhang hao belongs to the former. we asked him to think about a hao-specific “perfect date (day)”, and he spent some time pondering.
“because my MBTI is P, so the most i can do is make a reservation at a restaurant i’ve had saved for a long time, and after the meal what (we) do depends on mood. maybe take a stroll, maybe to go noraebang, maybe go exercise. “ he hopes that each heart-fluttering moment related to ‘love’, can be placed within a day-to-day romance.
the last time he’s given flowers was when he went to his friend’s concert. the world never lacks burning emotion, but it’s difficult to come across genuine sincerity, (and so) he feels that having friends by his side is very important: “on off-days i definitely have to meet my friends! everyone can share the good and the bad that’s been going on in their personal and professional lives, (we) eat lots of delicious food, and then feel the evening breeze while walking to digest our food.”
it is precisely because friends take an important place in his heart, that he isn’t particular about the timing of giving flowers – it doesn’t have to be a holiday nor does there have to be a reason, because he feels that flowers are inherently lovely, and he wants to deliver lovely things to important people.
everytime he receives flowers at an event, he would bring them back filled with hope, but it is also because the schedules are very busy that he cannot take care of them. “i personally like white yulan magnolias.” the color of the white magnolia is as pristine as clear jade, blossoming alone at the head of the branch, untainted by the world; he likes the simplicity of the white yulan magnolia.
he feels that flowers, noontime, and dusk are the three elements that romance is comprised of. he likes the slow legato of the day-to-day, to stroll, to space out, to be in solitude.
he would spend some time alone, to let himself rest in the silence, in order to not be impetuous. he often remembers that back when he was in china, he would frequent movie theaters alone, “for romance movies, i really like <more than blue>. this movie is really such a classic, i watched it the first time with my friend and cried my eyes out but still didn’t feel completely satisfied, so i went alone and watched it twice more. “ he said that he bawled his eyes out [again], but there was nobody who noticed him [doing so], and that was a really nice feeling.
he hopes that he has an day to rest on valentines day, and even has thought about how he would spend the day if he is not working. “i will sleep in until noon, and then wake up and exercise, wash up, go shopping alone, and buy a outfit i like, at night turn on the livestream and sing for everyone and chat too.”
but these days there are many more work-filled days than not, and he rarely has time to idle quietly. with this photoshoot, the task (at hand) was heavy too.
when it was near sunset, he leaned against the sofa while the staff were bustling around. an swash of evening sun shone upon him, his person refracting the remaining light from the setting sun, exuding slow, languid idyllicism. this made him recall a moment of deja vu. “before in high school when (i) was stressed from studying, i would go to the gymnasium close to my house, listen to music, and run. it was the summer night back then. it wasn’t so hot, and when i looked up, i could see many stars.”
zhang hao’s pureness is just like that of a star – not a thief of the spotlight like the sun, but equally a shining presence in the universe. “ever since the show i’ve said that i wanted to prove that people with dreams are amazing; i will work hard to make the impossible, possible. and now, what i want to prove, is that, in the end, people with skill and charisma (are the ones who) will be a shining presence.”
in regards to the future, although there are many things he wants to do, he doesn’t want to give himself specific definitions (or box himself in) prematurely. “i want to participate in a show where all (debuted) artists are tested on their performing skills. after receiving first place in a trainee survivor show, i want to see with hard work, whether if i can also get first place in a reality competition show with professional artists, too.”
english translations by @sunlightshb on twitter – please do not claim as your own