The whole Griffin family is standing around and looking concerned at the state of the overweight blond boy that's laying in the hospital bed. Flanked on either side by his parents Peter and Lois, their dog Brian on one side, his older sister Meg on the other holding his younger brother Stewie, Chris looks disheveled without his hat, bags under his eyes, and a scared expression on his face, unsure of what the future holds in store for him. One moment he's trying to climb the vents at his school to sneak into the girls' locker room and watch them undress, and the next he's feeling a sharp tug on his chest, collapsing on the floor and being rushed to the hospital.
"Ugh, you guys again..." Doctor Hartman walks into the room and immediately looks displeased when he sees it's the Griffins yet again, he makes sure the lot of them know about it through the tone of his voice and facial features. If he wanted to see the same damn family every day he wouldn't have left his wife and kids for that Vietnamese prostitute that stole all his money ten years ago, now would he?
"Doctor Hartman is Chris going to be OK?" Lois asks with her nasally voice, her hand going to Chris' shoulder for comfort.
"Mister and Missus Griffin... I don't know how to say this but... Jake Gyllenhaal? Jake Guy-lean-hall?" the doctor struggles to pronounce the last name of the actor of Brokeback Mountain fame, completely losing track of what he was supposed to answer to Mrs Griffin.
"We already did that joke in like 2005, you f*cking hack author." Stewie chimes in from off-screen but nobody really pays him any mind.
"What about Chris' health?" Lois attempts to guide the conversation towards what's pertinent right now.
"Oh yeah, he's fine, he just had a really bad heart attack." Hartman casually says.
The whole room gasps at the news.
"A heart attack? Oh my God, my poor baby boy!" the red-headed housewife holds onto her son.
"How is this possible, Chris is just a kid!" Peter asks.
"Mister Griffin, it's Chris' weight that's the problem, not his age." the doctor explains.
"Wh-what... what do you mean?" Peter stutters, apparently never making that connection before in his life.
"Well, people who are overweight or even obese have a higher likelihood of getting a stroke."
Peter stands there just staring at Dr Hartman for a second or two in silence before blurting out "Are you coming onto me?" as he squints his eyes at him in intrigue. All he got out of Hartman's explanation was that fatties had a better chance of getting handy-jays from the medical professional in front of him. He was confused, but also flattered by the suggestion.
"Isn't there anything we can do to fix this?" Lois asks, stressed out of her mind.
"Well Chris could go on a hard diet and start doing exercise," the family doctor started but the boy laying in bed interrupted him with a whine as if someone were wrenching his arm behind his back, "But I can see that that's out of the table. But even if Chris lost all that weight and led a healthier lifestyle there is no telling how much it would help. Heart attacks can severely debilitate anyone who has them, plus there's no telling if Chris would get another attack if he were to suddenly start working-out."
"Wait does this mean I'm exempt from P.E.?" Chris asks, suddenly hopeful, hey maybe this wasn't all bad. Sure, he could die at any second but at least he wouldn't have to get rashes on the inside of his thighs whenever he had gym class.
"Actually, that's another thing. I would strongly recommend Chris leave his current school and start attending a specialized academy that is better equipped to handle any medical emergencies he might have."
"Move schools? B-But that's where all my friends and my teenage voyeuristic obsessions are!" Chris protested.
"Calm down Chris, I know this is sudden but... if it's for your well being..." Lois tries to console him.
"I never knew they had special schools for people with heart conditions." Brian chimes in, talking to Dr Hartman.
"Oh no, it's a school for disabled students, actually.", he explains.
Brian, Lois, Chris and Meg's eyes go wide, Stewie on the other hand bursts out laughing.
Obviously extremely insulted by this, Chris bursts out with a "You want me to go to a school for cripples?!"
"Chris calm down!" Lois tries to calm him again but looks like it's little use, her son's still visibly agitated.
"I can see you folks need some time to process this and make a decision," Hartman hands Brian a brochure for the academy and begins to leave, "If anyone needs me I'll be in the hospital morgue poking dead bodies."
"Oh my Lord, a school for disabled people... Peter, what do you think?" the housewife looks at her husband and when she notices he's not paying attention she calls out for him again, "Peter?"
The fatass was still thinking about what he presumed was Dr Hartman's suggestion. Already creating a homo-erotic novel in his mind about the two of them living this secret passionate relationship that they'd need to hide from the family. Eventually the passion would get so intense Peter would just have to outright murder his whole family just so he wouldn't have the overbearing weight and shame of lying about himself to them and hiding who he really is to the world. He just needed to 'accidentally' drive them all off the Quahog pier and locking the doors before jumping out the window. Yeah... that'd get rid of th-
"Peter!"
"Yes honey that dress looks good on you!" Peter said all startled, momentarily forgetting where he was and throwing out a stock reply to her, one has to wonder just how often them fantasies creep into Peter's mind for him to have developed this back-up plan whenever he's caught distracted.
"Your son's just had a heart attack and he might have to go to a school for disabled kids, can you pay attention for once?"
"Ah, right, we're still on that... well the commercial break's in about two minutes so what do ya say, Chris? You wanna go to cripple school with all the other freaks?" Peter's voice, while bored at first turns into a softer and higher-pitched tone as he asks the question, crudely as it might be, to his son.
"This is such bull!" Meg interrupts, "Nobody cared about me when I lost my arms and legs and was struck blind, deaf, and dumb!"
"That was also 2005..." Stewie said in a bored voice. Honestly was this all the author was going to be writing for this whole fic? Dated Family Guy references? What a bore.
"I... I don't know..." Chris began, looking down at his hands and watching his fingers curl and uncurl, "I mean... no, no! I don't want to..." the stigma of suddenly becoming a cripple was weighing down on his soul, but at the same time, "But... b-but I'll die if I don't...", he didn't want to put his life at risk like this either by completely continuing his life like nothing had changed.
"Now Chris don't be so hasty," Brian, who'd been reading the brochure all this time stepped forward towards Chris' bed, and still with his eyes glancing over the information he continued, "This place has a top-notch medical facility, 24-hour nurse staffs, residential dorms for all students, a pool, athletic tracks, plenty of clubs..." he handed the brochure over to Chris so he could have a read, it was his decision whether he wanted to go to or not. The boy took the paper in his hands and started to look at it.
"Well Chris?" his mother asked after a few moments.
Did he really have a choice? It was either move and leave his old life behind but get a better chance of... not dying, or staying where he is and risk having another incident sooner or later. He'd lose his friends, he wouldn't be with his family anymore for who knows how long, he couldn't stalk the girls he liked anymore, he wouldn't get any more candy that made him all drowsy from Mr Herbert, he'd even have to get used to sleeping in a new bedroom and using a new mattress and wearing new clothes and... and not having his... closet...
Chris closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose slowly, filling up his lungs with breath before slowly exhaling. He opened his eyes and with a deep confident and decisive voice he told them, "I'm in."
Freedom from that monkey... at last.