SAM'S EXTENDED ABOUT. ENJOY.

Hi. Nice to meet you, better to meet me. I come from a low frequency environment and it shaped my skull like a satellite dish, so I can pick up on your thoughts. How do I change this fucking station? Currently working on my stability as a mixed part in the DID meatmachine. (I even wore my nice 8ball jean jacket to the last court hearing. I’m ready to change) Off-and-on-again "host," whatever that means to you. Ex-addict, I used to be a cokewhore and I still deal with SUD as a warning if we're gonna interact for any extended period. Here there be dragons.
I don't like boxing myself in identity-wise. I'm metaphysically claustrophobic that way, I guess. My sexuality, gender and all that shit's a mystery to me and I'm fine with that. Sometimes I describe myself as a guy, sometimes I'm a woman, sometimes I'm a lesbian, sometimes I'm a gay dude, sometimes I'm transsexual and sometimes I'm cis. It literally just depends and I'm not interested in any myopic perspectives on it. I'm intersex and grew up that way so I don't really give two shits, I hate feeling confined in my own flesh and I got enough of that on my plate as is, so. Same goes for other aspects of who I am. I'm just me and I've still always got a strong personal sense of self even when I can't or don't wanna describe it to strangers online (outside of dissociative flare-ups and whatever. You get the picture, anyway.) When I do use labels they're ephemeral and shallow cause I'm throwing it out there as a "here DAMN" sorta thing. I'm always changing and growing as a person, like just about anybody else on the planet. I know who I am. Do you?
I've got some massive family issues, so the morally righteous can turn back now; you don't know my life, so get outta my face. My favorite band is Polkadot Cadaver and I like the most dogshit music (see: my playlist) and visual media (see: Supernatural) you've ever heard of in your life. Politically harsh-left leaning and overly opinionated on everything from politics to media analysis to shipping. Oldgen SPN fan; I rewatch periodically cause my memory's fucking horrible and the show has a bad habit of activating all my syndromes at once. My collective restricted interests were pretty much all formed when I was a kid, and they shuffle depending on who's around. Which means they all torture me given the time period, but my autism's almost as stubborn as I am. Diamond flex tank-DPS main on Rivals cause Loki's our resident flex-support. UID: 1234994366. I don't play as much as I'd really like to, though.
Kind of an asshole because if I think your opinions are below room temp IQ I'll probably tell you as much. I genuinely believe that Destiel tinhats are a psyop. (The people who just ship it for fun are cool.) Hot take: shipping is a fandom activity, none of our ships are canon, stop cannibalizing each other to win a war that doesn't even exist and stop trying to take it to the real world (involving cast members or making moral judgments on others for their ships/the characters they enjoy.) We're all playing with toys, take your Xanax. If you're filled with self-righteous "moral" fury cause my wife and I are Dean & Sam respectively and wanna get on your high horse read this and also FUCK your stupid horse. I'm so sorry but you gotta either be a teenager, dumb, or hiding something behind that sanctimonious attitude if you don't know how fiction works yet. Does it make you feel good to attack survivors? Does it feel good to treat fictional characters better than real people? I've survived real life incest for my entire life and folks love acting like I don't know the difference between fiction and reality. I've got pretty intimate, boots on the ground knowledge on the difference. D'you know how much it sucks to see people equate dumbass fandom drama to one of the most life-ruining, deeply-wounding forms of developmental betrayal trauma? It's so fucking performative.
I'm a (primarily familial) organized abuse, ICT & incest survivor, among other things, which is why I act like a drooling feral hog all the damn time. You're not getting more details than that (and yes I sincerely doubt that anybody wants them, but. Had to be said. Weirdos live amongst us.) Considering I've only been mostly out of that environment since 2023, I'm disclosing this here because I think it's still a pretty important and integral part of contextualizing my perspective, behaviors, obvious messy emotions and ideological standpoints. As a dissociative part, it's also something I carry more than other parts (such as Loki.)
Because of all that bullshit, I'm more noticeably symptomatic and experience OCD-mimicking fears regarding myself, the people around me, people as an abstract concept, and being critically misunderstood. Which is why I'm even putting this here, because that last one happens a lot. I'm not asking for asspats and pity, but I am actually asking for basic respect & understanding. No, it's not a "traumadump." TikTok buzzwords are gonna end us as a species, man. Where'd the sense of community go? Where's your curiosity and sympathy? Where's your basic understanding and respect? People have shitty experiences sometimes, and those shitty experiences might or might not inform their behavior pretty heavily. That also might just be someone's everyday life, are they supposed to be quiet forever for your (the general "your," not whoever's reading this specifically) comfort? Your self-centered sensibilities just aren't really that important, sorry. I dunno, man. I just hate this culture of hyper-individualistic, "zero sense of community" fauxtivism.
Alright, that's about all I got in me for now. I love my wife and I might make this look less like some bullshit with fur later, or I might not, who knows. Man, I sure wish Rentry had scrollboxes.
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