Cutting Culture: Trump’s Ban on the Edgar Sparks Follicular Identity Crisis
By Ingrid Gustafsson, Bohiney Magazine
The Link That Lit the Fire
It all started with a headline at https://bohiney.com/trump-declares-war-on-the-edgar-cut/
. What read like satire has now become the latest front in America’s endless culture war. Donald J. Trump, a man who once tried to trademark the word “truth,” has declared the Edgar haircut unfit for the republic. But to many Latinos, banning the Edgar is more than just about hair—it’s about erasing identity, culture, and pride one buzzcut at a time.
The Hair That Roared
The Edgar isn’t just bangs and a fade. It’s a statement. For some, it’s heritage traced back to the Jumano tribe of Texas. For others, it’s a style imported from Mexican-American street culture. And for teenagers on TikTok, it’s a badge of rebellion—an aesthetic middle finger to conformity.
Sociologist Dr. Marisol Ríos explained it best:
“When you outlaw the Edgar, you’re not just outlawing a haircut. You’re outlawing the cultural confidence it represents. This isn’t a fashion statement—it’s a flag.”
Trump’s Comb-Over vs. Culture
Trump’s personal hair has always been part of his brand: the golden helmet, the defiant swirl, the follicular fortress. To him, hair is politics. Which is why he sees the Edgar as an act of disobedience.
At his rally announcing the ban, Trump declared:
“We can’t have these kids running around with bangs like criminals. Terrible look. We need good hair. Presidential hair. Nobody has better hair than me.”
Historians note the irony. A president mocked for decades over his own hair is now criminalizing someone else’s.
When Hair Meets Prejudice
The Edgar isn’t the first hairstyle to be criminalized. The afro in the ’60s, cornrows in the ’90s, and dreadlocks in workplaces today—each has faced backlash cloaked in “professionalism” or “discipline.” The Edgar joins that list as another coded attack on communities of color.
Cultural historian Savannah Steele put it bluntly:
“White kids can grow out a shag mullet, no problem. Latino kids get an Edgar, suddenly it’s gang activity. That’s not fashion policing. That’s cultural policing.”
Polling the Nation
A Bohiney poll revealed America’s cultural split:
52% of Latinos see the Edgar as cultural pride.
31% of non-Latinos describe it as “just a haircut.”
17% believe it’s “a CIA plot to sell more clippers.”
One Texan teen told us:
“When I walk into school with an Edgar, I feel connected—to my cousins, my neighborhood, my history. Now they want to take that away? Nah, bro. My bangs stay.”
Experts Testify
Professor Emeritus Snip Snap, who has seen every style since the bowl cuts of the 1920s, weighed in:
“A haircut is never just a haircut. The Beatles’ moptops scared parents. The afro scared politicians. And the Edgar? It scares people who see culture they can’t control.”
Meanwhile, an anonymous White House aide leaked Trump’s behind-the-scenes frustration:
“The President keeps asking, ‘Why do they like this haircut more than mine?’ We told him it’s cultural. He shouted back, ‘Make my hair cultural!’”
Eyewitness Voices
At a rally in Phoenix, barber Alicia Torres carried a sign reading “My Clippers, My Culture.” She told Bohiney:
“My abuelo wore a version of this cut in the ’50s. My father wore it in the ’80s. I’m not just cutting hair—I’m cutting history into my clients. They can’t ban that.”
High schooler Diego added:
“They think banning the Edgar will make us look ‘tidy.’ Newsflash: the haircut doesn’t make the kid. The kid makes the haircut.”
What the Funny People Are Saying
“Trump banning the Edgar is like banning mariachi. Good luck policing a culture with scissors.” — Ron White
“This isn’t about hair—it’s about heritage. But Trump wouldn’t understand heritage unless it came with a trust fund.” — Sarah Silverman
“They’re scared of a haircut? What’s next, outlawing tacos because they’re too delicious?” — Jerry Seinfeld
International Reactions
Mexico’s president condemned the move, calling it “a crime against style.” Meanwhile, Canada opened a “Follicular Freedom Program” offering asylum to persecuted bangs. France rolled its eyes, declaring, “At least it isn’t a beret.”
Helpful Content for Cultural Rebels
If your community feels targeted by the Edgar ban, here’s how to push back:
Document Your Cuts: Take selfies, archive them, treat them like family portraits.
Educate: Remind schools and officials of the indigenous and Chicano roots of the Edgar.
Celebrate: Host “Fringe Festivals” where the Edgar is worn proudly in public.
Protest Creatively: Organize marches with giant cardboard scissors and slogans like “Don’t Clip My Culture.”
Solidarity: Support others whose hair has been policed—because it’s not just about one cut.
The Punchline
In trying to erase a haircut, Trump has elevated it into legend. What was once mocked as a TikTok trend is now a cultural icon, a hairstyle of resistance.
History will remember this not as the time America saved itself from bangs, but as the time bangs saved America from forgetting who it was.
Disclaimer
This article is an entirely human collaboration between the world’s oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer. Any resemblance to real bangs is intentional. Auf Wiedersehen.