NOTICE
kind of an extension of my DNI/BYI and also
a notice in regards to my potential inactivity

I'm not sure how many have read my partner's
notice / rant, but this will be similar to that.
(it is fine if you haven't read it)

I wanted to make a public statement about my feelings and how the actions of others have impacted me. As of now, my mental health is terrible. It has been for the past few months, it's just right now, I'm extremely dissociated and numb and experiencing derealization. Work has been difficult as well because of this. My job is very important and I keep spacing out, having panic attacks, and almost put myself and others at risk because of me being unaware. And I will admit it, I'm not okay.

I wouldn’t consider this a public vent. If you do, I don’t care. I'm afraid to talk to people about my issues and ask for advice, but I still believe my voice and feelings deserve a place. I’m very tired of staying quiet about things that have hurt me. By "hurt," I mean it bothered me to the point where I internalize it and think about the situation for hours, and it leaves me with a bad feeling. When I think about it, it makes me uncomfortable.

not sure how to start this but let's look at my DNI/BYI.
Let's break it down.

"Please don't befriend me with the intention of
ridiculing me or pretending to be my friend"

It’s self-explanatory. I’ve had people befriend me in the past and use me opening up to them against me. They made fun of me and played it off as a joke. They kept me around and treated me as if I were worthless. And it still bothers me.

"Mocking my triggers, sources of discomfort, or
trauma is both distasteful and extremely weird."

I can't believe I even had to put this here. this is self explanatory too. I don't have to explain the situation. I'll elaborate further on this later.

"Don't pry into my life."
I've had people in the past try to find out everything about my life... even where I live! Weird! These people still stalk me today and they are why I'm anxious about showing that I am online or active. several people made alternative accounts to stalk my page.

"Don't treat me like a backup friend."
Also, it's self-explanatory. A "backup friend" is someone who is treated as a last resort in a friendship. They're the person you only turn to when your other friends are unavailable or too busy. Treating anyone like this is disrespectful and unfair.

things I haven't added onto the main
page but still want to address...

my conditions impact almost every aspect of my life.

My life, including my interactions, behavior, and everything, is impacted by my BPD, autism, ADHD, DID, and other conditions I have. I don’t let them "control" me, but they do influence my life significantly. I am trying to heal as much as I can on my own, and I have bad days, weeks, and even months. Recovery isn’t linear, and that applies to everyone, including myself. The only thing I ask for is kindness and patience.

I also have lupus and other autoimmune conditions. Sometimes I cannot type or draw because my fingers/hands hurt. Another source of great pain is my injuries that never healed properly. My mom was neglectful of my health and needs when I was a child...

boundaries when it comes to messaging

Okay this will be a lot. there are so many things i want to talk about here.

First off, NSFW topics.

I am 21 and do not feel comfortable discussing NSFW topics around younger people or anyone I don’t know well. NSFW jokes are fine, but please don’t overdo it. If you’re under 18, please avoid discussing NSFW or overly personal topics with me. An adult outside of a trusted family member or doctor shouldn’t know personal details like that. If we are good friends or family, it’s okay to a certain extent, such as jokes (depending on who you are) or advice... but I don’t need to know, and I don’t want to know about anyone’s sex life, especially if you’re under 18.

Sending me porn in DMs, on my Retrospring, or unprompted is weird. I’m not a huge fan of NSFW content, though I don’t completely avoid it. However, randomly sending it to me, especially if it’s a peculiar fetish, is not cool.

Venting.

I care about my friends and genuinely want to be there for them. That said, I've noticed that sometimes people reach out to me only when they need to vent or talk about their problems. While I understand the importance of having someone to talk to, it's important to remember that I'm not a therapist. I have my own problems. It's also really unfair to only talk with someone just to unload your issues. You can ask to vent to me and I will say yes or no, but USING me (or anyone) for free therapy is wrong. I don't like how so many people did this to me either. It's very frustrating. Advice is fine. You can come to me for any type of advice though, but please be mindful and treat others how you'd like to be treated.

Triggers.

First off, I want to make it clear that when I share my triggers with someone, it means I trust you to be aware of them and to avoid them. I understand that some triggers might be unavoidable, but if you know something is triggering for me, I would expect you to either avoid the topic or approach it carefully. Purposefully discussing it, making fun of it, or mocking me for being upset is extremely insensitive. Talking about it in detail is really hurtful.

Being rude to me.

Self explanatory but making fun of your friends for silly things or things they cant control is not nice! While I’m fine with certain jokes, I don’t appreciate being mocked for my triggers, my upbringing, my trauma, my weight, my appearance, or things I don’t understand or can't control. Also for any errors in my speech or mental processing. I shouldn’t have to explain why this is hurtful, but if you make fun of people for these things, you’re not a true friend. In fact, it makes me question your regard for the people around you. I feel bad for them.


"What does this have to do with you being inactive?"

I spend a lot of time online, and I realized that two years ago. My reason for inactivity is that if I avoid online interactions, then maybe I won't feel the way i do or experience the things that I've experienced. Also, I waste a lot of time online. I don't talk to anyone because no one talks to me. I also don't like messaging anyone first because I'm often ignored, pushed away, as well as other things. So there really isn't a reason for me to be on Instagram or Discord so much.

And if something happens to me, I won't have to worry about people online feeling sad. Though, I doubt anyone would even care about that. The smaller my circle is, the better I would feel.

I’ve spent so much time recovering and trying to avoid falling back into bad habits, but I relapsed a month ago and almost had to go to the emergency room because of terrible intrusive thoughts. My protector has been negatively triggered by my behavior and has been fronting more frequently as a result. He’s been urging me to focus on what I need to and has been handling most of my interactions with certain people. Right now, we’re trying to concentrate on work and getting things done, but it’s difficult when I keep being reminded of things and retriggered. Which is why I made this Rentry. He deleted his but I wanted to make a statement of my own.

My DMs are open but I'm currently not happy about talking to people for reasons I stated before. I'm not scared about confrontation. In fact, I enjoy when people confront me on things. I'm just not looking forward to certain people talking to me. As I stated before, I'm not doing too well mentally. I'm feeling very uneasy and so I may not respond ASAP. I will probably have my protector handle most of my interactions since he usually is co-conscious with me. If you took the time out to read this, thank you.

Also, disclaimer: Most of these issues have occurred with multiple people. I will not publicly bring a problem I have with someone out to the internet and have everyone watch the show. I prefer to handle such matters privately and maturely. However, there are times when I feel it’s necessary to publicly state my boundaries to prevent similar situations from happening again.

"why haven't you spoken to me directly about it?"

I am autistic. I have delayed emotional processing. I don't process certain situations or realize things happen until later on. Like, I'd feel embarrassed whenever I have to tell someone that something they did two weeks ago made me unhappy. So I will usually let things go for the sake of myself, because arguing is difficult for me. But with these things, I've dwelled on it. And it has made a signifigant impact on how I view some, if not all of my relationships.

"you can always come to me to talk"

Hmm. I appreciate the offer but I feel uncomfortable unloading all of my issues onto someone. Especially a 'friend'. I wouldn't want to make anyone sad or worry about me. also, I don't like venting to people unless they allow me to or ask me to first. A lot of the time people don't care. I actually have consideration about how others feel and don't just rant to someone simply because they allowed me do do it once. i respect people.

Edit
Pub: 19 Aug 2024 19:30 UTC
Edit: 14 Sep 2024 10:29 UTC
Views: 265